Mel Def's Journal

Intervals tonight! Woohoo! I felt strong and glad to make it to the gym when I SO did not want to go. Yesterday was pretty weak. I even slept before I went to the gym because I was so exhausted and hungry but when I got there I was basically pretty useless.

Today I felt all right but had it in my head that it might be more fun to sit in my pink chenille robe on the couch and eat the kid's goldfish graham crackers. I did that for a minute and then envisioned how I would feel and being all bloated tomorrow. Hating myself with a food hangover, so I stopped, forced myself to do some hanging leg raises in the door pullup bar, got dressed for the gym and RAN MY ASS OFF. Woohoo. I love when I take the hard turn off the bad road. :D I could still be eating those cookies and probably finding other things that would lead to self loathing and bad feelings right now. Victory. I mean if I am going to cheat, it needs to be on something more exciting then goldfish graham crackers.

SO 3 miles in 25 minutes on the treadmill and a little warm up on the eliptical. Tomorrow I am getting a sports massage and I cant wait!!!! 12:30 hurry up. I am going to go to the gym before and get in some more leg training after Thursdays sad showing but a light workout- also a run but nothing scorching fast. MAybe 3 miles in 30. That is a good pace and not too strenous.
 
Off yesterday and today did cardio for 30 minutes keeping the heart rate between 150-160 translating to 83-88% MHR. Good and strong but recoverable and don't feel too fatigued. I have to remember not to go full out everyday or I will get injured.

Also did some glute and leg work outside of regs. This feels needed and good to just be intuitive and go with what feels right. Some tricep work too. Those have been neglected so really will come up with plan for those in my new split. Lots of abs. Ab work always makes me feel powerful and strong when I feel blue and like laying around and crying my eyes out.

Emotional state is pretty much crap. Life is slipping and sliding and seeing myself looking smooth and not cut is distressing given my meager calories. I know I will have a good day soon and by golly I will take a picture and paste it to remind me whats under the bloat.

Found a wonderful poem that made me feel more optimistic:

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape…
But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything…
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her…
But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…
A woman of strength realises life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings, and capitalises on them

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face…
But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.
Click to expand...


I want to be both a woman of strength and a strong woman. Given all I have endured I know this is just another lesson and therefore an opportunity to grow and learn. It hurts but it will get better. I love life and it is worth living, even when painful and stressful.
 
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This week:

Monday: Upper Body and 30 minutes ( Intervals )
Tuesday: Lower Body and 45 minutes mid to high intensity steady state cardio
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: Upper Body 30 minutes (Intervals)
Friday: Cardio- 45 minutes + Abs+ calves
Saturday: Lower Body + 45 minutes cardio mid to high intensity steady state
Sunday: Go in and workout intuitively. No plans just what feels right.

Time to start toting the gallon jug. Its the only way to ensure I am drinking enough and although it is a PITA it must be done.

Focus on visualization, positive thoughts and relaxation. Get enough rest. Do the SMR. Do the warmups. This makes me more flexible and perform better.
 
hey mel, what kind of heart rate monitor did you get?

Is this a good one? I am planning on buying it and curious about your opinion.



It's a Garmin The Forerunner 50
 
My massage was great! Deep tissue I suppose. I felt so much looser and less creaky after. It was nice. Might have shifted around some hormones and be the reason I was a big cry baby.

I have a Polar chest strap model, and it works GREAT. Easy to figure out and the strap is comfortable and adjustable. The ones that are strapless everyone I know says are crap but any chest strap one will do. Mine was 50 bucks and worth every penny. Keeps me in the zone. :D


Today was upper and 15 minutes on the Versaclimber which whips me. That Versaclimber is tough. Did good stabilization upper body routine and slow and steady full contraction reps where every muscle being worked was fully engaged and contracted. Tough and slow. I wanted to just rep out and be lazy but I took it easy and was deliberate. I felt good about the work I did. Probably not enough cardio but I will make up for it.

Puffy still... bloated. Ew. I hate that. I have not stepped on the scale since I can tell that would put me on the road to hell. This puff is water and I can tell that. No need for the nasty scale to get me crying and huffing anymore than I already am.

I feel better today. Each day is a victory whether it feels like it or not at the time. I keep waking up and going for it so I am winning. I am trying to do my best and be better than I was which is all anyone can ask of themselves or others. :) Thanks God for all the wonder and gifts you have given me.
 
Legs and 40 minutes of mod to high intensity elliptical. Wasn't feeling it yesterday but the cardio I gave a good effort. Knee is creaky and while I stretched I didn't feel very stable on the squats. I have lost some strength since being in this Stabilization period and that is a bit upsetting. Yes, I am using better form but does that offset that I can't make it through very many sets or even 1 without taking a break. This is over about so I move on to a Hypertrophy plan I have yet to develop.

I have not been doing too many Power moves- I get agitated with my tight schedule and the gym being so dadblamed crowded with messy sloppy leave the equipment everywhere dingalings. Ugh. It all feels sort of loose ends right now but I have gotten through these moments before. I need a trainer. I have that in my head and it isn't going to stop feeling needed.

I still hang on to the bloat. This diet seems too high in carbs and too low in fat to me. I feel weak but not cut. The calories aren't high but my body looks crap. I am going to wait until the end of the week to see if it is cycle related but I am feeling a bit down about the whole thing. I hate seeing that poofy bit on my lower abs. :(

Arms look good. Shoulders are good. The sweep on my quads continues to improve. So it isn't all bad. My waist is a hair below 27"and my obliques are coming along. Posing is tightening me up too. MY glutes will be 100 times better this go around. :) So accentuate the positive. Plus I have a long time to go before I need to strip down to shred. Too early and I might not peak at the right time if not timed correctly. I give feedback to the Nutritionist and not get all emotional and we will come up with a solution. It's going to be fine.
 
Tired. Leg Day so we know that is how it works if I worked.

Changed the workout

Bridge- 2x15
Squats with the O Bar- Front and Reg feet in form. Bar_+ 15 ea side, 3x12 each(Alternated these)
Deadlifts with 25 ea side 3x12
LEg extensions pyramid up 40+10 each time 3x12,10,8
Lying leg curls 3x12 pyramid down 70,60,55 3x8,10,12
Leg extensions feet turned out- 50- 3x25,20,15

30 minutes cardio @ 75-85% intensity
Good day but went too long between meals 2&3. Timing those is harder on the weekends.
 
Intervals and Abs... got her done.

30 minutes of 4 at 6.2 and 1 @ 9.0 HR ranged from 130- 175. Woowhee. I dreaded doing it but felt fantastic after. I think with these they have to be on a day I am not hardcore training or I am diabolically tired. I am sure this will improve but still getting used to it.

Abs lots and lots. Can't even list all I did but I did them until I thought I might puke and did so many decline crunches with that damned 10 lb DB that I put a blister on my ass bone. Unattractive.

Meal timing was off because I was running the kids all over town and after my measly PWO shake didn't eat again for 3+ hours. Woops. I need to pack emergency stuff in the car I suppose. I don't trust any restaurants and the ones I do would take too long or cost too much. I don't want to overdo shakes and need to stay away from bars- process crap. Thinking on this...

Fine most of the day, not hungry but it did kick in tonight at 10. Here I am should be asleep and am going to PAY in the morning when the alarm goes off at 4:30. Oh well. Atleast I am feeling energetic and not death warmed over like so I must be adusting to the diet. Woohoo!!!!

A tan would be nice and make me feel less hoss. Thinking about spray tan... :)
 
I feel GREAT today. Like I could stop a train with my hands, run a marathon and whip up cupcakes in between for the kid's Valentine's parties. Not sure if it is the supps I started taking again after the hiatus or the 2 days off and hardcore comeback or the fact that I am sticking to my diet so well but if it is any or all, I will take it.

I am excited to go to the gym tonight and get in a good upper body session. I am envisioning my lat spread wide and a lovely V taper and a washboard stomach and seperation in my quads like there is no tomorrow. I feel inspired by the good words Chillen spoke and the reminder of how might and powerful I can be when I don't let my head rule my heart. I have it in me. All the fire and passion to pull off whatever I want to happen. I will not cower or be afraid and feeling this way is FANTASTIC and what living a full life is all about. I see the last contest pics and KNOW I can come in tighter, stronger and more muscular. I can cut and lean and develop and if isn't this show that I win, it will be the next one. I want it that bad.

My "fat" size 4 pants are loose this morning. I will be in my sz 2's soon! Hooray! Obviously the scale doesn't say squat. But I am chained to those numbers. When I get to 130 I will see how that looks. If I can comfortable wear the COH jeans then I won't drop anymore. Leave that final drop to water and the final weeks. 130 is miles off though.

I think I was mentally negative and didn't think I could train hard and keep to the 1400 cal plan but I am. Dropped some of the carbs, I know Ilana won't like that but I feel better when I up the fat a bit. I could totally lose that damned fruit. It doesn't feel like it is worth a thing to me. I am greedy about my cal placement and would like to trade my berries for the T of PB that I love. Sniff. Fruit makes me hungry. Boo.

I feel wonderful and will report back tonight how my workout goes. I am going to SWEAT but good.
 
After a dreadful day at work I almost crapped out but didn't ! Hooray for me! I love it when I show up anyway. The "b" trainer there gave me the nasty glance and rolled her eyes since I had my stomach showing. She wishes she had some abs. I wanted to poke her in the eye. I have to see them so I work em. And I will be working those suckers everyday.
Upper body and Abs. 30 minutes mod to high intensity on the elliptical.

You could wring me out I'm so sweaty.

Did well on the diet today but I am hungry now. Just had a shake and found my other 2 oz. of sweet potato I didn't remember earlier. I might as well found a calorie free candy bar I was so excited. mmmmm- mmm. good.

Still have dinner to eat but trained so late wonder if I should skip. Probably not. Throw my ratios off. I am still sucking at the timing of meals. I should have brought the shake to the gym and had it in between the weights and cardio. Next time. I am far better than before.

Made a mistake and both got on the scale and measured my waist after a day sitting at work. What in the hell is wrong with me? Dummy.

I am so glad I went to the gym. I love that feeling of overcoming. :)
 
Mel Def said:
After a dreadful day at work I almost crapped out but didn't ! Hooray for me!

I love it when I show up anyway. The "b" trainer there gave me the nasty glance and rolled her eyes since I had my stomach showing. She wishes she had some abs. I wanted to poke her in the eye. I have to see them so I work em. And I will be working those suckers everyday.
Click to expand...

:hug2: I think I am falling in love. A woman after my own vicious heart.

ROCK ON, girl. ;) :)

I love that feeling of overcoming. :)
Click to expand...

Yes! It friggen ROCKS! :)

Keep that whip out, and spank ya own ass and keep on rocken! :violent: :)

The only way to be winner, baby! :)


Best wishes

Chillen
 
Sorry Chillen, there is a waiting list to meet Mel. Hey Mel, what is the order and what # am I in line? I think I'm ahead of chillster but that "old fart" does have a more rocking body, knowledge of bodybuilding, and caring for people than I do!!!

On a more serious note, when is the competition date?
 
Awww. :) Thanks guys. I am shooting for May for comp but as I go right now if all goes as I need it to. I am tweaking a lot of areas and at this moment I see so much I have to get right first. Still I need a hard date to commit. I should know by the end of this month.


Legs yesterday. The gym was packed with the messy morons in the free wieght room that leave crap everywhere and irritate the %#$^$% out of me. Ugh. So I did Deadlifts and almost got knocked over with my 130 lb barbell with an idiot hyperextending his spine on the lat pulldown machine. I thought I would implode. I feel tight and swollen and kind of ick today. Did the hack squat but not as heavy as I would have liked. Weight was too heavy to go deep and keep good form but not heavy enough to feel productive. Sad huh?

Friday would be a good day to do legs again and probably will hit the gym early afternoon. I am taking today off and baking cupcakes for the girls V Day parties at school. Not one bite for me! Going to the Nutritionist today and going to see about doing something cyclic instead of starch everyday. Starches and fruits aren't doing anything for my butt. I don't like the way I am looking and I need to change it. Admittedly I have gone off the deep end a couple of times but I think I have a handle on that. If during the week I keep to fish and veg and weekends have some sweet potato and oats added in that would be better. I have to try it out and see. I could certainly eat massive amounts of veg! I want to feel FULL after I eat. I will relay this to her but doubt she'll agree. I am doing it anyway and seeing what happens. Very tempted to try out PAuline's diet. Like I have extra money to throw around.

Rest of the week like this:

Wednesday- Off
Thursday- Upper body /Sprints
Friday- Legs/ 45 minutes mod to high cardio
Saturday- Sprints
Sunday- Whatever I want to do at the gym. What feels right.
 
Yesterday off, today will be intervals and maybe upper body but I think I need one more day before that since my elbow hurts. Maybe abs and some other things.

Ate well yesterday and stuck to my diet. Scaling back starch and sticking to lean protein and veg every 3rd day adding in the almond or PB. Focusing on this will help me clean up my hams. I need to study to figure out solution and get this right but still maintain my strong features. It can be done. Positive and focus.


All I have to do is take the next step, break it down into bits and make the next decision. I have to see just the few feet in front of me and not how I will make it to the very end. I am overwhelmed right now but spirit and dedication are on my side, my mind is my weapon to deal with any obstacle and the obstacles are there to strengthen and build me.
 
So, today was upper body and cardio and Friday was legs- hams and glutes to be specific. It's good to break up the hams and quads I think. I get so tired from squats that I really dont' produce results from the deadlifts and lying curls that are what I am needing. I felt like I made real impact on Friday and it didn't even take a supr long workout.

Some other things that are working.

Drinking LOTS of water prior to eating
Eating a BOAT LOAD of veg. Im not even measuring. This makes me feel satisfied and happy and I dont' crave the fat and sugar so much
Taking the garcinia and the HMB 3x a day.
Keeping to the fish and the green veg except for the AM oatmeal.
Allowing the diet cocoa and the SF Jello. Sure, they are crutches but they keep me from hitting a bag of cookies or any other number of junk food items I could reach for. Good for me.
Visualizing my body as I wish it to be.
Getting enough rest.
Listening to my body and not pushing to the max every workout. This has been hurting me and putting me in a bad position for my next workouts.


So onward, gradual changes will add up and I can feel proud. I want to enjoy my workouts and eating, not feel deprived and frustrated because I don't hit the high water mark every single time. Sometimes just showing up and doing the best you can has to be enough. So many won't do that. Given the incredible emotional stress and turmoil I have been put through this week I think I have beat any mark that might have been imposed by myself or anyone. I feel very proud of my commitment. I resisted the discount V DAy candy today too! And oh how I was tempted. Then I placed a hand on my nice hard abs and thought about them getting puffy and crappy looking. That made the candy get right back on the shelf. I sure did have a watery mouth. Instead I am having a diet cocoa and feeling virtuous and wonderful.

My legs feel so good and my back and shoulders are still ablaze from this afternoon. In the best possible way. I LOVE that feeling. I had a good sense of humor and enjoyed my day. MEL against the world. Living the life I am meant to live and doing what needs doing. I feel so happy at this very moment. I hope I can ride it the rest of the night.
 
Good day. Did quads today extensive and left then came back and did hour of cardio. Sweat buckets and abs are good and tight. I can feel what a tremendous difference working them every day is making and I love it. Ate clean and only one serve of starch, .5 c. oat bran this AM.

Lots of energy and feel good. Not too sore from yesterday but enough. Really paying attention to how I look and feel and avoiding the scale. Will weight in on Thursday to see where I am.
 
Mel Def said:
Good day. Did quads today extensive and left then came back and did hour of cardio. Sweat buckets and abs are good and tight. I can feel what a tremendous difference working them every day is making and I love it. Ate clean and only one serve of starch, .5 c. oat bran this AM.

Lots of energy and feel good. Not too sore from yesterday but enough. Really paying attention to how I look and feel and avoiding the scale. Will weight in on Thursday to see where I am.
Click to expand...

This is good to hear, Mel. Hope to see good news on your weigh in on Thursday! :)


Best regards,

Chillen
 
Down 2 pounds. I don't know if I can go 15 though.... my face is already looking a bit drawn so less focus on wieght and closer attention to body comp. Last 2 days have been hard working but hard won. I didn't feel well today during the cardio but since I worked hams and glutes maybe that could be why. I didn't eat enough prior to workout since I was slammed at work and only had time to down a shake just prior. I felt shaky during the cardio and it didn't take much to jack up my heart rate. 32 minutes and I was hanging on by a thread. haha.

I just am displeased with waist thickness. I seem to be buidling thickness and that is the LAST thing I want. Ugh. I didn't measure since I felt wigged out a bit but I will tomorrow and assess how to get that right. MY back and biceps are looking pretty good! Building my lats will make my waist appear smaller and better proportionally. I have NO hips and you can't do anything to help that. Glutes looked good today and I worked those deads until I was queasy before I let up, then did that stupid machine with the kickbar that kills my hips. I can never get it to hit right. Awkward.

Yesterday I worked the hell out of back and chest. I wanted to feel it. Lots of cardio. Nutrition is good. I added in my almonds because they just seem to help me keep the cravings down. I don't think 10% of the diet being fat is enough for me. I wonder if I could actually stay on anybody elses plan for a whole week? I always seem to need to adjust it to what I think is best. I can't trust for some reason. Hmmm. Need to for a week and then assess how it works.
 
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