I was talking to my mother last night and I came to realisation that it's not really about what you have or what you acquire in this world, it's about being happy. Happy and truly comfortable in your own skin.
The Boss at work has a designer wardrobe, power, a handsome salary, and a husband and children, and yet in the last few weeks has displayed how petty and truly miserly she is. Honestly, last week, it was like Scrooge himself was in charge - paranoia, lack of trust, and unwillingness to switch off from the job when she was meant to be on fucking holidays. If this is what having the good job does to you, then I don't want to be a million miles near it. Maybe it's that thing of getting too close to the sun?
It's been a great week for me in terms of truly connecting with people again. I didn't think this office would be the place to do that but it turns out it's been just as empowering as the last workplace I was in. I guess it's just made me realise that I do have an important place in this world and that I can really make an impression on people, whether I mean to or not.
I think the anger I am feeling towards old friends is finally lifting. Maybe I've stopped blaming myself for everything that has gone wrong, and that has lifted my spirits. Maybe the problem truly lies with them. I really feel that I am closer than ever to living from my essence, to be in the flow of life, and having the ability to drown out the noise.
I saw an old classmate from primary school the other day on the street, and she was a massive bully back in the day, and she looked so enraged to even see me, it was so interesting. I was the one with the brightest future in our school and boy, did they make me suffer for that. I had a really terrible time.
My dad was talking about his leaving do last night - he worked in a hospital - and he said that someone stood up and said that the great thing about him was that he was the same to everybody - the porter, the receptionist, the consultant, the patients, etc. What a great man he is. It just made me think about the fact that maybe I think that I'm 'better' because I'm smarter, better-looking, whatever. And I don't really think that I'm better, but I also realise that maybe I have more cards to play than others, and that to get mired in self-doubt and misery actually doesn't help anyone, and that maybe I might be a born leader that is trying to shirk that responsibility... I don't know. I don't really care if you think I'm vain or bragging, that's just how it is. Everyone influences everyone around them all the time, whether they mean to or not. I don't want to influence people to chain smoke and binge drink. Lol.
Actually, for a while there, I was very diligent with the salads at lunchtime, and then one of the girls brought in a salad and said that she was copying me, and I thought that was kind of cool. Anyway, all just nonsense stuff, but interesting for me.
(On actual health news, I went on a really long walk today and caught up on some much needed Vitamin D. I feel so great. Also, read Cat Person on the New Yorker and tell me your thoughts.)
The Boss at work has a designer wardrobe, power, a handsome salary, and a husband and children, and yet in the last few weeks has displayed how petty and truly miserly she is. Honestly, last week, it was like Scrooge himself was in charge - paranoia, lack of trust, and unwillingness to switch off from the job when she was meant to be on fucking holidays. If this is what having the good job does to you, then I don't want to be a million miles near it. Maybe it's that thing of getting too close to the sun?
It's been a great week for me in terms of truly connecting with people again. I didn't think this office would be the place to do that but it turns out it's been just as empowering as the last workplace I was in. I guess it's just made me realise that I do have an important place in this world and that I can really make an impression on people, whether I mean to or not.
I think the anger I am feeling towards old friends is finally lifting. Maybe I've stopped blaming myself for everything that has gone wrong, and that has lifted my spirits. Maybe the problem truly lies with them. I really feel that I am closer than ever to living from my essence, to be in the flow of life, and having the ability to drown out the noise.
I saw an old classmate from primary school the other day on the street, and she was a massive bully back in the day, and she looked so enraged to even see me, it was so interesting. I was the one with the brightest future in our school and boy, did they make me suffer for that. I had a really terrible time.
My dad was talking about his leaving do last night - he worked in a hospital - and he said that someone stood up and said that the great thing about him was that he was the same to everybody - the porter, the receptionist, the consultant, the patients, etc. What a great man he is. It just made me think about the fact that maybe I think that I'm 'better' because I'm smarter, better-looking, whatever. And I don't really think that I'm better, but I also realise that maybe I have more cards to play than others, and that to get mired in self-doubt and misery actually doesn't help anyone, and that maybe I might be a born leader that is trying to shirk that responsibility... I don't know. I don't really care if you think I'm vain or bragging, that's just how it is. Everyone influences everyone around them all the time, whether they mean to or not. I don't want to influence people to chain smoke and binge drink. Lol.
Actually, for a while there, I was very diligent with the salads at lunchtime, and then one of the girls brought in a salad and said that she was copying me, and I thought that was kind of cool. Anyway, all just nonsense stuff, but interesting for me.
(On actual health news, I went on a really long walk today and caught up on some much needed Vitamin D. I feel so great. Also, read Cat Person on the New Yorker and tell me your thoughts.)
