Cate's Diary

LaMaria said:
Glad a little rest did the trick. If I remember correctly 80% of people will deal with stuff like that sometimes. More often when you're tired or stressed.
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I think I may have pinched a nerve or something by bending over & twisting. My back is still a bit touchy but is ok. Walking around town on asphalt is much harder on my body than on grass in the bush.
Petal001 said:
Hey Cate glad your back is a bit better and I’m loving all your housework. I always feel great with days like that .
I am with you on the women groups . I avoid a lot now and prefer mostly one on one company . I too would call out rascists and bullies
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It felt really productive, Petal, but of course, no one ever notices.
I much prefer one on one contact with women. I don't mind being in the company of lots of men as I'm used to that, running a pub for 18 years.
Re: Merrell shoes. I have some & find them lacking in support. My legs ache if I wear them.
Emilyrose said:
Sometimes you just need time away from people. Nothing wrong with that.
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It's more time away from bitchiness I think. I enjoy the company of people who are not so critical.

I am now so used to not drinking alcohol that I can now imagine not drinking at all. I'm glad I have broken that habit. When I have wine from now on there will be strict limits. I just looked up the recommended limits & 10 standard drinks max for women is what the government recommends. Standard drinks are small. One piccolo of bubbles, 5 times a week max would be my limit. G's & my habit of sharing a bottle of wine every day for the last 6 months would have had me consuming 28 standard drinks a week. EEK! :eek:
Standard drinks guide
 
Cate said:
I much prefer one on one contact with women. I don't mind being in the company of lots of men as I'm used to that, running a pub for 18 years.
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I'm the exact same Cate. I think with groups of women, I just feel like I have nothing to offer, and frankly, I get bored. I think men take you more at face value, at least that's my experience. But I do think it's lovely to have really close female friendships, I haven't had that in a long time, it always goes wrong for me. I'm nearly too much myself, and they get overwhelmed or something, I don't know what it is. I think I just need a boyfriend/husband to be honest.
 
I know that I am really lucky to have such a sound base & a lovely husband. I try to expand my female friendships in preparation for the day where I may not have G, but it isn't easy. I would rather spend my time with him than with anyone else. I really have never been the one to have those super close best buddy women friends, but have almost always got along well with men. I have lots of women I get along with well, but without the expectations, close friendships can bring. The friendships I have with men these days are with G's friends really & I can't expect those to continue if he's no longer around so need to build up the friendships with women. I do get bored with a lot of conversations with women, especially when they talk about shoes or makeup or "reality" tv or celebrities. *yawn*
 
If you didn't prefer your husband's company you'd have married the wrong guy. You're wise to expand out a bit though.
 
Having friends is important, we could all probably do with a few more. You are wise to be thinking about it. My grandfather who lived to almost 100 used to tell me that if I planned to live as long as he did I should start making younger friends! He outlived my grandmother by about 35 years.
Cate said:
I do get bored with a lot of conversations with women, especially when they talk about shoes or makeup or "reality" tv or celebrities. *yawn*
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Good for you! But women are not the only ones who have boring conversations, we have our own boring topics, much as I can appreciate the occasional good football or baseball game I can get bored pretty fast with men talking endlessly about sports.
 
Rob-Your grandfather had a very good point. I must concentrate more on nurturing my friendships. G is 4 years older than me & the odds are he’ll go first :(
You’re right about some men having boring conversations about sport & of course not all women are boring or bitchy. Generalisations are not good.
G & I are both a bit cranky with our older son. We feel he does not prioritise his own kids enough & once again we have them for the weekend. He only has them 2 nights a week now & 1 day only & both nights & the day they’ll be here. It’s not fair to them & we feel he is taking us for granted.
 
Cate said:
G is 4 years older than me & the odds are he’ll go first
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Maybe, but in my family all the men have outlived the women, by well more than 4 years on average. It happens. And I sure hope whatever happens to you and G that it is far into the future! I am sure it will be.

Cate said:
of course not all women are boring or bitchy
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I don't think you are either!
 
Interesting discussion on friendships...
My favorite companionship outside of a couple of close friends is usually just in like-minded group settings. I used to like my singing group (will we ever meet again now with covid? probably not!), I like some garden buddies I have to discuss just garden stuff with, and then I like a couple of meditation groups I'm in. But most of those people aren't really friends, just a few have become that over the years...I hope to always keep a strong community around me, but I must say it has really dwindled with covid around!
 
Hi, Liza. It is interesting, talking about friendships or what constitutes a friend. I feel like I have lots of not quite or almost friends, but what constitutes a friend anyway really? I have lots of people I can pick up the phone & talk to or meet for a coffee or chat in the street to, who I think also enjoy my company & I think that's the main thing. There are some who I care for more than others & some I genuinely love. G is my best friend by far.
 
It is indeed an interesting topic . I don’t have that strong bond with my husband as you do Cate . Maybe it will change when he gets older and has time . I don’t know . I’m very lucky as I have my sister in law who is one of my best friends and my own sister . Some cousins I am close too and I have separate friends who are not interlinked who I can call if In need . I have had the friends groups who I realised were just acquaintances over the years . Friends for a season kind of thing . I think when I am older I will join some groups . I worry more about my husband if I was to die first as I don’t think he would actually cope . I know I would be fine .
Cate from things you say here you have some nice friends and you too will be fine . Interesting I heard a grandmother yesterday tell her son no she won’t look after his children while he too busy too look after them . An odd time is fine but that he is trying to take advantage!
 
Hi, Petal. I think the bond with G has grown stronger & stronger over the years, but I have always felt he was the person I wanted to grow old with. I know I'm lucky. Friendships are worth nurturing. I rang 3 friends yesterday (golfing ladies) & was really heartened by the calls. One has just had surgery & she rang me back after I left a message. She usually doesn't pick up. I haven't got particularly close to her but felt good after our call as she was openly very friendly & candid about her fears & I felt much closer to her. Her husband dies recently. The 2nd was one of the other women who I rang when I couldn't get through to M, just to see how M's op had gone. She's the one who came out to see me recently as she was worried about me. She wants to play with me if I go this week. Then I rang G2 whose husband committed suicide a few months ago & she has had an ear infection. She thanked me profusely for ringing & thinking of her. I really must stop getting my knickers in a twist about stuff said after golf or feeling like I'm on the outer because I haven't shared the last 50 years with them & just accept the friendships for what they are. They are a good thing.
I am going to stop myself thinking about the what-ifs & worry about them when & if they happen. I absolutely love our house & where we live & thinking about where we might live or where one of us might live after the other dies is an awful thought. Living in the here & now is the go.
 
Cate said:
Living in the here & now is the go.
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I agree :)
Sometimes hard to hit the balance right between good planning and over-thinking things...when i look back over the years and see how things tend to work themselves out, i think i need to learn to trust more!
 
liza said:
Sometimes hard to hit the balance right between good planning and over-thinking things...when i look back over the years and see how things tend to work themselves out, i think i need to learn to trust more!
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Oh, definitely. Me too.
 
I’m really glad you had those phone calls with the golfing ladies. I’m sure they think a lot of you Cate. And enjoy the now, that’s the only way to really live.
 
The friends thing is an interesting topic. I have never given too much thought to what makes a friend vs acquaintance. I tend to think of most of the people I know as friends. Of course some I like better and enjoy being with more than others. And of course some I am or have been with more than others. I guess that gives me more friends...
liza said:
My favorite companionship outside of a couple of close friends is usually just in like-minded group settings.
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Liza, that is interesting, I may be a bit the opposite. I often enjoy talking with people who think differently, it seems to lead to more interesting conversation. I also sometimes find myself sometimes a bit more comfortable around what I call rednecks, I grew up in a small town in the bible belt south, so that was my roots. I still think of myself as redneck. I am no longer so "conservative" myself, but being around people who are can sometimes be comforting. So long as things don't turn racist or something nasty I am ok with views that are not mine.
Cate said:
I rang G2 whose husband committed suicide a few months ago & she has had an ear infection. She thanked me profusely for ringing & thinking of her.
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Good for you, I know suicide in a family can be a really hard thing for people, and afterwards friends can avoid you and the issue. I think this comes from discomfort about knowing what to say. However people in that situation need support, so you are a good friend to G2. As I think you may know I had a brother commit suicide a few years ago, so I do know a little about it, from personal experience.
 
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