Floater's diary

Big day, made it to the gym, filed a complaint about a psychiatrist who tampered with my diagnoses, stuff like that. Psych nurse meeting was really good. I feel like she has my back.

Too tired to think
 
Floater said:
this is incredible - I had contacted the sex educator´s boss in the hopes that they´d revoke the statement. It looks like they will do that. I´m dumbfounded. In a good way.
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Yay! 🤞
 
Breakfast was potato and chickpea stuff with halloumi. Next up I´ll have oatmeal with hemp seeds, chili sauce, soy protein and beef jerky, and then it´s off to the pool for an aqua jogging sesh! <3
 
Went aqua jogging for 60 mins. Now making a casserole that´s either a genius creation or a complete disaster, hard to say which one yet. i used my last shallot, a pack of button mushrooms, soy chunks hydrated in chicken stock, chickpeas, beef jerky scraps for extra umami, leftover halloumi crumbs, pasta, corn, one chopped blood orange, and a whole jar of sun-dried tomatoes in oil. Covered it in foil and now it´s baking at 200C for 30 mins and then I´ll uncover it, stir, and blast it with the fan on to get the surface to look a bit nicer. Which I doubt will do much because it´s an incredibly brown and ugly dish but hopefully it will taste good. Not exacly low-kcal stuff, but I wanted something scrumptious out of the nonsense I had available at home.
 
Floater said:
Now making a casserole that´s either a genius creation or a complete disaster
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It was really good. Not a weight loss food my any means because of all the oil in the sun-dried tomatoes, but a small portion was very satiating and it will probably taste even better tomorrow. Blood oranges are so good and cheap at this time of year too
 
You are so creative with your cooking! Yay for 60 mins aqua jogging. That used to be one of my favourite things.
 
Aqua jogged for 60 mins and am now making a curry out of pollock, white beans, potatoes, coconut milk and frozen spinach.
 
I´m so sad that I have so few videos of Nera; I lost them when my phone did some kinda space-saving maneuver. I have some uploaded to facebook, but the quality isn´t high. Then again... I guess I should be happy that I have at least something saved on FB.

Having a bowl of soy chunk pasta and after that I should try to sleep. I feel very anxious.
 
Good news: I found quite a lot of photos in my Google Drive. Going to go for a walk now. I can´t sleep anyway. Seeing old photos of me before Covid times when my drinking got out of hand in lockdown and I gained was painful. I thought my chest was big then. Well... It´s bigger now for sure. Also spent some time in front of the mirror shining my phone´s flashlight onto my stretch marks. It was a stupid thing to do. I shouldn´t have done it. Oh well.
 
Try not to dwell on the negatives, Arvo. Think of your stretch marks like wrinkles. Mine all tell a story. That was then. This is now. You are looking after yourself so well xo
 
Cate said:
Try not to dwell on the negatives, Arvo. Think of your stretch marks like wrinkles. Mine all tell a story. That was then. This is now. You are looking after yourself so well xo
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Thank you forum mom. That's good advice. I should look at my stretch marks as side effects of life. 💐

Was feeling uneasy and fussy. Went for a walk, couldn't go far, felt anxiety hold me in a vice grip. Reminding myself there are Nera pics and photos in my Google Drive still. A ton of videos were lost, true, but a ton of pictures and some videos remain.

I think I need a good cry.
 
Ho-ho! I found a tool for data recovery and managed to salvage a lot of videos that Google Photos had automatically deleted due to the videos being too large for uploading. Now they don't have the original dates on them anymore, but that's fine. I should probably try to sleep.
 
I managed to take a nap before therapy. Had a quesadilla, hit the gym, had my post workout oats, got home, did chores, had pollock curry, prepped tofu soup for later. Probably won't do much else tonight because I'm knackered.

I need to call the women's health clinic before my ultrasound to ask them to look if they find injuries related to something that happened when I was in high school. And I need to back up stuff to the cloud. But not tonight. I'll hang my clean laundry, empty the dishwasher and hopefully sleep
 
I did start messing with the cloud again and sent an email to the Google tech support about "where tf did the images in my Google Drive disappear to". I had a bowl of pasta and tuna and took an antihistamine in the hopes that the crabs and the pill would make me drowsy but I´m just insanely anxious. I´ve talked about my weird relationship with objects and photos in therapy; basically, my memory is shit due to trauma so I NEED external objects to be able to perceive time, for example.

I´m fairly sure that because I didn´t click anything that said "delete", the pictures are out there somewhere. They might be corrupted/irretrievable, but if that´s the case, it´s not my fault. I´ll let the tech folks take the lead here.
 
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