Floater's diary

Turkey baguette for breakfast, miso broth with sprouts, edamame, wakame and corn for lunch with a soy protein shake on the side. Now I'll have a cup of coffee and my short effect ADHD med, take the dog out, hit the gym, and take it easy for the rest of the night. Got some chores done as well!

TW: family tragedies, addictions, narcissistic parenting

I got sad news: my favorite uncle passed away on 15.10. My mom didn't bother to tell me because "it might upset me". It's even more annoying because I had just been thinking about the man and had asked mom for his number a few weeks prior. (I'm talking about the artist uncle who developed severe alcoholism and related and non related health issues later in life.) But that's just how things work in my "family", I guess. At least my uncle was clean, clothed, warm, fed, pain medicated and cared for for the last 1,5 weeks of his life. It's too little too late but better than nothing. It hurt me a lot when mom nonchalantly told me that it had taken a nursing student 1,5 hours to cut and shave his beard that he had been unable to care for due to rheuma. I can't understand the subtle glee some people express when they talk about people suffering from late stage addiction. It would be taboo to talk like that about a cancer patient.

Mom also told me that my brother is fresh out of an alcohol detox clinic and in a bad shape, likely to relapse anytime soon. I don't doubt it, but sometimes I wonder if my mom has a hidden desire to outlive at least one of her kids. Well, that went dark quickly, sorry.

End TW

Well, I need to care for my own life and my own health and my own future and not get sucked into my mom's orbit. It's sad that I never got to talk to my uncle, but who knows, maybe it would have been even more traumatic and it's best to keep the memories I have of him? I doubt he thought about me much, and a person deserves their privacy and dignity as death draws near. I still cried a bit because no one should have to live the kind of live my uncle lived.
 
Workout was great. I had prepped a thermos of porridge with PB and protein powder, but it had solidified into a thick mud that was impossible to drink on the go, so I'm getting a Taco Bell beef griller instead lol 😂
 
I just got home and ate the sludge (I had to add a little bit of hot water in it to make it more runny). Looked like barf, but tasted good. Now I'm soaking rice for congee later, and sitting down for a while before taking the dog out. I'm debating whether or not I should give myself an undercut again. It's pretty hard to do by oneself, so maybe I should just book a hairdresser appointment... But then again, if I managed to find a design that is easy enough to do at home, I would not have to worry about the cost of the upkeep... :D

PS it never ceases to amuse me how men's "medium" hairstyles are women's "short", and women's "medium" are men's "long". Just one of the silly ways the separation is kept up I guess...
 
Floater said:
I still cried a bit because no one should have to live the kind of live my uncle lived.
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:grouphug: I´m sorry to hear about your uncle. Nobody SHOULD have to live like that.
Floater said:
PS it never ceases to amuse me how men's "medium" hairstyles are women's "short", and women's "medium" are men's "long". Just one of the silly ways the separation is kept up I guess...
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Not to mention going in for a haircut as a woman will cost me about twice as much as the exact same style on a man. At least here.
 
LaMaria said:
:grouphug: I´m sorry to hear about your uncle. Nobody SHOULD have to live like that.

Not to mention going in for a haircut as a woman will cost me about twice as much as the exact same style on a man. At least here.
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Thank you. :grouphug:

And yeah, women's haircuts cost more than men's here as well. I think the cost should be purely based on what is getting done, I mean it makes sense that short styles are cheaper because they require more frequent salon visits whereas long hair can easily go 6 months without a retouch (unless it needs to be re-dyed). Some salons have already shifted to this method of pricing, but the old practices die hard...!
 
The congee is going, and I'm caramelizing onions for a spinach and white bean stew I have been craving for a while now. I figured that as it takes a long time to make and stores well, it makes sense to make it while I'm waiting for the congee to boil down. I also have plenty of prepped garlic tofu left... Tomorrow is the last day to eat it. But I should be hungry for protein tomorrow so I think I'll manage! I don't feel like tofu tonight, I feel like eggs whisked in congee tonight with sprouts on top, but that's fine.
 
Feeling really under the weather about the uncle situation. But both of the cooking projects turned out great. I even tried a bit of the spinach and bean stew with the congee, and they worked really well together!

I'll write down the congee recipe to take my mind off things:

Measure 0,5 dl of white long grain rice into a pot. Fill with cold water, stir around, pour the water out as it gets cloudy, and repeat a couple of times. Measure in 3 dl of cold water, put on stovetop with the lid on and turn the heat on high. Once the water boils, turn the heat to the lowest setting and let simmer for 25 minutes. After 25 mins or so, take a fork and start stirring. The rice should be so soft that it starts to disintegrate into a silky consistency. Put the lid back on and wait for 10-15 minutes or so until the congee is the desired viscosity.

In a separate cup, whisk two raw eggs and pour in the pot, turn the heat up, and keep stirring to mix the egg into the congee until you see the first bubble rise to the top. Immediately pour into a serving bowl.

As the congee and egg mixture is completely unseasoned, you can use pretty much anything to give it flavor. This time I kept things really simple and just added in a handful of mung bean sprouts, toasted sesame oil, and soy sauce. The color turned out a really nice pastel yellow and I like eating porridges and soups after working out because they help me stay hydrated which is always a struggle while being on ADHD meds and sweating from the workout.
 
Haha, just came back home from a late night walk with Nera - got almost scared shitless by a fox that started screaming a warning "bark". I couldn't fathom at first what it was, because it wasn't the generic fox sound used in movies and such, I thought it was a bird! But as it started to move and kept screaming, I could tell it had to be a small mammal of some sort, and looked online to identify the noise once I was at home. Kinda cool really. I have seen foxes here, but this was the first time I've heard one!
 
That's really cool! I don't think I've ever heard a fox.
(Sorry, it's one of the things that have been in my brain long enough that it'll probably never leave.)
 
@LaMaria when I started Uni in 2013, I would always listen to that song while getting ready for student parties. I can taste the cheap beer and feel the exitement of having found a community and a place in this world.

It's funny... I was going through a hyper feminine phase back then. Always in mini skirts and heels, nails painted, make-up on point. I looked nice and young but felt ancient and miserable.
 
Steaming potatoes for breakfast, I'll have them with bean and spinach stew and creme fraiche. I still need to figure out what I'm supposed to do with 250 g of baked garlic tofu... Let's just hope that my post gym munchies will do the trick! I do feel hungry, that's nice. I couldn't sleep util 4AM, but after that I slept well. Had some funky nightmares that were related to my uncle though.
 
Floater said:
Always in mini skirts and heels, nails painted, make-up on point. I looked nice and young but felt ancient and miserable.
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Don't I know that feeling... Great way to end up with incompatible partners, too.

Fingers crossed for the post-gym munchies! You deserve to be nourished.
 
LaMaria said:
Don't I know that feeling... Great way to end up with incompatible partners, too.
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Yeah. It's like I've played a role in all my relationships, not out of malice or manipulation, but because I didn't think I had any other option. But man it's good to be alive and the bean stew tastes incredible! Caramelized onions will take any dish to the next level and this is no exception!

PS I was still feeling hungry after potatoes and bean stew, so I made a bowl of miso with sprouts, peas, and wakame, and had a protein shake. The shake hadn't completely mixed in the water and I inhaled a teaspoon of soy protein, ughhh... Maybe I should buy a proper shaker...
 
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Any well-closing empty jar will do just as well as a shaker in my experience. But my preferred method is to rotate a tiny whisk between my palms to imitate a blender. (Can you tell I have a tiy kitchen?)
 
My kitchen is tiny too so I feel the struggle!

Today I had a two-hour visit from the autism assistance folks, we made another trip with Nera to the nearby lake and had a nice walk there, and I went to buy shower gel and groceries on the way back. I didn't get any pictures this time, because the weather was so cold and rainy, but it feels nice to be able to make these short trips with Nera because she loves car rides, and ever since I broke up with my ex I haven't been able to take her for joyrides. It's important for me and my functionality that my senior dog still gets to do things she loves to do. She turned into a fur rocket as soon as she saw the car! She's a very good passenger, too.

I decided to chop the leftover garlic tofu into really thin "shavings" and fried them in oil with cubed leftover potatoes, corn, mung bean sprouts and topped it with scorpion hot sauce and scallions. Very tasty. I think I'll prepare the rest of the tofu on a similar manner for dinner and eat it inside a pita bread with tomato sauce and creme fraiche. (I have developed a mild obsession with creme fraiche, and despite it's high fat content I don't think it's an issue really, because a teaspoon of the stuff goes a long way...!)
 
Your food sounds delicious again! Lovely that Nera got to have a car treat. People who feel better when others (including dogs) enjoy themselves are good people.
 
I'm already hungry as heck, so I experimented with the thermos and made a protein + porridge thing for a snack, and am now roasting a small pumpkin for later use. Once the pumpkin is done, I'll fry the rest of the tofu and heat two pita breads in the oven. Feels so nice to be hungry. I can't wait to hit the gym again! I'm tempted to go tomorrow, but I'm a bit worried that it might be too much too soon. Maybe I could try to go swimming tomorrow instead?

EDIT sorry @LaMaria for accidentally posting this in your thread, I reported it for a clean-up!

I had the rest of the tofu in two pita breads, both had creme fraiche and sprouts, one had tomato paste and the other had roasted pumpkin. The pumpkin one was crazy good!!! Now I'll peel and store the rest of the pumpkin, walk the dog, and chill out.
 
Don't worry about the post: my diary is open to all. Unless they whine. I'm the only one who gets to whine on my thread :p
Yay for accurate hunger signals! Swimming would probably be better for you than going back to the gym this soon.
 
Your food sounds so good! I could picture Nera racing towards the car. Archie loves car trips too :) Hope you get to go swimming.
 
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