Newly Separated

Nobody said:
Truth hurts.
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Yes, it's true that if someone doesn't love you there's nothing you can do to make them stay, but let's have some compassion. I think we've all had our hearts broken at some point to some degree.

Sometimes people just want to vent. Knowing the truth doesn't diminish your pain :(
 
^

Yes, but calling someone an idiot for stating his ideas, a fact, deserves no compassion?
 
ok i have actually gone through a similar situation with a friend just last year. although it was not a husband and only a boyfriend they were together for 6 years, then out of nowhere he says he doesnt want to be with her but he would still call her and keep telling her he loves her. the only way that she got over him was to tell him to stop talking to her and to stop telling her that he loves her. because by doing what he was doing, he was only making her think that she still had a chance with him, when really he wasnt interested in getting back together. on the other hand, once she stopped talking to him about 4 months later he came around and said he wanted to get back together with her...luckily she had already met someone new! a much nicer guy! so although i dont know ur situation persay...if it is at all similar to my friends...maybe u should put ur foot down for a while and he may come back around..but dont let him lead u around, also...make sure u question him over and over again, as to why he left...it will truely give u a piece of mind. hope this helped a little...u can always message me too, i d love to talk to u anytime :)
 
We all here are with you.

It would not be easy but try to imagine that he may be suffering a lot due to this decision of his. Maybe it was not his choice at all and his circumstances forced him to take that drastic step.

Have some compassion for him and in your heart tell him that you REALLY forgive him for all this and wish FOR him to come out all the sufferings and pain he maybe going through.

Everything happens for a reason and it is usually for the best. Please look after yourself. Working out is a great stress buster. Find time to do something you enjoy. sports? ten-pin? music? dance? painting? reading? surfing? decorating house? skating? flowers? gardening? eating out?

Look ahead not back. You will get your answers but when the time is right for you and not when you are saying yourself "I will be happy ONLY when I get my answers". Be happy first and you will be able to attract the answers to you. :)
 
In my defence, please understand that these are the rules i play by too!!!:( :(..
if that's the way it is then that's the way it is...hence why ppl in our generatin arent getting married anymore. ..nor having kids as readily as ppl used to. ..and divorce rates are higher than ever in history. I'm single myself atm for the same reasons...and it is out of compassion and empathy I say it.

Merciless. giving this type of advice is what I do and studied hard for my findings. i apologise the truth looks as it does. Maybe we can all cry about together!?

Blooming Lotus
 
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Yes, sure you can give out "the truth" but you should do it in a compassionate way. She is very emotionally vulnerable at this point, so you don't need to just come out and say "your not as good as he is" "you are subordinate to him" those types of things don't help, and how do you know that is the case? are you right there? No, you aren't. Saying those things don't really help her much, just, I'm sure, make her feel bad and feel like she isn't enough.
I think that's what they were getting at. So you can give out advice, but just make sure you give it in the right tone.
 
Umm...Blooming Lotus, why would you mention my name? I was the one who said the least about you. Kitten said it best, you can't just say that she isn't on his level, because you aren't there, you're going on the information given, so you can't just make a statement without any evidence. How do you know that he thinks she is on a lower level than her? You don't so don't say things that can possibly hurt someone else emotionally unless it's a straight fact.
 
I study human emotions and mind and behaviour. Facts are all I can afford.
Christ, I was just being honest, but forget i spoke.

cheers
Oh and the reason I mentioned you're name Merciless is because your comment was most offensive to me. You say be nice and then you jump down my throat for offering my expert opinion...and if it Kitten is so sure from her own terminal and vast experience and it's helps the person who asked for advice and other opinions, then great. my mission here has failed. I'd best resign myself that I instead of feeling good for caring enough to contribute should feel like rubbish and we can leave it there.
thx.
 
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The sad fact is that this isn't a dystopian society, and therefore people are emotional biatches. I sure appreciated your input though.
 
Merciless said:
I agree, Cynic.

LeiYunFat already tried to warn us about this person in the Martial Arts section.

Like Cynic said, don't ever give out advice again.
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Excuse me, Blooming, but THIS was most offensive to you?
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Cynic said:
That is without a doubt the sh*ttiest response I've ever seen. Don't give out advice. You're an azz.
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Your telling me that you just grazed over that response which just happened to be right before mine? Not a chance.

Just as in weight lifting...experience always goes over knowledge. Someone could be 5'10 115 lbs. and claim to know everything about weightlifting. On the other hand you can have a 5'10 210 lbs. man with pure muscle who never picked up a book on weightlifting, but yet has great results...I would rather go with the person who has more experience on the subject.

I didn't "jump down your throat", I stated my opinion as well. I don't know if your opinion is 'expert' as you say, but you can state it without being potentially hurtful to a vulnerable person.

The manner in which you stated it wasn't appreciated, by me anyways. If you put it in another way rather than saying she is beneath him, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
 
Considering it's part of my profession and all the people who have benifited from my advice and need anyone at all to lean on reading problems not many people can or are prepared to deal with, yes. i've been alone in hard times myself.

cheers
 
Easy tigers, easy please. Whatever your suggestions or intentions, do you think reading all this badmouthing would help melsbells?

Lets save this badmouthing for another time and show some support when someone could use some.
 
Ok I was intending to stay far away from this topic all together, due to all the crap that is going down. I agree with ManLondon this is not going to help melsbells, if she is even still reading this!

Melsbells I have a few things to add, though they maybe hard to hear I can say from experience and not just my own, that it is most often true.
Ok he left you because he doesn't want the responsibility, of what loving and supporting you and having you do the same? This is a cowardly way out. By calling you and seeing you, telling you he loves you he is using you as his security blanket. If he keeps you close enough yet will not commit he doesn't have to be accountable to you. That isn't right. If you went back to him you are going to be walking on egg shells wondering if he is going to bail again. Is that what you want for your life? Think about the big picture and all the different ways it could go. How do you want YOUR life to go. Most of us want a happy healthy relationship, with trust and compassion, this means compromise but not your self worth or trust. Think about it seriously. You deserve to be happy and to have a relationship that is not built on your fear of your partner bailing because he cannot handle things. It is a parntership and that means talking, trusting, compromise and working things out, not worry and fear andkeeping quiet because you might push him away or anything like that.

Bloominglotus I don't know where your response came from but this guy is clearly stringing her along and that is not acceptable. Doing that to someone how can you imply that he wants someone he can see as an equal. I see it as he wants someone he can manipulate and and have under his thumb, because he was good enough to take her back she will be bowing down to him in thanks. Give me a break it doesn't work like that! I know you are offended by some of the responses but I have to say that response offended me more than I can say. This poor guy who is looking for and equal or hurting is manipulating this woman who is terribly upset and hurt, feeling a whole crap load of emtions and no doubt blamming herself and feeling lost. The guy needs to be accountalbe to both himself and to her.

I can be reached via Pm. If anyone has something to say do it there and keep the thread for helping this woman work through the hurt she is going thru right now!
 
You sound like you're saying "I am an expert, and therefore have the right to treat people like crap. But you don't because you do not have the vast amounts of knowledge I have." But that's just my non-expert opinion.
 
kittyhartman26 said:
You sound like you're saying "I am an expert, and therefore have the right to treat people like crap. But you don't because you do not have the vast amounts of knowledge I have." But that's just my non-expert opinion.
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Whats wrong with that?
 
Blooming lotus said:
In my defence, please understand that these are the rules i play by too!!!:( :(..
if that's the way it is then that's the way it is...hence why ppl in our generatin arent getting married anymore. ..nor having kids as readily as ppl used to. ..and divorce rates are higher than ever in history. I'm single myself atm for the same reasons...and it is out of compassion and empathy I say it.

Merciless. giving this type of advice is what I do and studied hard for my findings. i apologise the truth looks as it does. Maybe we can all cry about together!?

Blooming Lotus
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I think thats all due to the fact that women are now more respected in the work place, and thus realise they can have careers, so put everything else on hold.
 
Nobody said:
Whats wrong with that?
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What's wrong with treating people badly? Maybe if you didn't feel the need to act like such a badass all the time, people wouldn't feel so bad about themselves, and then you wouldn't even have to make fun of them.

And the cycle of life goes on!
 
^ It's my persona. Just like 99% of other people feel the need to act nice. It's all to keep the balance.
 
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