Newly Separated

I agree 100% with jenn and moon. You can't let him play with your emotions. You need to put your foot down at some point and say no more.

I know it's weird, but I suggest you read the lyrics to this famous song.

But that's what you have to do, just say no and be done with him. It's going to be rough at first, but when you get through it, it will be for the better.
 
Ha Ha! Merciless! That's like the woman's antherm of break ups! LOL

In my younger, dumber, and uncooler years me and my friends would sing at the top of our lungs when it came on LOL.
 
missing

I did really well today on my interview and then, they called me back for a second one tomorrow. So that was the good news. Then I realized that today was my late fathers b-day. He would have been 59. I tried to call Sean to, I don't know, he usually would make me feel better. Like having me tell stories about my dad or he would just hold me, but when I called him he was out with his new buddy since he left. I really wanted this to be a good post. I can't stop crying. I think I am mixing the two in my heart and missing them both. My dad died suddenly, so did my marriage and I guess having no control over either situation is making this compound. I need to get away. I wonder if there is a heaven and my dad sees everything. I was alone with my dad when he had a stroke and died while I was holding him. I just thought he was having a nightmare and I went in to check on him and he was spasming and I kept calling his name and pulling on his arm, then he exhaled and he never breathed again. I have never gotten over it I never will. I especially do not want to confuse what was the worst moment of my life to my marriage ending, but I guess it was the second worst moment when my husband said he had to leave and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I am sorry to anyone reading, I am just very confused and hurt. I want to be able to do well at the next interview. Then I feel traitorous to my dad's memory for even thinking that today. You can all ignore this post. I am too lonely and blue, I shouldn't have even picked up the keyboard.
 
HEy Mells!
please dont be sad :( ...cheer up thats excellent news about ur job interview congratulations...also about ur father...although this may not be some peoples beleif, but i rather heartedly beleive in heaven...and my grandma who passed away about 5 years ago now, told my mother and me that she would send pennies from heaven for us, to let us know that she is thinking of us and looking over and protecting us...since then ive definately found a lot of pennies :) so think of it that way, im sure ur dad is watching over u and wishing u happiness, and i bet he hates to see u sad like this...perhaps he hadsomething to do with Sean leaving maybe he sees a different guy out there for ur future, someone u may not realize u may be happier with, but he knows. well thats just my two cents...please cheer up! :) *hugs*
 
Wow Melsbells what a day your are having. So bitter sweet. Ok being a paramedic I have a whole lot of experience with death and in my own personal life as well. My aunt/godmother died of lung cancer a few years back, she lived for two years past what they said she would. I believe she had unfinished business and fought like hell to be sure everything was right before she moved on. She had three children and a loving husband who were there beside her the whole way.She planned every little detail of what was to happen upon her death including letters to be read at the funeral by selected people. I was one of them. The letter she wrote for me to read was about how she wanted each one of us to grieve and move on, she wanted us to live and not be sad that she was gone. The body is a shell and she said she is a part of each of us. She is right. I was really close to her and boy I tell you each day I relize what an impact this woman had on my life. I don't get said when I think of her, I smile because her life was precious and she touched so many lives. What an amazing thing it is to have the oppurtunity to let life touch you in postive ways. You need to gather strength from yourself and remember your father for who he was. Not that he is gone, but how he touched your life.

Stop running to the man that bailed on you. He has given you a clear path to become a strong woman. You aren't alone! It does get better and easier. Girl I did it with two kids, two dogs and nothing. I mean nothing except the clothes we could fit into a bunch of garbage bags and a few things of my boys. I went back to school raising them alone and not getting child support. The snake of a father tried everything possible to get me to take him back , then when that didn't work he tried to sue me to resind the arrears and futre payments for child support. All this while I was in school in a gruelling program. I succeded. His stupidity gave me the strength to do it, his antics pushed me to do better. And guess what I'm happy finally, because I believe in myself and take one day at a time, like it could be my last. Cause guess what it very well could be. Now scrap your ass off the couch and celebrate your dad, not his death. Kiss the ass that lost a fantastic woman and get out there and live for you. Chin up girl things have a way of surprising you.
 
jenn said:
Stop running to the man that bailed on you. He has given you a clear path to become a strong woman. You aren't alone! It does get better and easier. Girl I did it with two kids, two dogs and nothing. I mean nothing except the clothes we could fit into a bunch of garbage bags and a few things of my boys. I went back to school raising them alone and not getting child support. The snake of a father tried everything possible to get me to take him back , then when that didn't work he tried to sue me to resind the arrears and futre payments for child support. All this while I was in school in a gruelling program. I succeded. His stupidity gave me the strength to do it, his antics pushed me to do better.
Click to expand...

Wow, I had no idea jenn. Congratulation on your individuality!
 
Cynic said:
Wow, I had no idea jenn. Congratulation on your individuality!
Click to expand...
Thanks Cynic. There is a lot to the whole story, but I made some huge changes that have made a far better life for myself and my kids. I no longer let anyone walk all over me, how's that song go- It's my life, don't you forget - ya something like that. Point is you have to live for you and try to take something good from each thing that happens, that shapes you and you want it to be positive :D
 
Hey mels

I echo the boards opinion...

to me it sounds like he has issues, severe issues... he is still young...so are you...

Looks he rather ahve a "mother" figure as oppose a wife, and it seems you give it to him.

I really hate to say it....but I think his issues are his sexuality, you said he has a new male friend he is spending time with.

I bet he is in a turmoil of what he truly is. Could he possibly be gay?

Not sure, but I know a few gay guys, they ahd this inner battle and some got married and they looked to their wives more as mother figures as opposed to "wives"

You may have to ask the hard question and understand this has nothing to do with you, it is all him. Your a georgous woman and have alot to offer, you need to have a man that can offer you the same.

My poor wife has to deal with me, I told her she can't get rid of me if she tried! :p
 
one good thing

My marriage, the disaster that it is aside. I got a JOB!!! I start tomorrow at 8:00am sharp. I really hope this helps me with my confidence. I also lost another 3 pounds from last weeks weigh in, so I guess that is two good things!
My husband ended up calling me last night and talking with me for an hour. He kept saying that he wished he was here and that he was so sorry that he had forgotten what day it was. Then he told me he loved me and that he would always be there for me. I cried my heart out when we got off the phone. I don't want to give up on him/us. I know that sounds stupid. I just hope this new job can give me some perspective and really help make the days go by faster.
I had a lot of concerns posted to me about how much I was working out to how little I was managing to eat. Well, I have cut the 2hrs of cardio down to every other day instead of everyday and I managed to eat about 700 calories yesterday, which is pretty amazing considering what was going on.

I hope no-one has given up on me. I can't even express properly through text how much help you guys have provided. I am still broken but well into starting the mending process. Which is thanks in large part to all of your support.
 
Melsbells don't worry you'll get through this. CONGRATS on the job thats awesome :D See fresh start. I agree with the mom figure thing but not the whole is he gay thing. :rolleyes: It is true that you took care of him and trust me thats not always a great thing. ITs a two way street without expectations! You are no ones slave. Trust me I was there, it doesn't change. Think about what will happen if you have children with this man. He will turn into a selfish little prick. Sorry again for the harshness! But truely he will. Jelous of the attention you get when you are pregnant and jealous of the attention the child will get. Why because he won't be the center of the universe anymore. He forgot something that was really important to you, people just don't do that. What important stuff will go next, vicious cirlce babe. It never ends it just keeps going around and around. Lie once who is to say it won't happen again. Think about yourself for once and really look at how you will feel if you fall back in with him. Will you trust him, will you be completely comfortable with how you feel and be able to share that with him, will he be honest in his support of you and everything that goes with who you are? I can go on but I think you already know the questions to ask yourself. Look inside.. You are awesome. No one is giving up on you! I said before if you ever need to talk shoot me your number and I'll give you a call. My long distance fees are at a fixed monthly payment no time limits or restrictions, so don't be afraid to reach out and get a lift, borrow strength from someone else. Your in my thoughts and I wish you all that you deserve.
Jenn
 
Congratulations!!!

I'm SO glad you got the job. Good for you! This should take your mind off what's going on a bit and hopefully give you some well deserved confidence!
 
TRy...well you're a Jersey Girl, I knew you would a gree, My wife is a a Jersey girl and would never take any crap. That's why I married her! :)


Mels I hope the Job went well, But I am telling you honey, stop talking to the man, at least for a week or so...Give yourself sometime, you may feel weak, but you need to go through hell before you get to heaven...So keep focused and be strong!

You're a Georgous woman inside and out, with a terrific heart!! 90% of men would love to have a women Like you! If your ever in Atlanta, I have a few single male friends that jump through hoops to meet a girl like you.

So don't be down on yourself, lift that head up and enjoy life!
 
MelsBells

I haven't read all the replies to your post because after reading it I felt I just had to send a message to see if I could help.

I'm sure you've received lots of great advice from people hear already, but I've been told I'm a great listener, so should you need to, you can talk your heart out to me anytime you like!

I really hopr you're getting on with your life and are leaving this man in the past!

BEST WISHES
 
third night no sleep, or food.

I haven't been able to sleep or eat since I started the new job. I keep getting sick each day. I don't think I am ready for this yet. I tried to explain it to my (husband) and he says that we have no choice I have to work because we are out of money. Also that it will be good for me. I get the shakes at night for hours and If I do manage to fall asleep, I see my death over and over again, so instead I sit up as straight as I can and try to stay awake until morning. I think I am losing it. I can't even explain how scary it is to be alone. To come home to no-one. I asked him to come home again, just for a little while until I could get used to some of the changes I have had to make. I know, pathetic. I just didn't know what to do, I wanted so desperately to be able to eat or sleep or stop getting sick. I have used up my last reserves trying to not let it show at the new job. I don't think I could handle getting fired on top of everything else. Even though I just don't feel ready to work.
What do I do? How can I sleep? eat? I just sit here and cry. It is like I have regressed. Any progress I had made or strenght I was feeling....poof, gone. The dreams about me dying were because I was killing myself. I am not this kind of person, but loneliness is a very horrible thing, almost tangible.
If anyone out there can gimmie a boost, please help. Advice, anything right now, to stop this from degrading anymore.
 
ok i can only side with u when u talk about the fear of coming home to no one, i cant imagine having an empty house to come home to , i can only imagine that it is very difficult, after all that time of seeing him there when u get home. the only thing i can say is hang in there, i am almost positive it takes some getting used to, but u can do it!

as far as the dreams about ur own death, i know that in Russia we have many meanings for dreams, and i beleive in them. typically dreams about death signify birth (its like the opposite), for u perhaps it signifies rebirth? and a growth of the self...which makes sense because ur taking on something new in ur life, such as being single and moving on to a new job, and just moving on in life.
 
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