Cate
Long term member
So do I! You poor thing!
Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5
- Thread starter misty22
- Start date
misty22
Well-known member
My period flow is very...stunted...I don't know how else to explain it - it is between spotting and a full bleed.
My hair looks so thin now also.
I am wondering if I should just throw in the towel and go onto birth control. I'm just tired. It's also 6:26pm so I am tired in general. Want to finish up a few slides at work and head home. Get some rest.
My hair looks so thin now also.
I am wondering if I should just throw in the towel and go onto birth control. I'm just tired. It's also 6:26pm so I am tired in general. Want to finish up a few slides at work and head home. Get some rest.
misty22
Well-known member
The dude I was seeing definitely went back to his ex and didn't even tell me - he just posted it on instagram. After seven dates. Just wow. Is that how the online dating world works now? Can't be. Has to be just one d-bag. I'm hurt and angry. I've been trying to heal lately - after five months of talking to someone, it is strange to suddenly not hear from them. I miss him but the way he handled this was not cool and it is disrespectful. I would at least have the courtesy to say, "Hey, I want to be honest, you're great but I am giving it another shot with my ex. Hope we can stay friends, if that is cool with you." That would be what I would say, but I guess I am too decent for this online dating crap lol
Anyways, still working on balancing hormones. I am taking a food allergy test to see if inflammation is preventing ovulation. My last resort is BCP - I have put it on my bathroom counter as a reminder.
Re: life, there are a lot of things I need to work on one at a time. I cannot put my happiness in a guy. I have to make myself happy and right now there are a lot of gaps. I ooze unhappiness. I am aware of that. All my posts here ooze of that. My lack of hormones make it tough b/c anxiety and depression are common symptoms of PCOS. I do not even know how to describe the constant depression. It has been with me since I was a teenager. I've talked to people and the thing about depression is it never leaves, it is a constant companion. Because of the PCOS in great part. Anyways, I will consider a therapist (because, isn't that what everyone recommends, so tired of hearing it).
On a more positive note, I feel like 34 years later I need to take control of my circumstances and rather than "It will not work", I have to work towards "It will work" and "how". Because I refuse to give up on myself. I am all I have.
Weight: 116.6lbs
Anyways, still working on balancing hormones. I am taking a food allergy test to see if inflammation is preventing ovulation. My last resort is BCP - I have put it on my bathroom counter as a reminder.
Re: life, there are a lot of things I need to work on one at a time. I cannot put my happiness in a guy. I have to make myself happy and right now there are a lot of gaps. I ooze unhappiness. I am aware of that. All my posts here ooze of that. My lack of hormones make it tough b/c anxiety and depression are common symptoms of PCOS. I do not even know how to describe the constant depression. It has been with me since I was a teenager. I've talked to people and the thing about depression is it never leaves, it is a constant companion. Because of the PCOS in great part. Anyways, I will consider a therapist (because, isn't that what everyone recommends, so tired of hearing it).
On a more positive note, I feel like 34 years later I need to take control of my circumstances and rather than "It will not work", I have to work towards "It will work" and "how". Because I refuse to give up on myself. I am all I have.
Weight: 116.6lbs
Cate
Long term member
I think you are too decent for all that online dating crap & you deserve better.
Would taking BCP be such a bad option, Misty?
I am so glad that you refuse to give up on yourself. I admire your tenacity xoxo
misty22
Well-known member
Hey Cate! How are you doing? xoxo
I'm still smad over the guy = sad + mad lol
I went to accupuncture today and will start a course of Chinese herbs soon to see if that helps with PCOS. At this point, drugs are not a bad option. I am starting to slowly accept maybe my body just needs them to stabilize. The amount of money I have poured into naturopaths, supplements, accupuncture, private blood tests, chinese meds, food allergy tests, appointments - I cannot afford to keep up with so many treatments and appointments. My wallet just does not allow it - none of these are covered by the Canadian healthcare system. So I am willing to transition to BCP after this last round of chinese herbal meds. This is the last resort for me and then I will turn to medication. And we will see what happens after that.
misty22
Well-known member
I've come to acceptance over the boy situation. I have come to acceptance over the health situation as well. I will control what I can. My emotions have been up and down. I have been trying to give up caffeine and dairy. I have moved to decaf - today is day #2. Small win. Taking it a day at a time. Lack of energy may mean more naps, but that is OK.
Kingkong1
New member
Iam also I emotional eater and gain and lose weight quickly..got a grasp on it for now but you never know what life can bring you..try to do something else when your stressed..I started doing yoga and my guy friends made fun of me but it has been a complete game changer as far as stress relief..I put my earbuds in and stretch and meditate and breath all the stress away..I dunno if your familiar but YouTube has some great instructional videos..
misty22
Well-known member
Haha thank you. I am finding some relief in accupuncture, but it is not something I can afford regularly. I am going to aim for once a month. I'm glad you have found something that works for you. I want to get back into hot yoga
misty22
Well-known member
My caffeine addiction is proving very difficult to give up - and that is the ONLY thing I have left to give up.
Still continuing the work on improving insulin sensitivity. I'm finding I am very tired and fatigued these days and I have been taking more naps. I guess coffee or not, I'm tired. Maybe my adrenals need a break. I had a food sensitivity test done and eggs and dairy and some other foods are off the list for me, so it's been a couple weeks of diet change, but I feel I am slowly moving towards a good place even if my period is not regular (yet).
I've also started rogaine because the hair situation isn't getting better.
I am also looking into bioidential hormone therapy - along with diet changes - I have a consultation next week.
Anyways, I want to improve insulin sensitivity, for this I will need to:
Goal weight: 105lbs
Still continuing the work on improving insulin sensitivity. I'm finding I am very tired and fatigued these days and I have been taking more naps. I guess coffee or not, I'm tired. Maybe my adrenals need a break. I had a food sensitivity test done and eggs and dairy and some other foods are off the list for me, so it's been a couple weeks of diet change, but I feel I am slowly moving towards a good place even if my period is not regular (yet).
I've also started rogaine because the hair situation isn't getting better.
I am also looking into bioidential hormone therapy - along with diet changes - I have a consultation next week.
Anyways, I want to improve insulin sensitivity, for this I will need to:
- Move/exercise more (walks included)
- Limit intake of carbs and sugar - even healthy sugar like fruits, only 1-2 times per day
- Lose weight
- Discontinue caffeine
Goal weight: 105lbs
misty22
Well-known member
I've been replacing some of my caffeine with decaf but I do miss the "kick". I am addicted, no doubt, but trying to wean myself off. I also find I use coffee as an appetite suppressant and now I do not have a substitute for that. I am going to keep trying, this upcoming weekend, I want to give it up.
misty22
Well-known member
Slowly cleaning up diet and aggrevators.
Phase One: No gluten, no sugar, check.
Phase Two: No nuts, no processed foods, check.
Phase Three: No bananas, limit fruit sugar, no coffee .... in progress...
Phase Four: More green juicing, less cooked meals, veggies for breakfast (To Be Done...)
Phase One: No gluten, no sugar, check.
Phase Two: No nuts, no processed foods, check.
Phase Three: No bananas, limit fruit sugar, no coffee .... in progress...
Phase Four: More green juicing, less cooked meals, veggies for breakfast (To Be Done...)
Last edited:
PLB
Moderator
It was somewhat easy for me to give up caffeine as it made me feel crappy! But I wish you luck. I think if you cut back slowly, your body will eventually adjust.
misty22
Well-known member
Hey forum, been a while since my last visit.
This week I started on medication, metformin, (one of three options) and the side effects have been brutal. I've been feeling nausea, diarrhea, weakness and the taste of my mouth has changed. The nausea makes me want to eat more sugar, which goes against why I am taking the medication. It is to make my cells more sensitive to insulin which will lower male hormones and enable ovulation. Ovulation is what will help my body produce the female hormones I need to function normally. It has been a really rough road with my body these past 2- 3 years.
I am seeing the naturopath next week to see my latest blood results too. She's a bit too relaxed for me - but whatever. Depending on when my next cycle is, will have to see how low my estrogen and progesterone is so that she can evaluate what kind of bio-identical hormone therapy I need. We are also testing for adrenal fatigue.
My last normal period was 9 months ago.
I feel I have aged badly - not just because of the lack of hormonal balance but the work that has gone into just getting to a viable solution and the amount of wear and tear on mind/body.
Anyways.... all this has put my job hunting on the backburner.
When I go on dates, I have no interest in explaining my food restrictions and why. And I hate when people probe into what kind of hormonal imbalance I have and offer suggestions. One date was like, do you exercise? ... I'm like...ugh: a)I have zero energy to exercise due to low estrogen/progesterone b) I actually do exercise and it feels like I am dragging a dead body around - the heaviness and weight due to lack of energy makes its tough c) if you think I am fat, why are you even holding this conversation with me... (all my internal thoughts though lol).
The online dating world is very very visual. It's so pretentious and it's 99% about physical attraction. I mean all people go by are pictures. I haven't yet found someone and I have been off the apps lately because I want to focus on me. The new medication has been tough on my body. I do not feel like myself at all. I miss me. If that makes sense. Hopefully my body can adjust to the meds and they work. I have to wait it out for 1 - 3 months.
Anyways - life continues - worst case I have been considering shaving my head and getting a wig. In terms of love life, if it doesn't happen, it does not happen. I'll invest my energy in other areas and with other people.
CW: 114.2lbs
GW: 105lbs
To go: 9.2lbs
-----------------------------------------------
This week I started on medication, metformin, (one of three options) and the side effects have been brutal. I've been feeling nausea, diarrhea, weakness and the taste of my mouth has changed. The nausea makes me want to eat more sugar, which goes against why I am taking the medication. It is to make my cells more sensitive to insulin which will lower male hormones and enable ovulation. Ovulation is what will help my body produce the female hormones I need to function normally. It has been a really rough road with my body these past 2- 3 years.
I am seeing the naturopath next week to see my latest blood results too. She's a bit too relaxed for me - but whatever. Depending on when my next cycle is, will have to see how low my estrogen and progesterone is so that she can evaluate what kind of bio-identical hormone therapy I need. We are also testing for adrenal fatigue.
My last normal period was 9 months ago.
I feel I have aged badly - not just because of the lack of hormonal balance but the work that has gone into just getting to a viable solution and the amount of wear and tear on mind/body.
Anyways.... all this has put my job hunting on the backburner.
When I go on dates, I have no interest in explaining my food restrictions and why. And I hate when people probe into what kind of hormonal imbalance I have and offer suggestions. One date was like, do you exercise? ... I'm like...ugh: a)I have zero energy to exercise due to low estrogen/progesterone b) I actually do exercise and it feels like I am dragging a dead body around - the heaviness and weight due to lack of energy makes its tough c) if you think I am fat, why are you even holding this conversation with me... (all my internal thoughts though lol).
The online dating world is very very visual. It's so pretentious and it's 99% about physical attraction. I mean all people go by are pictures. I haven't yet found someone and I have been off the apps lately because I want to focus on me. The new medication has been tough on my body. I do not feel like myself at all. I miss me. If that makes sense. Hopefully my body can adjust to the meds and they work. I have to wait it out for 1 - 3 months.
Anyways - life continues - worst case I have been considering shaving my head and getting a wig. In terms of love life, if it doesn't happen, it does not happen. I'll invest my energy in other areas and with other people.
CW: 114.2lbs
GW: 105lbs
To go: 9.2lbs
-----------------------------------------------
Cate
Long term member
Hi, Misty. I hope the side effects of the meds disappear soon, hon & I also really hope that your hormones settle enough to enable you to have a happy & fulfilling life.
Good for you. You have a great attitude & do have lots of inner strength
misty22
Well-known member
Hi, Misty. I hope the side effects of the meds disappear soon, hon & I also really hope that your hormones settle enough to enable you to have a happy & fulfilling life.
Good for you. You have a great attitude & do have lots of inner strength
Thanks so much, Cate. It has been a crazy health journey so far. Trying to stay positive and look at the bigger picture
Hope you're doing well!
misty22
Well-known member
Life update:
Health:
Been on metformin for about 3-4 weeks now and my body is slowly adjusting. I'm on bioidentical progesterone for 14 days on and 14 days off. I have a vaginal ultrasound and pap smear booked next week to get a referral to the PCOS clinic in Toronto. I've also scheduled some time to switch doctors in August. My symptoms are still full force but I'm giving this a couple of cycles. My estrogen is still low.
Continuing to evaluate medical + bio-identical hormone route.
Weight is hovering at 113/114lbs - finding it very hard to lose weight. This is due to the PCOS. Also been feeling very low energy.
Looking at wigs as the hair loss has not slowed down. I have started using hair fibres but - sigh - my confidence is tanking. Looking at wigs as an option - whether temporary or perm, I do not know. Human hair, best kind, is $1000+ per wig.
My diet has slipped. I feel like giving up.
Work:
It has been a brutal week. My company is going through a restructure soon and I am desperately going to look for work this weekend. I can't stand the office. I've held on because of my health but I need to let go. I can't do it anymore. I have reached my breaking point. Feeling stressed with multiple things going on at the same time.
Love Life:
Non existent. Have gotten off the dating apps until I can fix my health somewhat. Or unless I run into my partner. Either way, off the apps.
I'm turning 35 in a few weeks. You know, I did not plan for life to be this way. I wanted to be married with two kids at 25. And when 25 came and went, I convinced myself I was going to get there at 27...and then 30...and then 32...and then 34. And...well, here I am. It hurts. It really does. The impact my hormones have had over the past two years has been gut wrenching. I should be thankful for whatever I have. And I am. I would hate for anything else to go wrong. But at the same time, I feel really broken and I want things to be normal.
I've been convincing myself that my life just is not intended to be normal - the picket fence dream, kids dream, husband dream, hair dream - it just may not be in my cards. I need to accept it and live an uncoventional life perhaps. I feel like I am fighting my own body day in and day out and I just really am asking for God and the universe to give me break. I just really need a break. A blessing. A pause. Whatever. I am in need of whatever help I can get. I'm not sure why I wake up every day. I am not sure what my purpose is. If the universe is trying to tell me something, I reall really wish it would just tell me flat out. I'm tired and my mental health has not been good. I am tired of talking to my friends and family - they just don't understand. I am tired of explaining people in the medical filed my symptoms. I am tired of having blood drawn. I am tired of low energy and mood swings. I am tired of hair loss. I am tired of taking time off work for doctor appointments. I am tired of putting job hunting on hold out of fear of starting work somewhere else and having my symptoms worsen. I am tired of not feeling confident to date due to the hair loss. I am tired of my weight clinging onto my small frame and people asking me if I am exercising. I am tired of friends fucking diet suggestions. I am tired of putting up with Ryan and Lauren at work when I know I can do their jobs better than they can. I am tired of being scared to wash my hair because so much falls in the shower. I am tired of googling PCOS, watching PCOS videos, and following people with PCOS on instagram. I am tired of sympathy - I don't need it. I need a solution. And I cannot crack this. And I am just ...I don't know. I feel like I have lost at life. I'm tired. I need help.
I have a put a lot down here but it's because I am literally at my wit's end. I feel like I am going through a breakdown. And no one can help.
Health:
Been on metformin for about 3-4 weeks now and my body is slowly adjusting. I'm on bioidentical progesterone for 14 days on and 14 days off. I have a vaginal ultrasound and pap smear booked next week to get a referral to the PCOS clinic in Toronto. I've also scheduled some time to switch doctors in August. My symptoms are still full force but I'm giving this a couple of cycles. My estrogen is still low.
Continuing to evaluate medical + bio-identical hormone route.
Weight is hovering at 113/114lbs - finding it very hard to lose weight. This is due to the PCOS. Also been feeling very low energy.
Looking at wigs as the hair loss has not slowed down. I have started using hair fibres but - sigh - my confidence is tanking. Looking at wigs as an option - whether temporary or perm, I do not know. Human hair, best kind, is $1000+ per wig.
My diet has slipped. I feel like giving up.
Work:
It has been a brutal week. My company is going through a restructure soon and I am desperately going to look for work this weekend. I can't stand the office. I've held on because of my health but I need to let go. I can't do it anymore. I have reached my breaking point. Feeling stressed with multiple things going on at the same time.
Love Life:
Non existent. Have gotten off the dating apps until I can fix my health somewhat. Or unless I run into my partner. Either way, off the apps.
I'm turning 35 in a few weeks. You know, I did not plan for life to be this way. I wanted to be married with two kids at 25. And when 25 came and went, I convinced myself I was going to get there at 27...and then 30...and then 32...and then 34. And...well, here I am. It hurts. It really does. The impact my hormones have had over the past two years has been gut wrenching. I should be thankful for whatever I have. And I am. I would hate for anything else to go wrong. But at the same time, I feel really broken and I want things to be normal.
I've been convincing myself that my life just is not intended to be normal - the picket fence dream, kids dream, husband dream, hair dream - it just may not be in my cards. I need to accept it and live an uncoventional life perhaps. I feel like I am fighting my own body day in and day out and I just really am asking for God and the universe to give me break. I just really need a break. A blessing. A pause. Whatever. I am in need of whatever help I can get. I'm not sure why I wake up every day. I am not sure what my purpose is. If the universe is trying to tell me something, I reall really wish it would just tell me flat out. I'm tired and my mental health has not been good. I am tired of talking to my friends and family - they just don't understand. I am tired of explaining people in the medical filed my symptoms. I am tired of having blood drawn. I am tired of low energy and mood swings. I am tired of hair loss. I am tired of taking time off work for doctor appointments. I am tired of putting job hunting on hold out of fear of starting work somewhere else and having my symptoms worsen. I am tired of not feeling confident to date due to the hair loss. I am tired of my weight clinging onto my small frame and people asking me if I am exercising. I am tired of friends fucking diet suggestions. I am tired of putting up with Ryan and Lauren at work when I know I can do their jobs better than they can. I am tired of being scared to wash my hair because so much falls in the shower. I am tired of googling PCOS, watching PCOS videos, and following people with PCOS on instagram. I am tired of sympathy - I don't need it. I need a solution. And I cannot crack this. And I am just ...I don't know. I feel like I have lost at life. I'm tired. I need help.
I have a put a lot down here but it's because I am literally at my wit's end. I feel like I am going through a breakdown. And no one can help.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Misty, I can't help with most of your issues, they are outside of my expertise. I would if I could.
What I can tell you that at 35 you still have a lot of good life ahead of you to look forward to. Keep that in mind, all of this will one day be a distant memory.
Best of luck to you.
What I can tell you that at 35 you still have a lot of good life ahead of you to look forward to. Keep that in mind, all of this will one day be a distant memory.
Best of luck to you.