OK therapy was great. I had some fried chicken afterwards because I knew I would need energy to deal with everything I squeezed out in therapy. I really felt a connection with my therapist today, and was comfortable and trusting that he can help me navigate everything that's on my plate right now. Walked home; we are enjoying a beautiful full moon here and it was so cool to watch it slowly appear against the pastel sky. As I got home, I took Nera out for a long walk right away.
It felt good to speak out in therapy also about what kind of a man I want to be. It makes me feel almost like it maybe isn't such a detriment that I need to take some extra steps to be perceived as one, because let's face it, there are a lot of terrible guys out there who just ride the high provided by their junk. And by this I mean the unjust societal benefits men reap day in and out. It's crazy to me that women and femme folks are considered "less than", and treated that way too.
The hottest take today was when I explained to my therapist what's going to happen next in my transition process. I'll first have a "life span interview" with a nurse, this will take 2-3 visits; then 3-4 psychiatrist's visits, and 2-3 doctor's interviews before I can get diagnosed as transgender and referred to the hormone clinic. He said, direct quote, "
that's like living on pretrial detention" and commented on how insanely unjust it is that any of the three people doing the interviewing can basically put a halt on my process on a whim. While I do trust my ability to navigate this absolute circus, it did feel good to have someone get mad on my behalf, and comment on how draconian the system really is.
I think I'll have a good day today. I feel at peace. It felt so good to say in therapy that what I truly want in life, in the romantic sense, is to have a safe home, someone to take care of, and to make them happy. This dream will carry me though the nurse's interviews, however invasive and annoying/triggering they might be.