Whisper's Diary

I am so sorry that your 2 brothers are being such a-holes. I really hope an opportunity comes along where you can switch your life around & you & your sister will be free of them. You are doing well if you are not turning to junk food, Tom. You'll get through this. You're stronger than you think. I'm glad your sister has you xo
 
Well I fell yesterday. I was working in the backyard picking up and moving limbs. I was walking. I had on my newer shoes but they have slick soles and it was cold and drizzly outside so everything was damp. I stepped on a large thin metal sign and my right foot slipped and went out from under me. My left leg bent like I was taking a knee and bent backwards. Net result my one muscle in my left frontal thigh is really sore when I walk. I was lying there on the ground thinking, "Damn, I dont even have my phone with me to call for help."

At any rate. I got up and went inside and changed shoes. After a small break I went back out and finished moving the pile of limbs.

The other drama is on going. I haven't spoken to my older brother. He came by yesterday. My other brother is blocked.

I told my younger brother that all of the beer and drugs have warped his mind. He proceeded to cuss me out and said that he has never taken drugs and I could give him a hair follicle test and ask any friends and family. I have asked and we laughed. I guess the time when he nearly od'd on a speedball or something like that and my parents took him to the emergency room where he stayed several days due to elevated heart rate doesnt count.

Oh well, I guess I just have a demon like he says. But then again. Everything these days seem backward.

This is just one issue among many many many things. He is pretty violent. We make sure the doors are locked now during the day. We never did before during the day. I am afraid to leave the house. I am not afraid of him per se but what can I do to protect those around me.

It's all so stupid.
 
Llama said:
It is. Very stupid. And I hope karma catches up with him even though I don't believe in karma.

Yeah yeah: love is war, cruelty is kindness, and we have always been at war with Eastasia.
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I dont believe in karma either necessarily but sometimes it'd be nice for the cruel people to lose.
 
I hope it all dies down, Tom. They both sound horrible. I hope you haven't done some serious harm to your leg. When you're stressed it's so much easier to have accidents. Please be careful.
 
Cate said:
I hope it all dies down, Tom. They both sound horrible. I hope you haven't done some serious harm to your leg. When you're stressed it's so much easier to have accidents. Please be careful.
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Thanks. I dont think anything serious to my leg. It is just a tad sore this morning. So much so I dont even notice it. I gotta be careful though. We are having an ice storm. Nothing white on the ground but freezing rain so cant really see the ice. It is supposed to be like that today and tomorrow before starting to warm up.
 
Well that changed quick. A couple hours ago everything looked normal outside except for it being wet. Now it is mostly white so at least that makes seeing the ice easier. The dog and cat are either sick or feeling depressed over the loss of dad. I dont speak fluent or even choppy dog or cat so dont know. The cat stays in his room but has been chasing growling and biting her tail. The dog doesnt have an appetite and is really moping around. They look like I feel.

I have been analyzing the pick 3 lottery for hope. I have won 12 times this month but all on paper meaning I went through all of the motions but didn't go to the store and spend money. Still not able to pick them consistently but see a lot of patterns even though everything is random.

We cant seem to do anything for fun without feeling guilty. I have given my life to my dad these last 5 years so I feel aimless. Which sucks. And being blamed for everything by that person who did nothing hurts even worse.

I did call the hotline for the funeral home and talked to a counselor for an hour but other than "wow you have gone through a lot". She didn't have much to say. Oh well.

My car needs a battery. Brakes. And steering fixed as at the least. My ex in laws have offered to help. Not much but about $200. I am also looking into things owed to me like there is a website where you look for your name. I have 3 things on it. Mortgage. Cable and a gift card. If I prove I am the owner then I should get the money. The mortgage is in my name and around 2000 dollars. It is legally my ex wifes cousin and the money will go to them. I told her about it yesterday. She did ask what if they wanted to give it to me toward the car. I said they could if they wanted to but I am still going with the isn't going to happen that way. At any rate I found some paperwork and as soon as the weather let's up I will copy and file the claim. My ex wife has a couple of things like that. I will help my ex in laws and see if they can recover those itmes.

I have also been selling some of my collectibles through FB marketplace. I am not o fb and haven't been in years but my sister has account and we sell through that. I give my sister money for delivering the items to the person. Haven't sold anything in the past month though.

Been cleaning up the backyard still. Hernia and all. Put an ad on fb marketplace and found a scrapper to take the old air units off and misc other metal. We get helped for free and they get some money from the scrap. They hauled off more stuff than originally asked so it helped us out. He works or has worked in the sheriff's department. His two sons were helping 16 and 18. It was a nice family and they offered to come back and help us haul some other stuff off like the old wood from the porch.

Some said that we could have made some money off the stuff but it's funny the entire time we were asking nobody did anything. My older bro had a truck and didn't haul off anything. Go figure.

I am trying not to feel hopeless. With a system that is against us how do we stand firm.
 
whispers65 said:
The dog and cat are either sick or feeling depressed over the loss of dad.
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They probably miss him and they're upset because their humans are stressed.
whispers65 said:
Some said that we could have made some money off the stuff but it's funny the entire time we were asking nobody did anything.
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That's how it usually is. It's a lot easier to criticize others for whatever they do than it is to take action yourself and risk criticism from others. For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing.
 
Cant do much of anything st the moment. Ice everywhere and a 100% chance today and some tomorrow. So all I can do is stay indoors, try and stay warm, and keep out of my head. I am not doing so well in that department. Oh for a simple life without drama.
 
Brrr on the icy surroundings but I'm sure there's plenty of work inside as well. There always seems to be for me anyway.
 
There's never a shortage of jobs to do inside here either. I hope you can see a way forward, Tom. Look forward to Spring. It's just around the corner for you. It's still technically Summer here but has turned chilly & is only 11oC at the moment. Have you & your sister started sorting out your Dad's stuff (clothes etc) yet?
 
Cate said:
There's never a shortage of jobs to do inside here either. I hope you can see a way forward, Tom. Look forward to Spring. It's just around the corner for you. It's still technically Summer here but has turned chilly & is only 11oC at the moment. Have you & your sister started sorting out your Dad's stuff (clothes etc) yet?
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It's cold. Less than 0c for several days now. We stay near a heater. Today should be above 0c for several hours. I am afraid of falling again especially with the ice. Had a branch fall on the house I need to investigate. Lots to do inside but not a lot of motivation due to my person I am related to unfortunately. I am tired of the abuse. Cant get any rest. Since it will be warmer today I am going to try and go on a tear and get a lot done. It has been hard going into my dads room but my nephew has taken up the challenge and wants to so I am going to work on other things. The cat and dog are sick and really stressed out also. If my sisters dog died th as t would be bad. She isn't all that old. Sunday I can start putting out limbs again. There was no trash or mail the past several days due to the ice so weather has put a damper on everything.
 
Cate said:
That's really good of him.
Is your sister's dog responding to more attention from you? Dogs pick up human responses. Maybe lots of dog cuddles would help you both ( & keep you warm)
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We are treating both the cat and dog extra special. My sister scraped a little money together and took the dog to the vet. It maybe a cold or allergies. They also did a heart worm test which should know the results today. In the meanwhile making sure she is eating and drinking.
 
I hope she perks up soon. Would taking her for walks help, do you think? It would be good for both of you although it's probably too cold & icy 🥶
 
Cate said:
I hope she perks up soon. Would taking her for walks help, do you think? It would be good for both of you although it's probably too cold & icy 🥶
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She doesnt have heart worms. She did get out of the house a couple times yesterday. She drank good but not eating as much. She laid down in my dads room beside his bed and waited for my sister to come home. We get it. Just dont know what to do. She is been given some boosters. We will see how that works.

For me I did walk some yesterday and workout. Today high is supposed to be 54 so ice should be gone. I dreamed I was given a lot of money but couldn't accept it because I've always given not taken. We were going to divide it 3 ways. I was walking along with it in a plastic bag and it all fell out into a sewer. We tried to retrieve it all. Why cant I have good dreams lol
 
whispers65 said:
She laid down in my dads room beside his bed and waited for my sister to come home. We get it. Just dont know what to do.
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Nothing you can do for her except regular hugs if she'll take them. The rest is probably just time.
whispers65 said:
I was walking along with it in a plastic bag and it all fell out into a sewer. We tried to retrieve it all. Why cant I have good dreams lol
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Because our dreams tend to reflect our real life feelings, sometimes to our detriment.
 
Llama said:
Nothing you can do for her except regular hugs if she'll take them. The rest is probably just time.
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She did go outside and was out for over an hour. It is a little warmer today although it doesnt feel much like it. She is drinking really good.

I went out and worked on some limbs. Got about 95% over the fence. I can put them over the other fence and on the curb starting tomorrow.
 
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