Terrible weekend. I vacillated between going and staying home since the race was 2 hours away and I felt like crap up till the moment of decision. The stubborn side of me gave in and I went despite being totally sleep deprived for a week and having a fever. I'm a moron, I know. I had also pulled a muscle in my back the night before because of coughing so hard so that was hurting when I would even so much as take a deep breath.
I met my friend at the race and tried to get my head into it. I hadn't done much visualization of it, which is a major no no for me. I only succeed when I go over something a thousand times in my brain. I hadn't had time for that since i'd been so distracted with sickness. I also didn't warm up before my race because it was split second timing once I got there (it was really foggy that morning, took a long time to drive). Anyway, I went out too fast. I couldn't feel my pace, I was freezing to death and I was so concentrated on my shin pain that I just couldn't get into what I was supposed to do. 7:04. yes, that was my first mile. lol. 7:15 was my second, 7:23 was my third and then there was water. I was really hurting everywhere at that point. It was certainly not a pace I could maintain for another 3 miles but I knew I COULD back off and maintain an 8min pace and still be under goal time. So I tried that, I went slower....and after water I got another mile down at 7:55 pace and my ears started ringing, I got all chilly and clammy and I knew I was going to throw up. Luckily this was a massive park we were running in. I did my duty in the bushes, stripped my ipod off, rolled up my sleeves, and surrendered as I walked. I was so upset. My friend who was far behind me finally caught up with me and I ran in with her (she was holding 9 min miles) and that was fine. I ran in at 53 minutes. lol. I think had I been a little WISER i would have shattered my goal time. You live, you learn. I shouldn't have even been there, I was sick and stupid.
ANyway, I'm hanging up the running shoes for a while. I'm demotivated to go for anything more at this point and I'm tired of injuries! I was following Lance Armstrong (he just ran the NYC marathon) and it talked about how he is so stalky and muscular-so in contrast to the guys who are winning this thing. He felt like his weight (180 from 165 in his tour de france days) was really a hinderance. I TOTALLY feel that too. I feel like even if I could lose 5 pounds it would make a difference in my running. Today I was 133. I don't usually feel too "light" on my feet and as a runner, lightness is definitly an advantage.
SO anyway, thats my sob story

I'm taking a few days off, maybe the whole week just to recouperate and get over whatever I've got since its not really going away. Then I need to find a new something to strive for.