Punky's Diary....

Punky

Punky

New member
Ok well, here I am at 11:30 at night, searching this site for inspiration. Another year has found me saying the same things I've said for 20 years....I can't believe it's been that long. I'll be thinner by summer, then if I really get at it I can be thinner by Christmas....over and over with no end. I want it so bad...it's all I think about. I am preoccupied yet I always defeat myself. Am I afraid of who I will be when (or if) I'm thin? Am I afraid of how people will treat me when I'm thin? Will they notice me more? Will men make more eye contact?
I am really afraid that I won't be able to play with my son - he is not walking yet, but that is just around the corner, and my knees hurt and my feet hurt and I'm tired.
I am at the gym 3-4 times a week, but I can't stop eating so it never amounts to much.
I need to really try....when I do start to lose weight and people start noticing? I usually stop...I can't keep going...what the hell is wrong with me???
 
Hi Punky !! Welcome aboard :D

Congratulations on your baby boy. I just love baby boys. I had two and now they are 12 and 14 and I must say I have loved every minute of it. :D

I am sure you will have just as much fun with your son as I have with mine. I did use to play with them, but not as much as their dad. He was more the fun guy and I was more the love and kisses.... We are in the sports faze now.

I take it this is your first? You will find that you love every stage they go through, even though some may exhaust you.

I understand how you are feeling. I also have been waiting or a good forum to join with a bunch of good people who share my weight burdon.. It can be too much to bear alone. You will find there is a lot of support here and as you noticed there is even a section for new moms...

Since you have been wanting to lose weight for some time now, maybe we all here can help and encourage you. Hang around and give it a try. As you can see there will be a lot of fit and healthy people here by the end of this year. :cool:

This year has just started and you are right on time to join in....

I am an emotional eater and I also eat when I am tired. Maybe thru posting here you can discover what triggers your eating.. Maybe you already know and just need that extra encouragement or new idea.

I think its great that you go to the gym so often. It can only help. Now you just need to get your eating in control. A lot of us are trying the old fashioned way of counting calories. Personally, I combined counting calories (no more than 1200) with 30 min of treadmill and I have lost 8 lbs this month. Yippee..... You may find lots of good healthy low cal snack ideas on the forum. You will also see an emphisis on drinking lots of water.

I am sure when you lose weight people will notice because, judging by your pic, you are a beautiful woman and will become a beautiful fit woman. When you work hard for something you should be proud of your accomplishments.

Just take it day by day. Get as much sleep as that adorable son will let you, drink water and try to make healthy choices.

Dont give up, get online :D
 
What I have learned

Hello!

Congratulations on taking the first step, it truly is the most important! I wanted to let you know that I just started dieting a week ago today, and I lost 2.8lbs in my first week. Honestly, I was just like you! I ate when I wanted to, ate when I didn't, ate when there was nothing else to do.....I didn't even really think about it before...it just did it! What I have learned from one week of weight watchers, is to just think about it first. For example: Eggo Waffles with magarine and syrup used to be my favorite weekend breakfast. I would PILE on the margarine and syrup, probably about 3 tbsp of each on two waffles. When I added up how many points that was...I couldn't BELEIVE IT! But I never thought about it before, I just did it, and I thought they would taste bad any other way. Well, I found these "eggo plus" waffles, they are whole wheat, and way less points...I popped two of those in my toaster, and put one tbsp each of marg. and syrup...guess what? my waffles tasted just as good!!! Moral of the story: moderation is key! I didn't realize that I was overdoing it before, now I do.

And, WATER WATER WATER! It really is true! You flush the fat! The more you can drink the better! When you get sick of the taste, add a squeeze of lemon juice, or drink it hot with lemon in it...it really is key! Remember to weigh and measure yourself in a consistent way, like every Tuesday night, or Every Sunday morning. They do say that the best time is in the AM...but I'm no expert.

Anyway, good luck, we are all here for you, I find it really helpful to read the diaries of others to gain inspiration.

Good Luck!
Believe in you!!
 
Bailey.....
thanks so much for your reply! Two boys! WOW - you survived and that gives me hope! Mine is a little handful already - but very sweet.
I am hoping to change my thinking while I visit this site. There are alot of things that have brought me to this point, but I know that understanding that and actually taking action to change are different.
I am hopeful though! Thank you so much for taking the time to write me a response - I really appreciate it.
 
ShawnaB....
thank you for your reply!
you're right....that is good advice - thinking more before shovelling things into my mouth, and are there healthier ways to enjoy the same foods? - good point! It's so hard for me to give up my diet coke and switch to water but everyone says that it's important to drink lots of water so it must be true! Thank you so much!
 
Punky's Diary

I have to say that after joining this site yesterday I am inspired...today I was really careful with my food choices, and I survived an hour of cardio party (which is an aerobics class with a very misleading name) I even made it there on time after dropping my baby off at his Oma's - last week I was late and my sweats were on backwards!
I've been thinking about my mother lately (her and I don't speak) - she is morbidly obese and that is why my father left her. I wonder sometimes if this is my way of testing my relationship with my husband? Not on a concious level of course...not that he has ever been anything but compassiontate and loving....and interested! It is funny how something we see as a child can manifest itself in grown up life.
I think part of me is afraid to be thin....afraid of the attention that could bring.
People keep telling me it is one day at a time, one meal at a time....one choice at a time.....that is good advice.
 
You know what? It is gonna be hard the first couple of days without diet coke, because caffine is an addictive substance, so you'll get headaches and such as you go through the withdrawls, I won't lie to you about that. I had to go through it myself. But once you get it out of your system, it is SO MUCH EASIER. I actually find that I can't even finish an individual bottle of diet pop before it either goes warm or flat anymore, the taste is just too much.

I'll be honest with you again: even though I should have gotten it out of my system in 2 or 3 days, I slipped up a lot, and it took almost two weeks to kick my pop habit ;)

Its true though, that water is the most important thing you can change about your diet. Drink as much of it as possible, aim for at least 2L a day.

I've also found that you don't have to completely cut out your favourite foods from your diet, you just have to train yourself to only eat it in moderation. For example, you can eat on a side dish instead of a full dinner plate, and wait at least 10 minutes before filling it up again (and then only if you are truly still hungry!). Set yourself a daily goal for food intake, whether it be calories, points, or grams of carbs/proteins/fat... whichever works best to you - just make sure you stick to it!

I know you have the willpower to do it, and we're all here to help you for when you don't :)
 
Hey girl you can do this and you are off to a Great start excercising! I have a 2 year old and she is the reason to do better for me also! You can do this and before you let your fears defeat you think about it and come here to vent in this diary! Set the goal to be healthy for your son and yourself! Dont worry so much about what other people will think when you lose the weight just think about how proud you will be and feel and how much more healthy and energetic you will be with your son! I am here if ya need me!
 
another idea is go to the local library and check out some motivation cassette tapes, cds or dvds. I pop them into my car when I am driving. You may already have an idea who you want to listen to but some good tapes are any by:

Covert Bailey (especially the fit or fat woman)
Zig Ziglar
Weight watchers has some tapes out

This will help with your postive thinking

Keep up the good (and hard) work... If you are stuggling with the idea of being thin, then strive for being at a fit and healthy weight any hey, thin may end up coming with it.
 
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Beagle....
thanks for your reply...I really think that aside from water being good for me - I also eat less when I am only drinking water. I seem to eat more with diet coke, because so many things seem to go with it - does that make any sense? It's part of the eating experience. It's like popcorn at a movie. I am going to try though. Thanks for the encouraging words. What is the standard calorie intake for a woman (per day)?
 
Thanks redneckwoman....
you are so sweet! Northern Kentucky - what's that like?
I am trying to remember my son (his name is Riley) everytime I feel like giving up. I don't want him to be embarrassed by me. I never wanted kids but he has changed my life (truly) Thank you for your kind words.
 
bailey....
thanks girl! that's a great idea...I didn't realize there were motivational tapes. You're right I need to change my thinking - it isn't about being "thin" it is about being fit and healthy.
 
Hi Punky! glad to have you here.

I have this really weird way to keep myself motivated. I use math and I loathe math. Hate it. But it comes in handy for what Im doing with my weight.

I firstly make sure I have a good read on the scale first thing in the morning. I record it somewhere. I pick a good solid # of pounds I PLAN on being. (im short, and my goal is 120. I get out a calendar, and count 2 pounds a week from where I started to where I plan to end up. I figure how many miles I need to walk, (lots of calculators online for this) and how fewer calories I need to eat. After trying everything there is out there, the only thing that works for most anyone is eat right, exercise.(and water too!)

Then, I tell myself, WHY do I want to waste time in these next six months dilly dallying around? There's the goal, there's what it takes to get to the goal. I dunno, I just have to do it this way, and it has worked. I really think that if I hadnt succeeded in previous weight loss my weight would have gotten much higher than the 160s. Something about the 160s makes my face explode, and my body become uncooperative. Its my signal that I better get it off, and quick. My high blood pressure is what Im always complaining about in my diary, and some others have diabetes and such. Best motivator I know of to get the fat off.

Dont get me wrong, I have my cheat days. I strive to have them after small goals are met, but it doesnt always work out that way. My cheat days are a splurge on a couple beers, or maybe a juicy steak. But the steak is gonna be with veggies, and not french fries..Thats what I mean by occasional cheats. Lots of folks here have a couple of kisses or reeses cups. We are learning that ya DONT HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG! (I used to jones for wintergreen lifesavers...a bag a freaking DAY!) not cool.

I hope you come back often and post often and believe me, it will help!

Glad you could join us all!
 
SkinnyKate said:
My cheat days are a splurge on a couple beers, or maybe a juicy steak. But the steak is gonna be with veggies, and not french fries..Thats what I mean by occasional cheats. Lots of folks here have a couple of kisses or reeses cups. We are learning that ya DONT HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG!
Click to expand...

skinnykate i like your idea of cheat days! i think its a really good idea, at least u wont go insane, b/c u know u have those days to enjoy that food!
 
Punky said:
Beagle....
thanks for your reply...I really think that aside from water being good for me - I also eat less when I am only drinking water. I seem to eat more with diet coke, because so many things seem to go with it - does that make any sense? It's part of the eating experience. It's like popcorn at a movie. I am going to try though. Thanks for the encouraging words. What is the standard calorie intake for a woman (per day)?
Click to expand...
It varies depending on your height, but (there are tons out there, I just use that one because its first on the google list). It'll calculate the number of calories you need to take to maintain your current weight. Subtract 500-1000 calories from that to get your daily intake goal.

Note: 500 calories less a day will result in 1lb loss per week assuming no exercise. Regular exercise will bump that up to 2 or even 3 lbs per week. I wouldn't suggest cutting 1000 calories off unless you are not able to exercise at all because you run the risk of gimping your metabolism. Also note: since you're a canadian, I'll just tell you now there are about 2.5lbs to a kg if that's how you're weighing yourself.

For example, my info (age 21, 193lbs, 5'6", and the 'no exercise' option as a default) indicates I should take in 2058 calories a day to maintain this weight if I sit on my big rear all day ;) I generally aim for 1300-1500 calories a day, and 3x20x2 (2 20-minute workouts a day, 3 days a week) minute workouts a week. Recently I've been averaging 2lbs off a week. So it won't be that hard for you!
 
Beagle....
thank you! I tried that online calculater and it helped - now I know what I need to do!
 
SkinnyKate....
Hey girl! Thanks for the reply!
I like your approach - very No-Nonsense. WinterGreen Lifesavers? They sound so innocent! I will kepp posting and thanks for taking the time to write!
 
Well, last night I let myself down again. After I put the baby to bed I was watching TV and thinking about eating...I pushed the thoughts out till midnight and then I broke down and had trailmix, melted cheese on bread, and 2 Lindt chocolates. I'm like an addict. That constant nagging sensation to eat reminds me of what I felt like when I quit smoking. I layed in bed for a long time beating myself up - vicious circle this is...
I'm back on the wagon this morning.
I was convinced last night that I really need to change my thinking....my ideal day - the best thing I can come up with for a dream day is to be ALONE with a bucket of Kentucky Fried and chips and dip and a ton of chocolate and a truckload of Haagan Daaz. I decided it would be much better to spend the day with my son and husband on the beach - comfortable enough to not be thinking about my body...just having fun. Not hiding out and eating!!
Any of you gone to overeaters anonymous? And your thoughts on that? I've been but found it terribly depressing and not really realistic.
that's it for today!
 
Stay Strong, Punky! I know its hard, I'm going through cravings like mad!

I'm supporting you all the way though!!!
 
Hang in there. I think we all start out sooo motivated to be good all the time, and then we find its a lot harder than we thought. We all are going to have our breakdowns from time to time. But you have a great attitude, getting right back on the wagon the next day. Its that type of committment that will help you to reach your ultimate goals.

Your vision of spending the day at the beach with your family sounds great! I really miss going to the beach. Haven't been since last summer when we spent a week camping at the beach. It was great just hanging out, swimming with the kids. Can't wait for summer to get back here so we can go back again.

I have never been to overeaters anonymous. Sorry to hear its depressing. Wonder if anyone on here has had better experiences.
 
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