Floater's diary

Especially as she then said that with hormones "it might be easier to lose weight if you work out a little bit"
Did she even ask you whether/how much you exercise? No wonder you were annoyed but I'm glad you're feeling more centered now. Best of luck dealing with tomorrow :grouphug:

PS: I can't even make coffee with my mom's coffee machine. I make coffee once or twice a year and have been doing so for over 30 years (more often when I was living with my parents, of course) but it doesn't stick. Not because I'm incapable of adapting to things but because coffee doesn't interest me in the slightest. I assume they're using it as a marker of ritualistic thinking vs flexibility but it's a very limited example.
 
What on earth does being able to use a coffee machine have anything to do with anything? How weird!
Ooh. The Lapland sheepdogs are adorable!
 
What on earth does being able to use a coffee machine have anything to do with anything? How weird!
Apparently it measures "central coherence", can a person adapt concepts into new contexts or something like that.
Did she even ask you whether/how much you exercise? No wonder you were annoyed but I'm glad you're feeling more centered now. Best of luck dealing with tomorrow :grouphug:
No she didn't... And thanks!!
 
Breakfast was just black coffee but lunch is a gorgeous plate of garlic lemon rice, corn, salt beef strips, scallions, a soft-boiled egg and a chopped shiitake topped with black pepper and soy sauce. I did some cage maintenance and Heikki peed my bed while he was out running, so I guess I´ll have a cleaning day and wash the floors now that the tiny piss terrorist is back in his cage again. (He peed the bed because I prevented him from humping one of my plushies...)
 
That sounds like a marvelous lunch! Yuck on the pee incident but better him than you, eh?
Yeah luckily chinchilla pee doesn´t really have a scent and Heikki only pees a few teaspoons worth of stuff max, lol.

I vacuumed and put on the dishwasher, am now having a cup of herbal tea, and will wash the floors and the bathroom next. BTW, I´m not as far from the trans clinic BMI requirements as I thought. If push came to a shove and they wanted to weigh me (which doesn´t always happen especially if the patient has visible muscle mass), I could probably achieve the requirement in a week by avoiding carbs and sodium, and taking laxatives on the previous day & limiting water intake for the last 24 hours before weigh-in. Which is asinine and by default dehydration and not weight-loss, but I´m genuinely happy with the _actual_ weight I´m at right now and it´s natural fluctuations, but if the trans clinic wants to stick to arbitrary BMI requirements I see no issue in "cheating" the same way that boxers and bikini fitness contestants do. If that makes any sense.
 
Dinner: a bowl of mango, pineapple, cherries, and pomegranate seeds, and a bowl of yesterday´s sweet potato and lentil soup with lemon juice & scallions.

I´m all done cleaning, and the home smells lovely - but I do need to remember to buy something for the calcified toilet bowl. I avoid harsh chemicals in home maintenance, but the bowl looks gross even when clean due to buildup of calcium.
 
Great to hear you're within cheating distance of the BMI limit! I don't quite understand why they should have one, given that any kind of mental health issues make weight management harder and I see no reason why dysphoria would be different. If anything given how excessive body fat kind of smoothes over some of the outwardly visible gender differences I'd expect people with untreated dysphoria to have more problems with weight management.
 
Great to hear you're within cheating distance of the BMI limit! I don't quite understand why they should have one, given that any kind of mental health issues make weight management harder and I see no reason why dysphoria would be different.
Indeed. Many trans people truly struggle to use gendered locker rooms, for example, so there are often practical reasons why exercise is hard for us (depends on the person of course; I´m mostly OK using women´s locker rooms now, because I rationalize it as a stepping stone on my way towards better overall health with or without the possibility to transition). Dysphoria tends to cause depression, which makes weight management even harder. The BMI limits are being justified by possible problems in starting hormones if one isn´t metabolically healthy (but of course being metabolically healthy is more complex than just the number on the scale). Then again, the trans clinic shouldn´t really look at those numbers anyway, because the hormone treatments happen at the reproductive and hormone clinic, where they run bloodwork and check that the patient can start hormones safely. I know a trans guy in his fifties who was forced to undergo weight loss surgery before he was referred to the hormone clinic, which is actually illegal, but he was so exhausted by years of mistreatment that he decided to go through with it and has now completed his legal and medical transitioning. He wasn´t even morbidly obese, he was just stuck at +10kg of the requirements for years and years between having carried a child to term, bringing them up, and going through female-typical menopause...
If anything given how excessive body fat kind of smoothes over some of the outwardly visible gender differences I'd expect people with untreated dysphoria to have more problems with weight management.
Yeah, this too. For me personally I feel stronger, safer and more myself when I´m packing muscle and some fat, think of like a rugby player. There´s a bit of a stereotype of trans guys being waifishly skinny with dark undereyes, and for those who transition in their teens I guess that makes sense to go through an e-boy phase. But we come in all shapes and sizes of course.

However; the BMI limits for various treatments and procedures differ from each other between the two health care municipalities that treat trans people here in Finland so I think that goes to show that no "hard science" was put into the equation when the limits were put in place.
 
About to go for a walk with my ex to partake in some herb. Prepped myself a salad of half-thawed frozen peas, roasted sesame oil, and furikake and I´ll try very hard to not eat more after that (unless it´s proper hunger and not munchies). If I still feel hungry, I think I´ll have something carbs-y to help me sleep, but we´ll see.

Very happy with my day all in all.
 
I just realized that Heikki´s cage mentally represents the room of my "inner child", and that´s why I enjoy cleaning and enriching it so much! Heikki is a very nice mental representation of a very young child - a single-minded and selfish creature not out of malice but out of necessity! In other words, an innocent creature. I´ve always hated the term because I thought it meant children who robotically obey their elders, but now I realize it´s true meaning.

It doesn´t matter what a small child does, because they are incapable of choosing to act maliciously. Their minds or "souls" are not on the driver´s seat, but their still-developing brains are. (later the same happens when trans individuals go through the wrong puberty due to their body being on the driver´s seat instead of their brain or their mind.) Very young children are incapable of committing sin, and will gradually grow into the understanding of it and as a result can choose to commit or avoid it. But what constitutes as sin is a bit different than a list of do´s and dont´s. The world is so complex that a life without sin is impossible. The logical conclusion is to not worry and just throw ourselves into a state of grace, enjoy the ride, and do our best for our fellow humans and animals. And that´s the reason for the season bitches!!

This pea sallad fucking slaps and I should get high more often lol.
 
One Marmite rye bread sandwich and one salt beef rye bread sandwich.

EDIT: and instant ramen with eggs, cheese and scallions, and a chocolate bar. Yeah, this is why I don´t get high more often lol, glad to be reminded

EDIT2: I ended up only eating half of the chocolate bar, which is great, because when I look at the totality of stuff I ate today, this was a good day with plenty of veggies and protein!
 
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He wasn´t even morbidly obese, he was just stuck at +10kg of the requirements for years and years
Holy hell, they made him undergo major surgery with lifelong consequences for a difference of 10 kg?! I wouldn't even expect weightloss surgeons to take the risk for such a small difference. I guess it's good they did in his case but man if I was a weightloss surgeon getting that request I'd 100% call the trans clinic and scream at whoever was responsible.

I just realized that Heikki´s cage mentally represents the room of my "inner child", and that´s why I enjoy cleaning and enriching it so much!
I love, love, LOVE that.
 
Holy hell, they made him undergo major surgery with lifelong consequences for a difference of 10 kg?! I wouldn't even expect weightloss surgeons to take the risk for such a small difference. I guess it's good they did in his case but man if I was a weightloss surgeon getting that request I'd 100% call the trans clinic and scream at whoever was responsible.
Yeah - although he wasn´t 10kg+ from "normal" BMI (the trans clinic weight limits do allow for slight overweight relative to the BMI), it was still a fucking travesty. He was willing to do anything to get to transition... Goes to show this isn´t a joke to us.

I love, love, LOVE that.
Thank you, realizing it made me really happy too. I´ve been doing so much better lately, I feel I´m starting to overcome the traumas and stresses of the past year, and regaining my hopefulness and imagination. Which reminds me to take my antidepressants! :grouphug:
 
Breakfast was fried rice with veggies, lunch was a bowl of sweet potato and lentil soup, and I´m now making a batch of super lush nduja +soy protein + black bean stew with tomatoes, carrots, onions, spices, raisins for sweetness and lemon for tanginess, and I´ll soon add in some whole peeled potatoes that will make the consistency nice and thick and soak in all the lovely flavors <3
 
Bedtime snack: a small bowl of fruit, two cheese, salt beef and scallion rye bread sandwiches, 200g of cottage cheese, and a small bowl of soup. Self-care has been excellent today, next up I´ll shower and then I´ll try to fall asleep as early as possible. I´M BACK!!
 
I hope that you are now deep in the land of Nod. Excellent self-care? Well done, xo
I'm not sleeping because I keep dreaming of making some rice noodles with spinach and lemon juice and roasted sesame oil... Or spinach pasta... If I'm not drowsy in 20 mins, I'll make some
 
That really does sound delicious. I'm glad I have had breakfast :)
 
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