Mel Def's Journal

Good couple of days working out.

Today I ran before eating breakfast- intervals with the target of 165 and above which I did.

The afternoon I went to the gym- still sore from yesterday but managed some good work and then 20 minutes on the stepmill and 10 in the elliptical. All in all great! I am sore- really must roll and stretch more. I did stretch some before the gym and after but I am super sore and if I go to training tomorrow it will be brutal. Must do it.
 
Sore... super sore. Grouchy. Super grouchy. I have been good eating well and carefully so that is a plus.

I am damned sick of my Nike + DROPPING my runs. Always the long ones too. I am frustrated about that and its screwing up my stats on the site to kep track. How in the hell am supposed to improve this way? Insert profuse cursing here.

Sigh. Let's face it. It isn't about that, it's about feeling like nothing is going my way right now and I want to have a big temper tantrum and make others feel bad and responsible for my attitude. Right or wrong- it is a happy fantasy for me to have at this time.

Today I am not going to work out. Too tired and very sore. Tomorrow I will run in the AM. So help me GOD, I am going to kick Steve Jobs a$$ if my Nike + drops the run in the morning. More cursing inserted here.

On top of everything else, my hair looks like some sort of pile of nonsense today. I could be a character in a TV sitcom. My children did tell me they loved me. That was the highlight of my day.

Oh and ONE of my loans got a green light with no BS. I real rarity. So 2 points for me. :) IT will get better, I'm sure.
 
Last edited:
This week I have not been all that faithful to the gym... however I did have a good workout on Wednesday!

bench squats with 40,45,55 db's for reps of 40,35,30
bent over rows with 40,45,55 dbs for reps of 15,12,10
assisted pull ups almost full bw-12lbs 3x15 wide and narrow grip.
leg extension 70lb for 2x25
w/shoulder presses 25, 20,15 reps of 10,12,15
flutter kicks, knee raises and oblique crunches on the Roman chair 3 sets of 25 each exercise

Step mill for 20 minutes at level 10-15
oh and a 5 minute warm up on the elliptical.

Monday and Tuesday I didn't do anything and yesterday nothing either. I need to atleast do cardio each day but I am working on getting my mind right about food and not seeing it as the focal point of my day! Hooray! I have dropped to within the safe weight zone and feel less ruled by what is going in my mouth. So I am going in the right direction.

I am looking forward to a nice piece of red velvet cake on my birthday! mmmm-mm.
 
Ran yesterday and this AM...

I would like to run outside more but with the kids that isn't possible. I have mainly focused on getting a training routine established again after not being sure about how to do that on my own after using a trainer for so long. Can't do that for now but I joined a new gym that is a good place and they have a stepmill! I love that thing and it is nice to break up the routine of the hamster wheel AKA the treadmill at home. :) I ran just now and later plan to go to the gym and lift and do the stepmill. The weekends are my time to get in a good bit of working out and resting and the week I am focusing on eating right and getting in the quick high energy workouts on the days I don't have the kids. Balance. That is key. I have to put one foot in front of the other and keep the faith. I keep reading and learning so I can get better and it's all there is to be done.
 
What I think about when I feel like quitting or that something is too big or too tough for me:

I have survived and accomplished:
The birth of 2 9 lb babies
The miscarriage of 2 babies
The loss of the only father figure I ever knew to cancer
The discovery of my husband cheating on me
MY divorce
Absolute poverty, being on food stamps and 60,000 dollars in debt
Going from being a stay at home mom to reentering the work force after 5 years out
Changing careers to do something I had NEVER done
Getting jobs that REQUIRED a Bachelors degree when I didn't have one and being promoted within months 3 times
Losing over 100 lbs and keeping it off for 3+ years
Running 10k's ( a few)
Running 5k's ( too many to count)
The mass downsizing of two companies where I was part of the remaining 25% of my colleagues
2 years post subprime meltdown in mortgage lending
Raising and supporting my 2 children making sure they have excellent education and healthcare and that they learn as much about being healthy and capable young women as possible.
Getting on stage and competing as a Figure competitor with women half my age and holding my own.

I am tough. I am strong. Whatever I put my mind to I don't just do but excel. We should all take account of our accomplishments because it is all too often we think of those moments we fall short. Be proud to be a survivor and a thriver. We are given 1 shot to do our very best and make the most of this limited time here on earth.
 
No workout Sunday or Monday but back to the gym this am. I just didn't feel inspired and frankly I have been BORED. This morning I could have just laid in bed but decided that was going to lead to bad feelings. I am already unhappy hovering above my weight that means clean up the eating and I didn't want to make matters worse.

20 minutes at level 10 on the stepmill and then a Bodypump class. I am a big believer in group exercise like that- too much bad form and chance of injury but I could tell that my self motivation would be too low to get a workout worth a damn just going it alone. So I did it and it was pretty good! Not something I would do everyday but motivating and I feel good now.

I have to figure out a way to get my fat down and I am starting to think only a trainer will do. Roc is my ideal and motivates and changes me more than I could ever believe but it's far and I am broke so I must find a alternative for a short while.

I think I need a goal... a photo shoot or occasion I have to look great. I would love to get something done by the end of October but is that too short a time to take off the layer that has gotten on my thighs, butt and abs? I need to drop 6 lbs to get back to the lean look. Must come up with a plan! Also thinking of taking martial arts to mix it up and get out of my boredom stage. There is a studio right next to the gym and I need to look into that. Capoeira is my real interest... thinking.

There is nothing to cheat on food wise in the house now. No nuts or yogurt or the other things I seem to lack control consuming. Just chicken, fish, green beans, lettuce and some onions. :) There is protien powder but it is the yucky flavored GNC type and Zero Impact which is also not great.

This is the last day of being in my 30's, wonder if I will feel differently in the morning? :) Glad to be alive and have the adventures I have had and look forward to more.
 
Happy birthday!

You look great! Roc will be there once you get the cash, until then, have fun with some new interests. Maybe something new will click for you that will inspire as much as Roc.

I’ve been 40 since November. Just had a very special physical with my doctor yesterday, joy
 
Welcome to your 40's Mel. 40's are fine ... 50's are a different story:)

I'm in a little bit of a funk as well. I have nothing on my schedule until next June and I'm worried about losing a little motivation.
 
Mel Def said:
What I think about when I feel like quitting or that something is too big or too tough for me:

I have survived and accomplished:
The birth of 2 9 lb babies
The miscarriage of 2 babies
The loss of the only father figure I ever knew to cancer
The discovery of my husband cheating on me
MY divorce
Absolute poverty, being on food stamps and 60,000 dollars in debt
Going from being a stay at home mom to reentering the work force after 5 years out
Changing careers to do something I had NEVER done
Getting jobs that REQUIRED a Bachelors degree when I didn't have one and being promoted within months 3 times
Losing over 100 lbs and keeping it off for 3+ years
Running 10k's ( a few)
Running 5k's ( too many to count)
The mass downsizing of two companies where I was part of the remaining 25% of my colleagues
2 years post subprime meltdown in mortgage lending
Raising and supporting my 2 children making sure they have excellent education and healthcare and that they learn as much about being healthy and capable young women as possible.
Getting on stage and competing as a Figure competitor with women half my age and holding my own.

I am tough. I am strong. Whatever I put my mind to I don't just do but excel. We should all take account of our accomplishments because it is all too often we think of those moments we fall short. Be proud to be a survivor and a thriver. We are given 1 shot to do our very best and make the most of this limited time here on earth.
Click to expand...

A belated reply to a great post. We too often don't give ourselves enough credit for the great things we have accomplished or the nightmares we have overcome.
 
Today has started with a bang and has been great all day! I love 40 so far. :) This morning I got up and went to my buddies trainer, an ex Army officer who had us flipping tractor tires, dragging him atop said tire, pushing him ( all 180 lbs) across the floor about a dozen times and generally getting my butt whupped with lunges and assorted torture. Just the sort of thing I like. I will train with my buddy and this guy and then 2 sisters on other days who are triathletes and similar in work ethic ( oor so the trainer says, I feel intimidated but I am a tough cookie so there). I like doing somethign different and went ahead and paid for 10 sessions since he cut us a deal and is closer than Roc and cheaper. This is what I can do now and Im doing it.

I had a wonderful but not too piggy day of good food where I ate what I wanted but without going to the place that makes me hate myself. I even drank a drink! This made me need a nap.

I have a beautiful Doberge cake being brought to me from the fine state of Lousiana by the most handsome and wonderful man on earth, my children made me beautiful cards and a big fiss over me, my mom is taking me out for dinner- I have NO complaints. :D
 
Mel Def said:
Today has started with a bang and has been great all day! I love 40 so far. :) This morning I got up and went to my buddies trainer, an ex Army officer who had us flipping tractor tires, dragging him atop said tire, pushing him ( all 180 lbs) across the floor about a dozen times and generally getting my butt whupped with lunges and assorted torture. Just the sort of thing I like. I will train with my buddy and this guy and then 2 sisters on other days who are triathletes and similar in work ethic ( oor so the trainer says, I feel intimidated but I am a tough cookie so there). I like doing somethign different and went ahead and paid for 10 sessions since he cut us a deal and is closer than Roc and cheaper. This is what I can do now and Im doing it.

I had a wonderful but not too piggy day of good food where I ate what I wanted but without going to the place that makes me hate myself. I even drank a drink! This made me need a nap.

I have a beautiful Doberge cake being brought to me from the fine state of Lousiana by the most handsome and wonderful man on earth, my children made me beautiful cards and a big fiss over me, my mom is taking me out for dinner- I have NO complaints. :D
Click to expand...


Good work Mel, isnt it cool doin the military type rogue workouts ? I do them the fourth week of every month, it works some of those muscles that the normal routine doesnt hit. Enjoy that cheat meal, even the drink, its well deserved.
 
Sigh, so I haven't worked out since Wednesday. Sad really but life sometimes has plans and things get put aside. What is hard is going back to it- ugh. NOT looking forward to it. But that means I must put the plan on paper.

Cleaned up my diet today- the sugar and the fats and the restaurants behind me for now. That's OK. I like to get back in gear and do the right thing. I love the power I have over changing and being my best. What an amazing place I can take myself and I look forward to exceeding my last high point. Just time to get excited and dedicated again which I know I can.

Goal setting time once again.
 
Haven't done zip for a week and this morning ran for 30 minutes. OMG. I lost a lot of stamina and ground in that span of time. I don't feel well, have so much stress it is crushing me. Still- I have been in this place before. I am working on setting up training for next week looks like Tuesday is a go but I need another day and to get myself into the gym too. I should go to the gym tonight but I am not feeling very motivated. At all.

It's my mind that serves as my biggest enemy. How can I ask someone else not to let theirs chew them up if I so readily will allow my own to do so? I had a cry today and have had the support of many friends and loved ones but I am basically not rising above the mire just yet. It will be good to feel strong and active again but I need some help and some time to get to it. This is just a bump in the road and there have been others so I know I shall once again feel the good feelings of coasting and celebration. Problems are only temporary anyway.
 
Quote I love and that reminds me that all is well right here and now.

The shadow of my finger cast
Divides the future from the past;
Before it stands the unborn hour
In darkness and beyond thy power;
Behind its unreturning line
The vanished hour no longer thine;
One hour alone is in thy hand,
The now on which the shadow stands.

Nevermind what has or what will happen. We have the here and now and that is all that matters.
 
Three days in a row of my sprints I am happy to say. Building the exercise habit back up and getting the food stuff a bit better but still taking it slow. Really important for me to keep the exercise habit because I know that the food can be manipulated quickly.

I am not happy with the state of my body- too soft to be sure and decondtioned a bit. I can get back in line though. Feeling better and less depressed which is HUGE. I see light at the end of the tunnel. I just need a new goal but don't have a clue what to shoot for. Need to be something that can be committed to and visible. I really want it to be an athletic event as opposed to a body or just vanity driven. But what? I don't want to run a marathon. That doesn't excite me. I want to become strong. Going to talk to the new trainer about getting proficent at pullups and flexibilty training. MAybe some gymnastics or martial arts.
 
Ran both Saturday and Sunday and got up this AM for training with Eric. Very good on my work ethic, I must accentuate the positive.

I don't have other positives to accentuate at the moment so I will just leave it at that. MAybe I will take a short nap and see if that improves my mood.
 
Mel Def said:
Ran both Saturday and Sunday and got up this AM for training with Eric. Very good on my work ethic, I must accentuate the positive.

I don't have other positives to accentuate at the moment so I will just leave it at that. MAybe I will take a short nap and see if that improves my mood.
Click to expand...


Maintaining discipline = hard work and a willingness to do without sometimes...

Yeah.. it sux and yeah.. we wonder why we push ourselves like we do.

But.. we do it because we want it and we want it bad enough we are willing to suffer to get it.

Now... about this "douche-bag status" visor issue... hehehe ;)

I say get one, find a word, have it added and GO BOLD with your statement.. LOL
 
neonlady said:
Maintaining discipline = hard work and a willingness to do without sometimes...

Yeah.. it sux and yeah.. we wonder why we push ourselves like we do.

But.. we do it because we want it and we want it bad enough we are willing to suffer to get it.

Now... about this "douche-bag status" visor issue... hehehe ;)

I say get one, find a word, have it added and GO BOLD with your statement.. LOL
Click to expand...

Get a few and let the world know your mood! lol
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top