Derrick's ongoing journey

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Happychubette said:
Congrats on 199 Derrick. I haven't been around for a few weeks and I'm glad to see you made it.

By the end of my time on lithium (7 years) I had real tremor in my hands, voice stomach. In spite of being maxed out on doses of four mood stabilizers for bp I was taken off all of them and given antipsychotics and that made me better. Of course schizoaffective was added to my diagnosis in order to make the drug change but it made me much much better. Good luck with that.
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Kelly, thank you for letting me know those things. You are the only other member here that I know who talks openly about bipolar disorder.

Last night, almost immediately after I submitted my last message, I had another concerning symptom/side effect emerge. I started stuttering with words beginning with c or k. I started to cry a little. After reading the Lithium and Serequel warning sheet, along with what you have just typed about your experience with Lithium, I am pretty convinced my meds are to blame. My wife is going to call their office today and talk to someone.

I have been on approximately 8 different medications over the past 7+ years, including antipsychotics. Every single one of them gave me bad side effects, including panic attacks, vivid and freightening nightmares, excessive weight gain, blurred vision and poor eyesight, anxiety, and now these latest ones. I feel like I go to these doctors for help, I'm willing to listen and try their suggestions, I cooperate with them and yet not a single doctor or medicine has been able to help me long term. Who can blame me for feeling intense frustration and anger?

I know schizoaffective disorder is really difficult, maybe the most difficult of all the mental disorders. I am sure you are a strong and courageous woman to have to live with that. I will keep you in my prayers that you will continue to be of good physical and mental health, fully able to enjoy life. And thank you for the information and for the words of encouragement.

Derrick
 
cowboy48 said:
Hi Derrick

That is what we are all here for - encouragement-lol. You should be so proud of yourself- you are doing an awesome job. I can't imagine the things you have to deal with everyday not including the weight loss. You are pushing through all of it and heading to your goals. I really am genuinely happy for you!! Keep up the good work!
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Thanks once again, Cowboy. I'm going to check out your journal. I noticed you started one. I'm glad. I look forward to following your efforts to lose those last 10 pounds! :) Funny thing is, I actually started this journal two years ago when all I had left to lose was about 10 pounds. Little did I know, it would become a journal of struggles and stumbles with neverending attempts to get back on my feet and head in the right direction.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
Thanks once again, Cowboy. I'm going to check out your journal. I noticed you started one. I'm glad. I look forward to following your efforts to lose those last 10 pounds! :) Funny thing is, I actually started this journal two years ago when all I had left to lose was about 10 pounds. Little did I know, it would become a journal of struggles and stumbles with neverending attempts to get back on my feet and head in the right direction.

Derrick
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It is funny but one thing I have learned in my life is that it is those struggles that makes us who we are. You can get through this. You show so much courage everyday struggling with not just the weight loss but the bipolar and just the life struggles. My hat is off to you, man. The funny thing is, through all this you still lose weight- if it was me I would be about 600 pounds-lol. Congrats on all your accomplishments!!
 
Thanks DW! :)

I want to give a run down of my week so far.
Monday - Heavy Lifting with my PT of 8 months, Craig.
Tuesday - MMA striking with another one of Gold's Personal Trainers, Sam.
Wednesday - Yoga and swimming.
Thursday - MMA striking with Sam.

Tomorrow (Friday) I have a total body resistance circuit with Craig.

The MMA striking has been awesome! Just what I needed to get out some anger and frustration. It's muay thai style. I freaking love it. Lots of technique involved and it also requires a lot of thinking...quick thinking!

On the food front I have not done all that great but I haven't really deviated much from my overall plan. That is, to allow myself two free meals per week while I am on my diet break. I took one last night and I overdid it for sure. I had chili cheese nachos, two rum and diets and a 2/3 lb burger with fries! LOL I'm still bloated. J/K

I'm thinking my weigh in tomorrow morning is going to be around 203 or 204. Not solely because of the burger. Mostly from the refeed on Monday. I am hoping I will slowly start dropping weight over the remainder of my "diet break" simply from the increased amount of exercising. Hopefully.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
Thanks DW! :)

I want to give a run down of my week so far.
Monday - Heavy Lifting with my PT of 8 months, Craig.
Tuesday - MMA striking with another one of Gold's Personal Trainers, Sam.
Wednesday - Yoga and swimming.
Thursday - MMA striking with Sam.

Tomorrow (Friday) I have a total body resistance circuit with Craig.

The MMA striking has been awesome! Just what I needed to get out some anger and frustration. It's muay thai style. I freaking love it. Lots of technique involved and it also requires a lot of thinking...quick thinking!

On the food front I have not done all that great but I haven't really deviated much from my overall plan. That is, to allow myself two free meals per week while I am on my diet break. I took one last night and I overdid it for sure. I had chili cheese nachos, two rum and diets and a 2/3 lb burger with fries! LOL I'm still bloated. J/K

I'm thinking my weigh in tomorrow morning is going to be around 203 or 204. Not solely because of the burger. Mostly from the refeed on Monday. I am hoping I will slowly start dropping weight over the remainder of my "diet break" simply from the increased amount of exercising. Hopefully.

Derrick
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Hi Derrick,

Man you are hitting this hardcore. Good for you!! The MMA striking sounds interesting. I have seen some Muay Thai on tv - it must be a hell of a workout. Those guys are in awesome shape.

The free meals are important. I didn't do them this round of weight loss but did them the last round. I so looked forward to them. I didn't do them this time though- don't know why but I didn't-lol. I guess it had something to do with guilt- didn't want to cheat on my diet- which is dumb I guess but too late now. Funny how you say that you may come in at 203 or 204 - remember your last big refeed- you lost weight-lol.

Keep up the good work!
 
The striking is just so my thing. I have a lot to learn but I think I'm catching on at a good pace. I had about 20 hours of lessons two years ago but that was more kickboxing. This is more Muay Thai with a few subtle changes to better suit an MMA style of fighting.

As for the weigh-in, read below. My last drop was actually not after a refeed. It was a few days after a free meal. But you have to remember, I was still dieting hard right after the free meal. For the next 2 weeks I will not be dieting. Just eating healthy and working out hard. THEN, back to dieting. ;) It's all part of the plan.

Derrick
 
Break 2, Day 4

This morning Tanita said:
203.0 pounds
21% body fat

I am assuming by now I am replenished, if that is the right word. Therefore, I was thinking this morning's weigh-in would be ideal for comparing to my starting numbers on January 17th. I was also fully replenished on that weigh-in. It would have been pointless to compare Monday morning's numbers since I was depleted at that time. These bioelectical impedance scales fluctuate too much depending on those factors.

My starting numbers were:
221.0 pounds
27% body fat

Weight......221.0..........203.0
Body Fat...27%............21%
Muscle......161.33........160.37
Fat............59.67..........42.63

So there you have it. In 8 weeks, which included a two week diet break, I lost less than 1 pound of muscle and a little over 17 pounds of fat. I know there are other things such as hydration that can affect the scale's BF% but I'm pretty confident I was hydrated similarly on both comparison dates. This is enough evidence for me to believe this RFL diet works as described.

I'm not done yet. I've got 4 weeks until the contest ends on April 15th. I want to reach 191 pounds (depleted). After the contest is over, I want to reach 185 pounds OR 12% BF, whichever comes first.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
The striking is just so my thing. I have a lot to learn but I think I'm catching on at a good pace. I had about 20 hours of lessons two years ago but that was more kickboxing. This is more Muay Thai with a few subtle changes to better suit an MMA style of fighting.

As for the weigh-in, read below. My last drop was actually not after a refeed. It was a few days after a free meal. But you have to remember, I was still dieting hard right after the free meal. For the next 2 weeks I will not be dieting. Just eating healthy and working out hard. THEN, back to dieting. ;) It's all part of the plan.

Derrick
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That's right- I forgot about the free meal - I thought that was after the refeed. Nice job on keeping the muscle and losing the fat. You are doing this much differently than I did- I just tried to lose weight-lol. Your way is better- I know I lost muscle with my weight loss. Now I am trying to regain it again- should have tried to lose fat not weight. Oh well, too late now. I am wondering now if an occasional day above my allowed calories would shock my body so I would lose these last 8 pounds faster and easier? Something to think about I guess.
 
For me, just reading Lyle's book "The Rapid Fat Loss handbook" opened my mind and taught me a lot about how our body's metabolism works. I also bought "The Stubborn Fat Solution" but I have not read much of it yet. It's for very low body fat individuals wanting to get extremely lean. I want to purchase "A Guide to Flexible Dieting". Apparently that one is the most thorough and informative. Refeeds are usually part of his diets. The leaner you are, the longer the refeed! I hope this sheds some light on things. But if what you are doing is working, stick with it.
 
Thanks, Derrick. I may just look them up and do some reading up on it. Sounds like an interesting approach to weight loss and the mechanics of it. I am looking at maintenance and muscle building now but knowing how the body all works will help with that. Besides every little bit of knowledge we have certainly can't hurt. Thanks for the info.
 
I would say for you, The Ultimate Diet 2.0 might be a good one. It is also meant for lean individuals but not as lean as the Stubborn Fat Solution. I think "A Guide to Flexible Dieting" might be good for just about anyone. I know they have Protein Books and stuff too. I'm just not sure which one would be best for strictly building muscle. I myself was wandering that.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
I would say for you, The Ultimate Diet 2.0 might be a good one. It is also meant for lean individuals but not as lean as the Stubborn Fat Solution. I think "A Guide to Flexible Dieting" might be good for just about anyone. I know they have Protein Books and stuff too. I'm just not sure which one would be best for strictly building muscle. I myself was wandering that.

Derrick
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Hi Derrick,

Thanks I will check it out.
 
Break 2, Day 8

Yesterday Tanita said:
206.0 pounds
24% body fat

I was not happy about that at all. That's a 7 pound gain in 7 days! I had three or four bad meals last week, including two over the weekend. Still, I didn't expect that much of a gain. No time to panic though. I know some of it is water retention and some of it is needed to replenish my muscles. Staying calm. Staying calm.

This morning Tanita said:
203.5 pounds
25% body fat

So I guess my weight is just going to be all over the place while I'm on my "break." While I'm tempted to end the break early and jump right into Round 3 of RFL diet, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to stick to the plan.

Last Friday I had an extremely hard total body resistance workout a la Biggest Loser style. Ropes and all. On Saturday I did a 30 minute maximum fat burn on the treadmill with inclines as high as 27 for long durations of the workout.

Yesterday I did the treadmill again, alternating jogging, walking and sprinting for a 30 minute workout.

Today I had MMA striking. I was already extremely sore prior to the workout. Now I might be injured. During some combo punches I strained my abdominals/obliques on my right side.

I'm going to take the rest of the week off. Maybe I'll go for a long swim on Friday.

Derrick
 
Nice job on not panicing about the weight gain-lol. Man, you are hitting things hardcore. I have to admire your dedication- you are doing AWESOME!! Be careful with the possible injury- that is what I am always worried about as it can set things back a ways. Glad you are going to rest- sometimes it is just want your body wants and needs. Take care!!
 
Truth and honesty time. It would be so easy to lie but I just can't do it. The past few days have been the worst eating I have done this calendar year. I am really scared about stepping on the scale tomorrow morning. I haven't been on the scale in a few days. If I am still around 204 to 206 I will consider myself extremely lucky. My plan A called for a 3 week break and finishing the contest with a 12 day round 3 of Rapid Fat Loss as a category 1. That will not happen now because I am not a category 1 and have no chance of being one within one more week. So time for plan B. End the break at 2 weeks and start another 3 week Round 3 RFL, still as a category 2. I think reaching the mid 190's is about all I can expect at this point. So reaching 191 seems out of reach. Oh well, I'll do my best and be happy with whatever number I reach. A lot better than quitting and gaining all my weight back! After the contest is over, I plan on continuing to pursue my goal of 185 pounds.

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
Truth and honesty time. It would be so easy to lie but I just can't do it. The past few days have been the worst eating I have done this calendar year. I am really scared about stepping on the scale tomorrow morning. I haven't been on the scale in a few days. If I am still around 204 to 206 I will consider myself extremely lucky. My plan A called for a 3 week break and finishing the contest with a 12 day round 3 of Rapid Fat Loss as a category 1. That will not happen now because I am not a category 1 and have no chance of being one within one more week. So time for plan B. End the break at 2 weeks and start another 3 week Round 3 RFL, still as a category 2. I think reaching the mid 190's is about all I can expect at this point. So reaching 191 seems out of reach. Oh well, I'll do my best and be happy with whatever number I reach. A lot better than quitting and gaining all my weight back! After the contest is over, I plan on continuing to pursue my goal of 185 pounds.

Derrick
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Hi Derrick,

It is all right . We all have weak moments. Believe me when I say we ALL have weak moments-lol. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back at it. You have come a long way and I know you are probably a little disappointed but that is okay. It just shows you that you still want this and you still care. You can still do this. We are all rooting for you!! WOOT WOOT-lol!! Step on the scale and then get back to the plan. You CAN do this!! I KNOW you can!!
 
Thanks Cowboy. I was just hoping my metabolism would be going good enough to burn off a lot of the food I ate the past 12 days. I mean, the physical effort was there, just a lot of less than ideal eating and too many bad meals. This morning Tanita said:
206.5
24% body fat

So I guess its not the end of the world. Hell, I might drop 6.5 pounds the first few days back on RFL!

The scary thing is, I want to settle in at 185 to 190, not get there and settle in at 195 to 200. So just how low do I need to go? 180? 175? Damn it seems like I'd be a wimp at that weight. Heck, figuring all this out as we go is what makes our journeys exciting. :D

Derrick
 
Derrick said:
Thanks Cowboy. I was just hoping my metabolism would be going good enough to burn off a lot of the food I ate the past 12 days. I mean, the physical effort was there, just a lot of less than ideal eating and too many bad meals. This morning Tanita said:
206.5
24% body fat

So I guess its not the end of the world. Hell, I might drop 6.5 pounds the first few days back on RFL!

The scary thing is, I want to settle in at 185 to 190, not get there and settle in at 195 to 200. So just how low do I need to go? 180? 175? Damn it seems like I'd be a wimp at that weight. Heck, figuring all this out as we go is what makes our journeys exciting. :D

Derrick
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Hi Derrick,

You will get there. Funny thing happened to me today. Seen a guy that I hadn't seen for a while- he called me scrawny-lol. I have never been called that in my life. Felt kind of good but at the same time it tells me I have to get busy building some muscle up. You will get to your goal- keep doing what you are doing and it will come.
 
Hi Derrick!

I have seen your comments in a few of the journals I read and late last week I decided to check out your journal myself. I have spent all of my WLF time since then reading thru your entire journal from start to finish.

All I can say is WOW! I'm just blown away by the story of your journey - rocky though it may be at times. You are SUCH an inspiration!!! You are a very amazing person...

Especially fascinating to me is your description of what your bipolar disorder has been like for you. My father and 2 of my brothers have been diagnosed with schizophrenia; one of my sisters, an uncle, and most of my cousins are all on anti-depressants. Everyone has always said that even though I've probably suffered the worst tragedies in my life, I have never been depressed a day in my life. In fact, I seem to be the opposite of depressed. I have been accused of being TOO happy. People have told me that it's just not normal to be that happy all the time. When I've tried to talk to friends about these feelings of euphoria, of feeling so joyful and happy that I could almost burst - the reaction I usually get is somewhere along the lines of bah humbug, go screw yourself! (maybe I just have a lot of crabby friends?) I tried talking to my mother about how I feel and she thinks that it is the holy spirit moving within me, giving me joy and peace. I'm not so sure though - some of those times that I feel that way God is the FURTHEST thing from my mind.

But the last several months I've been struggling with these wicked Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde mood swings. Little things that should only be mildly annoying make me blow a gasket, causing feelings of anger so strong sometimes that it scares me. I've been blaming PMS because it usually seems to happen a week before my period. But after reading your journal it's really made me stop and wonder. With various mental disorders being so common in my family (both my mother and father's side) how likely is it that there really is something wrong with my brain that I should seek professional help because I need medicine to fix it?

I'm trying a few things with supplements right now (and they seem to be helping) but I will definately keep this in mind if things don't get better.

I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your weight loss journey. I plan to stop by often to see how you are doing and to cheer you on as you get closer to the finish line, achieving all your goals, and move into maintaining your new, fit (physically and mentally) body!
 
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