Floater's diary

Last night my body was yelling for calories so I had some pralines and a tub of Ben & Jerry´s. I´m not going to stress out about that. This morning I woke up feeling ill. Left hand is still swollen and so sore I have to wear a compression glove just to rest. Did some laundry and cleaned Heikki´s cage and that´s all I could do. Still had to rest in between tasks. No fever. Took anti-inflammatory pain meds. I feel dizzy and ADHD meds aren´t helping with my alertness level so something is definitely going on with my body, this isn´t mental fatigue. (Also, mental fatigue usually alleviates when I get up and do small tasks and shower etc, but I had to go lie down after my shower this morning because I felt I´ll topple over.)

Breakfast: a banana, four pralines. Lunch: a bowl of veggie and chickpea soup.
 
Snack: one chicken leg, skin off, and a small bowl of veggie and white bean soup. Cleaned and chopped up the remaining chicken leg for later. Even small tasks like this and hanging the laundry really wear me out today.
 
Llama said:
I hope you can see a doctor tomorrow if you don't feel better in the morning :grouphug:
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Nah this is normal for me. I'm gonna wait until April 6th. No use fretting over it.

I mended four pairs of arthrosis gloves I wear to the gym and my hands are on fire but it gave me something to do, and will keep my hands protected when I'm feeling better and can exercise again!
 
That is not a good normal to have. Ouch! Cherries are meant to be great for arthritis inflammation. You have reminded me to get some juice today.
 
Breakfast: a banana, oatmeal, and 200g of cottage cheese. My left hand is still swollen, clumsy, and painful. But the fatigue I felt yesterday is gone, so I think I can safely hit the gym. I´ll just use lighter weights and do a shorter workout altogether.

I have noticed that whenever I have these pain and fatigue symptoms, my face turns red and tingles. It feels like inflammation. Just the face, and the eyes and my forehead aren´t affected at all, it´s just like a mask covering the midsection of my face. Then when I feel better, the redness also goes away. I need to remember to tell that to the doctor as well.
 
Had a protein shake after workout. I was very careful because I could tell something´s wrong with my body and I was covered in cold sweat after working out. Bought a double cheeseburger but could only eat a third, the rest went to trash. Bought a M-150 energy drink on my way home because I felt exhausted.

Now at home, eating veggie soup and making chicken soup.
 
A friend came over, we had coffee and tea and chatted, and admired Heikki of course. Still feeling tired and sore but not as badly as yesterday, so I think this flare-up is on it´s way out. I´ll go aqua jogging tomorrow. I ate blueberries, cashew nuts and two chocolate eggs with coffee. Chicken soup has been divided into portions and put in the fridge. Small things like that can be very meaningful and give a sense of control when there´s a lot of uncertainty.
 
Oh @Llama thank you :grouphug:

Went to a meeting. For some reason I feel really anxious and like I said something stupid. But in my experience it just means that I´ve touched a topic that´s painful to me. So for showing my true emotions and thoughts and personality to the world, I fear I´ll be shunned and rejected.

It weird how I never had any issue standing up for _others_. As long as I felt I´m fighting the good fight, I would risk ridicule and rejection. But I struggle trying to find the courage to allow myself to just be myself. Like I´ve been pretending for so long that I am screaming in terror at the thought of being seen bare and unfiltered. (In the spiritual sense, not the raunchy sense.)

IDK. I´m just very tired and the future is full of questions.

Had the remaining blueberries and a bowl of chicken soup with rice noodles. The soup itself has no starchy veggies or other such carb in it, so I can have each bowl tasting a bit different, which is nice.

EDIT: also rye bread with manchego, roasted sesame oil, and arugula. I may need to eat something rich in protein before bed but we´ll see what my hunger/satiety will tell me to do
 
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Being authentic is terrifying. People maybe not liking the front you put on doesn't matter because it isn't real anyway but if they reject the real you it takes a lot of confidence and self-love to not start doubting your self-worth. And when you stand up for someone else you're objectively being the good guy, regardless of the outcome, but when you stand up for yourself it may look like you're just being selfish.
 
:grouphug:

Breakfast: rye bread with manchego and arugula, chicken soup.
EDIT and one chocolate egg for dessert :)
 
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Snack: bowl of mango. Made cabbage casserole with chicken, lentils, mushrooms, plenty of spices, a little bit of rice vinegar & maple syrup, and crushed cashews. Just put it in the oven, will mix it up at around 30 mins and see if it needs any moisture added. Now going to put the dishwasher on, clean the kitchen, and vacuum. And let Heikki out to play of course.

EDIT: cleaning´s all done, Heikki had his playtime, and I added 2dl of oat cream and some nooch into the casserole.

Snack: a bowl of chicken soup.
 
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Dinner: cabbage casserole, rye bread with arugula, roasted sesame oil & manchego. EDIT: also a glass of soy protein mixed in water. The casserole is heavenly and will be even better tomorrow.
 
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