Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- Oh LaMa, I don't want any rules, that's the thing. I don't want to feel locked down in my own home. But I am trying to be more mindful and I haven't made any noise the last 3 nights.
- Yeah, it's just getting to be more of a drag as the years go on Petal. It's my own fault for not falling in love with anyone! Or saving up enough to live by myself. I had a look at places but it's just too expensive. I can't justify it.
- You really shouldn't be jealous of that Lingwo, haha. The trad sessions in Galway are EPIC, I can vouch for that.
- Haha, you get it Korrie!
Ugh. Wine today. I just crumbled. It's been a very stressful week in general. I decided to give in this evening but I'll be at home tomorrow and I have vowed to stop drinking when I am working, in an effort to keep the peace and also because the amount of stuff I managed to achieve yesterday because I was fresh was phenomenal. I even got an 'Excellent' from the boss boss. That does not come easy! Also, I enjoy work a lot more when I'm not hanging tired.
I think it's really the boredom of lockdown that has got me wanting to speed up the evenings, and wine makes everything so much better. Until it doesn't. But anyway, I'm actually bored of talking about this topic. Give me something new Universe!
I was actually wondering if I should be on anti-depressants. Oh yeah, I said I would stop talking about this. But, I guess I am just wondering how they would make me feel. I actually think they would be detrimental to me. When I'm not dosing myself, I have plenty of energy. Feeling lethargic and numbed down all the time would be a disaster. Also, I need to be able to think creatively and I just think if I tried to tone down the bad side, I would also tone down the good. But I have no experience with anti-depressants, so I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe someone here does and wouldn't mind sharing?
I started watching The Theory of Everything a few days ago, I am going to finish it tonight. Then I might watch Rebecca. I really should start reading books again. I have a hankering to reread Brave New World again after watching the show. I know I have a copy at home somewhere so I might try to root that out again tomorrow.
Weight is still going nowhere good, despite 3 days in a row of being under calories. I should just give it up at this point. But I am hoping that limiting my wine to one night a week might help. I went for a walk for over an hour tonight, last night as well, so I am burning calories. Just not enough it seems.
- Yeah, it's just getting to be more of a drag as the years go on Petal. It's my own fault for not falling in love with anyone! Or saving up enough to live by myself. I had a look at places but it's just too expensive. I can't justify it.
- You really shouldn't be jealous of that Lingwo, haha. The trad sessions in Galway are EPIC, I can vouch for that.
- Haha, you get it Korrie!
Ugh. Wine today. I just crumbled. It's been a very stressful week in general. I decided to give in this evening but I'll be at home tomorrow and I have vowed to stop drinking when I am working, in an effort to keep the peace and also because the amount of stuff I managed to achieve yesterday because I was fresh was phenomenal. I even got an 'Excellent' from the boss boss. That does not come easy! Also, I enjoy work a lot more when I'm not hanging tired.
I think it's really the boredom of lockdown that has got me wanting to speed up the evenings, and wine makes everything so much better. Until it doesn't. But anyway, I'm actually bored of talking about this topic. Give me something new Universe!
I was actually wondering if I should be on anti-depressants. Oh yeah, I said I would stop talking about this. But, I guess I am just wondering how they would make me feel. I actually think they would be detrimental to me. When I'm not dosing myself, I have plenty of energy. Feeling lethargic and numbed down all the time would be a disaster. Also, I need to be able to think creatively and I just think if I tried to tone down the bad side, I would also tone down the good. But I have no experience with anti-depressants, so I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe someone here does and wouldn't mind sharing?
I started watching The Theory of Everything a few days ago, I am going to finish it tonight. Then I might watch Rebecca. I really should start reading books again. I have a hankering to reread Brave New World again after watching the show. I know I have a copy at home somewhere so I might try to root that out again tomorrow.
Weight is still going nowhere good, despite 3 days in a row of being under calories. I should just give it up at this point. But I am hoping that limiting my wine to one night a week might help. I went for a walk for over an hour tonight, last night as well, so I am burning calories. Just not enough it seems.
Cate
Long term member
Em, because I also enjoy drinking wine as you know I am not coming from a preachy place. We both know that alcohol while you are drinking it makes you feel good, especially if you don't have too much, but it also has a depressing effect on your nervous system. Just really cutting that down would make a big difference. Plus all the regret that you over-indulged again adds to that even more.
Anti-depressants are not for me. I have been prescribed them many times & taken them probably 4 times in my life. I think I got more out of talking to the doctor about how I felt, rather than any effect of the actual pills. Each time I did actually take them they had the same side effect. They did even me out but really did numb my good feelings as well. I think you can work out what that meant. I won't say I would never try them again, but while I am in a good healthy relationship with G, they are not for me. If/when G dies I think I would consider giving up alcohol altogether & that would help me cope better, before I tried taking anti-depressants again. This is just my experience of them & of course, everyone is different.
I sometimes have patients who get on antidepressants during the course of therapy. And it tends to make a world of (positive) difference. Of course that's with people who were deep in the dumps before, people don't get them prescribed here unless it's very necessary. I do remember one lady who was still looking for the right dose when her husband died and it was creepy to have her talk about it all bubbly and smily. (They did adjust the dose to a human level, of course, people can just react to psychopharmaca very differently so it can take a while to find the sweet spot.)
Petal001
New member
Em I really think you need to treat the cause of your problems and not the symptoms. One of your major problems is house sharing . Make a plan to move on . Could you maybe even find one like minded person and lease with them .im guessing your house mates might be younger than you ? Other ideas not knowing how big your parents place is something like a mobile home or annex in their garden ?
Anyway hope you have a good weekend . Let's try make most of it and be positive . Hugs
Anyway hope you have a good weekend . Let's try make most of it and be positive . Hugs
- Thanks for sharing that Cate. I do think you're right about the disruption to the nervous system, and cutting back is definitely the place to start.
- That's interesting LaMa. I would hate to not feel like 'myself' but good to see that they can be very effective.
- Hi Petal. I'm actually the youngest in the house. I have taken what you've said about sharing onboard and I'm looking for a place on my own. Peace of mind is worth the extra money. Let's see what comes of it.
Going home was such a good decision. I think my parents were delighted to have me home and break up the routine for themselves also. I feel so much more relaxed and happy. It's nice to have a safe haven. I will definitely try to spend a night at home every couple of weeks while I am living in my current house.
I got up yesterday morning and had my dentist appointment. Nothing major there. I went home then and had a cup of coffee and slice of homemade bread with my mother, then we went for a 40-minute walk in the woods up near my parents' home. It started raining just after we'd finished the loop.
When we got back, I had some mushroom soup and a slice of toast with cheese, emptied the dishwasher, then settled down with the paper/laptop/TV for the evening. I watched some of the Cork vs. Tipperary hurling match with Dad. I watched the second half of a documentary about McFly. Then I watched two films on Channel 4 back-to-back and was in bed for about half 1. It was so good to just chill out and not have to worry that I was annoying anyone.
The plan for today is a walk in the woods again with both my parents this time, then Sunday roast, and another hurling match on TV. And then it will be nearly time to go back to working in my room for another week. I'm in the office on Tuesday this week, which is something. I'm not going to think about that now anyway.
- That's interesting LaMa. I would hate to not feel like 'myself' but good to see that they can be very effective.
- Hi Petal. I'm actually the youngest in the house. I have taken what you've said about sharing onboard and I'm looking for a place on my own. Peace of mind is worth the extra money. Let's see what comes of it.
Going home was such a good decision. I think my parents were delighted to have me home and break up the routine for themselves also. I feel so much more relaxed and happy. It's nice to have a safe haven. I will definitely try to spend a night at home every couple of weeks while I am living in my current house.
I got up yesterday morning and had my dentist appointment. Nothing major there. I went home then and had a cup of coffee and slice of homemade bread with my mother, then we went for a 40-minute walk in the woods up near my parents' home. It started raining just after we'd finished the loop.
When we got back, I had some mushroom soup and a slice of toast with cheese, emptied the dishwasher, then settled down with the paper/laptop/TV for the evening. I watched some of the Cork vs. Tipperary hurling match with Dad. I watched the second half of a documentary about McFly. Then I watched two films on Channel 4 back-to-back and was in bed for about half 1. It was so good to just chill out and not have to worry that I was annoying anyone.
The plan for today is a walk in the woods again with both my parents this time, then Sunday roast, and another hurling match on TV. And then it will be nearly time to go back to working in my room for another week. I'm in the office on Tuesday this week, which is something. I'm not going to think about that now anyway.
Petal001
New member
Very likely Em that the others are just as unhappy about sharing as you then I bet .
Oh your parents house sounds like my house and the GAA . Just been informed about the Munster final this afternoon. I have no real interest myself . But husband is a huge fan as is son . Enjoy the game .
Oh your parents house sounds like my house and the GAA . Just been informed about the Munster final this afternoon. I have no real interest myself . But husband is a huge fan as is son . Enjoy the game .
Cate
Long term member
I think that's the main reason G & I have decided to stay in our home, rather than move into town. It feels like a safe haven for us & a safe haven for our sons & grandkids to visit whenever they like. That is something in this current world climate.
Your weekend sounds just what you needed, Em.
- Yeah, I really needed it LaMa. I also talked to my mum about how miserable I am being at home all the time, it really helped.
- To be honest, the age thing isn't that important to me Petal. I know I 'should have' my own place now, but I've never lived that way, and I don't intend to start now! It's more that being locked down with people I don't click with is driving me mad. We don't know each other enough to be honest when we're annoyed, and it's created a horrible atmosphere in the house.
- Aw, that's really sweet Korrie.
- Your home sounds absolutely amazing and looks beautiful from the pictures I've seen Cate. I wouldn't be moving into town anytime soon if I were you. But I can understand the desire to as time moves on. And yes, just what I needed indeed!
Came back to expect the mood lightened slightly - it hasn't. Grumpy Housemate barely looked up when I came home yesterday evening.
I had a really nice evening with the drama group via Zoom, and I was thinking that we should do A Christmas Carol for our last meetup of the year, because it's just the most amazing story, and has a really nice contrast of characters. Anyway, I read a version of it online this evening to see if it would work, and Scrooge kind of brought my housemate to mind. At the moment, I am taking the Ghost of Christmas Future approach (say nothing) but maybe I should try some Fred or Tiny Tim? I don't know.
I'm in the office tomorrow - THANK THE HEAVENS! - a break from the storm cloud brewing next door. Moving out to a place on my own may prove difficult, but I will keep an eye out for now, and make it my number one priority after Christmas.
Despite the oppressive nature of my living environment, I had a really good day today. Work went great, drama group was like stepping into a time machine and living in another world for a while, and I feel good about myself. I had a slight blip with Work Colleague today, but he's going into the same bracket as Oppressive Housemate - too much drama, too much ego, too much negative energy. I will not let them burst my bubble!!!
- To be honest, the age thing isn't that important to me Petal. I know I 'should have' my own place now, but I've never lived that way, and I don't intend to start now! It's more that being locked down with people I don't click with is driving me mad. We don't know each other enough to be honest when we're annoyed, and it's created a horrible atmosphere in the house.
- Aw, that's really sweet Korrie.
- Your home sounds absolutely amazing and looks beautiful from the pictures I've seen Cate. I wouldn't be moving into town anytime soon if I were you. But I can understand the desire to as time moves on. And yes, just what I needed indeed!
Came back to expect the mood lightened slightly - it hasn't. Grumpy Housemate barely looked up when I came home yesterday evening.
I had a really nice evening with the drama group via Zoom, and I was thinking that we should do A Christmas Carol for our last meetup of the year, because it's just the most amazing story, and has a really nice contrast of characters. Anyway, I read a version of it online this evening to see if it would work, and Scrooge kind of brought my housemate to mind. At the moment, I am taking the Ghost of Christmas Future approach (say nothing) but maybe I should try some Fred or Tiny Tim? I don't know.
I'm in the office tomorrow - THANK THE HEAVENS! - a break from the storm cloud brewing next door. Moving out to a place on my own may prove difficult, but I will keep an eye out for now, and make it my number one priority after Christmas.
Despite the oppressive nature of my living environment, I had a really good day today. Work went great, drama group was like stepping into a time machine and living in another world for a while, and I feel good about myself. I had a slight blip with Work Colleague today, but he's going into the same bracket as Oppressive Housemate - too much drama, too much ego, too much negative energy. I will not let them burst my bubble!!!
- Thanks Korrie.
It feels like I'm a character in Angela's Ashes at the moment. The rain is interminable. It's making getting out for exercise really difficult.
I took off in the car this evening with the intention of getting even a 20 minute walk in, but I realised on my way to the car that I was not wearing suitable clothing and the whole enterprise was just impossible. So I drove down to the castle and just looked at it for a little bit, then kind of drove around aimlessly for a small while. December really can't get here fast enough as far as I'm concerned.
I don't really have much news. I've decided to stop weighing myself for a while and just concentrate on using food as fuel instead of for its undeniable tastiness or ability to fill an emotional black hole. My black jeans ripped, my other jeans are really tight, my rain jacket is tight - those are enough indicators for me that I need to do something. FED UP!!!
When I was driving around earlier, I gave out a few screams, just to try to release some of the tension. It felt good. I'd highly recommend it.
It feels like I'm a character in Angela's Ashes at the moment. The rain is interminable. It's making getting out for exercise really difficult.
I took off in the car this evening with the intention of getting even a 20 minute walk in, but I realised on my way to the car that I was not wearing suitable clothing and the whole enterprise was just impossible. So I drove down to the castle and just looked at it for a little bit, then kind of drove around aimlessly for a small while. December really can't get here fast enough as far as I'm concerned.
I don't really have much news. I've decided to stop weighing myself for a while and just concentrate on using food as fuel instead of for its undeniable tastiness or ability to fill an emotional black hole. My black jeans ripped, my other jeans are really tight, my rain jacket is tight - those are enough indicators for me that I need to do something. FED UP!!!
When I was driving around earlier, I gave out a few screams, just to try to release some of the tension. It felt good. I'd highly recommend it.
Korrie
Moderator
Thats hilarious! I'm having a particularly stressful day...will give it a try on the way home, lol
- Oh, I think it's a good thing to do LaMa. I wish I lived near somewhere isolated where I could go and really let loose. Anywhere scenic here is always packed these days.
- I don't know Petal! Haha.
Had a chat with Other Housemate today, she wasn't pissed off with me at all. She actually said she hadn't seen me in ages. I told her I'd been hiding. Haha. I guess I have been.
I did another survey today, £2.50 this time! A princely sum. £3.50 in total for doing stuff I find interesting anyway. The one today hasn't been approved yet, and I actually got a lot of the questions wrong, but hopefully it will be. I'll try to build it up to £20 before I move it into my account. That might take a while, lol.
I don't have much more to say. Only 2 and a half weeks left of this shit and then I can play tennis again. I'm kind of frightened because I really need to start trying to shift the weight again before things open up and I have to see people once more. I'm wondering if maybe I should try a really restrictive diet for a short period of time, just to see the scales moving. Hmm. Anytime I try that, I fail. But maybe I need to try again.
- I don't know Petal! Haha.
Had a chat with Other Housemate today, she wasn't pissed off with me at all. She actually said she hadn't seen me in ages. I told her I'd been hiding. Haha. I guess I have been.
I did another survey today, £2.50 this time! A princely sum. £3.50 in total for doing stuff I find interesting anyway. The one today hasn't been approved yet, and I actually got a lot of the questions wrong, but hopefully it will be. I'll try to build it up to £20 before I move it into my account. That might take a while, lol.
I don't have much more to say. Only 2 and a half weeks left of this shit and then I can play tennis again. I'm kind of frightened because I really need to start trying to shift the weight again before things open up and I have to see people once more. I'm wondering if maybe I should try a really restrictive diet for a short period of time, just to see the scales moving. Hmm. Anytime I try that, I fail. But maybe I need to try again.