🦋 My's Journey 🦋

Not feeling the best these days. It's supposed to be a restful weekend but I'm dreading the week ahead re: work. Also anxiety about v-day. I just have to get through this week.

My main "reason why" for weight loss is that I don't want to feel how I left last summer again. I don't just mean physically. I felt emotionally, and spiritually unhealthy. It was just the worst when you know you're capable of achieving so much more but you just don't put the discipline to do so. Discipline is the highest form of self love.
 
I've been enjoying my meals these past couple weeks. I do see the problem areas and have put fixes in place (i.e. not buying trigger foods) so I think going forward I'll be good. I just can't keep eating such high calories and such little protein, I know it's not good. But now i know better so I can hopefully do better too.
 
Work is insane, I'm at my pinnacle right now. It's intense. But somehow I'm still thriving. Events give me anxiety but other than that I'm enjoying the pace and everything. Lots to do.

Counting calories is going well... definitely averaging lower than my first 2 weeks. I might do 75 hard once its not so frigid outside. It's slowly warming up. I can't wait to get to my goal lol. This spring/summer is going to be amazing, claiming it.

Valentines day went well... my sweetheart is so sweet. I have a good one and he's supportive of my fitness journey.
 
I got soo sick yesterday. Greasy fried Chicken and apple cider. I had chills, a fever and bad stomach pain. The pain is still lingering but the fever and chills are gone. I'm going to take a rapid test just in case. Thankful for my mom and sis taking care of me :)

Today is looking like lots of fruit, ginger ale, and soup. Tea and water. I need to take it slow.
 
Thanks Cate! I'm back to 100%

So many changes at work. cant believe CT is leaving. Well I can actually, he's a young guy with his whole life ahead of him. I wish I did what he did when I first started. Joining an established company early in career is a trap lol. You learn so much more wearing multiple hats, and can afford to when you're super young. Oh well, better late than never for me at least.

Eating has been good, I'm officially done with fast food / greasy food after my illness. Home cooked from now on. Going to trader joes with sis tomorrow, going to stock up. I need to make somewhat of a list so I'm not a kid in a candy store while i'm there. Really thankful that our relationship got better/closer over time. She is amazing. My whole nuclear family is. Can't wait to bring joy to the family with my own. I have so many unknowns in life. Idk who I'll end up marrying, I want it to be J but he's dragging his feet. I'm not in a rush though. I love my life currently and no rush to change it. I know marriage and kids will change things significantly forever, so I'm just appreciating my alone time in the meantime
 
Not much to update weight loss wise! Apparently according to the Loseit app I'll reach my goal September 3rd. I've been consistent with tracking calories, eating more protein, and working out.

Work is interesting. Coming up to my one year and I can't believe I made it this far tbh New industry, new skills and new everything. So fast paced, many hats, many opportunities. Between my place and this job, def feeling like I've 'made it', it's so weird to feel this way but I'm grateful. I remember thinking, if I can last 3-6 months thats a miracle. and look at me, not only lasting but getting promoted :) Just reflecting in this past year, I've grown SO much, professionally, and personally. I'm a lot more mature, independent, peaceful, confident and happy.

I haven't had a competitive spirit in a long time, but JM is forcing me to dust that side off lol. She wants all the smoke, super weird my co-worker has access to my pay, sensitive info etc. Small company problems. But I knew what I was getting into. What she did Friday was so ridiculous and she made herself look very dumb in front of everyone. She easily could have messaged me about it privately, instead she made me give her a public reading of how to use technology. LOL. Glad she apologized and said she was in the wrong just as publicly as she started it. But now we know how she is. Def curious to see how she decides to proceed going forward. My guard is definitely up with that one. Maybe she's salty cause I earn more? I have more experience, education and simply asked for more. It's not my fault she sold herself short with how much salary she asked for. #shrug. But yeah, I'm definitely going to step my game up now that I see her conniving character. She's not the most reliable person either, look how many times she's backed out at the very last minute. Anyway, I'm def motivated to start actually putting effort into things.
 
I am no longer in denial about the effectiveness of counting calories, eating more protein and lifting weights. For a long time, I didn't care about any of those things. I thought they were obsessive and unnecessary behaviors. Until I was honest with myself. I have been the same for so long, in fact I've steadily gained weight. So maybe I should give these things a try. And I feel so much better now that i've incorporated these in my lifestyle. It took so long but I'm finally here. I Haven't lost weight yet but at this point I just have to be in love with the system, and the results will come hopefully.

Since March began I've consistently been hitting 100+ g protein, working out with weights, and tracking calories. I see where I'm going wrong - I'm honestly eating too many calories. Last night had a bit of a binge but I learned from it - never go too long without eating. Also if you're going to eat late at night try to stick to fruits and veggies. I'm hoping for weight loss with maintenance habits. lol.
 
Quick JE while my headphones are charging before the gym. Today was the first day in a very, very, very, very long time when I actually looked and felt slim-ish. I'm starting to see results. I've been doing well for one week calorie, protein and workout wise, but it took me months, if not years to get to this week. I was planning a yoga day but I have a lot of energy I want to burn with a cardio workout instead.

Monday is over it wasn't bad. I was worried the alarm would go off during my webinar, but it didn't. I logged out at 5pm sharp despite multiple messages because boundaries. I actually don't have much planned tonight. I made a new friend on Vina. She seems nice, she's younger. We have things in common. Looking forward to meeting her and all the wonderful souls God will put in my life this year. Zii messaged me out of the blue yesterday and I let her have it the same way I let Pii have it. Why are you guys messaging me to "check up" but when it comes to actual important stuff you purposely keep me out the loop? I'd rather not engage in small talk. I actually hate small talk, but I have to get better at banter work-wise if I want to be more successful. I'll do it for work sure. But any connections in my life need to be meaningful and reciprocated, and intentional. Friends are quality over quantity for me these days for me, especially as I'm gearing up to this next chapter.
 
Cate said:
I have been doing that for years! Tracking is tedious, but it's easy to see why we're not losing weight. I love your last post, TC.
Click to expand...
glad I'm not alone. One day it just hit me, I'm on my phone all the time, why not actually use it to HELP me instead of just wasting time? My life has been changed since.
 
I had a consulting interview today, went well but idk if they will budge with the compensation.
My job now is fine, finally past the learning curve. Except my one coworker, J, is absolutely horrendous to work with. Micromanaging, gatekeeping, unreliable, anxious. She is not well suited for that role at all but we'll see how it goes.

Training for the 10K is going well, yesterday I did nottt want to run but I did! And felt so much better after. Finally back into my cardio groove. I stayed on the treadmill longer than I needed too, simply cause I love it. So excited to be getting back into my cardio sessons. Weight lifting is not the priority at the moment.

I took a few days off from counting calories but back on it now. My days actually feel weird if I don't track calories now. I'm noticing my clothes are fitting slightly looser which is a huge win! I need to keep this up.
 
I haven't been posting lately. But I've still been journaling in my notebook. A lot has happened! I'm in the midst of a new career opportunity. The weather is warm and it's finally consistently nice out. I realized that my eating habits in the past were Binge eating disorder and Bulimia (not the throwing up kind, but the exercise and laxative kind) I never really thought I had an eating disorder but I did some introspection which was triggered by the feeling of yet another summer of being overweight again.

I'm now putting my weight loss efforts on hold until I recover from my binge eating habit. Doesn't matter the detailed meal plan or nice exercise plan, counting calories or avoiding meat/wheat. if I don't deal with my destructive behaviors of binge eating then I'll never make progress. It took 16 years of disordered eating for me to realize this. It was never about the food, it was about my horrible habit of binging. Anyway, I'm getting professional help and I hope to return to journaling eventually when I'm recovered! I feel so happy and free to realize this thing thats holding me back. It's been about a week and I feel completely different and like my life is about to change.

While I'm recovering though, it's counter productive to try to lose weight. That's not my goal at all. I'm trying to rid myself of this destructive habit once and for all. if weight loss is a side effect thats great. But if I stay the same thats also fine. Trying to lose weight the way I have been doing (not eating enough during the day becuase I don't feel like eating but then binge eating at night or for stress/emotional reasons) has done nothing but make me put on more weight over the years. I'm trying a different approach now when it comes to eating, my mind and my body.

I'm realizing that mental health comes first, even if I stay the same or gain weight - I don't care, as long as I get rid of this habit. I'm working on intuitive eating and unlearning all the food rules I subconsciously imposed on myself - clearly they're not working because I'm overweight and have been gaining weight slowly but surely. I'll continue exercising simply to feel good and perform well in my upcoming 10K race. And I've started reintroducing the foods I previously restricted - bagels were always forbidden and I would still eat them often and feel guilts, wtf? So I got a dozen bagels from a bakery - and guess what, the guilt and urge went away - I froze them to keep them fresh but now that they're always available the urge is gone. Eating adequately has pretty much removed my urges to binge. It's honestly remarkable. Anyway, i just came to type this. I've been on this forum for years on and off, and been trying to lose weight since I was like 14. I'm now in my 30's and still trying to lose weight and actually overweight now? So Something is wrong. After researching i realize that in the past I had binge eating disorder, in the past I would work out or take laxatives to compensate after a binge but in the last 5 years or so I stopped trying to compensate hence the steady weight gain. I am feeling mixed emotions - sad because I didn't realize sooner and missed out on so much of life due to my preoccupation with food and not feeling worthy. But also excited to learn and change my habits and start a new lease on life - it's never too late to change and improve yourself.

I'll probably check back in, in due time. But yeah just wanted to provide an update, hopefully my recovery goes well. I am hopeful and grateful, and I hope to eventually be a positive example for others.
 
Thank you for letting us know how you are.
TopazCutie said:
also excited to learn and change my habits and start a new lease on life - it's never too late to change and improve yourself.
Click to expand...
I wish you well & would love to hear back from future you & hear how you are going. :grouphug:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top