Emily Rose: The Reboot

Hey I hope you resolve your living situation soon, being in limbo can be stressful. You are right however to be careful in making a decision, you want things to get better, not just more expensive!

Still envying your access to ocean swims, that really sounds great!
 
Several hundred euros more rent would stress me out even if I have the money - but having any kind of housemates would, too, so...
Great to hear you're enjoying tennis so much!
 
Thank you Rob and LaMa. I love getting feedback and you are both such genuine people.

I went to view the apartment today. It’s sublime, the guy that lives there is really nice, very creative, we have loads in common and he said that out of the seven people that were interested, he chose me. It is expensive but it’s so spacious and I am so happy.

On another note - I feel really terrible about my current housing situation. Can I ask for some advice? My landlord wants me to sign some document against my housemate saying she is the reason I want to move out. That makes me really uncomfortable.

My main goal in moving out is to never have to deal with her again. At the same time, my landlord took my side and tried to kick her out, and now she has been landed with potential court action. What is the right thing to do? What would you do?
 
Emilyrose said:
My landlord wants me to sign some document against my housemate saying she is the reason I want to move out
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I would not do it, and that seems to be your instinct. It does not seem to me to do you any good, but could do harm to folks. Don't sign a document saying she was great either, just move on and try to forget it. Bad renters are just a cost of doing business for landlords, one that can sometimes be avoided with good due diligence but not always. Anyway, not your problem, based on what little I know I would not get any more involved in this.

A sublime apartment with a nice creative roommate sounds like something to really look forward to!
 
I probably would sign it, depending on wording, because I have no finesse or legal instincts. Which is why I get legal advice before I do stuff like that.
The possible new apartment sounds glorious!
 
I think rather than sign a document, I would offer to write a note to the effect that you are moving out because of the housemate & why. That way you have control over the wording & it can be constructive criticism. It is very hard to remove anyone from a place & I feel a bit sorry for the landlord.
The new apartment sounds very exciting!
 
what could your landlord possibly do if you do not agree with his terms? more than that, if future legal action against your future ex-housmate is a concern, write them letter saying something to the effect that it is merely time for you to move on with your life. that might be the least you could do if you want to remain virtually neutral.
 
- Thanks Rob. I discussed it with my mother, and I've come to the conclusion that I won't be signing anything and won't discuss the situation anymore. As she said, I already made my statement in front of an independent party - that's all the proof they need that there was a big problem. I just want to move on from this.
- Yes, it's not just possible, it's happening LaMa! :)
- Hi Cate. I've decided that I'm not going to involve myself anymore. I don't want to give my soon-to-be-former housemate any ammunition to come after me once I move out. My goal is to never have to worry about her again.
- Thanks Flyer. I think the statement I already gave about her aggressive behaviour towards me should be more than enough. No extra notation necessary.

Okay. I felt a bit flat today - I think I'm just processing everything that's happened. Now that I am moving out, I find the house unbearable. Came back today, housemate was there, I came into the kitchen and she just closed the door of the utility room. No, 'How was your weekend, Emily?' Hahaha. As if that would happen. It is very, very upsetting to go from my lovely home to that horrible welcome back. I am so, so happy I am out of here in a few weeks. I will be spending as little time here as I possibly can.

I met my other housemate later in the evening, and she said that she was sad that I was going, but I honestly think it's better for her too that I am gone. I just think when she eventually gets two new housemates in, they can all have a fresh start together, and I really hope they have a great time together and it all goes well. She's a nice person and I wish her the very best.

Mum is still in a bit of a black hole, but I spent a good bit of time at home this weekend, and it really cheered her up. We went to a bird sanctuary today for a walk - the weather wasn't great, but she was a lot more animated afterwards. She was baking scones when I left and Dad had gone off playing golf. I met one of the tennis ladies at 6pm for a game - I won! The wind worked in my favour I think. ;) I actually played very well, to be fair to myself.

Another (short) week begins tomorrow. I have tennis every day except Thursday, and I'll go home for dinner that day.

I didn't really say too much about the new apartment in my last post. Well, let me tell you, it is amazing! It takes up two floors - you walk in and you find my room (with ensuite), a spare room, a sitting room and another bathroom. Downstairs is the kitchen/living room, housemate's room and another bathroom. It is so huge and I will finally be able to breathe there. I feel it will be a real creative hub. Maybe I'll start writing again. The upstairs sitting room is basically my sitting room, where I can host salons etc. Just joking, but it's a rehearsal space for sure, which is really cool. It saves us spending 40 euro hiring somewhere out (as long as my housemate doesn't mind of course). I've always wanted to live somewhere really nice - money might be tighter while I get on top of the extra rent, but since I am spending wildly at the moment, and still have extra left over at the end of the month, and I'm also still saving a good chunk on top of that, I feel it will all work out. I am really excited! I wish I was moving in this weekend to be honest. I really feel like the negative energy has taken its toll, at this stage.

I hope all of us get to a happier place and find peace and joy.
 
Lovely to hear you so much happier! Those last couple of weeks in the old apartment will fly: you'll be way too busy preparing for the move to care about Evil Housemate.
 
Thanks LaMa. You were right, this week went so quickly. Thank God! I am so ready for the next chapter. This one has been pretty grim.

I had a really good day today. Some highlights:
1) A really fun team meeting this morning - lots of laughs and interesting stories. It was very enjoyable.
2) I did up what I consider a really good email. Excited to see how it performs next week. (No Monday morning dread here! :p)
3) My colleague (who I don't always get on with) and I had a lovely chat this afternoon, and when I was leaving, she looked at me sincerely and said thanks for a lovely talk.
4) My car was fixed for a reasonable sum of 70 euro and the guy said he'd fix it for 'no charge' if I have any more problems with it this week.
5) My dad (who had dropped me to pick up my car) asked if I was coming home for dinner at the weekend, and when I said I wasn't sure, his little face looked so disappointed! Aw!! It made me feel really loved. So I will go home for dinner, probably Sunday.
6) My mum went for a walk on her own today around the neighbourhood, which is a great sign, as she has a terrible fear of meeting one of the neighbours and have them ask how she is doing. She has been rehearsing a conversation with everyone she might possibly meet. It's sad to see her confidence so low. But it's a good sign that she decided to brave it today.
7) I played tennis this evening with one of the ladies, who isn't the best player in the world, but is really lovely. Italian Guy was in the court next to me and he made a cute little remark when our tennis balls were rolling beside each other. He said, 'Do you want to play with my one?' I'm going to take it for the euphemism that maybe he didn't mean, hahaha! He's cute.

That's quite a lot of good stuff for one day! I definitely feel a huge uplift in my mood and energy levels since tennis came back. I'm not as exhausted getting up for work, I'm eating a bit better (cooked dinner this evening) and I just think it does me the world of good. It's a real blessing in my life. And if it wasn't for this fucking pandemic nightmare zone, I wouldn't have found it. Which is mad.

Not much else to report. I'm going to have a very relaxing weekend. Will try to cook all my main meals. I might chance the woods again tomorrow and try to do a run on Sunday. Nothing too hectic. Next weekend is moving weekend, which will be busy, so might as well enjoy the slow pace while I can. Have a lovely weekend all. xx
 
Thanks LaMa.

I had a nice weekend - boring and friend-free, but I spent lots of time at home and got a few tennis games in (won both), which was nice.

Two of my friends just announced their pregnancies - first child for both - and I tried to ring them both last weekend. Neither answered. One got back to me and said she was busy that night but she would call me the following night. The following evening came, it was 9 and she said she was just sitting down to dinner but that she would call me after if it wasn't too late? I'd already spent an hour and a half waiting for her to ring at that point, so I said I was tired (which I was, went to bed at around quarter to ten) and to text when she was free during the week and I would call her. I was annoyed because sometimes people act like your time is not as important as their time is. They are just 'so busy' with their lives and you're expected to wait around for 2 hours until they can fit you in. Fuck that. Anyway, the result of that assertion of not being their lady-in-waiting resulted in no text about a phone call being received.

The other friend texted me the next day to say she'd been spending time with her family when I rang and she'd call me that evening. No call has been forthcoming yet.

I am sad about both of these things. I think once people get into relationships, they treat their single friends differently. And I understand that you're not really on the same page in the book anymore. But it hurts. It fucking hurts. I genuinely wanted to show my love and support and speak to them personally and congratulate them, because once the babies arrive, they will have even less time for me. I guess I don't know what to do now. I'm not bitter about it per se, I just feel that people that don't know me half as well seem to treat me better sometimes. I don't know, maybe I just feel lonely today. I don't feel like I have enough people in my life that just want to hang out. It makes me feel bad about myself.

I got the key to my new place today. The moving out begins tomorrow - starting with the desk in my room and going from there. I am so fucking thrilled. I think at the moment, I just feel like I am not in a good place, so hopefully this is the start of me getting there.
 
It sucks to feel like you're not really wanted :grouphug: At the same time I can see a million people trying to reach them after the announcement and things running away from them a bit.
Best of luck with the move!
 
Thanks LaMa. Well, I guess all I can say to that is that I'm always playing second fiddle to something and I'm over it.

I had a difficult call tonight with the landlord. I told her that I wasn't comfortable signing anything. I rang for free legal advice today, and the woman said that I didn't have to sign anything if I wasn't comfortable. She also said that if this drags on, I could potentially be summoned to testify in court. That really didn't make me feel good. The landlord didn't really take it well, she cut me off when I was trying to explain that I don't want any document out there where I am linked to my housemate in any way, because she's a negative black hole, and I just want her out of my life for good. She sounded like she was crying when she hung up on me. I felt terrible, took it out on myself for a while, but after thinking it over, I'm happy with my decision. As far as I am concerned, there was an upsetting incident in the house, which I spoke about in front of an independent witness, and I've made the decision to move out as a result. She has her proof, I don't need to say any more about it. But, of course, I feel guilty that I've let her down. But I also feel I am an absolute terrible wheedler to try to get people to like me, and you know what? It's a waste of fucking time. I need to do what's right for me also sometimes. But it's upset me.

Anyway, I am spending my first night in my new place! I'm only half moved out, but the energy level in the old house has been so bad this week that when I brought some of my stuff over earlier, I decided to stay. I have so much space to breathe here, it's great. I'm feeling quite emotional actually. I honestly think I'm going to lose a stone in a month once I move in here. I just feel like I've been carrying around so much tension and I'll finally be able to be free and relaxed in my home, and I'll just drop it. I'm still worried about Mum, she's not coming around as quickly as I'd like. She really has been thrown into the deep end with this thing. Of course, it's made me appreciate what a rock she's been all the time, and I barely noticed. But, to be fair, I have done my utmost to help her and show support. I've been the least selfish I've ever been in my life with her in trying to get her to recover from this thing. That has to stand for something.

Thursday tomorrow, week is going well in work and had a nice tennis game this evening, before the heavens opened and I got drenched. I have a load of stuff to sort out with the drama group at the weekend, once I get the last of my stuff moved, and an exciting casting opportunity to apply for. This could be my big break! ;)
 
Upset people are upsetting. I'm glad you had a chance to talk to a legal eagle before talking to Landlady. That must've given you some peace at least.
Sounds like things are looking way up for you! I hope your mom continues to improve, too, even if it is at a slower rate than you'd all like. Coming back up from the bottom of a pit is exhausting, especially the first 30% or so.
 
Yes, it is very hard on her LaMa. I know she won't give up though.

I called home this evening and she was a lot better than she was at the weekend (in my bed at half one in the day, still not sleeping, just lying there). I helped them out with a computer thing, which they were really grateful for, as all their money is going down the drain on doctors and pills, and this will help alleviate that. I often think about the standard rate for these 'experts' as being over 100 euro an hour and it makes my blood boil. It's an absolute joke. It's just interesting to me that being in the business of helping people also means taking the shirt off their back for the privilege of your time. The world is messed up.

Had a shitty enough day in the office. It was the kind of day that makes me want to leave again. The company couldn't be doing better, my area in particular is thriving, and you'd swear from the meeting I had today that things aren't going that well at all. It really fucking annoyed me. I just like people to be fair with me. I try to be fair with them. But I guess I need to continue my path to freedom from worrying about criticism that isn't warranted. If I get given out to for a fuck-up, fair enough. But I work hard to make sure that doesn't happen too often. I really try to be diligent and do the best I can. Anyway, I don't have to sell myself here. I just feel upset when I don't think my good work is reflected back. Although, we had a meeting Monday morning, which went bad for me on two counts with two separate colleagues, and by the end of the day, I'd talked to both of them again and it was all fine. So I just need to ride the latest wave as well, and hopefully it will all blow over.

The weekend will be a bit hectic trying to get my last few bits moved in. I'm excited about this new chapter. It's so strange to be in such a different environment. I really hope I will be happy here. 'Wherever you go, there you are' is resonating in my head a bit. But I definitely feel a lift and I just want to feel better and better every day, every week, every year. The last year has been crazy in some ways, incredibly boring in others, but I think it's been good for me in understanding myself more. When I had that meeting earlier that didn't go well, I was able to dissect it and figure out why I was so bothered by it in a way that I wouldn't have been able to before. I would have been too reactionary and upset in the past. Now, I'm able to see it for what it is and challenge my thinking more and not let myself get pulled under as much.
 
Emilyrose said:
When I had that meeting earlier that didn't go well, I was able to dissect it and figure out why I was so bothered by it in a way that I wouldn't have been able to before. I would have been too reactionary and upset in the past. Now, I'm able to see it for what it is and challenge my thinking more and not let myself get pulled under as much.
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That's real progress. We can't change the world, or other people, just our reactions.
 
LaMaria said:
That's real progress. We can't change the world, or other people, just our reactions.
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Which is something I need to remember too. I hope you love the new place, Em & that you continue to have insights & learn from them. From here I think your life looks ok & you’re ok. I constantly analyse myself & my life & you know what? I’m ok too.
Are you playing tennis this weekend?
 
- Very true, LaMa.
- We're all ok! :D Yes, playing tennis tomorrow Cate.

I'm going to start tracking here again. It was my first 'official' day in my house and I am going to take it as an opportunity for a fresh start.

Day 1 - Back on the Bike

Weight: 195 lbs - BF: 43.2% - BMI: 29.7

Food:
- cappuccino; greek natural yoghurt
- scrambled eggs, tomato, spinach, 2 slices toast, butter
- tea & milk; chocolate cake with chocolate sauce and cream
- apple tart and cream; coffee & milk
- slice of toast with butter, ham, tomato, cheese and salt
- tea & milk; camomile, honey & vanilla tea
- can of orange; BBQ popchips; giant chocolate buttons

Exercise:
- Spin class 30 min

Notes:
I had a very good day today. Gym exercise classes have resumed - outdoor only, so this morning's class was in the car park! - and I am so thrilled. It's just so great to have another option and everyone was so friendly this morning and happy to be back. The class was only 30 minutes, so I got through it okay.

I am finally moved into my new home! My housemate still isn't back, so I am really savouring having some alone time where I can make as much noise as I want and not have to be looking over my shoulder. I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow, but that's okay too.

The plan for tomorrow is drop back the key to my former landlord, do some yoga, play tennis, finish unpacking and apply for the TV show. I'm enjoying my weekend bigtime.
 
Yay for a new start & an excellent weekend!
 
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