Emily Rose: The Reboot

Thanks LaMa. :)

Day 3 - When It Rains, It Pours
Sleep: 8 hr 43 min
Sleep Score: 79
RHR: 64
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Food:
- glass of milk x 2
- 2 milk trays
- chai latte
- can of coke (330 ml)
- half goat's cheese and greens salad
- brie and sun-dried tomato roll
- lemon puff biscuit

Cigarettes: 12

Exercise:
- 6k run

Thoughts:
Today was such a difficult day. The good was the play, which is my life raft right now.

The bad was another run-in with my housemate, which resulted in me ringing the landlord handing in my notice. I told her the reason was my housemate, and she said that this is the second person who has moved out because of her, and she asked me to hang in there while she investigates this. So now I have to wait and see how this all pans out... I talked to the neutral housemate, and she was in complete agreement with me about how difficult the other woman is. This morning's incident was me being shouted at because she banged into me with the door while I was in the utility room (accidentally) and I just asked her to wait two minutes while I finished loading the washing machine, and she screamed at me that she didn't know I was in there and slammed the door behind her. This lead to further discussions with her telling me to 'just go away Emily'. It was horrible, I was really upset after it. I still am.

Also, my mother is in a really bad way. I went home this evening and she was crying, and it's all so awful, and things are really tough right now. I'm hanging in there. I am trying not to worry about her, and just picturing her turning point where she gets an amazing night's sleep and it's the beginning of the end of this horrible nightmare. Please pray for her.
 
Oh, Em. It does sound really tough. Your poor Mum! It does seem to work that it never rains but it pours. Maybe the negative housemate might be asked to move on instead. Hang in there, Em & try to be loving & caring towards your Mum. I know she annoys you. Is she seeing a counsellor? Maybe that would take some pressure off you & your Dad. I would hate it if either of our sons felt that way about me. I have had times when I have been really stressed & tearful. I have tried not to be around them & support them whenever & however I can, but I'm not a superwoman. Try to look after yourself, please Em & I hope things look brighter soon :grouphug:
 
Hi there, Emily Rose -Thank you so much for sharing your story and your diary. I'm stopping in to leave you some positive cheer. Sounds like you are going through a super rough time: Such difficult news about your mom! That housemate situation sounds just dreadful and hoping that it will resolve in a peaceful and positive way. Hang in there, love! xAlexis
 
:grouphug: I'm so sorry Em. I'm a wreck when I don't sleep well/enough so I hope trying to get rid of the sleeping tablets was the main problem for your mom yesterday.
Glad to hear your landlord took you seriously though; maybe things can change for the better :grouphug:
 
Hi Emily,

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. I'm a few months behind on your thread now, but if you're financially stable I am still team get out of your place and get into a better environment.
 
- Thanks Cate. My mum annoys me but in that mother/daughter way. I couldn't be more proud to have her as my mum.
- Thank you for your badly needed cheer Alexis, much appreciated. :)
- I really hope so LaMa.
- Thanks Lingwo. Yes, I am financially stable. I'll see how this week pans out, but it's probably back home for a while if it doesn't get sorted quickly.

Day 4 - Harry and Meghan Help My Mum Sleep
Sleep: 8 hr 6 min
Sleep Score: 79
RHR: 62
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Weight: 190.3 lbs (-3.5 lbs)
Body fat: 43.4% (-0.2%)
BMI: 29 (-0.5)

Food:
- glass of orange juice
- weetabix, blueberries, milk
- 2 milk trays
- coffee and milk x 2
- can of coke (330 ml)
- ham and cheese panini
- white lion bar 60 g
- roast chicken, stuffing, gravy, potatoes, roast potatoes, broccoli, mangetout, mashed carrot and parsnip
- blueberry crumble with caramel viennetta
- slice of brown bread with butter and marmalade
- decaf coffee and milk
- decaf tea and milk

Cigarettes: 12

Exercise:
- Lunchtime walk (20 min)

Thoughts:
I went home this evening, and my mum had come back from the precipice, which was a relief. We settled down to watch the explosive Harry and Meghan interview, and my mum was settled on the couch with some pillows and I put a blanket over her. I must say a big thank you to the former royals and Oprah of course, because she was finally able to fixate her mind on trivial nonsense and she kept dozing off into blissful sleep. She didn't watch till the end and just went to bed and I pray that she has a great night's sleep and things get better and better for her.

My own house situation is fraught with tension, I'm worried about it, but at least the whole thing will be resolved, one way or the other. I have my official 'interview' tomorrow about what happened yesterday with an independent witness, I really could do without this stress in my life to be honest. But at the same time, I don't want to run away and not give my side of the story, because I think whoever moves in next will also be victim to my housemate's moods, and I think she needs a wake-up call. Not that it's my job to do that, but... I don't know. I just feel I've set the wheels in motion now, and I should see it through.

And yes, weight is down, due to stress and trauma, so not the best way, but okay.
 
- Thanks LaMa. :)

Day 5 - I Speak My Truth
Sleep: 5 hr 49 min
Sleep Score: 73
RHR: 62
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Weight: 191.3 lbs
Body fat: 43.2% (-0.4%)
BMI: 29.1

Food:
- matcha green tea with mint
- apple
- yoghurt, blueberries, almonds
- 3 milk trays
- latte
- bottle of coke (500 ml)
- large chocolate cookie
- roast chicken, stuffing, orzo pasta, beetroot and bulgur wheat
- scrambled eggs with spinach, grana padano cheese, salt and pepper and 1 slice toast with butter; 1 slice toast with butter, chorizo slice x 3 and cheddar cheese
- tea and milk x 2
- coffee and milk

Cigarettes: 12

Thoughts:
It's been an absolutely exhausting day. I am just shattered. I 'spoke my truth', as Oprah would say, and I think I was believed. I feel such a sense of relief and I feel proud of myself. I do think my housemate had this coming to her for a while. I don't like causing other people pain, and she's been up in her room for the night and I feel for her, I really do. But the way she has been treating me is not okay. I sincerely hope there's a positive resolution for everyone. I deserve to sleep soundly tonight. Sleep went out the window last night, which isn't like me.

I'm burning through fat like crazy cos of all the stress, which is good I guess. Haha. Food today wasn't bad, considering everything. Cigarettes have gone a little out of control, but I'm giving myself a pass for this week. I hope to do at least half an hour of yoga tomorrow as well, and a run if I can manage it.
 
Good for you for "telling your truth"! Here's hoping that sleep is peaceful and deep. And my goodness, I'm so glad the "royal" interview was good for someone. God bless your mom! Did you get in the yoga? That tends to work wonders for decreasing stress...
 
Hi, Em. It must have been really draining. My brain wouldn’t have been able to switch off either. No wonder you didn’t sleep well. No wine I see. Good for you!
I only lasted 15 minutes of the “Royal” interview. So naff & melodramatic.
Hope your tomorrow is a better one xo
 
I hope you slept as well as you deserved! I'm sure it sucks for your housemate but some people don't learn until there are unpleasant consequences to their actions.
 
Emilyrose said:
I'm burning through fat like crazy cos of all the stress
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Burning fat is good, but it sounds like you seriously need some stress relief, is there anywhere nearby you can simply get out on your own, walk and try to reduce the stress ?
 
Alexistrophic said:
And my goodness, I'm so glad the "royal" interview was good for someone.
Click to expand...
- Haha, that made me laugh. Thanks Alexis. No yoga today, no time.
- Thanks Cate. I enjoyed it but I can also see why it wouldn't appeal.
- Yeah, I agree LaMa. Sometimes you only learn the hard way.

Day 6 - Stress Levels Are High
Sleep: 6 hr 32 min
Sleep Score: 67
RHR: 60
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Weight: 190.7 lbs
Body fat: 43.4%
BMI: 29

Food:
- roast chicken, stuffing, orzo pasta, beetroot and bulgur wheat, bagel with cream cheese
- 2 weetabix and milk
- tea and milk
- coffee and milk x 3
- orange twirl bar (43 g)
- creme egg (40 g)
- jellies (50 g)
- lemon cupcake
- cottage pie
- bottle of white wine (12%)

Cigarettes: 13

Thoughts:
I gave in to the wine cravings, unfortunately, but it's been a hell of a couple of days. I'll be paying for it tomorrow, I'd say, but I was just so keyed up after work and rehearsal that I found myself giving in once more. My new policy is to stop giving myself a hard time and try to do better tomorrow. And I will.

I feel like people talk a lot about the effect that lockdowns have had on people's mental health, and on reflection, the Sunday I just had represented that in its entirety. I went from my housemate shouting at me and slamming a door in my face in the morning to my mother weeping on the couch in the evening, riddled with anxiety. It's a hell of a fucking ride. I mean, how much of my mother's heart problems are down to stress? I don't know. I feel like my housemate has anger issues anyway, but maybe being cooped up for weeks on end with people she doesn't particularly care about have sent her around the bend. I don't even have good mental health myself, with all the coping mechanisms I've been using for years, but sometimes I feel like I'm Father Ted on the aeroplane - when shit really hits the fan, I'm able to tape that plane back together. Does that mean I'll be like Ted when this is all over? Who knows, haha?

It's a really stormy night tonight, I kind of love it. I love being all safe and cosy in my bed and listening to the wind and rain outside.

On another note, I heard this absolutely beautiful song the other day, and it feels like my vibe at the moment. Stunning.

 
- Thanks Tru, that's a really lovely suggestion. We've been recording the play all week so it means long days, but there's a bank holiday coming up on Wednesday and I'll get a bit of a reprieve then.
- Glad you liked it Cate. :)
- Please don't LaMa, haha. :p


Day 7 - The (Not So Little) Black Dress
Sleep: 5 hr 32 min
Sleep Score: 72
RHR: 62
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Food:
- bagel with cream cheese
- hot chicken roll with butter, coleslaw, peppers and cheese
- 120 g white chocolate oreo bar
- bottle of coke (500 ml)
- dandelion tea
- coffee and milk x 2
- pasta with pesto and chicken
- 50 g salt and vinegar crisps
- bottle of red wine (12.5%)

Cigarettes: 15

Thoughts:
Salt and fat are the two main things I crave after drinking. Drinking ruins a lot of things, but it also throws any hope of a diet out the window.

I am making a promise here to the forum and to myself that I will not drink alcohol by myself again for any reason. It is just too easy a habit to fall back on time and time again, but ultimately, it is ruining my health and making me miserable. I am also making a promise to the forum that I will quit smoking for good. It's been a week since I started tracking (already!) and I have smoked 80 cigarettes this week. That's about 80 too many. I'm getting too old to keep this up. So it's time to leave them in the past where they belong.

I also wore a black tailored dress this evening for the play that has never really fit me right, but right now, is one of the most unflattering outfits I've ever worn. Oh my God, there is no hiding in this dress. It really highlighted that I need to work on getting my weight under control. I wear lots of loose outfits, which 'hides' my problem areas (or so I've convinced myself), but this dress actually accentuates them. I don't feel angry or ashamed about that anymore. I've done the best I can with the resources available to me at the time. But I know that I have so much more inner strength than I ever did before. I feel so much lighter most of the day, compared to feeling heavy nearly all the time in my 20s. I don't mean that in a reference to weight, I mean it in a reference to spirit. Whatever was weighing me down has started to shift, and I think I just haven't realised that I don't need the vices anymore. I have other tools at my disposal. I can finally be free.
 
Hm... Mother Em, then? :rotflmao:
Sorry, I had to.
Wearing that dress in public sounds like a nightmare! At least it's black, I guess.
Emilyrose said:
Whatever was weighing me down has started to shift, and I think I just haven't realised that I don't need the vices anymore.
Click to expand...
:party::party::party: A thousand times yes to that one!
 
I think making a pact with yourself about not drinking on your own & giving up smoking is a really good idea & I'll be a part of your cheer squad. Typing that in here is making a statement to yourself that you really want or need to do this. Just a couple of good weeks will make you feel so much better & will have you looking & feeling better as well. Just feeling more in control of your health is very rewarding mentally. One week of cutting right down has me feeling so much better. I have only had 2 out of 7 days that I have had a drink at all & both times I have shared a bottle with G & I have enjoyed it but looked at it as a treat. It's not stress-relief or blocking things out. It can be an enjoyable part of life if you can keep it in moderation. I think if I am on my own again one day I might impose the same rule (or give it up altogether). I'm sure you are a strong woman, Em. I'm glad that whatever was weighing you down is lifting xo
 
- Well, the beauty of Zoom is that people only see you from the neck up LaMa.
- Thanks Cate, promise kept for today at least.

Day 8 - Another Day of Tension
Sleep: 6 hr 27 min
Sleep Score: 73
RHR: 63
Cardio Fitness: Average to Good 32-36

Food:
- bagel with cream cheese
- orzo pasta
- glass of orange juice
- seafood chowder
- egg salad sandwich
- Mars duo (78.8 g)
- dandelion tea
- coffee and milk x 2
- 2 lemon puff biscuits
- beef lasagne and chips
- Ben & Jerry's Netflix and Chill'd ice cream (404 g)
- tea and milk x 2
- throat comfort herbal tea

Thoughts:
Ugh.
 
Emilyrose said:
- Well, the beauty of Zoom is that people only see you from the neck up LaMa.
Click to expand...
:rotflmao: Can you tell I only use Zoom for workouts?
 
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