That does sound nice. I love when i can keep up with the cleaning--just makes my brain feel so much better.
That all sounds lovely.
Yes best attitude to have for sure.
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- Thanks Cate, I appreciate the hug. 
- Thanks Liza. Yes, having a clean room and bed sheets soothes my soul for sure.
My stomach is still not great today but I am hungry regardless so I just ordered a small burrito there. I think it's the cigarettes that are making me sick. I really feel the acupuncture has triggered something in my body because they are tasting worse and worse to me and killing my energy levels. I'm thinking May 1st - the start of summer - is a good quit date. I will be off for the day and I will only have a 4-day week in the office.
The new show I'm in involves a lot of singing, which is lovely, and that's also another reason to quit. I have to stop.
Work went a bit wrong today, I got into a temper over something which was a bit ridiculous, but I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself and do better tomorrow. Other people, huh? I just have someone in the office that is kind of piggy-backing/claiming credit for my ideas and it drives me insane. It's silly worrying about it but sometimes I just can't cope at all in there. Anyway, Monday is over and the rest of the week should be better because I won't be as tired. I went for a nap after work, I won't be drinking tonight, and I should be asleep relatively early.
The driver just dropped off my burrito now and I think he was checking me out. Yes, I am a very vain and silly woman. For all the good it's done me!
I'm going to spend the rest of the evening alternating between starring at my phone willing it to ring and watching How I Met Your Father, which is actually very enjoyable. Not too taxing for a Monday evening. More tomorrow.
- Thanks Liza. Yes, having a clean room and bed sheets soothes my soul for sure.
My stomach is still not great today but I am hungry regardless so I just ordered a small burrito there. I think it's the cigarettes that are making me sick. I really feel the acupuncture has triggered something in my body because they are tasting worse and worse to me and killing my energy levels. I'm thinking May 1st - the start of summer - is a good quit date. I will be off for the day and I will only have a 4-day week in the office.
The new show I'm in involves a lot of singing, which is lovely, and that's also another reason to quit. I have to stop.
Work went a bit wrong today, I got into a temper over something which was a bit ridiculous, but I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself and do better tomorrow. Other people, huh? I just have someone in the office that is kind of piggy-backing/claiming credit for my ideas and it drives me insane. It's silly worrying about it but sometimes I just can't cope at all in there. Anyway, Monday is over and the rest of the week should be better because I won't be as tired. I went for a nap after work, I won't be drinking tonight, and I should be asleep relatively early.
The driver just dropped off my burrito now and I think he was checking me out. Yes, I am a very vain and silly woman. For all the good it's done me!
I'm going to spend the rest of the evening alternating between starring at my phone willing it to ring and watching How I Met Your Father, which is actually very enjoyable. Not too taxing for a Monday evening. More tomorrow.
Oh God, I hope so too Cate.
I had to do a bit of coordinating today, which I quite enjoy. Also had a meeting with Work Colleague today, I had my heart set on him for a while! To be fair, he did look good today, hahaha. He sent me a message after meeting him as well about work stuff, which was... interesting. I guess I didn't imagine that connection. What am I supposed to be learning from these bloody connections if nothing actually transpires from them? That is the really frustrating part for me. What's the point? Am I the one holding myself back or is it them? When will my ship come in?
I was particularly grumpy in a tennis match last week so I made it my mission to be a bit nicer this evening. I played well and won all my games.
Work was better today and should be okay for the rest of the week. My schedule is a bit hectic right now but tennis was an hour shorter this evening than expected, so I got some more chill time, which I think I need. My stomach is still not right but is improving.
I weighed in this morning and my weight was slightly up but my body fat was down to 44.8%, which was great to see. So far from 30% though! I will get there.
I have the community project tomorrow and have not put any time into it yet, which is a problem. I need to start setting aside some time for it and thinking about what I'm doing with it. I should have a bit of time on Thursday before tennis.
Food has been okay - not great but my stomach hasn't been well, so I've been skipping breakfast and eating a bit more at lunchtime and in the evening. Cooking has gone by the wayside but tomorrow, I have rehearsal at 7, so there's not much time. I have a bit more time Thursday so I might make a soy mince stir-fry again, which I did at the weekend and was quite a success.
I had to do a bit of coordinating today, which I quite enjoy. Also had a meeting with Work Colleague today, I had my heart set on him for a while! To be fair, he did look good today, hahaha. He sent me a message after meeting him as well about work stuff, which was... interesting. I guess I didn't imagine that connection. What am I supposed to be learning from these bloody connections if nothing actually transpires from them? That is the really frustrating part for me. What's the point? Am I the one holding myself back or is it them? When will my ship come in?
I was particularly grumpy in a tennis match last week so I made it my mission to be a bit nicer this evening. I played well and won all my games.
Work was better today and should be okay for the rest of the week. My schedule is a bit hectic right now but tennis was an hour shorter this evening than expected, so I got some more chill time, which I think I need. My stomach is still not right but is improving.
I weighed in this morning and my weight was slightly up but my body fat was down to 44.8%, which was great to see. So far from 30% though! I will get there.
I have the community project tomorrow and have not put any time into it yet, which is a problem. I need to start setting aside some time for it and thinking about what I'm doing with it. I should have a bit of time on Thursday before tennis.
Food has been okay - not great but my stomach hasn't been well, so I've been skipping breakfast and eating a bit more at lunchtime and in the evening. Cooking has gone by the wayside but tomorrow, I have rehearsal at 7, so there's not much time. I have a bit more time Thursday so I might make a soy mince stir-fry again, which I did at the weekend and was quite a success.
Thanks Cate.
I actually had a funny incident tonight along those lines. After rehearsal, I was walking to my car and this guy was kind of smiling at me as he walked past. Suddenly, he was following me and said it was only his second day in the city and did I know anywhere good to eat. I just pointed at a few places across the road. Then he asked me to join him for dinner or a pint! Hahaha. I declined though, but it put a little spring in my step.
I was actually so tired before rehearsal and did not feel up for it at all, but I forgot about myself when I was there and really got into it. By the time the 2 hours was up, I felt revived, it was great.
Tomorrow I will get a bit of chill out time after work, which I am really looking forward to. I'm going to make my dinner, put on a wash and maybe do a bit of tidying. We have another long weekend this weekend, which will give me the chance for some proper cleaning and to learn my lines for this project. I am going to a play on Friday evening and my friend who is directing a piece in it said he will have a glass of red wine waiting for me during the interval, which is really sweet. I can't go too mad though because I have a tennis match on Saturday, which I am also looking forward to.
I had moments of despair in work today. Sometimes I can't understand why life just can't be exactly what you want it to be. Even people that peddle manifestation and the law of attraction don't have everything going right all the time. And I do believe in that stuff to a certain extent. I have definitely tapped into it at times. It's just not quite as instantaneous as I would like it to be.
Sometimes I really do wonder if my life is going anywhere. Although, to be fair, the thing I'm involved with now is fairly high profile and it could lead to great things. And I'm really enjoying it, which is the main thing.
I actually had a funny incident tonight along those lines. After rehearsal, I was walking to my car and this guy was kind of smiling at me as he walked past. Suddenly, he was following me and said it was only his second day in the city and did I know anywhere good to eat. I just pointed at a few places across the road. Then he asked me to join him for dinner or a pint! Hahaha. I declined though, but it put a little spring in my step.
I was actually so tired before rehearsal and did not feel up for it at all, but I forgot about myself when I was there and really got into it. By the time the 2 hours was up, I felt revived, it was great.
Tomorrow I will get a bit of chill out time after work, which I am really looking forward to. I'm going to make my dinner, put on a wash and maybe do a bit of tidying. We have another long weekend this weekend, which will give me the chance for some proper cleaning and to learn my lines for this project. I am going to a play on Friday evening and my friend who is directing a piece in it said he will have a glass of red wine waiting for me during the interval, which is really sweet. I can't go too mad though because I have a tennis match on Saturday, which I am also looking forward to.
I had moments of despair in work today. Sometimes I can't understand why life just can't be exactly what you want it to be. Even people that peddle manifestation and the law of attraction don't have everything going right all the time. And I do believe in that stuff to a certain extent. I have definitely tapped into it at times. It's just not quite as instantaneous as I would like it to be.
Sometimes I really do wonder if my life is going anywhere. Although, to be fair, the thing I'm involved with now is fairly high profile and it could lead to great things. And I'm really enjoying it, which is the main thing.
Cate
Long term member
You do seem to be putting out the right vibes. That should have put a spring into your step. How nice!
It certainly is. You are doing lots of things that seem to be bringing you some happiness, Em. Enjoy them & try not to overthink things, xo
Thanks Cate. I am trying to keep myself distracted and luckily, that's easy enough at the moment!
I played some nice tennis tonight - really hard games against better players but I didn't do too bad. My net play is atrocious though so I might book a lesson over the summer when I have a bit more time.
The weather has been really cold here for April, and I'm wishing that the warmer summer days would come along, but then I'm reading about 40 degree days in Spain in April and I'm so thankful I live on this windswept, rainy piece of rock. I'm not a big sun worshipper anyway. My skin just can't take it.
My stomach is still not right and it's a little bit worrying but the tennis actually helped. I'm feeling very tired at the moment, but I have a a fairly hectic schedule nearly every day, so I suppose that makes sense. Tomorrow should be a good day. I just have to get through a boring day at the office and then I am going out to watch a play, which should be nice. I'll get to catch up with some people.
Saturday I have a rehearsal, wax appointment, tennis match and then I might meet friends after the match for drinks, depending on how long the tennis thing goes on for. One of my tennis friends was there tonight and is playing another match at the same time as me, which is great. She always seems happy to see me. Haha. Not everyone is like that when they see me.
I had a bit of a disagreement with someone in work today but I actually forgot all about it for the evening because I was swept up in tennis land. That's the magic of having hobbies! Would recommend! He's not in tomorrow anyway so it should all be forgotten about by next week. I feel his ego was a little bit bruised because I made a suggestion on something. I didn't have to bother, but like, that's just not my personality and I don't think I would be doing my job properly if I didn't say anything. Sigh. Things are so tricky for me sometimes.
I played some nice tennis tonight - really hard games against better players but I didn't do too bad. My net play is atrocious though so I might book a lesson over the summer when I have a bit more time.
The weather has been really cold here for April, and I'm wishing that the warmer summer days would come along, but then I'm reading about 40 degree days in Spain in April and I'm so thankful I live on this windswept, rainy piece of rock. I'm not a big sun worshipper anyway. My skin just can't take it.
My stomach is still not right and it's a little bit worrying but the tennis actually helped. I'm feeling very tired at the moment, but I have a a fairly hectic schedule nearly every day, so I suppose that makes sense. Tomorrow should be a good day. I just have to get through a boring day at the office and then I am going out to watch a play, which should be nice. I'll get to catch up with some people.
Saturday I have a rehearsal, wax appointment, tennis match and then I might meet friends after the match for drinks, depending on how long the tennis thing goes on for. One of my tennis friends was there tonight and is playing another match at the same time as me, which is great. She always seems happy to see me. Haha. Not everyone is like that when they see me.
I had a bit of a disagreement with someone in work today but I actually forgot all about it for the evening because I was swept up in tennis land. That's the magic of having hobbies! Would recommend! He's not in tomorrow anyway so it should all be forgotten about by next week. I feel his ego was a little bit bruised because I made a suggestion on something. I didn't have to bother, but like, that's just not my personality and I don't think I would be doing my job properly if I didn't say anything. Sigh. Things are so tricky for me sometimes.
Cate
Long term member
I find life can be tricky too. Part of my personality is speaking up when I think something's not right & it's hard to bite my tongue & keep schtum. I'm doing my best with the women at golf.
I hope the rest of the week goes well for you, Em & you have a lovely weekend xo
I hope the rest of the week goes well for you, Em & you have a lovely weekend xo
Aw, thanks Cate. The long weekend is going well.
I met a man tonight. I kissed him! That's good for me. He seemed to like me, but time will tell. He was good-looking and seemed sweet and a bit shy and awkward, and it wasn't a ruse.
It's funny because he really reminded me of myself in the way he was going about things, but the last man I liked reminded me of myself in a different way. It just goes to show you can have a connection in many different ways. It just depends on what is the most appealing way for you.
ANYWAY - let's not overthink this one. I did like him though. He has my number, I have his number, lots of possibilities.
I have been watching a lot of tarot videos and manifestation videos recently, which is completely tragic. I do quite enjoy them though. It would probably serve me better to read a book! I do completely believe in some sense in the Law of Attraction or physics if you will. Anything in my life that I have had tunnel vision about has worked out. NOW - never in the instant way that is sold, because marketing will take that one out of a million example and plug the shit out of it. NO! But I definitely think mindset can do a lot.
Anyway. What else? What else is going on? I haven't written about the Bag of Rocks for a while. They are still with me, unfortunately. But I'm constantly distracting myself so I haven't got a chance to talk to the Old Man in a bit. What would he say now?
'I've been observing you this week. You had a really important moment in work on Friday. You should be proud of that. Try not to let your emotions control you. Get your routine going and follow it - you know that will make you feel more centred. Also, it's all going to work out for you.'
I met a man tonight. I kissed him! That's good for me. He seemed to like me, but time will tell. He was good-looking and seemed sweet and a bit shy and awkward, and it wasn't a ruse.
It's funny because he really reminded me of myself in the way he was going about things, but the last man I liked reminded me of myself in a different way. It just goes to show you can have a connection in many different ways. It just depends on what is the most appealing way for you.
ANYWAY - let's not overthink this one. I did like him though. He has my number, I have his number, lots of possibilities.
I have been watching a lot of tarot videos and manifestation videos recently, which is completely tragic. I do quite enjoy them though. It would probably serve me better to read a book! I do completely believe in some sense in the Law of Attraction or physics if you will. Anything in my life that I have had tunnel vision about has worked out. NOW - never in the instant way that is sold, because marketing will take that one out of a million example and plug the shit out of it. NO! But I definitely think mindset can do a lot.
Anyway. What else? What else is going on? I haven't written about the Bag of Rocks for a while. They are still with me, unfortunately. But I'm constantly distracting myself so I haven't got a chance to talk to the Old Man in a bit. What would he say now?
'I've been observing you this week. You had a really important moment in work on Friday. You should be proud of that. Try not to let your emotions control you. Get your routine going and follow it - you know that will make you feel more centred. Also, it's all going to work out for you.'
Hi Cate. Thanks for that. He never texted so I guess that's another one after biting the dust. Hahaha. At least things are starting!
I had a really invigorating evening working on my new project. I didn't feel like going at all but it was very enjoyable. It's not always easy but I'm learning a lot from it. My self-confidence is kind of on the floor in a way but I guess the main thing is that I keep going. I just really need to get into a proper exercise regime again for that to improve. It makes such a difference to my mental health when I'm running or going to the gym or doing yoga regularly. The tennis is good, but I need more on top of that, and I haven't been playing as much recently because I just don't have time. Also, I need more cardio than the tennis provides.
I kind of thought things had gone a bit off between myself and one the lads I know, but I gave him a lift home tonight and I was delighted that it was all back on track. We had a nice chat. I also got invited out for birthday drinks with another friend next week, which was also lovely. I had a good day in general. Peace and harmony, love and peace. That's what I crave. With just a sprinkling of drama to spice things up every so often. Hahaha.
I weighed in this morning and my weight is the same - 191.8 but body fat has dropped marginally again to 44.6%.
The fat is melting off me.
I repeat that phrase to myself every so often and I really think it's working. I really should do a bit of a push over the next few days and try to get my weight under 190 again. I'm really not that far off it. I'm just very caught for time in terms of cooking proper dinners and lunches. But tomorrow, I purposely kept my evening free so that I could cook dinner, learn my lines, make up a proper lunch for Friday, and just get myself set up a bit better. Cleaning my room wouldn't go astray either.
I had a really invigorating evening working on my new project. I didn't feel like going at all but it was very enjoyable. It's not always easy but I'm learning a lot from it. My self-confidence is kind of on the floor in a way but I guess the main thing is that I keep going. I just really need to get into a proper exercise regime again for that to improve. It makes such a difference to my mental health when I'm running or going to the gym or doing yoga regularly. The tennis is good, but I need more on top of that, and I haven't been playing as much recently because I just don't have time. Also, I need more cardio than the tennis provides.
I kind of thought things had gone a bit off between myself and one the lads I know, but I gave him a lift home tonight and I was delighted that it was all back on track. We had a nice chat. I also got invited out for birthday drinks with another friend next week, which was also lovely. I had a good day in general. Peace and harmony, love and peace. That's what I crave. With just a sprinkling of drama to spice things up every so often. Hahaha.
I weighed in this morning and my weight is the same - 191.8 but body fat has dropped marginally again to 44.6%.
The fat is melting off me.
I repeat that phrase to myself every so often and I really think it's working. I really should do a bit of a push over the next few days and try to get my weight under 190 again. I'm really not that far off it. I'm just very caught for time in terms of cooking proper dinners and lunches. But tomorrow, I purposely kept my evening free so that I could cook dinner, learn my lines, make up a proper lunch for Friday, and just get myself set up a bit better. Cleaning my room wouldn't go astray either.
Cate
Long term member
Sounds good, Em.
Indeed they are. I do think love is in the air for you xo
Oh God, I really hope so, Cate.
I'm feeling really flat this evening and off-form. I started watching Catastrophe, really enjoying it. I'm going to try to go to bed early and go the gym in the morning. I haven't been in weeks and weeks and I need to do something to get me back on track.
I did make lovely scrambled eggs this morning, they were perfection, and I added a bit of fresh parsley as well, which made them really nice. I was going to make dinner this evening but I just couldn't be bothered. Lunch was chocolate and coffee. Not exactly great. But I did a shop and bought potatoes and steak and I'm going to cook that tomorrow evening for dinner with some cabbage and asparagus. I'm going to try to get back to a meat/fish, potatoes and vegetables dinner again. I'm definitely lacking in protein - my hair is in awful condition - and I think it would really help if I tried to eat that kind of dinner 5 times a week. If I even do it tomorrow, it would be progress.
On the plus side, I went to the beach last week and I was wearing my shorts and a lovely blue beach dress and I was getting checked out quite a lot. My legs were looking very good. The tennis is keeping them in some sort of good nick.
It's 10 months until my next birthday and I really want to be 140 pounds by the time it gets here. Just to see how that would feel. I really want to get back into fantastic shape. I still think I look young enough for my age and I think if I got into shape, I could be really beautiful. I kind of just want to know what feeling in peak condition feels like. Would it solve all my problems? Would it solve ANY problems? Well, it would definitely solve a few. Anyway, that's kind of what I've been mulling over today.
It's been pissing rain all day but at least it's not as cold as it was. Going to watch some more Catastrophe now and then maybe watch Howards End, which I've never seen, but is meant to be great. I adore a good period drama. More tomorrow.
I'm feeling really flat this evening and off-form. I started watching Catastrophe, really enjoying it. I'm going to try to go to bed early and go the gym in the morning. I haven't been in weeks and weeks and I need to do something to get me back on track.
I did make lovely scrambled eggs this morning, they were perfection, and I added a bit of fresh parsley as well, which made them really nice. I was going to make dinner this evening but I just couldn't be bothered. Lunch was chocolate and coffee. Not exactly great. But I did a shop and bought potatoes and steak and I'm going to cook that tomorrow evening for dinner with some cabbage and asparagus. I'm going to try to get back to a meat/fish, potatoes and vegetables dinner again. I'm definitely lacking in protein - my hair is in awful condition - and I think it would really help if I tried to eat that kind of dinner 5 times a week. If I even do it tomorrow, it would be progress.
On the plus side, I went to the beach last week and I was wearing my shorts and a lovely blue beach dress and I was getting checked out quite a lot. My legs were looking very good. The tennis is keeping them in some sort of good nick.
It's 10 months until my next birthday and I really want to be 140 pounds by the time it gets here. Just to see how that would feel. I really want to get back into fantastic shape. I still think I look young enough for my age and I think if I got into shape, I could be really beautiful. I kind of just want to know what feeling in peak condition feels like. Would it solve all my problems? Would it solve ANY problems? Well, it would definitely solve a few. Anyway, that's kind of what I've been mulling over today.
It's been pissing rain all day but at least it's not as cold as it was. Going to watch some more Catastrophe now and then maybe watch Howards End, which I've never seen, but is meant to be great. I adore a good period drama. More tomorrow.
Oh yes Cate, I really love that feeling of being well-rested and eating right and doing exercise and all that good stuff. I seem to have fallen into the gutter again, it's really annoying.
I found a photo of myself today from 10 years ago when I climbed a mountain that I had been too unfit to climb 6 months previously. I did it by myself and a stranger took the photo. I can't believe that was 10 years ago. I remember I had this weird moment where there was a guy sitting on a rock and I thought I heard him say, 'Well done Emily', and it felt like he was my guardian angel or something. Haha. I really am insane. But yeah, the picture kind of reminded me of the resilience I can tap into at times.
It really was so sad when I was 27 and I was so unfit, and I am definitely not that unfit anymore. I mean, there's a lot of work to be done, but tennis doesn't take much out of me, and in general, I feel spritely enough. I'm just carrying too much excess baggage.
Sometimes I am in work and I'm worrying about something, and I stop for a moment, and I think, 'Why are you like this? Why are you living your life in this state of worry and anxiety? There's nothing wrong! You can relax!' And then the logical part dissipates and I'm back in the mad state again.
I had a work meeting today where I was particularly expressive about the frustration I am feeling over certain things, and it felt good to just say it! I think it was taken okay. Let's see. I think it's better sometimes just to get things out.
I watched Howards End tonight, it's a really great film. Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson are always good. Interesting that she played his love interest in two films. Do they have one more in them? That would be cool.
That's kind of it. I went home today and had a proper dinner and it was lovely. My mum is a constant worry but she got into more spirited form as the evening progressed.
I'm going out tomorrow to yet another show, I am kind of knackered from everything. But SUNDAY will be my day to get organised again.
I found a photo of myself today from 10 years ago when I climbed a mountain that I had been too unfit to climb 6 months previously. I did it by myself and a stranger took the photo. I can't believe that was 10 years ago. I remember I had this weird moment where there was a guy sitting on a rock and I thought I heard him say, 'Well done Emily', and it felt like he was my guardian angel or something. Haha. I really am insane. But yeah, the picture kind of reminded me of the resilience I can tap into at times.
It really was so sad when I was 27 and I was so unfit, and I am definitely not that unfit anymore. I mean, there's a lot of work to be done, but tennis doesn't take much out of me, and in general, I feel spritely enough. I'm just carrying too much excess baggage.
Sometimes I am in work and I'm worrying about something, and I stop for a moment, and I think, 'Why are you like this? Why are you living your life in this state of worry and anxiety? There's nothing wrong! You can relax!' And then the logical part dissipates and I'm back in the mad state again.
I had a work meeting today where I was particularly expressive about the frustration I am feeling over certain things, and it felt good to just say it! I think it was taken okay. Let's see. I think it's better sometimes just to get things out.
I watched Howards End tonight, it's a really great film. Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson are always good. Interesting that she played his love interest in two films. Do they have one more in them? That would be cool.
That's kind of it. I went home today and had a proper dinner and it was lovely. My mum is a constant worry but she got into more spirited form as the evening progressed.
I'm going out tomorrow to yet another show, I am kind of knackered from everything. But SUNDAY will be my day to get organised again.
Cate
Long term member
Frame that picture, Em.
I hope you have a lovely weekend xo
That is a lovely story of your strength and resilience.
It is wonderful to read of your increased strength and fitness levels.
well I can well relate to that! haha. Nice when we can at least hear the logical side more often!
- I just might, Cate!
- Sorry that you relate to something like that Liza, but it makes me feel better somehow? A trouble shared is a trouble halved, is that how the saying goes?
I'm at a bit of a low point tonight. Just had a bit of a strange evening where I kind of felt neglected and left out and all that horrible stuff that makes me feel so, so awful about myself. I mean, constantly searching for external validation is not the way to go, and I know that I'm not treating myself so well, so to expect other people to treat me better than I do is a bit of a joke, I suppose. Hmm. Never really put that particular spin on it before, but it's so true. Start with me. If you don't plant the seed, no amount of sunshine or rain is going to make that bloody plant grow.
So yeah, I've kind of cheered myself up a bit with that way of thinking. Back from the brink! But actually, the evening was disappointing but I had a fantastic day other than that. I was working on the community project for 5 hours (!), so yeah, I'm pretty exhausted. There was a nice moment afterwards when 4 of us were gathered at the traffic lights all having a chat afterwards, because we're getting so much out of it. It's really inspiring stuff. I have a lot of work to do on it over the next few days, but it should be great.
I also found the most magnificent 'secret' coffee shop today, it was pure bliss. I was outside in the beautiful sunshine with my latte and it was tranquil and beautiful, even though I was bang in the middle of the city. So that was also quite cool. I will revisit on another day when I have more time with a book and spend a couple of hours there. Nice discovery!
This evening's experience has made me quite lonely again and that feeling of longing for someone to love me is just so overwhelming. Maybe I'm just longing to love myself. And, you know, I don't think I'm so bad, I really don't. I actually was chatting to my dad during the week, and he came on the phone in a really grumpy mood saying he didn't want to talk!!! because he's in a lot of discomfort with his hip at the moment. But anyway, I prevailed with the conversation, and he proceeded to tell me all his woes, but by the end of it, he was laughing mad at how ridiculous he was being. I said to him that he sounded really cheered up despite how awful things were and he said, 'Well yeah, I can still laugh about things.' That's kind of how I am. Sense of humour still intact, despite things not being the way I want them to be. Is it even possible for my life to be the way I want it to be anymore? I hope it is.
- Sorry that you relate to something like that Liza, but it makes me feel better somehow? A trouble shared is a trouble halved, is that how the saying goes?
I'm at a bit of a low point tonight. Just had a bit of a strange evening where I kind of felt neglected and left out and all that horrible stuff that makes me feel so, so awful about myself. I mean, constantly searching for external validation is not the way to go, and I know that I'm not treating myself so well, so to expect other people to treat me better than I do is a bit of a joke, I suppose. Hmm. Never really put that particular spin on it before, but it's so true. Start with me. If you don't plant the seed, no amount of sunshine or rain is going to make that bloody plant grow.
So yeah, I've kind of cheered myself up a bit with that way of thinking. Back from the brink! But actually, the evening was disappointing but I had a fantastic day other than that. I was working on the community project for 5 hours (!), so yeah, I'm pretty exhausted. There was a nice moment afterwards when 4 of us were gathered at the traffic lights all having a chat afterwards, because we're getting so much out of it. It's really inspiring stuff. I have a lot of work to do on it over the next few days, but it should be great.
I also found the most magnificent 'secret' coffee shop today, it was pure bliss. I was outside in the beautiful sunshine with my latte and it was tranquil and beautiful, even though I was bang in the middle of the city. So that was also quite cool. I will revisit on another day when I have more time with a book and spend a couple of hours there. Nice discovery!
This evening's experience has made me quite lonely again and that feeling of longing for someone to love me is just so overwhelming. Maybe I'm just longing to love myself. And, you know, I don't think I'm so bad, I really don't. I actually was chatting to my dad during the week, and he came on the phone in a really grumpy mood saying he didn't want to talk!!! because he's in a lot of discomfort with his hip at the moment. But anyway, I prevailed with the conversation, and he proceeded to tell me all his woes, but by the end of it, he was laughing mad at how ridiculous he was being. I said to him that he sounded really cheered up despite how awful things were and he said, 'Well yeah, I can still laugh about things.' That's kind of how I am. Sense of humour still intact, despite things not being the way I want them to be. Is it even possible for my life to be the way I want it to be anymore? I hope it is.
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Cate
Long term member
Yes, Em. It is.