Fiera Fights Back

Today has been a GREAT example of being too busy to notice that I forgot to eat!

I "ate the frog" by getting out and assembling the power washer. I noticed that not all of the tips that I expected were in the packaging, and unfortunately not the tips I needed for washing the deck or lawn furniture. A call to the manufacturer confirmed that the model was updated to come with fewer tips as shown on packaging, Since however they were still mentioned in the manual and some older ads they are going to ship them to me for free. In the meantime, I set about washing some limestone stepping stones to get a feel for the tool. It's not that scary though you do have to be mindful. And...I ended up pulling out some bricks stored under the deck and found that they had accumulated mud and organic debris which was responsible for much of the odor I have been smelling. It's not entirely gone - that won't come until I receive the new tips and can power wash the deck...but it is a nice improvement and I can open the windows now.

I was not really watching the clock because in my mind I had not committed to going to the landmark committee meeting. But around 11 I started doing the math and realized I had better wrap it up. I was covered from the knees down in spray dirt and debris, sweaty, and hot, and I still needed a shower. Somehow I kicked it into high gear, got the unit and hose put away, and stripped running through the house. Quick shower, order an uber. get somewhat dressed, grab phone and ID/cash and transit pass and go running out to uber with socks and shoes still in hand. I apologiized to the driver for my bare feet and he was cool about it. I made to city hall at 11:30 and into the meeting room at 11:35. About 15 supporters in total showed up and I'm glad that I went. Our motion was unanimously supported and while the property owners (who didn't show) will have a chance to protest, their consent really is not required. We will see how much of a process this takes, as a dissent will result in public hearing(s) etc.

The landmark is building is pertinent to a bit of shared history between L and I, and a certain community of people that we were a part of "back in the day". After the meeting let out, I was visited by some memories and feelings of long ago, and sadness for what no longer exists....not just those days or memories, but that the person I shared it with is no longer alive to connect with. If he was around, I might have sent a celebratory text. But at least there were others present for whom that time, that counterculture, was a huge part of their teens and 20's.

I took transit home and promptly stripped down to cool off. I don't want to put the A/C on, I want to enjoy the windows being open on what is another pleasant summer day.

Proggy will have just gotten off work, and I am looking forward to the update.

And, I will finally have something to eat!
 
Mmmmm. The rare occasion that it was perfectly reasonable to eat an entire 1240 calorie gluten free cauliflower crust supreme pizza. The warehouse club brand is actually very tasty, and the edges were even crunchy. Yummy yum.

This was a great alternative to the delivery pizza I was considering, both in calories and cost.

The house is still 86 degrees but the humidity has *finally* dropped to 47% so that is why it feels more comfortable.

I just got the abnormal heart rate detected after lying down. 100+ not moving. Not sure why, maybe it's a function of the not eating and then eating (a high salt food?) My recorded stress level has been elevated all day also, time to chill out,
 
It seems a bit unfair that I did all that activity this morning and have so few steps to show for it. I'm sore from waking dormant muscles for sure. But steps only 5700. Too tired to go for a walk. Will try to get 100 here and 100 there picking up the house.
 
Friday

Another fine day. I appreciated having the windows open last night but eventually turned on the A/C to get some sleep. My house, without the shelter of the maple, heats up so much in the sun that it just would not cool down. Ironically, I found the heat running this morning as the thermostat was not turned all the way down. Not sure how that happened!

I went to bed on time (10P) and consequently awakened this morning with a full nights' sleep. Skipped a nearby outdoor music fest yesterday evening, I was pretty drained from the activities earlier in the day and tomorrow is a busy day as well. I feel bad for Proggy, he just started this new job and is committed to a full Saturday with me, visiting my Dad, group dinner, then visiting EF/hubby. It helps him that I do the driving while together but he still has a long drive to my house Sat AM and home Sunday. Reminds me, I still need to figure out what we are having to drink at EF's to bring that along. I just have one or two early then leave a couple of hours before we drive again. Maybe if it is nice out and the lake traffic dies down they will take us for a boat ride. That would be great.

As the trip closes in, I will switch from house tasks to trip tasks. For now I am making a list. Getting new glasses/contacts next week. Replacement crown will be in place before I go with a few days for adjustments if needed. Need to advise credit cards of travel and procure travel insurance. Maybe top of the list is to finalize an agenda and secure bookings where applicable. I'm disappointed that I haven't managed to better figure out how to integrate bus travel and reduce the amount of driving. Perhaps inspiration will yet strike. I don't really want to drive the Dingle peninsula and be on edge, I want to relax and enjoy and take lots of photos. Perhaps the B&B will know of a private tour which is affordable. Absent that, even a tour bus of some kind, where I can look out the windows at scenery even if we don't make so many stops.

The last trip I took there was in 2018, and I was a bit shattered both from work and from the loss of L. I took some of his ashes with and spread them in places that we visited and he truly loved. That was my first and only time to Killarney, from whence I made a gruelling day trip to Mizen Head. One must know that both Online maps and road maps are no reflection of the actual driving conditions. I was both fatigued and riddled with anxiety and had meetings to follow in Amsterdam for work. Hopefully I have learned a thing or two about planning too much, too far in one day.

I also have realized that my trip to Irish Friend need not be intimidating. She will have projects I can help with and the wx will be comfortable and not hot.

This morning I have CB, then some people are coming by to test out my dog ramp. I don't think they intend to offer to purchase it, but they want to see how their older dog fares with it.

As far as CB, I like to take time in advance to think about what I want/need to talk about. Sometimes, it's obvious. Right now, I am not sure. I am proud of how much better I have been doing lately, as far as "eating the frog", making my bed, getting to sleep on time. What I struggle with is getting intentional exercise and eating.

No doubt the heat and humidity have given me excuses to not run and walk outdoors. But when I don't stay busy and focused, this is where I slip up. I snack in the evenings because I am sitting around watching tv or surfing, and because the kitchen is right here. Also, it's just a habit to have that full tummy feeling before I turn in. It's not exactly riveting stuff, but it's important nonetheless. I have not been even mildly tempted to communicate with AN or W...AN I feel is unfinished business while W's binge-fueled attempt to reach out is best left alone. But I'm pretty shut down as far as having any extra energy to deal with that sort of emotional contact....any sort of people contact right now requires effort. I'm just sort of enjoying my life and then Proggy has been taking up significant time. I guess I am really fine with where things are at right now, though I am aware that friendships left to drift (SB) and casual acquaintances (JAB) may require a restart effort. I'm still fine with it. LOL. Nothing like enjoying my own company, which is nice to be able to say.
 
Well, I did not a real priority for my call with CB - which was nice, believe me. I mentioned how my thinking back to my last time in IE was riddled with stress and anxiety and emotion and a too-heavy travel schedule. Ended up taking about weight and 5K I signed up for (9 weeks away now) and how having a set plan helped me be accountable. I articulated that not having a printed calendar in front of me with scheduled workouts is unhelpful - as is the weather. So, now I have a calendar printed out for Aug - Oct. Digging back into memory, 3 days per week are "TRAIN", 3 days are XTrain (videos at least 2x, walking can be the third), and one day off. I cannot recall what USED to be my day off, maybe Sunday or Monday, but things are different now without a scheduled work week. I cannot pick, but I must, so I will choose Sunday for now. Can always change it up. But this way I can run on Sat mornings and then have a leisurely Sunday morning if Proggy is around.

Mornings, because mornings is when I do best. Eat the frog for breakfast, get it out of the way, then have a nice brekkie with protein.

Weight is 191.3 (average of 191.2 then 191.4). I have not eaten yet today and it is Noon so will get dressed and eat a snack before the folks arrive with their dog. My plan is to head to the indoor track after they leave.

The other obstacle to exercise/running continues to be contact lenses. My eyes were always so moist I could sleep in them, NP. Whether menopause, age, or sjogren's related, my body including my eyes is a lot drier. I can only wear contacts for a couple of hours at a time, and must use drops if the conditions are dry or hot. I think once I have a prescription I am happy with, I can get into more of a routine. Right now I don't seem to have any left but I still need to scrounge. Eye doc is next week.

All in all I find it encouraging to focus on what I need to do to get back into a workout routine. CB suggested I contact Coach BB but I kinda don't want to spend the money. It might help with accountability though. I will give it 1 week and see.
 
Darn, I knew that having lunch was going to throw me off, but with those people coming over at 1 it was the best plan. Heat of the day coming in (A/c off) is making me sweat just existing. Plus humidity is climbing and clouds are moving in....perhaps rain in our future.

Completely aside...in the rental house a neighbor has moved in within the past month and is having a back and forth with a child loudly across the yard in some really jagged sounding language (to my unaccustomed ears). An Asian dialect I believe, possibly Vietnamese. He also coughs like he has a lung coming out. Still preferable to the crack pipe(?) guy who lived in his momma's basement. And am happy to have the windows open and sounds from the outside, even sounds which are not entirely pleasant,

Well, I give myself credit for getting a couple of loads of laundry done. The rest of the day is mine and I will, I believe, do my run/walk in the hood now that the clouds have arrived and a breeze has emerged. 2:15 is my planned go-time. I'm still a bit hungry but I'll drink some water and stick it out.

The vast majority of my to-do's for this week are DONE. Now that is a nice thing to see, :)

Also...noting that the tax guy I met with has not yet contacted me, which is extra annoying. I am not pushy or demanding but if he hasn't been able to reason it out thus far, he probably should not be on my payroll. Maybe the financial guy is slowing him down.
 
Took advantage of some clouds and breeze which moved in, did my workout in the hood. My pace was slow, even for me, and I didn't care. But it was long. And I didn't have much speed on the jog parts. The Weak Voice in my head telling me to just turn down the block to my house, just stop after a 2 miles and try to get myself to do something later. But I knew I wouldn't. I told myself to just do another 5 minutes and see how it felt, and I moved on past my block...then I closed in on 2 miles, and then I knew I was only looking at another mile and I was going to finish, even if I had to walk. Don't get me wrong, it would have been easy to quit at 2.5 miles too, but in the end I got in the full 3.1 So I feel satisfied with finishing as a W. 56 minutes though...it sure does not seem like 3W/1J does it.

Between the intentional workout and the laundry and other household chores I have my 10K steps in today. Lunch was tortilla+half avoc+ham (250). Early dinner/snack was oragne mandarin chicken bowl (540) I still have about 400 calories left. Perhaps huevos rancheros.
 
OK. It's 6PM. Made huevos rancheros with salsa and a roasted poblano pepper. And a tortilla. (330). 1120IN. That's a good mindful day. Plus the workout -240ish. 880NET. Got 3 loads of laundry done, emptied the dishwasher. Have an evening to myself ahead and I feel full and satisfied....hopefully I can stay mindful this evening and stick the landing!
 
It's 9:11PM. I'm observing the subtle undertones of my body trying to tell me to snack. I am definitely not tummy hungry. It's more of a withdrawal urge. A real honest addiction trait. Fortunately it is not very strong, I sometimes think that lower/managed carb days might be better so as to not "fire up" the body's blood sugar cycles.

Since it's after 9, I will brush my teeth and go to bed with a book. Lights out at 10. Because that's the way a healthy Fiera rolls. 😁
 
Saturday

Usually, lately, when I go to bed around 9:30/10 I crash out quickly. Last night was so different. I got to bed around 9:20 to read. I approved of how luxurious and comfortable my body felt, without excess swelling or salt.

By 10:30 I was not sleepy yet. In spite of deferring a few times I finally got up and snacked. Brie bite (70) Ham (60) tortilla (100) = 230 which was not bad, my NET was still 1110. Then I had a bunch of peanuts in the shell...maybe another 300-400 calories? Let's call it 1500 NET for the day.

In a few minutes I took a "losing" day and turned it into a " maintenance" day. And I woke up with a swollen gut and discomfort this morning. But I celebrate a few victories anyways:

1. Tracked and accounted for all calories
2. 3 mile workout, key to avoiding gain
3. Actively decided to knock off the 2-3 cigarettes per day, started app

Ultimately I gave up and took 1/2 Xanax around midnight, and the last time I looked at the clock was 12:45. So stupid! Why did I have that problem?

I woke up this morning at 5:45, 6, 6:49, 7:50, 8:40. Knowing what a long and late day it will be, driving home very late, I wanted to snatch every ounce of additional sleep I can get.

Other than not having my morning cigarette (about now), I am enjoying the relative coolness of the morning. Thankfully the air show is far enough away that we only get occasional noise in the distance. And Proggy and I should be headed North around 1:30PM.
 
The lower humidity and sunny-cooler weather have activated my hearts's smile. It is 40% humidity and 79 degrees in the den. Oh MY what a treat to be comfortable in early August! Am just going to sit here and putter through my coffee/vitamins/book until Proggy texts that he is on his way.
 
IN-NER JOY!
IN-NER JOY!

The puzzle pieces are starting to come together and I have an itinerary for my trip to Ireland. I can't wait to see my friend. I can't wait to explore the Dingle Peninsula. I changed my outbound and return flights to a day earlier to make more sense, spend 2 days with Irish Friend before I scoot off, and another 6 days with her after Dingle. I found a B&B which has nice views and breakfasts, is just a bit spaced off the main drag, and has 2 resident WOLFHOUNDS! My spirit screams YES! Just book it!

I am however waiting to see if Irish Friend has any input/objections to the schedule.

Got dark in here while I was so focused. Lights now on, quick call to Proggy, old noir flick turned on. Mini pizza single snack.

Weekend went OK, I did have to eventually tell Proggy to go home. He was stalling. He was trying to avoid the Sunday night blues, I get it, but I could not focus on my stuff while he was here.

Two Weeks!
 
Monday

All looks good so I have booked 3 nights in Dingle at the B&B with the Wolfhounds! I got a king bed comfy room with a good sized window having a nice view of the harbor/town. The decor is a refreshed old fashioned look, and there are armchairs to sit in besides the bed. I should be comfy. There is also a sitting room and a little bar for socializing in the evenings or having a night cap. A terrace/picnic area for sitting outside. It looks like a flat easy jog/walk along the harbor. Unless the wx is utter cr*p it should be nice.

I made bacon (who wouldn't after seeing all those Irish B&B breakfast photos), but still put on my running outfit and contacts, then drove out to the CWoods for my run/walk. Hit Alpi's on the way home, and then I had BLT makings and finally ate "brunch". I half a single slice of bread because it was rather large. 370IN is my estimate after mayo.

The run walk was not my best effort. It's only supposedly 73 degrees when I started but the woods at 11:30A were a mistake...the sun had just come out after hiding most of the morning, so the humidity was thick close to the river and no breeze. My first mile was my best in a long time, but halfway into the second mile I called it and walked most of the rest of the 3.1 The third mile I was questioning whether the GPS was working properly on the "extension", because how can you go 10-15-20 seconds and not see at least a .01 turn? So I don't know about that, and the battery was pretty low on the watch so maybe it reads the signal less often or something. But I *did* finish, 54:41. First mile was 16:53...I was doing 1.5/3 generally until I just walked like an entire mile straight. I am still having a few smokes here and there and I can TELL so that is one habit that is definitely wearing out its' welcome. I may go again tomorrow since it wasn't a "full" workout.

Pixy and I exchanged messages and have set the next transport for Sept 19 after I return.
 
(4:30PM)
I had a stray piece of bacon in there (80).
Linner: full Naan bread (250), 2 bacon (160), 3 slices deli buffalo chicken (90) mayo (100) and 1/2 avoc (100), provolone (100) (800)

IN: 1250
OUT: -210
NET: 1040

I will have a banana or yogurt later if hungry.
 
Tuesday

I am relieved that I have avoided a big time sucking, anxiety-inducing issue. For a couple of hours yesterday afternoon I could not find my login/password info. After a lot of searching, recreating my steps etc I found them in the front desk in the Global Entry folder. Which I had taken out to create an ID on UAirline when looking at flight options for my trip. All OK now but it does serve as a red flag to at least make a back up copy for the safe dep box and then get them all into the password keeper.

Ended up snacking last night - of course. Let's see. 1/3 naan and 2/3 tbslsp PB. Cheese stick. Sm Banana. 2 mini packets of trail mix. 500? I really wanted chocolate and that's where the trail mix came in. Probably a maintenance day still but...how is it that it gets so HARD to have any discipline at night once I get tired? It has to be partially cortisol, hormones, brain chemistry etc. Or is it simple addicton?
 
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Brekkie: yogurt (120), bacon (140), egg+yolk (87) = 347IN

Was feeling warm and checked a site; "real feel is 90 even though ambient air temp is 81. Plus, my house is getting hot with no tree and no curtains in the attic windows (duh).

I feel lazy today, or maybe avoidant; a bit of emotional paralysis. Maybe the trip planning is stressing me out. I just haven't done international in 5-6 years. Also deciding whether to get a satellite GPS locator for hikes on the peninsula. Probably wise. I just had been hoping to hold out til the next generation of technology was available but not going to happen.

My eye appt called and I was able to get a 10A appt tomorrow, so that saves me running 100 miles back and forth while staying at Dad's. (Peaches has major oral surgery Thurs AM so I am stay out there Weds PM til Friday whenever she is feelingup to it.

Maybe if I could get myself in gear and go take a shower....
 
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Lunch: Egg roll (120), 2 slices buffalo deli chicken (60), provolone (70) = 250

Strangers on a Train (Hitchcock) is on. A favorite movie. Watching that while organizing and looking at things to do in Dingle. Made hair appt. Looking at satellite communicators. Hate the cost, but probably will get one.
 
B: 347
L: 250
S: 510 ( 270 LC +2 Egg rolls)
IN: 1107

Annoying realized Dad's PT Friday conflicts w CB meeting. Can't shift PT, tried, now seeing what CB can do. At least I realized it with a couple of days left. I feel disorganized lately.
 
Wednesday
Oh boy. Big blowout with food and Hornitos. Hung over. Dumb. Hopefully will get over it quickly. Why? Don't know. Ennui? Heat? Trip anxiety? Anticipatory excitment? Well, I had time and space for a slip, and better it happened here at home than while traveling. I just didn't see it coming.

My social anxiety has ticked up a notch. Perhaps I can discuss with CB Friday. I felt it palpably start to rise as first an email from Irish Friend alerted me that she is largely vegetarian now. An unrelated email to Pixy suggests that I will be put in a position of judging (and possibly rejecting) dogs which have been set aside for our group as cat friendly because other criteria (age, medical issues or prior injuries) have not been clearly disclosed per usual process. Once I figure out the root cause of the anxiety and how to approach and address I will feel better.
 
New eye doc appt went well, I like him. I picked out new frames and have an updated prescription. He said the glasses I hate from 2022 have "double prism" in them while the glasses I like better, an older pair, do not. They are also way too strong. So, I feel validated. I had felt that something was off with the optician in that last office. Maybe now I can watch tv and movies again without feeling sick from scrolling/action.

I am still feeling hung over. I am in no hurry to make the long drive out to Dad's house and am presently laying on the couch. Lunch seems unappealing. Maybe I will take a nap.
 
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