size32someday
Active member
glad your eye appointment went well. a nap sounds good. maybe I will take one also.
Fiera Fights Back
- Thread starter Fiera
- Start date
Fiera
Well-known member
Thurs PM
At Dad's due to Peaches having oral surgery today. He is acting like an ax-tard, which often is a sign of elevated blood sugar...but his meter was lower than I expected given what we ate/he ate. Finally I asked Peaches if this was the same sensor from when I was here last week? No, it's a new one, and ooops she/they forgot to calibrate it with a finger stick. So probably high.
Anyway between the moaning, swearing, and racist remarks, I exited tersely and am in the bedroom. I can still hear him but I don't have to treat him like his behavior is acceptable.
Silver linings...strung together a few more family history bits which illustrate generational/ingrained beliefs. Walked their dog 2 brisk miles in the overcast/slightest rain. Made a teeny bit of trip progress, got travel alerts on cc/dc. Inquired 1 night b&b near a kennel I plan to visit. Still figuring out the rental car rates and insurance.
I'm "hungry", but not sure if tummy hungry or brain hungry. Probably the latter.
At Dad's due to Peaches having oral surgery today. He is acting like an ax-tard, which often is a sign of elevated blood sugar...but his meter was lower than I expected given what we ate/he ate. Finally I asked Peaches if this was the same sensor from when I was here last week? No, it's a new one, and ooops she/they forgot to calibrate it with a finger stick. So probably high.
Anyway between the moaning, swearing, and racist remarks, I exited tersely and am in the bedroom. I can still hear him but I don't have to treat him like his behavior is acceptable.
Silver linings...strung together a few more family history bits which illustrate generational/ingrained beliefs. Walked their dog 2 brisk miles in the overcast/slightest rain. Made a teeny bit of trip progress, got travel alerts on cc/dc. Inquired 1 night b&b near a kennel I plan to visit. Still figuring out the rental car rates and insurance.
I'm "hungry", but not sure if tummy hungry or brain hungry. Probably the latter.
Fiera
Well-known member
Saturday
I'm home. Will not see Dad and Peaches until after my trip.
Not sure when I will transfer diary to new forum. Seems right when I have space to collect myself and do a reset. May or may not be this week.
Collecting myself is what today and tomorrow are about. I have loads of things to do in preparation for this trip. I'm glad it is cooler out and I was able to turn the A/C noise off. Now, the neighbor wailing his guitar in the garage is the only intruding noise on my peace. In fact there is a gentle rain and quiet hush over the neighborhood currently which I heartily approve of.
My energy level is unfortunately off. Its a bit from low level anxiety about the trip. But the bigger factor is probably poor quality sleep at Dad"s. The house is just so darn warm and humid at night for sleeping, and sometimes his tv sound or swearing at frustrations comes thru the walls. 6AM there is no long slow wake up, it's get him coffee, help him weigh, take care of his personal care needs, feed and walk the dog, and make breakfast, all by 7. Then clean up kitchen, then clean him up and dress him. By 7:30-8 all is done and he is settled in to watch tv. Or sometimes we mix it up and go out to breakfast. Either way, there is no room to sleep in even a little, it throws everything off and there is a schedule for meds etc.
I am glad Peaches tolerated her oral surgery quite well, she felt pretty good. Make it of course easier on all of us and although I stayed an extra night, I left knowing all was well.
Just weighed, 192.5. I haven't run/walked in several days, and even then it wasn't a full workout. My head has been fuzzy and less clear.
I told Proggy that we can't get together this weekend, and I think if I can get some more trip prep done I will feel more settled and excited about it again. Still so much to do. Some of it is legit (confirm medical insurance coverage, confirm phone will work). Some things are already pretty squared due to prior travel experience (power converters, pocketful of Euros). But the STUPID part is not having clothing which fits and literally having to try on and potentially have to shop for clothing. I probably won't bother to replace my trench coat on short notice, but I do have to make sure that my rain layer will fit over lawyers with warm hoodies. It will be colder, windy and possibly rainy on the coast. And do I have enough panties which comfortably fit? My expectation is that by the time I get done trying things on, I will be resigned to just bringing/wearing jeans for everything, Even so, I think my big girl jeans are too long and need a hem. Gah.
And again, that is the STUPID part. The part where checking out of taking care of my physical well being and appearance is coming home to roost. The part where it is unnecessarily far too hard to pack and go. The part where once again the size of larger clothes takes up more space/weight in the suitcase.
Another STUPID thing is trying to get critical passwords into a password keeper so that I can avoid taking written passwords on my person. (What are the key one to bring anyway)?
But it is where I am, and in a week or so I will be on the other side of this process. Before I go, I can work to have my weight a hair under 190. I can have my wardrobe right sized so I can find things again. I can have a better situation with backups for my passwords.
I had really better get going, had't I?!
I'm home. Will not see Dad and Peaches until after my trip.
Not sure when I will transfer diary to new forum. Seems right when I have space to collect myself and do a reset. May or may not be this week.
Collecting myself is what today and tomorrow are about. I have loads of things to do in preparation for this trip. I'm glad it is cooler out and I was able to turn the A/C noise off. Now, the neighbor wailing his guitar in the garage is the only intruding noise on my peace. In fact there is a gentle rain and quiet hush over the neighborhood currently which I heartily approve of.
My energy level is unfortunately off. Its a bit from low level anxiety about the trip. But the bigger factor is probably poor quality sleep at Dad"s. The house is just so darn warm and humid at night for sleeping, and sometimes his tv sound or swearing at frustrations comes thru the walls. 6AM there is no long slow wake up, it's get him coffee, help him weigh, take care of his personal care needs, feed and walk the dog, and make breakfast, all by 7. Then clean up kitchen, then clean him up and dress him. By 7:30-8 all is done and he is settled in to watch tv. Or sometimes we mix it up and go out to breakfast. Either way, there is no room to sleep in even a little, it throws everything off and there is a schedule for meds etc.
I am glad Peaches tolerated her oral surgery quite well, she felt pretty good. Make it of course easier on all of us and although I stayed an extra night, I left knowing all was well.
Just weighed, 192.5. I haven't run/walked in several days, and even then it wasn't a full workout. My head has been fuzzy and less clear.
I told Proggy that we can't get together this weekend, and I think if I can get some more trip prep done I will feel more settled and excited about it again. Still so much to do. Some of it is legit (confirm medical insurance coverage, confirm phone will work). Some things are already pretty squared due to prior travel experience (power converters, pocketful of Euros). But the STUPID part is not having clothing which fits and literally having to try on and potentially have to shop for clothing. I probably won't bother to replace my trench coat on short notice, but I do have to make sure that my rain layer will fit over lawyers with warm hoodies. It will be colder, windy and possibly rainy on the coast. And do I have enough panties which comfortably fit? My expectation is that by the time I get done trying things on, I will be resigned to just bringing/wearing jeans for everything, Even so, I think my big girl jeans are too long and need a hem. Gah.
And again, that is the STUPID part. The part where checking out of taking care of my physical well being and appearance is coming home to roost. The part where it is unnecessarily far too hard to pack and go. The part where once again the size of larger clothes takes up more space/weight in the suitcase.
Another STUPID thing is trying to get critical passwords into a password keeper so that I can avoid taking written passwords on my person. (What are the key one to bring anyway)?
But it is where I am, and in a week or so I will be on the other side of this process. Before I go, I can work to have my weight a hair under 190. I can have my wardrobe right sized so I can find things again. I can have a better situation with backups for my passwords.
I had really better get going, had't I?!
Fiera
Well-known member
Investigated phone functionality and cost. Crossed that off list. BCBS is not,open today, rescheduled that call for Monday.
Ran to bank to deposit check and get cash. Mostly because dealing w all the clothes is too much today.
I feel so tired. I'll try to get laundry done a bit later. Things are coming together bit by bit, not feeling panicked.
Ran to bank to deposit check and get cash. Mostly because dealing w all the clothes is too much today.
I feel so tired. I'll try to get laundry done a bit later. Things are coming together bit by bit, not feeling panicked.
Fiera
Well-known member
I napped, wow. Felt a bit better. Started laundry. Reading a bit to relax.
Jason texted me a day or two again that he was coming into town for a few days. Wants to get together. Or maybe when he is in back in 6 weeks. I haven't responded. I have not seen or even talked on the phone in 10 years. Maybe this is one way my weight gain has served me, it has made me too ashamed to get together with old flames. But it also is postponing possible resolution and closure (Jason, AN, maybe even W).
This is the thing about starting a new diary. it's a clean sheet. Who stays in this diary and who appears in the new one? My life has slowed down and become rather boring. I feel boring. Maybe it's hard to leave an old diary because the new one will force me to confront how isolated I have become and how much life energy I used to have. But can also be a catalyst for new, fresh growth and ideas. So, do I start anew just before this trip, this Irish Adventure? Maybe the answer should be a resounding YES! Turn the page, start anew, and leave the old thoughts and feelings behind.
If a Jason or an AN or BG or an S show up, let it be because they have earned the privilege of being re-admitted to my life and my time. OK then. Let's roll.
Jason texted me a day or two again that he was coming into town for a few days. Wants to get together. Or maybe when he is in back in 6 weeks. I haven't responded. I have not seen or even talked on the phone in 10 years. Maybe this is one way my weight gain has served me, it has made me too ashamed to get together with old flames. But it also is postponing possible resolution and closure (Jason, AN, maybe even W).
This is the thing about starting a new diary. it's a clean sheet. Who stays in this diary and who appears in the new one? My life has slowed down and become rather boring. I feel boring. Maybe it's hard to leave an old diary because the new one will force me to confront how isolated I have become and how much life energy I used to have. But can also be a catalyst for new, fresh growth and ideas. So, do I start anew just before this trip, this Irish Adventure? Maybe the answer should be a resounding YES! Turn the page, start anew, and leave the old thoughts and feelings behind.
If a Jason or an AN or BG or an S show up, let it be because they have earned the privilege of being re-admitted to my life and my time. OK then. Let's roll.