bluehats diary

dear diary
well i started the background slow release insulin last night
i cant fight the weight gain from it
but maybe if i dont feed it the weight will
at least be less gain
i know my amount of time on my bike
was only a little compared to what needs done
but it took a long time for me to understand that it
needs to be daily to get into a habit
and to slowly increase the time
i hope that by the time i can go on again
i can form the habit again
i do have some food now so i can post
later after i eat

thanks to everyone who posts and reads my diary
i hope its helping someone
 
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what would other people do
if they were hungry always ?

i asked my nice person
and she said just live with it
and i suppose shes right
maybe i shud just accept it
stop resisting it and trying to
feed it (just eat the amount
im supposed to-1600- and understand that
im not really hungry
no matter how much it growls)

what would others do?
 
It can be so hard to just feel what your body is feeling and just live with it. But I think your friend/family member has a good point that you might just have to live with it sometimes. Are you monitoring your blood sugars regularly? If your blood sugars are all over the place, your hunger could really be affected. The more you can keep them regulated, the better, in terms of both hunger and possibly helping any bingeing. For most diabetics (I assume you are Type 2?) eating regular meals, rather than just one or two, can really help to keep your blood sugars more level. And trying to balance out your meals so that you have some protein, fats, and carbohydrates - rather than mostly one category - is really important.
 
dear diary
loads and loads of food here
but it was required of me to do
that
so i guess we see how that goes

yesterdays food--
2 cups cottage cheese (4%) 480
pepperettes 260

so far so good
one things that helps is
that too much food at one
time is pushing on the tube
causing more pain
(not the pain part
but the less food part)
 
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dear diary
finally
my follow up appt.
still need a surgery
but not til sept.
and i specifically asked about
my bike
guess the answer?
yep not allowed
and the pain is from not drinking
enuf
so im going to start pouring in the liquids again

i totally dont know what im going
to do for weight control
the 4 meds i take are known for weight gain
and im unlucky enuf to be one
of the people who get it

todays food--
2 cups cottage cheese 480
2 mozza burgers 1200
not too much over 1600 i guess
 
Well, that's an up/down day for sure!
- I'm very glad you don't need surgery anymore for a while
- Sorry to hear you can't exercise yet
- It's great that the pain is just from not drinking enough, something you have control over
- It sucks that you have to take meds that can cause weight gain
- But even a drug like cortisone, notorious for weight gain, only does it through water weight (which is limited) or increased appetite (which... you had already anyway). So you still have some control over your weight.
 
dear diary
i remain unhopeful
that i wont weigh 350
by sept
im nearly there (almost 300 now)
and am so f--ing mad
and sad
i know its partially my fault
from eating too much
and that makes me mad too
that i have no control
i utterly throw my hands in the air
as of now
 
bluehat said:
what would other people do
if they were hungry always ?

i asked my nice person
and she said just live with it
and i suppose shes right
maybe i shud just accept it
stop resisting it and trying to
feed it (just eat the amount
im supposed to-1600- and understand that
im not really hungry
no matter how much it growls)

what would others do?
Click to expand...

This is a very difficult struggle that I am very familiar with. It can feel like you are going insane and for me personally can overwhelm me into a binge where I feel totally out of control and sabotage all of my progress. My only suggestion would be to try a 3 hour interval eating plan where you have meal then 3hrs later a 100 cal snack, 3hr later a meal, etc. This helps me because if I get hungry 2 hours after my meal, I feel like I can make it one more hour til my snack, etc, so I feel more in control and the hunger doesn't get too strong for me over the course of the day. Don't be too hard on yourself, you didn't get to your current weight in a short amount of time, and know that you won't lose it all in a short amount of time either--you'll just end up making yourself feel worse :(
 
dear diary
tonight i have that bad urge to
toss away all my food
and i think i know one of the things
that happen before i feel this way
its the encounters with the mean person
i havent much left anyway
as i ate alot today too(blueberries cottage cheese
teenburgers salads muffins chicken)
i suspect that for a normal eater i
may have a few days worth left
i have 4 yogurts 2 cottage cheeses
3 pks of cheese 6 muffins 2 cans nuts
5 salads 3 boxes of crackers
is that a few days worth?
anyway i cant resist the urge
i have to wait for a few hours
to make sure i dont meet anyone
in the hallway
sorry for such a grim entry
 
Well I hope you didn't throw away all the food. I know you have a lot of stress happening and the encounters with that person are terrible, so I wish you luck tonight and I really hope you don't have a bad encounter. No worries about the tone of your entry. Hiding what you're going through probably wouldn't help you.
 
dear diary
the encounters with the mean
person happen nearly every day
and are very often horrible
and i did throw it all away
but managed to not be discovered
that i did so
all i can think of to do is to buy
a piece or 2 of food when im out
and eat it before i come back to my
home
and if theres a day i dont get to go out
then i dont get to eat
ive tried every thing else ever suggested
to me
im out of options
may the best man win
because women never do
 
dear diary
yesterdays food--

1 mcdouble 390
1 pepperoni/cheese pizza slice?
1 cottage cheese container 480
toppings off 1 slice of pepperoni/cheese pizza slice?

i had an offer of regular going out
and it will be twice a week
so my foods going to be twice a week
but hey twice a week is lot better
than others i know get to eat

and also likely there will be family
leftovers for me to eat
alot of it is very good and that person
is doing mostly keto so that works out great
plus the meals are homemade
 
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dear diary
been thinking that eating a few times
a week wont go well with the 200+ units of insulin
im required to use
so i had an idea
it covers 3 things
and it is--
to buy just vegetables the twice a week
i can go out
1. it prevents the binging and will last between trips
because i dont like veggies
and
2. i likely can reduce the amount of insulin use
and
3. less weight gain hopefully

so tomorrow is my 1st trip of this new shopping offer (if
i remember the schedule right)
maybe i can list what i bought here

todays food--

will be leftover family made
keto pizza soup
and as much water as i can drink

i wont have calorie counts on family made
meals/foods as they dont keep track
of anything going in
 
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