Derrick's ongoing journey

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Tigpuppy said:
Hi Derrick!

I have seen your comments in a few of the journals I read and late last week I decided to check out your journal myself. I have spent all of my WLF time since then reading thru your entire journal from start to finish.

All I can say is WOW! I'm just blown away by the story of your journey - rocky though it may be at times. You are SUCH an inspiration!!! You are a very amazing person...

Especially fascinating to me is your description of what your bipolar disorder has been like for you. My father and 2 of my brothers have been diagnosed with schizophrenia; one of my sisters, an uncle, and most of my cousins are all on anti-depressants. Everyone has always said that even though I've probably suffered the worst tragedies in my life, I have never been depressed a day in my life. In fact, I seem to be the opposite of depressed. I have been accused of being TOO happy. People have told me that it's just not normal to be that happy all the time. When I've tried to talk to friends about these feelings of euphoria, of feeling so joyful and happy that I could almost burst - the reaction I usually get is somewhere along the lines of bah humbug, go screw yourself! (maybe I just have a lot of crabby friends?) I tried talking to my mother about how I feel and she thinks that it is the holy spirit moving within me, giving me joy and peace. I'm not so sure though - some of those times that I feel that way God is the FURTHEST thing from my mind.

But the last several months I've been struggling with these wicked Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde mood swings. Little things that should only be mildly annoying make me blow a gasket, causing feelings of anger so strong sometimes that it scares me. I've been blaming PMS because it usually seems to happen a week before my period. But after reading your journal it's really made me stop and wonder. With various mental disorders being so common in my family (both my mother and father's side) how likely is it that there really is something wrong with my brain that I should seek professional help because I need medicine to fix it?

I'm trying a few things with supplements right now (and they seem to be helping) but I will definately keep this in mind if things don't get better.

I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your weight loss journey. I plan to stop by often to see how you are doing and to cheer you on as you get closer to the finish line, achieving all your goals, and move into maintaining your new, fit (physically and mentally) body!
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You read my entire journal?!? I haven't even read my entire journal! :leaving:
:rotflmao:

Seriously though, I feel like I owe you a hug or something. It really means a lot to me for anyone to find me or my story that interesting. Thank you, sincerely. I promise I will keep trying to fix what's wrong and enjoy what's right.

As for your comments about yourself, it sounds a lot like Unipolar Disorder. In your case, you always have hypomania but never depression. BiPolar is where you experience both. Unipolar is almost the perfect disorder to have, assuming you always have hypomania. One would definitely rather have hypomania than depression but unfortunately hypomania can often lead to high levels of irritability. As the disorder progresses, full blown mania can occur. Perhaps you should look up hypomania wikipedia or any other search for hypomania? Let me know if I can help. I am always glad to share what I know about BiPolar as well as ADHD/ADD.

Derrick
 
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RFL Round 3, Day 2

OK, time for an update. Yesterday marked the end of my 2 week break and the beginning of my 3rd round of RFL.

The bad news is I gained 9 freaking pounds this break. I weighed in at 208.0 yesterday morning.

I was hoping the amount of exercising I was doing would offset the number of bad meals I had. Last break I only gained a half pound while my eating was not great. It just didn't happen that way this time.

The good news is, while I am certainly down, I'm not out by any means. While I will definitely not be able to reach my goal of 191 by April 15th, I'm not going to quit. That was just a short term goal. I'm still working hard towards achieving 10 to 12% body fat. I am certain I will need to dip well into the mid to low 180's to do that. For now, I know just one day back on RFL can result in a big drop. For example, I already lost 4 pounds in one day back on RFL.

This morning Tanita said:
204.0 pounds
24% body fat

Yesterday I jumped right back into heavy lifting with PT Craig and today I did striking technique work with PT Sam. This time around I plan on doing some light MMA technique work with Sam in addition to the heavy lifting with Craig. Nothing strenuous and only twice a week. I may also do Yoga once a week but I don't want to over do the exercising.

Snapshot of my year so far, beginning Jan 17th:

RFL Round 1: 10.5 pounds lost
2 week break: 0.5 pound gain
RFL Round 2: 12.0 pounds lost
2 week break: 9.0 pounds gained :(
RFL Round 3: ???
 
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Hi Derrick,


That is some wild weight fluctuations! It is nice they are fluctuating down now though-lol. It is funny how just a few days of eating bad affects us all. That is what is scaring me about maintenance. Oh well, I guess I will be experimenting for a while to see what works and what doesn't . I haven't had a chance to look up the book you suggested but hope to this weekend. Keep fighting the fight!!
 
RFL Round 3, Day 3

Thanks Cowboy! I still think what you are doing is working great for you so I would stick with it if I were you. However, learning more is never a bad thing. I like to learn as much as possible and come up with a overall plan that I think will work best for me. You may like some of those books though. Lyle seems to use the latest research religiously.

This morning Tanita said:
203.5 pounds
??? body fat (I honestly didn't even pay attention. That's not like me. I always notice numbers.)

So I'm going to assume that the first day alone I dropped all the water I was retaining, hence the 4 pound drop when I weighed myself yesterday. From here on out it will be about a 1/2 pound per day on average, except for refeed days. I am not going to take free meals this round. I am thinking I will reach 195 or 196 by April 15th, the day final pictures are taken for the Gold's Gym 2011 Challenge. Just over two weeks away! Dun dun dun! :D Bring it on.

Unfortunately my sciatic pain is back and keeping me up at night. The shots helped for only two or three weeks. I know the kicking is what is causing the flare up. It really sucks because I don't want to quit training with Sam. For now, I'm going to stick it out as long as I can. Lots of ice, lots of Advil, lots of stretching and weekly massages if possible.

Derrick
 
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You will make the 195 for the Challenge- no problem. Sucks about the sciatic pain though- remember don't overdo it too much. If it gets more serious, but that can set you back big time. Take it easy.
 
RFL Round 3, Day 4

This morning Tanita said:
203.5 pounds
24% body fat

No change but I am almost starting to like what I see. In fact I got several, almost flattering complements today at the gym. Of course I did clip my head last night so maybe that made me look slimmer or prettier or something. LOL

Had muay thai with Sam today. I really enjoy it. Learned some elbow strikes, a new knee strike and a superman punch. :D I struggle most with shadowboxing. I love hitting the mitts.

Sciatic still bothering me. Yesterday I went and got a massage, then before going to sleep I iced my lower back and took three Advil. I had a painfree sleep. :) I am doubting a repeat tonight. It's really bothering me right now.

Diet going great. Not much else to say about that.

Issues at home again but I have been feeling good.

Hopefully tomorrow morning will show a decent little drop on the scale.

Derrick
 
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Derrick said:
This morning Tanita said:
203.5 pounds
24% body fat

No change but I am almost starting to like what I see. In fact I got several, almost flattering complements today at the gym. Of course I did clip my head last night so maybe that made me look slimmer or prettier or something. LOL

Had muay thai with Sam today. I really enjoy it. Learned some elbow strikes, a new knee strike and a superman punch. :D I struggle most with shadowboxing. I love hitting the mitts.

Sciatic still bothering me. Yesterday I went and got a massage, then before going to sleep I iced my lower back and took three Advil. I had a painfree sleep. :) I am doubting a repeat tonight. It's really bothering me right now.

Diet going great. Not much else to say about that.

Issues at home again but I have been feeling good.

Hopefully tomorrow morning will show a decent little drop on the scale.

Derrick
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Wouldn't it be nice if all the stars lined up and everything was good in our lives at the same time!! I guess we have to take the good with the bad. You know I have always wanted to learn some kind of fighting style- maybe now that I am thinner I will give it a shot- to to speak-lol. Sounds like it is a good workout and can really get rid of some tension. Isn't it nice to be able to see positive changes in our body and know that all the work is paying off? You are doing a great job- keep it up!
 
Round 3, Day 5

I agree. The only times in my life where the stars seemed to be aligned for me were so short lasting I call them "moments." I live for those moments. I keep fighting for those moments. For people like us, trying so hard to achieve a certain goal, we can actually create a "moment of triumph." It happens when our goal is achieved or when we cross the finish line of our first half marathon, triathlon, or whatever challenge we set for ourselves. We set a goal, work like hell to achieve it and in the process we change our lives for the better. Then, at a single point of time, all the hard work and dedication gives us the reward of one magnificent moment. No one can ever take that away from us. I can still remember the joy I felt when I crossed the finish line two years ago. I want many more of those moments.

Relationships can be that way too. Unfortunately the bad moments can threaten the very existence of the relationship. But, just like with everything else in my life, I'm still fighting there too.

This morning Tanita said:
202.5 pounds
24% body fat

Nice one pound drop. I'm happy with that. Refeed today so I may not see 201 until early or mid next week. I'm starting to think 197 may even be hard to achieve by April 15th. No worries. Whatever the number is, it is. I will continue to work my rear off up to that date and beyond.

Derrick
 
Hey Derrick,

I see things have been going good and not so good for you while I was gone. Glad to see you are still staying positive and not throwing in the towel. The diet is the hardest part for all of us - owe how I wish it was 80% exercise and 20% diet to make things happen. Unfortunately that is not the case.
Keep it up though and keep smiling. Check out my album under my profile for some honeymoon pics when you get a chance - I had the time of my life and now it's back to the grind. Have a great weekend!
 
chubbygirl said:
Hey Derrick,

I see things have been going good and not so good for you while I was gone. Glad to see you are still staying positive and not throwing in the towel. The diet is the hardest part for all of us - owe how I wish it was 80% exercise and 20% diet to make things happen. Unfortunately that is not the case.
Keep it up though and keep smiling. Check out my album under my profile for some honeymoon pics when you get a chance - I had the time of my life and now it's back to the grind. Have a great weekend!
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Hi Lisa! I'm so happy for you! That looked like a dream honeymoon! Just the way it is supposed to be. You are beautiful and your husband has a pretty cool look going on there. ;) I can't recall if I have ever seen photos of him before. He looks genuinely happy with you too. :)

My wife and I have been trying to plan a 5 day trip to the caribbean for sometime in May. I have been researching for a month now and I am not making very good progress. Now that you have seen the caribbean, where would you go if you only had 5 nights?
 
RFL Round 3, Day 7

This morning Tanita said:
203.0 pounds
23% body fat

The refeed added some weight but I am already going down again. I expect to be 200 by Friday and maybe 197 or 196 by the April 15th finale. That will be completely acceptable to me. Not what I was hoping for (191 or less) but I am really happy with the way I look right now. Not completely happy but getting there. I think if I ever do get below 190 I will be 99% happy. I can live with that.

Derrick
 
This morning Tanita said:
202.5 pounds
22% body fat

Kind of a weird morning in that I really feel sort of blah about everything. We had our first spring storm last night so maybe its the weather.

This week looks like this:
Monday: Heavy lifting
Tuesday: MMA
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Heavy lifting
Saturday: Light/Moderate cardio
Sunday: Rest

At work we have been doing some controlled burns at the farms the past couple weeks and may do our last one this week.

At home my daughter is counting down the days to her birthday. She will turn 5 on Wednesday, April 13th. My Gold's Gym Challenge ends Friday, April 15th. I am having my mom make her delicious chocolate cake for my daughter's birthday and whatever is left I am going to enjoy some for myself on the 15th...after the photos are taken! :D

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
This morning Tanita said:
202.5 pounds
22% body fat

Kind of a weird morning in that I really feel sort of blah about everything. We had our first spring storm last night so maybe its the weather.

This week looks like this:
Monday: Heavy lifting
Tuesday: MMA
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Heavy lifting
Saturday: Light/Moderate cardio
Sunday: Rest

At work we have been doing some controlled burns at the farms the past couple weeks and may do our last one this week.

At home my daughter is counting down the days to her birthday. She will turn 5 on Wednesday, April 13th. My Gold's Gym Challenge ends Friday, April 15th. I am having my mom make her delicious chocolate cake for my daughter's birthday and whatever is left I am going to enjoy some for myself on the 15th...after the photos are taken! :D

Derrick
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Looks like you have a full week ahead of you. I think it is the weather too. Out weather has been not too bad the last week or so but up until that point it has been horrible- way too much snow. It is slowly melting- it finally got over 32F so it hasn't been too bad. Funny thing is even for us this Winter has been too long. First day over 32F and there are people wearing shorts-LOL.

Kids are great at that that age- I loved it when my kids were 4-6 that is my favorite age. They were not quite in school but some of the things that came out their mouths - makes me smile to this day- there was an innocence about them at that age. Now they are 23, 21,14 - still make me smile but in a different way. Happy Birthday to your daughter!! Good Luck on the Gold's Gym Challenge- I know you will do great!!
 
Derrick said:
My wife and I have been trying to plan a 5 day trip to the caribbean for sometime in May. I have been researching for a month now and I am not making very good progress. Now that you have seen the caribbean, where would you go if you only had 5 nights?
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I loved St. Thomas the most I think. I also felt the safest walking around there. All the islands we stopped at were beautiful so I don't think you can go wrong. We didn't get to see too much of Barbados but I've heard it's a great vacation to rent a condo on the beach there. Antigua was also gorgeous. If you are going to go to a resort I don't recommend anything below 5 star because I have had some bad experiences with anything less. The food on the cruise was unreal - I've heard they offer 3 or 4 day cruises so maybe check into that. Good luck researching and I'm sure it will be great whatever you decide.
 
Derrick said:
My wife and I have been trying to plan a 5 day trip to the caribbean for sometime in May. I have been researching for a month now and I am not making very good progress. Now that you have seen the caribbean, where would you go if you only had 5 nights?
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Hi Derrick, still being inspired by your dedication.

You might want to look into St Lucia. My sister got married there and it's a super-pretty little island. Gorgeous beaches but I suppose every island in the caribbean can make the same claim. I loved it.
 
RFL Round 3, Day 11

This morning Tanita said:
201.0 pounds
18% body fat

I broke down and had a free meal last night. I wasn't supposed to because tonight was my refeed and i was trying to make it with just weekly refeeds this final round.

The 18% reading is a fluke. I truly believe I might actually be 18% body fat but my scale always reads high. Every morning has been reading 23 lately so I'm not sure why it said 18 all of the sudden.

My refeed was tonight and it went fine but I'm worried about how long it is going to take me to drop the weight. Final weigh in is in one week and one day.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
This morning Tanita said:
201.0 pounds
18% body fat

I broke down and had a free meal last night. I wasn't supposed to because tonight was my refeed and i was trying to make it with just weekly refeeds this final round.

The 18% reading is a fluke. I truly believe I might actually be 18% body fat but my scale always reads high. Every morning has been reading 23 lately so I'm not sure why it said 18 all of the sudden.

My refeed was tonight and it went fine but I'm worried about how long it is going to take me to drop the weight. Final weigh in is in one week and one day.

Derrick
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Hi Derrick,

Stick with the plan-lol. You will do this. The 18% is awesome. You must be getting pretty ripped at that bodyfat. The weight will drop especially with how focused you are and how hard you are working. Keep it up!!
 
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