Cate's Diary

Hi Cate--I've been away for a bit (just off the forum--no exciting adventures or anything)
Worry and anxiety are tough--we all know it's no great benefit for any of us but hard to change the way we are sometimes! Are you still going for counselling?
Nice goal for the 5kg by October--I should join you as I've been gaining some of my loss back!
 
misty22 said:
I admire you being a mum, Cate. The thought of parenting scares me. I know what I put my mum through as a teen and my sister is a constant worry for the family too (she's unstable and will likely not go to therapy). But whatever it is, I'm sure you call pull through.
Also, I totally second that you can lose 5kg by Oct, likely even much sooner!! =)
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Thanks, Misty. I find it's much harder the older our sons get. The problems get bigger & bandaids, a kiss & a hug don't work anymore.
I'm still struggling to concentrate on losing that 5 kg.
liza said:
Hi Cate--I've been away for a bit (just off the forum--no exciting adventures or anything)
Worry and anxiety are tough--we all know it's no great benefit for any of us but hard to change the way we are sometimes! Are you still going for counselling?
Nice goal for the 5kg by October--I should join you as I've been gaining some of my loss back!
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Oh, hi Liza :grouphug: I have been wondering how you were. Are you struggling with being back? :grouphug:
I haven't seen a counsellor now for a couple of years. The one I went to retired & I am (half) looking for a new one.
Please do join me in the 5 kg in 5 months. I am really having trouble kicking myself up the butt. I think I need a black and white plan. This moderation stuff is hard!

I have totally calmed down about R. I really do think he needs some new meds. I'll try talking to him about how he changes when I think it's safe. He gets so angry & sarcastic & is really different to his normal self. He's less thoughtful & is judgy. He tells me that he wants me to point things out to him, but it is still very hard to do, especially over the phone. Anyway.....
 
Cate said:
The problems get bigger & bandaids, a kiss & a hug don't work anymore.
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I'm sure they still help. The cuts and bruises we got as kids didn't go away when our moms comforted us either, they just got put into perspective as she made us feel safe.
 
LaMaria said:
I'm sure they still help. The cuts and bruises we got as kids didn't go away when our moms comforted us either, they just got put into perspective as she made us feel safe.
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You're probably right, LaMa. That feeling safe is so, so important still. I know it is for me. I'll talk to him soon when he's back on this planet in this state.
I have had quite a good day today, even though it was very bleak, weather-wise. We went to the tip & Arch got a walk in, I finished off a good book in front of the fire & this afternoon I pushed myself out the door for a 2 km walk so got my steps up. The walk got me out of a slight funk.
 
Nice to hear you feeling better about R Cate. I can imagine it would be an on-going struggle of how to provide support without getting sucked into a bad state yourself.
Cate said:
I haven't seen a counsellor now for a couple of years. The one I went to retired & I am (half) looking for a new one.
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Oh I see--I thought you had found a new one...I hate looking for counsellors--it's such a drain on mental resources we don't necessarily have when needing a counsellor!
Cate said:
We went to the tip & Arch got a walk in, I finished off a good book in front of the fire & this afternoon I pushed myself out the door for a 2 km walk so got my steps up. The walk got me out of a slight funk.
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That all sounds like a really great day.
 
liza said:
Oh I see--I thought you had found a new one...I hate looking for counsellors--it's such a drain on mental resources we don't necessarily have when needing a counsellor!
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So true. I just haven't got the energy.
 
Hi Cate. I think you are an amazing sounding board for R but it’s also good to set boundaries for him to protect your own health. I think bombarding you with messages when he is off his meds isn’t really fair.

I hope you get to your goal by October. I will join you in that goal!
 
Hi, Em. You're right. He keeps telling me he is still on his meds, but if he is they're not working. I feel a bit churned up today.
Thanks for joining me in the 5 kg by October. We should be able to do that, shouldn't we? ;)
 
I feel like I should bring some more structure into my life. I sometimes feel that I am adrift & without a purpose.
I was about to delete those 2 sentences but will leave them there. It's the truth. I don't have to go to work, I can do the housework if I feel like it, I can read a book if I want.... I don't have things I have to do so sometimes I feel aimless.

Today I might set myself the task of trying to find a counsellor as I think I do have slight depression. I feel a bit heavy-headed & snuffly this morning & am aching all over. It could be allergies or a head cold. I feel really tired.

After typing that I looked out the window & saw an Eastern Spinebill getting nectar out of a pineapple sage flower. They are my favourite bird. After 36 mm of crazy rain last night the sun is shining. I should change into some decent clothes & go into town for a walk with Arch. That would lift my mood. I'll report back later.
 
Cate said:
I feel like I should bring some more structure into my life. I sometimes feel that I am adrift & without a purpose.
I was about to delete those 2 sentences but will leave them there. It's the truth. I don't have to go to work, I can do the housework if I feel like it, I can read a book if I want.... I don't have things I have to do so sometimes I feel aimless.

Today I might set myself the task of trying to find a counsellor as I think I do have slight depression. I feel a bit heavy-headed & snuffly this morning & am aching all over. It could be allergies or a head cold. I feel really tired.

After typing that I looked out the window & saw an Eastern Spinebill getting nectar out of a pineapple sage flower. They are my favourite bird. After 36 mm of crazy rain last night the sun is shining. I should change into some decent clothes & go into town for a walk with Arch. That would lift my mood. I'll report back later.
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Hope you feel better, Cate. The right therapist can do wonders.
 
Thanks, hon. I know I need something. I got really frustrated at not being able to do something & started crying & am now sitting in my chair with my dog on my lap with a splitting headache. He tried licking my tears away!
I had decided I should go get changed & get out of the house but I’m now incapable.
 
When I felt up to it I got out for a walk. I felt like eating chocolate & had an orange. I still felt like eating chocolate so I had an apple. I got on the computer & googled what I was trying to do earlier (pair my Spotify to my Bluetooth speaker) & did that, then I went online & completed the form to register to see a psych.
Now it's lunchtime & I am going to make myself a delicious, healthy lunch. I will have some.....dolmades, cherry tomatoes, snow peas, celery, a couple of olives & maybe a little bit of cheese on GF crackers. I'm hungry. Then I will make myself a pot of herbal tea & start a new book.
Dinner is going to be grilled white fish with veggies.
 
Thanks, LaMa. I try! Put a beanie & gloves on & did some gardening too, but am about to dive back into my book. It’s a good book, but may not have been a good choice today as it’s about a woman who does not cope at all well. Hmmm.
 
Cate said:
I felt like eating chocolate & had an orange. I still felt like eating chocolate so I had an apple.
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If it is really the chocolate you are craving you might try some cocoa powder added to things. The powder I get is 10 calories per teaspoon and that has a lot of powerful chocolate taste. It is quite bitter alone, but I find I like it in things like yogurt or some drinks, makes them very chocolatey without adding many calories. Some Mexican sauces, like mole negro, use unsweetened chocolate, the original aboriginal way to eat chocolate. Of course it is possible you are craving the high sugar/fat found in most chocolate products, what I do wouldn't help much with that.

Keep fighting the good fight!
 
Thanks, Rob. I think I was most probably craving the high sugar/fat/or just wanting to stuff my face because I felt so miserable. I don't today, but am glad I set the wheels in motion to see someone.
Off to town for umpteen hours soon....
 
Thanks, hon. Me too. I haven’t spoken to anyone else at all, including G about how I have been feeling or how I was yesterday.
 
Talking to G might be a good idea, even if you don't go into detail. But it's great that you're aware enough of your fears and feelings to put them into words here at least.
 
So great that you've set those wheels in motion to see somebody Cate!
Excellent choices in choosing fruit over the chocolate too.
 
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