Floater's diary

[Llama]

My sole problem with seitan is that I already eat quite a lot of wheat and I´m kind of afraid that my essential amino acid balance gets out of whack when I rely on it for regular meat substitutes as well. Do you know Sauce Stache on Youtube? He does a lot of creative meat substitutes that should be fun if you enjoy being creative in the kitchen.

 

[Floater]

My sole problem with seitan is that I already eat quite a lot of wheat and I´m kind of afraid that my essential amino acid balance gets out of whack when I rely on it for regular meat substitutes as well. Do you know Sauce Stache on Youtube? He does a lot of creative meat substitutes that should be fun if you enjoy being creative in the kitchen.

^ The EAA point is important to consider for sure. When I was a vegan I used to eat different plant based proteins in rotation, now that I eat omni (although emphasizing plant based) there's less of a risk to get deficiencies. The type of grain used for main carbs is important to consider as well - one of the upsides of Scandi cuisine is full rye bread, but I still eat plenty of wheat in the form of pasta and such, so... Good point

Thank you for the Sauce Stache tip - I'll check him out immediately I'm on a roll when it comes to getting back in the kitchen, so learning about new stuff to try is very welcome.

 

[Floater]

Oh noooo I forgot to write in yesterday's foods! But there was little to write about; tuna pasta, guacamole, seitan, cauliflower, corn, flatbread, one non alcoholic beer and tomato juice. Pretty happy about it. I did have a bit of bacon too - i rarely eat it so that was kinda fun.

 

[Llama]

Sounds varied and delicious.

 

[Floater]

After taking the dog out, I went back to sleep and slept until noon - whoops. I decided to order Chinese takeout - eggplant in garlic sauce and a children's portion of fried chicken. I feel a bit guilty about splurging money on that, but I need to spare my energy so I can take out my recyclables and clean up the apartment. I've been so focused on food that I almost ran out of clean clothes. And the food I ordered is going to cover three meals at least. Let's hope I have a productive day.

 

[Llama]

I airfried a large eggplant yesterday and had some in my wraps this morning - so good! I imagine garlic sauce would make it even better though. Garlic sauce makes everything better

 

[Floater]

I airfried a large eggplant yesterday and had some in my wraps this morning - so good! I imagine garlic sauce would make it even better though. Garlic sauce makes everything better

Honestly, I would have preferred the air-fried eggplant lol. Maybe it's just because this was my first meal of the day, but it was too greasy for me - the eggplant pieces swam in a tub of garlic and ginger oil. Oh well, I'll eat the rest of the sauce and rice later with some mock chicken or chickpeas for added protein.

 

[Floater]

I'm had a pretty hard day, so going to be very quick about today's food diary. Will try to eat more.

Breakfast: 4 deep fried chicken pieces, eggplant/garlic sauce, rice
Snack: a protein drink
Snack: a beetroot bun with marg and goat cheese

I did get some chores done, but I've had several panic attacks, and had to go get benzodiazepines from the pharmacy. I really hate those pills and avoid them whenever I can, but this time there wasn't much choice. So I'm feeling pretty zoned out and disinterested in anything

 

[Llama]

Panic attacks are awful - I had way too many of them as a teen and am so glad I outgrew them so I can commiserate a little. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

 

[Cate]

I've grown into panic attacks & anxiety & they suck. I think I'll go see someone about it soon. Hope today is better for you xo

 

[Floater]

Thank you @LaMaria and @Cate

Sigh. I woke up with an inflamed eyelid - the second time in two months. I managed to get a prescription over the phone, but the meds cost 50+ euros and I'm tight on money as is. (I actually had massive regrets about ordering takeout yesterday morning, but that's alleviated by the fact that by rationing the eggplant sauce into several portions and adding whatever frozen proteins and veggies I had available, I could stretch it into six different meals. I still have a small bowl of the stuff sitting in the fridge with udon noodles for carbs.)

I haven't had ful blown panic attacks today, thankfully. I'm still very anxious, and I notice that I can't really keep track of time. I had an assistant come over at 2.30PM and it feels as if she just left, but it's 5.40PM.

It was kind of interesting to notice that the first thought that crossed my mind when I was going over my bank account balance and the cost of the meds was "well maybe this will encourage you to get thin again, you *insult*". After all, being able to restrict is a very easy way to gain the illusion of control, which is the first thing that people tend to lose when money is tight. That just means that I'll have to be extra careful about eating enough. Maybe I can find a middle road in this - kind of negotiating with that ED voice by stretching my euros and cents, but still keeping up regular mealtimes and such. I'm currently boiling a big batch of potatoes, and will have some with hummus, and cool the rest and eat them in the next couple of days.

I haven't taken my ADHD meds today because they lessen the effect of anti anxiety meds, so it's to be expected that I'm going to run a bit slow.

 

[Llama]

You're clearly a seasoned veteran in balancing your needs (and meds) but it must suck to always be negotiating with the jerk brain voice. Sounds to me like you're striking as reasonable a balance as possible.
Do you have pollen allergies? My eyes tend to get inflamed more often when my allergies play up.

 

[Floater]

Food diary from 8pm yesterday to 8 pm today:

Late dinner: leftover Chinese eggplant sauce and rice re-heated on a pan with frozen corn and shrimp
Bedtime snack: leftover Chinese eggplant sauce and rice re-heated on a pan with frozen corn and seitan
Breakfast: one beetroot bun with chevre cheese
Lunch: leftover Chinese eggplant sauce with edamame, corn, seitan, and udon noodles, a protein shake
Snack: 2,5 dl of potatoes served with a drizzle of walnut oil and chili hummus
Snack/treat: a sugared energy drink (500ml)

Ok, well. To be honest, I'm really pround that I've eaten this frequently even though I've felt like absolute sh*t. I'm also pleasantly surprised at my ability to stretch out the takeout food to carry me through so many meals - and in the state I currently am, the fact that I knew I had a sauce base I could use to make whatever I had lying around taste good was really a god send. I'll have to remember this the next time I'm in a bad place. After all, the issue with Chinese takeout isn't usually that the food were totally subpar - the portion sizes are just way too big and the sauces are high in sodium and often also sugar, as well as being high in fat. But this time I had one moderate meal of the plain stuff and then tinkered around it to last me two days. (I still have a small bowl of the stuff and udon noodles sitting in the fridge, I'll have it soon.)

The sugared energy drink was something I bought at my local kiosk when picking up a parcel. I thought it would be a nice substitute for beer, which is was. I mean, sugar is sugar, but I tend to prefer savoury and fatty foods, as well as bitter tastes like beer, and hot and spicy foods. It gave me that little rush, but all in all I don't enjoy the taste as much really. I think I might try to keep a small stash of alcohol free beer in my fridge and see if that works for me?

And yeah when it comes to fresh produce my diet today has been lacking. But this was the best I could do, and I do feel nourished so at least that's not contributing to my overall anxiety.

 

[Floater]

You're clearly a seasoned veteran in balancing your needs (and meds) but it must suck to always be negotiating with the jerk brain voice. Sounds to me like you're striking as reasonable a balance as possible.
Do you have pollen allergies? My eyes tend to get inflamed more often when my allergies play up.

It's most likely a pollen allergy - I get this nonsense every spring, but for the rest of the year I'm fine. I'm sorry you have to deal with this too!

And yeah, the jerk in my head is such a jerk. I try to remind myself that the reason I have this voice is because I needed to control myself a lot growing up. So the jerk really thinks it's helping. And I have to be mindful not to go to the other extreme either. A delicate balance lol!

 

[Llama]

After all, the issue with Chinese takeout isn't usually that the food were totally subpar - the portion sizes are just way too big and the sauces are high in sodium and often also sugar, as well as being high in fat.

That´s what I usually do as well: add (unseasoned) veggies until a pleasant balance is reached. I generally get 3 meals from each "portion".

I don´t think I´ve ever actually tasted an energy drink: I don´t do well with a lot of caffeine and they all smell atrocious so I´m not tempted. Good to keep trying new things though.

 

[Floater]

That´s what I usually do as well: add (unseasoned) veggies until a pleasant balance is reached. I generally get 3 meals from each "portion".

Yeah. Imagine if there was some kind of tax relief for fresh produce, so that restaurants would add bulk to the portions with fresh veg instead of sauces and cheap meat. It's so weird and sad that eating healthy takes more effort than eating cheap and/or convenient. And, as this example states, it's not impossible to pair convenience with health (the end result when adding fresh veg and good proteins to takeout is perfectly decent).

 

[Llama]

Around here fresh veg IS cheap and abundant year-round (ok, sadly not true for bell pepper and eggplant). Sadly people think when they see a lot of meat on their plate they're getting more value for their money - which is also the reason the portions are so stupendously big. Of course it doesn't help that there are still restaurants where the veg portion is just a loveless little pile of unseasoned microwaved frozen carrots/cauli/peas. Leading grown-ass adults to leave the veggies on the plate, further convincing the manager nobody likes vegetables so they needn't even try improving those...

 

[Floater]

Around here fresh veg IS cheap and abundant year-round (ok, sadly not true for bell pepper and eggplant). Sadly people think when they see a lot of meat on their plate they're getting more value for their money - which is also the reason the portions are so stupendously big. Of course it doesn't help that there are still restaurants where the veg portion is just a loveless little pile of unseasoned microwaved frozen carrots/cauli/peas. Leading grown-ass adults to leave the veggies on the plate, further convincing the manager nobody likes vegetables so they needn't even try improving those...

Basically, yes to all of this; but Finland is a complete nightmare when it comes to the cost of produce. Potatoes, carrots and onions are cheap, but our growth season is short so most stuff gets imported, and especially the dairy industry gets a LOT of govt subsidies. When it comes to plant based protein, a block of tofu costs 13-14 euros, twice the amount of the same weight piece of pork. Poultry costs 5 euros per kilogram if marinated, and upwards 7 euros per kilogram if natural and lean. Chicken thighs go for 3 euros per a pack of 800 grams.

And yeah I hate restaurants that treat veggies as an inconvenience. I do enjoy meat every now and then, but spices, aromatic vegs and vegetables are what makes the meal. Microwaved anything is going to ensure I never waste my money in that establishment again lol

 

[Llama]

And now you know why I never eat in "Austrian" restaurants... Thankfully Vienna has lots of better options when there isn't a pandemic going on.

 

[Cate]

It is such a shame that eating healthy is more expensive. Junk food is so cheap. Good for you stretching out that Chinese meal. When we eat out at a Chinese restaurant we ask for a meal with lots of veggies & not too much meat & they're always surprised.