❤ I think that's the most important lesson any of us can learn.
I love that people are so nice to you when you buy paint! You deserve kindness, whether it stems from a little bit of old-fashioned thinking or not.
Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
- Start date
I love that people are so nice to you when you buy paint! You deserve kindness, whether it stems from a little bit of old-fashioned thinking or not.
Cate
Long term member
I wish that I wasn't as surprised as you at old-fashioned gender roles. I think they're well & truly alive here still. I hope it's cool enough for you to mow, M. I love that you tackle almost any job. You are a great example for K!
alligatorob
Respected Member
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans
I like that!
I am sure we will always have the gender role thing, or some version of it. I don't think that's a bad thing just so it doesn't hold anyone back. People should be able to try and do whatever they want! I think it's great that you are painting your own house.
I agree - it's so easy to take on too much and become overwhelmed. I really want to simplify my life so I can do a lot of fun things, but not have them become chores that I have to do.
Thanks Llama!! The "be here now" thing is so deceptively simple!
In CA, female general contractors, electricians, etc. were not seen as unusual, but I do think they are elsewhere in the building trades. It's getting so it's not so intimidating taking on small home improvement stuff. Maybe some day I'll get a work bench and learn to construct things! I had to take breaks mowing the lawn. It was so humid, I'd come in panting and drenched in sweat, but I feel like I got a really nice stress-relieving workout, and feel really good today.
I agree about the gender thing. It's ok if it doesn't hold people back. This next generation is really changing things and I am curious to see if it will help traditional men to feel ok being more nurturing and emotionally open. I hope so.
We went out to a restaurant that K really loves last night. We're trying to skimp and save, but I also want K to have a normal life, so once a month I plan to go out somewhere nice if possible. We had wonderful shrimp and grits, delicious pork chops with red rice and a whisky sauce bread pudding which we split. We ate too much, but it was so nice, and K really loved it. It was especially good after mowing the lawn in the heat.
Having printer problems with my wireless printer like Cate had. Have to get a new printer - bleh! But I am feeling so positive and good with a house full of lovely paint and lots of energy and a fresh perspective from having a few lovely evenings out!
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alligatorob
Respected Member
My favorite electrician in Utah is a woman. Only problem is that as her business has grown the men she hires are not as good as she is... But you are right that is the exception here. I have not run into another female contractor I can think of.
That food sounds so good Marsia. Glad you both enjoyed it!
Love this for you! x
Cate
Long term member
Female contractors here are a rarity.
That's lovely, M!
So good to hear xoxo
Thanks guys! Good productive day today. I did a last coat in my bathroom and folded a lot of laundry and researched printers. I ran into the quintessential "pop" in a mom and pop printer shop today. (That rhymes and I must make a really awful song up with that and our new chant "Eat hard, mow yard!" from yesterday's activities). Anyway, I asked about using the scanner, and he didn't say anything, so I just asked if it was self-serve. He told me (in a cadence that is about 3 times slower than the average person and with a really interesting new Southern accent that I don't recognize) that the person who knows how to work the scanner is out. I asked when they'd be back, and he said "in a week". I told him I'd better go elsewhere, and as I was leaving, he explained that his wife is away, and the scanner is hooked up to her computer, and he is not allowed to touch either the scanner or her computer. Very sweet old man, and I will go back there if I ever need to mail packages. I feel like my body is getting stronger again. Living in a tiny van in record breaking heat last summer really did a number on us, and we have been rather weak and not peppy since. I think my pep (and hopefully strength, too) is coming back.
alligatorob
Respected Member
I hope Mexico can change as well. Today I think the Cartels are their biggest problem, and I think we are at least partially to blame for that. I believe its fed and kept alive by the huge inflow of drug money from the US... It will be hard if not impossible for any Mexican president to fix that one...
When I used to travel in Mexico the Cartels either did not exist or were much less visible. It was pretty safe, safer than the US. There are probably still places where its safe. I always enjoyed traveling amongst those poorer people, they are very friendly and really seem to appreciate an American trying to speak their language, even as badly as I did. That's the part of town I found the $2 hotel rooms in. Those hotels had very small rooms with a larger gathering area in the lobby, the only TV was in the lobby. It was a great place to socialize, talk and play cards. Watching things like Bonanza dubbed in Spanish, LOL.
I never felt unsafe, in fact I had a lot of drinks bought for me and food paid for by them. And they really wanted to talk to me, even though it was really hard. The Mexicans working in the tourist places are different, and mostly feel to me like they are just after my money.
That is interesting, do you know much about ponds? We recently bought a place with a small spring fed pond, but it is old and full of sediment, needs a major clean out. I am trying to figure out what to do with it. We will probably rent the place out, at least in the shorter term, so no urgency. I am learning that pond construction and maintenance is harder that I had thought it would be...
I think we'll stick to places with a lot of expats when we visit Mexico. I am really interested in visiting Merida on the Yucatan Peninsula. Supposedly it is a truce zone where the cartels' families live, so no one creates violence there because their family lives there. There are Mayan ruins and cenotes to explore and gorgeous architecture and museums. The food is supposed to be divine, too.
I know a little about ponds from my grandfather's ponds. If it is little, you might need an aerator if you want to have fish. You also have to make sure the water run off from rain doesn't flow directly into the pond dumping too much sediment in there. You might need to dig ditches to make the runoff flow away from the pond. If it has a greenish cast from phytoplankton, that's good and healthy, but if it gets those ropy seaweed type water plants, you need to control those and also don't fertilize near the pond because it will encourage bad algae and ropy plants to grow. You want a lot of trees and shrubs around the banks of the pond to keep the banks from eroding. If you want a wildlife pond, plant bird-berry shrubs and trees. Also my grandfather's ponds were spring-fed, and he carefully maintained where the spring water came in with a hollow where the sediment could settle before the water entered the pond so he could dig it out there instead of it getting in the pond. I think there was a stone lip that the water flowed over. I bet you could find nice books on natural ponds in the library or ask some Extension guys.
Just woke up and feeling happy. My bathroom paint job looks great!
I know a little about ponds from my grandfather's ponds. If it is little, you might need an aerator if you want to have fish. You also have to make sure the water run off from rain doesn't flow directly into the pond dumping too much sediment in there. You might need to dig ditches to make the runoff flow away from the pond. If it has a greenish cast from phytoplankton, that's good and healthy, but if it gets those ropy seaweed type water plants, you need to control those and also don't fertilize near the pond because it will encourage bad algae and ropy plants to grow. You want a lot of trees and shrubs around the banks of the pond to keep the banks from eroding. If you want a wildlife pond, plant bird-berry shrubs and trees. Also my grandfather's ponds were spring-fed, and he carefully maintained where the spring water came in with a hollow where the sediment could settle before the water entered the pond so he could dig it out there instead of it getting in the pond. I think there was a stone lip that the water flowed over. I bet you could find nice books on natural ponds in the library or ask some Extension guys.
Just woke up and feeling happy. My bathroom paint job looks great!
Yes, for sure! It's been a year since having to live with J, and we are feeling so incredibly better!! It's funny, the people who owned the house before me came to see what we did with the place, and they were not happy that I ripped out their weird bling-y backsplash (that was done with 2 clashing kinds of tile) out of the kitchen (which was salmon colored with a brick red tile floor). When we got outside and she saw that I planted new flowers, she let me know that she had consulted a color specialist before choosing the colors for the flowers. She seemed unnerved that my plants weren't the approved colors. They had to move because of finances, and were not going to be happy unless nothing had changed since we moved in. I thought it was funny that she consulted a color specialist for the outside of the house when the inside was 80s teals and pinks! The house is looking much more calm and natural and soothing with earthy neutral colors. It feels a lot more like home now.
So great to hear! You do sound very strong and energetic with all that work you get done. How wonderful to be able to look around at your nice paint job and to see what a difference it makes!
Aw, I guess it must sting if you love a house and were forced to move. I wouldn't take it personally.
This made me chuckle.
Cate
Long term member
That's funny that the people who owned the place before you came back to check it out. That was big of you to let them look around inside. I would not want to see our house again if we sold it. We had to sell a home in Melbourne, which we loved & we have been back to see it from the outside & could see it was well-loved. I wouldn't want to go inside though.
I love that you are proud of your painting. It makes such a difference. I chose to have the same colour (sand) on all our walls(that aren't timber or stone). It is soothing & I can introduce different colours in other ways.
Yay for it being a year since you lived with J! xoxo
I love that you are proud of your painting. It makes such a difference. I chose to have the same colour (sand) on all our walls(that aren't timber or stone). It is soothing & I can introduce different colours in other ways.
Yay for it being a year since you lived with J! xoxo
Thanks Liza - it feels so good to finally feel stronger again!
I think they thought they were being avant-garde, like you said. It's such a well designed house, but the things that got replaced look bling-y, like the faucets are sort of a bubble rounded style and are bright gold and silver and look like 80s Las Vegas. If I had more money, I'd replace all the faucets and matching shower heads. It makes it look like a cheap hotel if you are just looking at stuff like that. Luckily most of the house is traditional and has good bones.
Thanks Em, I don't take that sort of thing personally, especially not in this very blunt culture. I like the old people here (like the scanner guy). They are really really different from any other old people I have ever met - so much character oozing out of each person!Aw, I guess it must sting if you love a house and were forced to move. I wouldn't take it personally.
This made me chuckle.
I didn't really want the old owners to visit because I had ripped out their kitchen backsplash and I knew they weren't going to like that, but J talked me into it, and I thought it would be rude to decline anyway. I agree about not wanting to visit old houses, but I have also gone and looked at the outside of my childhood home. I'm glad your old home looked well loved! It's nice that my painting got professional looking and I can admire it instead of wishing it looked better. I am also so surprised at how much of a difference it makes in how you perceive the house. It's really interesting. I like this color, too! Sand color with timber and stone sound really homey and clean and nice. It's wonderful having a whole year without J - we're really starting to get happy again!
I have been so clumsy lately - catching my sleeve on a window crank and spilling sticky juice everywhere, dropping gorgonzola all over the floor twice, and then stepping on a garbage bag that turned out to have broken glass in it and tracking blood everywhere. I found a nice big bandaid, and all's well again, but I have to take it easy until I regain some grace again. K and I went out to cash a happy graduation check from her grandparents. Her aunt texted to see where to send another graduation present, too. K isn't close to anyone on J's side of the family except her cousins, so it's hard for her to write back, and she doesn't want to explain what happened, and they sort of hint that they want to know. I think J told each of them something different, and they all know that. So that's really awkward, but I need to let her work it out with them. Other than that, we had a nice relaxing day reading and going out to a cafe because it was so hot, the heat waves hit you in the face when you went outside. I briefly watered the garden and came in drenched in sweat. Got a first tomato and the last of the pumpkins. This one is white and looks like it is a cross between a pumpkin and maybe a butternut squash. I'm taping my bedroom to paint tomorrow, and I think I'll meditate again. Wrote to some of my friends which was really nice and also started a trial version of Rosetta Stone Spanish, which we really like. We tried some other trial Spanish software which was too much like Duo-lingo, which we didn't like anywhere near as much.
Cate
Long term member
K will work out what she wants to tell any of the extended family when she is ready to tell anyone. It's her business, not theirs. It's lovely hearing about the work you're doing & I'm sure you will have the place looking much better than when you bought it. Please don't overdo it though. Being clumsy seems like a sign you need to take it easy. Enjoy your Sunday xo
Being clumsy when you normally aren't can indeed be a sign of the autononous nervous system being dysregulated. For example because your daughter is visiting that side of the family. And then sometimes days just are the way they are. You'll fix it, no doubt about it.
Thanks Cate and Llama, you always know just what to say! I agree about the clumsiness - both things are true and I need to tend to both my physical and mental health and not try to rush the painting. I really didn't like that K's best friend's parents wanted to have K over, and it turns out they knew about the abuse and didn't drop J as their client. K overheard the husband ask when K was going to leave last time she visited and doesn't feel welcome there anyway, so we'll plan a nice vacation for K and her best friend somewhere really fun for them instead. And now we are interacting with family who doesn't know why I am divorcing J. I really can't wait to completely walk away from all of this. I think today is a meditation retreat day with a little packing and painting thrown in, instead of the other way around. I want to find more open boxes of art supplies because I know there's an open one with good sketching supplies in it. I am way overdo for teaching K what I know about sketching. Maybe we can go to the nice dock we went to the other day and sketch the waves and shoreline where we get an ocean breeze. It's a covered dock and has a lot of seating, so we could avoid the sun beating down on us. It's near a fantastic grocery store with inexpensive sandwiches, so we could have a picnic. Time to start the day...