Monster’s diary

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Hey Rob,

Good question ...

Short(ish) answer is yes I’d lost most of my weight before joining this forum; mostly through walking, hiking and cycling. I’ve lost 10kg since joining though.

Re: how I came to be overweight? Well I guess it’s partly convenience and partly lack of mental health.

I worked a very very busy job (across multiple sites) with a lot of travel and easily 70-90 hours most weeks. This meant very little time to eat well and less time to exercise. Most of my “meals” were eaten between stops and as I’m vegetarian there are/were very few choices other than potato chips or chocolate that I could get from a quick convenience stop.

The other part is I’ve come from an emotionally abusive relationship where my wife would ridicule me, guilt me and outright abuse me on a whim. This often felt like it was for her entertainment. She suffered severe depression and I suspect bipolar type 2 disorder so I was essentially her carer for years which really took its toll on me. It made it very hard for me to care for/about myself.

During the abusive relationship I also suffered 2 separate life changing injuries (one more serious than the other) that forced me to adapt physically and mentally.

Essentially the above makes me sound like a cry baby but when your brain is trying to process so much it kinda shuts down and this has dramatic physical effects on your body too.

Now though I’ve managed to build a very good work life balance, I’m out of that relationship, am with a very supportive partner and I’m back to a state of good mental health.

I guess what I’ve done is “manned up” and taken back control of my life. I made a decision to pick myself up, dust myself off and finally do something just for myself.
 
Good news! It’s taken 12 hours but I’ve finally finished changing my water pump and timing belt. My car is back on the road!

Had a hell of a time getting the timing cover off though (who would have guessed THAT would have been the hardest part of the job!) there’s one bolt that’s hidden behind the AC compressor so I had to remove the compressor and the mounting bracket just to take ONE 10mm bolt out.

It’s very clear the people who design cars never work on them.
 
Hey TM, thanks for answering. Understanding what others have done and do that works really helps me. You certainly seem to be all about the exercise.
Truffle Monster said:
Essentially the above makes me sound like a cry baby
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Not at all, these are the kinds of things a lot of us feel, but men in particular are discouraged from voicing. This forum is a great place to do it, people here share many of your experiences and the place is pretty anonymous, not like talking to a neighbor.

I have to tell you my first wife was a little like yours, a long story, but not a good experience for me. My current wife is a big step up, maybe not perfect, but close enough for me!

I have a little different take on things, having been overweight all my life, since infancy I was told. I think the cause is genetic or evolutionary my instincts tell me to eat everything I can get my hands on, richest and sweetest first. I think much of my stress in life has come from that instinct and the overweight condition it caused, less the other way round. However I am no expert on the subject, not even close.

Congrats on the water pump! Now that's something men are allowed to talk about in open company. Repairing trucks, fishing, sports, are all good.
 
Hey Rob,

Yes there is a lot of stigma and men really are discouraged from speaking about it but it happens ... a LOT. It leaves a lot a damage too.

The good news for me though is after 2 years I’ve forgiven my ex wife and given myself permission to not hold onto it; to understand that is in the past and to move on.
 
Hi, TM. I didn't say anything when you replied to Rob as I just found it too sad that any man thinks they shouldn't express their feelings. I didn't want to get on my soapbox. It saddens me that any man feels he should have to "man up" & hide his feelings. Any abuse coming from a man or a woman is not to be tolerated. I'm glad that you have both found better relationships. I am glad I am married to a good man who is not afraid to show his emotions & is kind & tolerant.
Good for you, TM for being able to let go & forgive. You are a very strong human.
 
alligatorob said:
Good for you! That's the right thing to do. I can't say I am so generous, I have mostly forgotten her, it was over 30 years ago in my case.
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I certainly haven’t forgiven for HER benefit. It’s 100% a selfish thing. I guess it was a decision to either spend eternity hating her or get on with my life :)
 
Cate said:
It saddens me that any man feels he should have to "man up" & hide his feelings. Any abuse coming from a man or a woman is not to be tolerated.
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That’s just the world we live in unfortunately.

100% agree; no abuse is acceptable. Unfortunately though we will not in our life time see a world where the measure of a man is not to some degree how well he can cop it and soldier on.

I do however take a lot of pride in “being a man” and remaining steadfast but I think there is a big difference between being headstrong/remaining firm and denying feelings to ones self detriment.

I was raised to treat everyone with respect, to be a gentleman and put others needs ahead of my own. While I don’t ever say (or think) that a woman can’t or shouldn’t do this (I think they should) I see this as the true measure of a mans worth.
 
I appreciate you sharing a little of your story, TM and I commend you for taking back control of your life. You seem like you have a very active lifestyle and healthy take on your weight and physical wellness. Great inspiration to me!
 
I need to buy a second bike I think ... I’ve just taken mine in for a service. As I write this I’m walking home.

What it means is that I don’t have a bike to ride in the meantime ... :(
 
Just walked in the door at home.

Although tonight’s ride was only very short I still recorded and uploaded it.

Beat my own PR on a short sprint section close to home and ... recorded the fasted time overall this year. Still not in the top 10 of all time; I’m a lowly 15th BUT I’ve now got 1st place in 2 sprints for this year ...BFC95036-66F5-47F0-80FE-7518A1AB3AFD.jpegE77639CC-00C0-4955-91B1-023CA6669C79.jpeg
 
Well I have my bike back now. All serviced and ready to roll. Heading out for a quick ride now.

Also my partner had decided to give cycling a go now so I’ve found her a nice bargain second hand Merida mountain bike for $20 which I’ll fix up as a surprise for her. If it fits her and she’s comfortable riding it I’ll strip it down and respray it whatever colour she likes.
 
Just got back from my short ride. I hadn’t realised it was so windy today! All in all a good ride but having a week off the bike makes a difference. That was a lot harder than it should have been. Plus I lost a clear bolt from my left shoe which made unclipping at traffic lights more than a little problematic. AD778892-62C0-469B-AFFB-8C987F94CA34.png
 
Truffle Monster said:
Also my partner had decided to give cycling a go now so I’ve found her a nice bargain second hand Merida mountain bike for $20 which I’ll fix up as a surprise for her. If it fits her and she’s comfortable riding it I’ll strip it down and respray it whatever colour she likes.
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Good on you! I hope she loves it :)
 
Cate said:
Good on you! I hope she loves it :)
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Just finished working on it. She’s happy with it but because it had flat tyres and the seat was way too high she couldn’t test it. I’ve just got everything working now so she can test it out on Monday. I think I’ll be giving it a test myself tomorrow. It’s just too wet right now.

Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it. $20 for a Merida downhill bike! The bloke said the gear cables needed to be replaced ... nope; just installed correctly mate :rotflmao:

Don’t know if she’ll be able to use it though because it’s very heavy. I suspect this one will be for sale pretty quickly.
 
That turned out to be a VERY good buy.

All fixed, cleaned and set up now. After a bit of research it turns out it’s a 2003 model which retailed for $470AUD. $20 and not much work later it’s back on the road and ready to roll.

Very happy with that. I think if Rach wants to ride it we’ll change the tyres to road bike tyres and with helmet and lights etc we’ll be up to about $150 but that’s small potato’s for a bike this quality. 79D4190F-2434-4D99-BC59-3AE62DBD21F2.jpeg
 
Nice bike, and nice of you to fix it up for your partner. I suspect you'll have to slow your pace a bit, for a while at least, so she can keep up!
 
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