Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

alligatorob said:
I like that! Making it work is what its all about.
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Thank you, Rob!!!!
 
Some days I think I am fucking nuts. Like when I tell people about how I am feeling, not feeling, I feel the silent judgement and perhaps the sympathy. I came across this article and it spoke to me. Jeanette Winterson: can you stop the menopause?

After two years of mental breakdown, I was physically depleted, unable to sleep and my hair was falling out. Was my only choice HRT? Or was there a natural alternative?

I feel like this.

This article is very very informative and discusses some heavy issues. Sometimes I wish I could have an educated conversation with someone about hormones (besides the naturopaths and doctors, who seem to have limited information on their own).

This part was such a sad but true read. As I get older, I also feel I need to "keep up" - especially in a city like Toronto.

Gluck acknowledges that women carry a heavy cultural load that comes with ageing. Men mature, women get old. Men leave their wives for a younger model. Women hate the creasing and wrinkling, the vaginal dryness and loss of libido that seems to be part of the aging process – and the fact that there is only a limited amount of time in which to bear children.

"Hormone treatment is not a miracle cure for misogyny. Society does not value older women, and often, older women do not value themselves. I do not believe that we can be forever young – or even that we should want to be – nor do I believe that bearing children late in life is healthy for women's bodies."

I have been on bioidentical progesterone but it has not helped so far. Next step is seeking bioidentical estrogen - after all my blood testing and fertility testing is done. I want to freeze my eggs also.
 
Hi, Misty. I feel that I shouldn't give you any advice on this because I have had 2 sons & it doesn't seem ok for me to try. I can't just hear your pain & frustration without trying to help. You said you didn't think this is just the PCOS. I don't think you should ever say just PCOS, because PCOS bloody sucks! A friend of mine who I met from the forum suffers from it. She is older than you. She has never had children & has married a lovely man since I met her. She is really happy & very much in love. She met a man who loved her, regardless of whether she could have kids or not.
You're right in that society still does not value older women as they should & judge differently on appearances. We have to fight against this. Part of the blame comes from older, vain women themselves who bitch about other women. I have earned every wrinkle that I have. Be yourself, Misty. Be that strong woman that I know you are, rock that wig, take hormones to try to get your body functioning properly, freeze your eggs if you can, but go on living your life the best you can. I really do think that you are strong & I admire you for fighting PCOS.
I wish I could come over & give you a great big hug. We could go shopping for that wig together. I could come with you to appointments.......
Sending you lots of love, hon xoxo Cate.
 
Hey Misty, I read your posts and can feel your pain, but am frustrated that I know too little about most of your problems to even comment intelligently, let alone suggest anything.

I do have one idea, Rob B, Vic and I have a kind of no binge no purge pact thing going. Would you join us? I know you'd be welcome. The only thing you have to do is commit not to binge or purge today, that's all, one day at a time. We try to check in with each other daily, that really helps me, but have no actual rules.

No matter your other issues I can be pretty sure that not bingeing will feel better than bingeing. It sure does for me, but I have to struggle a lot to suppress the urge, one day at a time is the only way I can do it. I don't know if you purge, and you don't have to tell me. It's not a requirement of membership, I don't, but it seems to me the two are related so we call it the no b/p pact. What do you think? No pressure, if you don't want to I understand, and I will still follow and comment on your diary.
 
Hi Misty, you're welcome to join the no b/p group. We're checking in on my diary right now in the evenings US time but maybe we'll create a group. Sorry to hear about the PCOS. I can relate to feeling silently judged (by people who were supposedly helping me and experts), mentally broken down, physically depleted, and unable to sleep for years. Seriously years. I'm coming out of it finally and the causes are not at all the same but perhaps the struggles are similar. You seem to be digging deep and facing it bluntly and fully and I think that's what you need. I think that's courageous and something to be proud of. Have you searched for other forums and support groups on PCOS? There's a lot of power in connecting with others going through it. Find it, use it, keep searching for the answers, tell your truth and keep reaching out.
 
Cate said:
Hi, Misty. I feel that I shouldn't give you any advice on this because I have had 2 sons & it doesn't seem ok for me to try. I can't just hear your pain & frustration without trying to help. You said you didn't think this is just the PCOS. I don't think you should ever say just PCOS, because PCOS bloody sucks! A friend of mine who I met from the forum suffers from it. She is older than you. She has never had children & has married a lovely man since I met her. She is really happy & very much in love. She met a man who loved her, regardless of whether she could have kids or not.
You're right in that society still does not value older women as they should & judge differently on appearances. We have to fight against this. Part of the blame comes from older, vain women themselves who bitch about other women. I have earned every wrinkle that I have. Be yourself, Misty. Be that strong woman that I know you are, rock that wig, take hormones to try to get your body functioning properly, freeze your eggs if you can, but go on living your life the best you can. I really do think that you are strong & I admire you for fighting PCOS.
I wish I could come over & give you a great big hug. We could go shopping for that wig together. I could come with you to appointments.......
Sending you lots of love, hon xoxo Cate.
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Thank you, your support means so much to me, you have no idea. xxxxxxxxxx
 
alligatorob said:
Hey Misty, I read your posts and can feel your pain, but am frustrated that I know too little about most of your problems to even comment intelligently, let alone suggest anything.

I do have one idea, Rob B, Vic and I have a kind of no binge no purge pact thing going. Would you join us? I know you'd be welcome. The only thing you have to do is commit not to binge or purge today, that's all, one day at a time. We try to check in with each other daily, that really helps me, but have no actual rules.

No matter your other issues I can be pretty sure that not bingeing will feel better than bingeing. It sure does for me, but I have to struggle a lot to suppress the urge, one day at a time is the only way I can do it. I don't know if you purge, and you don't have to tell me. It's not a requirement of membership, I don't, but it seems to me the two are related so we call it the no b/p pact. What do you think? No pressure, if you don't want to I understand, and I will still follow and comment on your diary.
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Hi Rob, thanks! Is the no-binge pact online in this community? If so, I wouldn't mind joining. I do not purge. I'm trying to handle emotional eating - I always eat my emotions. Even the coffee I reach out to in the mornings - in an effort to help me take on the day. All tied to emotions, sadly. I'm not sure how to get out of the loop.
 
bensanon said:
Hi Misty, you're welcome to join the no b/p group. We're checking in on my diary right now in the evenings US time but maybe we'll create a group. Sorry to hear about the PCOS. I can relate to feeling silently judged (by people who were supposedly helping me and experts), mentally broken down, physically depleted, and unable to sleep for years. Seriously years. I'm coming out of it finally and the causes are not at all the same but perhaps the struggles are similar. You seem to be digging deep and facing it bluntly and fully and I think that's what you need. I think that's courageous and something to be proud of. Have you searched for other forums and support groups on PCOS? There's a lot of power in connecting with others going through it. Find it, use it, keep searching for the answers, tell your truth and keep reaching out.
Click to expand...

Hello! Yes, I have been active on all platforms that I can be. Unfortunately, I think my type is individualistic, not many people with low estrogen. I have the naturopaths stumped. I am visiting the endocrinologist today but he is very young (30s) and I'm not 100% sure he gets it from a women's perspective or how specialized he is in reproductive health/ women's issues. I am trying to be positive. People like you, Rob, Cate, give me so much emotional support and well-wishes, I appreciate it so much. A lot of people not going through a health struggle, cannot relate. And I think as women, we do get judged for our "hormones" so just talking about it to others sometimes, at work expecially, makes me feel very self conscious. And I sometimes do talk about it at work b/c the sick days, days off for appointments, mood swings, why aren't you dating etc. - people do ask. And sometimes, I just want to share to make it easy on myself.

I almost sound too negative sometimes, I know. But this is a place I come to vent. Because I have no one and no where else to do it really.
 
CW: 111.2

Have not eaten well this morning but will not ruin the day. Endo appointment - not much news - more blood tests and said to go on the pill. He also said I'd need to be off the pill for 2 -3 more months until egg freezing procedure. I'm feeling worse about not getting the hormones I need and I'm not sure I can go through any more from a mental perspective. I meet the naturopath on Mon and will ask about bioidentical hormones and whether I need to be off them as well until I freeze my eggs. First there is a consult (I am waiting for an appointment) and then there is the procedure at Mount Sinai hospital.

Consult includes blood tests to see if my ovarian reserve is OK - which will then lead to egg freezing.
 
Hope you can get the egg procedure done asap so you can get on the pill asap.
Eat healthily today hon & keep looking after yourself as best you can. As you eat imagine your food nourishing your body. Your body deserves every little bit of TLC that you give it. :grouphug:
 
Going to work on leaky gut. I'm grasping at straws to figure out what I can fix and "gut health" is important. Basically means stripping out acidic foods (for me coffee) and I am going to incorporate L-glutamine and Collagen Peptides. I'm trying to do what I can between appointments.
 
Since I left for Turkey, I have been having major fatigue. I know it is the hormones. But it is preventing me from exercising + socializing and I am sleeping up to 12 hour days. I took a few WFH days last week too which I don't think Ryan/Lauren liked. Then again, Ryan/Lauren do not have PCOS. I am basically a hermit, which is so unlike me. I like meeting people. I feel isolated and alone on weekends. I have been eating to feel "energized" but it is not effective. Instead I overeat without feeling energized. I have also been relying too much on caffeine. It is a vicious cycle. I am not sure what to do except for to listen to my body and sleep.

I see the naturopath on Mon and the family doctor on Wed for a physical/blood tests.

I am continuing with the progesterone cream but I am not seeing the results expected (regular cycles).

Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day. Need my energy.
 
:( Sorry to hear things are feeling uphill right now.
Caution: I am not a nutritionist: I know you can find advisers out there (and in here, too!) who are much more qualified than I am, but for me, I got a big boost in energy when I started to take fish oil. But watch out, it makes the taker much more liable to bruising.
 
Hi, Misty. I just got sidetracked looking up fish oil as I used to take it & my sister talked me into taking flax instead. I'm getting fish oil again as my arthritis has been bad & that may help. I used to take evening primrose oil when I was young & that helped with the rattiness of periods. It is so hard to think of something to help you. Just know that I care & I really hope you get this sorted. :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
Hi, Misty. I just got sidetracked looking up fish oil as I used to take it & my sister talked me into taking flax instead. I'm getting fish oil again as my arthritis has been bad & that may help. I used to take evening primrose oil when I was young & that helped with the rattiness of periods. It is so hard to think of something to help you. Just know that I care & I really hope you get this sorted. :grouphug:
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No worries! I've heard & tried it all lol. I have so many supplements. I will attach pics of my supplement corner (I have an entire corner) and my fridge one day. People mean well and maybe I need to be committed to supplements a bit more. I'm not sure, but fish oils aren't a bad suggestion. Thank you!!
 
So I decided to get out of the house today and txted a friend to go see the movie Hustlers. I know I am going to be exhausted but I need to get out or I will go stir crazy.

I am slowly beginning to think what is causing my hormones to be imbalanced is a low-functioning pituitary gland that blood tests are not picking up. This is my hypothesis and the best one I have to date. I have been to three Western doctors, four naturopaths, one endocrinologist, one gynecologist, one dermatologist and one hair loss clinic and have read multiple literature and articles and followed numerous practicioners and instagram personalities online. And this is the best guess I have after two years of this "journey". If we cannot find anything after my blood tests this round, I am going to resign myself to this theory. I may not give up because I am crazy like that but this is my best theory. That or my ovaries and failing and again, blood tests are not picking it up. Something is not being picked up. Anyways, a solution is always based on the root cause. I have not been able to pinpoint the root cause so of course, treatment will not be as effective perhaps. I can say though that I have given this my all. I truly have. And I am proud of myself for that. I am sad that I could not find a cause/solution. But I did give it my all.
 
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