Whisper's Diary

Cool water helps to reduce the itching for me. Icecold is best short term but then it gets worse again when circulation goes back up.
 
I agree about gardening during the day. Every time I am in the garden anywhere near dusk, I turn into a bug pin cushion!
 
The Long Hot, Hot, Hot, fricken Hot Summer.....

Not much going on except surviving. I don't have any motivation for anything. It's just too hot. Our average days over 100 per summer is about 18. In June, we had 6 and in July I think just about every day has been over 100 and one day up to 108 or something. I looked at the forecast and it's supposed to be near100 or over the rest of the month. And the humidity doesn't help. They call it "oppressive heat". We are under an air quality alert as well as a heat advisory just about every day.

I go outside long enough to take the dog out (and she doesn't want to stay out long) and check the mail. Our window units can't keep up with the heat, so I'm pretty much in a constant 90 temp range. It's hard to sleep at night and I sweat a lot.

Good news: I think I found a vitamin that I am compatible with. I've tried 20 to 30 different ones over the past 5 or 6 years. I'll know more after today. I am also drinking a lot of water, a ton of water, massive amounts of water. but I am sweating quite a bit and going to the bathroom. my legs aren't quite as swollen these days.

So why isn't my weight going down? I have no motivation. My calories are about 2300-2500 a day and I should be doing about 1700 a day. I haven't exercised at all. It is too hot. I have a stupid summer cough with sinus drainage and some congestion and just plain tired from trying to make it through the day.

I'm trying to get some motivation.
 
Have you tried the thing where you wet a sheet or curtains, hang them in a doorway and blow a fan through the cloth so it blows cooler air at you?

One thing that I've noticed is that I feel drained of energy and I reach for food when it's too hot and I've been sweating a lot, but I've been wondering if I need electrolytes instead of fattening food. I've been trying to eat more whole foods with electrolytes like these https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness-nutrition/electrolytes-food#what-are-electrolytes . I think it could be helping, as I am not so snack-y and am losing a little weight each month. LaMa would know if this is accurate though. She's the best when it comes to nutrition.

So glad you found a good vitamin and that your legs are doing better!
 
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Marsia said:
Have you tried the thing where you wet a sheet or curtains, hang them in a doorway and blow a fan through the cloth so it blows cooler air at you?

One thing that I've noticed is that I feel drained of energy and I reach for food when it's too hot and I've been sweating a lot, but I've been wondering if I need electrolytes instead of fattening food. I've been trying to eat more whole foods with electrolytes like these https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness-nutrition/electrolytes-food#what-are-electrolytes . I think it could be helping, as I am not so snack-y and am losing a little weight each month. LaMa would know if this is accurate though. She's the best when it comes to nutrition.

So glad you found a good vitamin and that your legs are doing better!
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I have not tried the wet sheet technique, but I have a really good fan now that blows a long way, so I moved it up to my window unit so it can suck in the air and push it out further into the room. Otherwise, you only feel the air come out about a foot. I also turned the air up so it doesn't run constantly so it can thaw in case it is trying to freeze up and I regularly do my filter. So at least, I'm trying to cover the basics. The last two nights I've put a small ice pack behind my pillow. I don't feel the coldness come through the pillow, but as I'm tossing and turning all night, I turn the pillow over to the "cool" side. That helps. I also have a spray bottle where I spritz myself down several times a day if needed and let the fan evaporate the wetness off. That helps quite a bit. The main thing is I'm avoiding outside right now. it's hot enough inside. lol.

I think you are dead on accurate about the electrolytes. I tend to eat so I don't get "weak" and I'm just eating too much. I was thinking about all of this last night. I put a Gatorade in the freezer this morning so that will help some. Gatorade is normally reserved for my dad, but I'm commandeering one today. My sister bought some watermelon and pineapple and we've been eating that also.
 
It's the worst when it's too hot to sleep. I really hope it cools down there! I like the idea of spraying yourself down in the daytime - I'm going to copy you. I hope it goes well with the electrolytes! I was doing just what you said about feeling weak and eating too much!
 
Dear Diary...this totally sucks. It's always some kind of fear going on. Let's get this done already. I've had 3 surgeries before. Two of them were for the same thing, scare tissue blocking the urinary track. It may not be soon, but it looks like I'm heading that way. Right now, I probably have an infection. I'm doing cranberry juice and stuff. It helps a lot.

Also, there's the whole hernia thing, my teeth, my lopsided personal items. It's always something.

Then there is the heat. The last three days has been 108F. Today is supposed to be 100F with a slight chance of rain (30 percent). it's not much but we are in severe drought so any drop will do.

Then. My sister is talking to a doctor online who is stationed somewhere overseas. She was talking last night what if she falls for him and marries and they get a house together blah blah. I mean each to their own. That's how my nephew came about, an internet relationship gone south.

My problem? I moved in to help take care of my dad, which I am doing everything he was doing plus. But since then, I have no money, my car isn't working and no one will help. I have nothing coming in to help me. And here once again, I feel like I have done what is required of me and what I'm supposed to do, but about to get screwed over. I've always helped everyone else, but it doesn't always work in reverse.

I need to find some kind of work online that I can do legitimately and get some money coming in. I feel like I have no skills at this point, I am that beaten down. And losing weight is a joke. I sweated all night last night. I knew for sure I would be down this morning, but I'm up. I know stress supposedly does a lot to prevent weight loss, but there isn't much I can do about that.

The main thing is just money. It won't buy happiness, but it'd fix a lot of this crap I'm going through. I'm 57 and under the current environment, it may not be easy to find a job so doing something online is probably the answer. I just don't know what. I'm trying to research to find out what is possible. I've tried a couple of things, but nothing is panning out so far.

I'm just so tired.
 
:grouphug: I'm sorry things are so rough, Tom. I hope venting helps a little, at least. Finding a way to make some money might make a difference both mentally and practically. Money may not buy happiness but having none of it creates a lot of extra hurdles and pain. I hope you told your sister that what she told you makes you anxious - not because you don't want her to be happy but because you can't physically keep doing this without her support.
 
Wow, I so wish I could come help with your dad. I'm also 57 and took care of my mom the last 7 years of her life. It was sooo hard at the end when her memory was completely gone. Is he to the point where you can get hospice to come in? Please call them and tell them what is happening with you. Maybe you can get reimbursement for being his sole caregiver? I think my sister in law got financial support from some organization when taking care of her mom.

I gained back almost all the weight I lost (about 40 pounds) while taking care of my mom. You are doing something very wonderful coming on the forum getting support while going through this so you can at least stay at maintenance level. I am really glad you're here and hopefully knowing other people are routing for you helps if even just a little bit!!

Please don't despair about losing your skills. You are just tired and having a hard time. Your skills will come back, and you are adding caregiver skills. You could work in nursing homes, in Hospice, or go to community college and become a nursing assistant among other caregiver positions after this. You are basically in a volunteer caregiver position at the moment. Also please apply for public assistance and get your sister to help you get there.

I hope you can train your sister to help. Please don't let her ignore her duty to help! If she does, at least get her to help you with fixing your car and other necessary expenses. She is getting away with letting you go broke being the sole caregiver. That's really unfair.

I really hope the heat wave breaks over there. That sounds so hard. :grouphug:
 
Llama said:
:grouphug: I'm sorry things are so rough, Tom. I hope venting helps a little, at least. Finding a way to make some money might make a difference both mentally and practically. Money may not buy happiness but having none of it creates a lot of extra hurdles and pain. I hope you told your sister that what she told you makes you anxious - not because you don't want her to be happy but because you can't physically keep doing this without her support.
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I told her a little bit last night. And she knows. She called me on her way home from work and asked if it was cooler today for me because my bedroom is the hottest in the house (it was supposed to be cooler, but honestly it doesn't feel that way. 90F in my room. It is 100 outside, but that is way better than 108 the past 3 days). She also asked if I needed anything and brought me home a tomato, cucumber, onion salad from where she works at. That was nice. We're just so stressed that we are looking for any way out.
 
Oh, Tom. What a struggle. My friends, Llama & Marsia have said what I would have said. I hope there is some sort of carer's allowance you could get, but your sister should realise you need more support than you have at the moment. A salad sandwich is something but not enough. I'm glad that you have come in here & I wish there was something we could do for you other than send you a hug :grouphug:
 
Marsia said:
Wow, I so wish I could come help with your dad. I'm also 57 and took care of my mom the last 7 years of her life. It was sooo hard at the end when her memory was completely gone. Is he to the point where you can get hospice to come in? Please call them and tell them what is happening with you. Maybe you can get reimbursement for being his sole caregiver? I think my sister in law got financial support from some organization when taking care of her mom.

I gained back almost all the weight I lost (about 40 pounds) while taking care of my mom. You are doing something very wonderful coming on the forum getting support while going through this so you can at least stay at maintenance level. I am really glad you're here and hopefully knowing other people are routing for you helps if even just a little bit!!

Please don't despair about losing your skills. You are just tired and having a hard time. Your skills will come back, and you are adding caregiver skills. You could work in nursing homes, in Hospice, or go to community college and become a nursing assistant among other caregiver positions after this. You are basically in a volunteer caregiver position at the moment. Also please apply for public assistance and get your sister to help you get there.

I hope you can train your sister to help. Please don't let her ignore her duty to help! If she does, at least get her to help you with fixing your car and other necessary expenses. She is getting away with letting you go broke being the sole caregiver. That's really unfair.

I really hope the heat wave breaks over there. That sounds so hard. :grouphug:
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One problem we have is the house we live in is very old and run down and we are afraid if we did ask, then they would condemn the house and then what? We'd have no where to go so that is one issue. Everything is going to come to a head eventually. We were just hoping for more of a storybook ending rather than a Mad Max Beyond Thunder-dome type of survival.

My sister does help. She is the main source of income at the moment. She works 6 days a week. So a typical day is me watching my dad during the day from 9am until about Midnight. My nephew takes over and watches him from Midnight until 9am. My dad is up all house of the day and night. His schedule is so erratic. My sister gets home from work about 4pm or so. She generally feeds him his evening meal and gives him his pills. Not that I can't do this also, but my dad asks about her all day long so at least this way he gets some interaction with her. I get it that he loves her more than anyone else. LOL. So she does help in the evening hours some.

My dad's mental is pretty good although he can't keep track of time for nothing. If he takes a nap for an hour, he thinks it is the next day. Most of the time, he doesn't know what the day is. That is pretty normal from what I hear about older people. Heck, with everything going on sometimes I don't know what day it is.

This heatwave is something else. This is our third hottest summer on record. We are scheduled to be around 100 through the rest of the month. And then there is August. August is typically our hottest month. Ugh. We really need rain bad.

Thanks for the encouragement. I've even thought about seeing if I could work in a kennel or something. I'm allergic to dogs, but I can pick up poop! :)
 
Cate said:
Oh, Tom. What a struggle. My friends, Llama & Marsia have said what I would have said. I hope there is some sort of carer's allowance you could get, but your sister should realise you need more support than you have at the moment. A salad sandwich is something but not enough. I'm glad that you have come in here & I wish there was something we could do for you other than send you a hug :grouphug:
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Thank you. "other than send you a hug" - That is so huge. I teared up. It has been so long since I've had a hug, that I don't even remember the last time.
 
Hi Tom, my mom's house was a hoarder house (with mouse poop everywhere that I was slowly cleaning up), and hospice did not bat an eye at the condition of things. They are there to help and know that people are struggling to be both caretakers and make enough money to get by. It is nearly impossible to do both it seems! Even if they don't do a home visit because maybe your dad isn't ready for hospice care yet, they may know of resources available to you.

I'm really glad you have other people helping you, and I hope you keep reminding them that you don't have any money left and need help yourself. Maybe you can all start hugging each other more to support each other! I don't think you need to work where you are allergic. The health care system needs help badly, and I think after this you could do well in that career if you chose to!

Anyway, I am crossing all fingers and toes for the heat to break there. I hope you can stay near the fan and stay cooler!
 
Marsia said:
Hi Tom, my mom's house was a hoarder house (with mouse poop everywhere that I was slowly cleaning up), and hospice did not bat an eye at the condition of things. They are there to help and know that people are struggling to be both caretakers and make enough money to get by. It is nearly impossible to do both it seems! Even if they don't do a home visit because maybe your dad isn't ready for hospice care yet, they may know of resources available to you.

I'm really glad you have other people helping you, and I hope you keep reminding them that you don't have any money left and need help yourself. Maybe you can all start hugging each other more to support each other! I don't think you need to work where you are allergic. The health care system needs help badly, and I think after this you could do well in that career if you chose to!

Anyway, I am crossing all fingers and toes for the heat to break there. I hope you can stay near the fan and stay cooler!
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Well, finally, we get a little break from the heat. Yesterday, a "cold" front or something came through. We didn't get any rain here, but the temps yesterday was only about 100F. It had been in the 105-110 range for quite a while. Now the temps show only around 100 the rest of the month. That is still hot of course, but not quite as bad as it was. I'll take it.
 
Scientific conclusion.....poop is weightless

After numerous experiments....I've weighed before and then weigh after and my weight is the same...LOL. Therefore, it must be true right?

I don't get it. Trying to find a little humor for today.

Yesterday, I took a stroll down memory lane. I'm looking for my birth certificate and the title to my car. I ran across pictures from my birth onward, my certificates from school and stuff like that. I still have report cards and stuff from the 2nd grade! It is fun seeing that stuff and reminding me about the person I was or at least a glimpse into who I was as I don't remember a lot.
 
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