🦋 My's Journey 🦋

Last night went to visit my family, they had a huge turkey dinner leftovers but I had zero interest in breaking my new lifestyle. They are big time meat eaters and I've never really been that big on meat so being pescatarian now is nothing challenging for me - in fact it's a treat because seafood is my favourite. AND I get to lose weight in the process? Win win.

It's Saturday, bae isn't coming over this weekend due to what happened with his dad. I'm hoping that it will be a productive weekend. I listened to some motivational stuff while laying in bed it really helped. Drinking my usual black coffee and I'm going to get a workout in then shower before starting my day. Since my gym closed I won't be getting my favourite cardio workouts in for at least a couple of weeks, but I'll be doing more weights instead which is good too if not better for the post workout calorie burn thing.
 
When I think back to my last solid attempt and success at weight loss it was probably last spring. I was following a clean 20 diet where I was eating whole foods, cooking all my meals - kind of like what I'm doing now. I think I got down to the high 150's but then went back to eating shitty towards the end of the diet. But I think I will be successful this time because 1) I cut out major inflammatory foods like meat, bread, alcohol, dairy and sugar this time where as the book allowed most of these things and 2) I'm not in the mindset of doing it for only a month. My mindset is to do it for life now, and make it a genuine lifestyle change to the point where it will be the new normal. The hard parts are getting started mentally (done) and sticking with it long enough for the excitement to go away and for it to become an actual default/habit (in progress).
 
Spring will be here before I know it and then summer. I don't want it to be like last summer when I was self conscious, baggy tops and leggings were my uniform. This spring/summer I want to wear all the clothes in my closet that don't fit because they're too small. I want to say yes to get togethers and genuinely be excited because I'm not insecure about my weight. I want to be able to dress up and take cute pics this year. I refuse to have another shitty languishing summer where I felt horrible physically and mentally because I was eating badly. I have compassion for myself, I did what i had to do to survive with all the changes. But this year I'm not just surviving - I want to THRIVE!
 
K so... GAME CHANGER.

I was mentally prepared to do a HIIT workout, like genuinely excited and ready. But a series of events happened and basically the Jillian Michaels app sucks. Well it doesn't suck, her workouts really got me going back in the day and introduced me to HIIT. But I wasn't feeling body revolution and her slim 60 wasn't great either. The workouts just felt so robotic (for lack of a better word). Soo I cancelled my subscription and went on youtube. I remember watching a youtube video where this girl was talking about dance workouts and it looked fun. So I ended up finding a video whith 600K views and LET ME TELL YOU. Game changerrrr. I had so much fun doing a 17 min dance workout and burned 150+ calories. Then I did a little more to close the exercise ring on my apple watch. I am HAPPY!!! It put me in a better mood! and I'm getting dance practice. It doesn't require any equipment, and when the world opens back up I won't be rusty for girls night. Win-win!!! I checked my watch and my heart rate was 170, 180 at times. I was challenged for sure and I want to keep doing the same video until I perfect it, then move on to another dance video. This is my new fave! Losing weight should be fun. I was humbled lol but it was definitely fun still. Maybe the gym closing wasn't so bad after all.
 
Note to self: Don't weigh yourself everyday. Your weight naturally fluctuates so while the scale might not show progress (or weight gain!) you could be losing inches and building muscle and making progress.

As for the timeline, I have 29 pounds to lose, so realistically at 2lbs/week I should get there by end of April - just in time for good weather activities and summer shopping. I'm trying to learn from past mistakes. Last year I didn't make any progress because I was still eating horribly in retrospect but it felt normal. I think eliminating my trigger foods this time around will be helpful and I'm already making progress and feeling soo much better. My food choices were holding me back so much and making me feel worse than I realized.

Today I changed my reward system to being based on weight to being based on consistency. I can't control how much weight I actually lose each week, but I CAN control being consistent with being pescatarian, closing my apple watch rings daily, cutting out my trigger foods and junk food/fast food and intermittent fasting.
 
My whole body is sore from my workout yesterday. especially my shoulders, back, thighs and core. Such a good workout and so fun. Everything is coming together this time around, I'm so grateful. My waist is 31 inches which it has been since I could remember.
 
Thanks Cate!

Last night I planned my year with this tool M told me about. She definitely gives me vibes of wanting to sell me something (crypto related?) but appreciate her and one of my goals is to say yes more often when invited to stuff. So 2022 planning went well, I have a pretty clear vision of what I want to accomplish this year! It got me excited. Weight loss is the main goal though, it's going to enhance my quality of life overall. 30lbs is not an easy feat, and it's a significant amount to lose and make a big difference in how I'll look and feel. So I just need to keep pushing through, no matter what the scale says. I picked up some more groceries yesterday so I have everything I need to make this week successful for weight loss. My first week went amazing and set a good benchmark. I have to keep it up, I refuse to be one of those people who are gung-ho in the beginning of the year and fall off in February. Not again.
 
I read a quote that said "your body will respond to the trend of your thoughts" - SO true! If you can think it in your mind you can hold it in your hand.

Big news at work today (bad). Every so often there's a shocker and it's confirmation to not get too wrapped up or attached to the way things are. Embrace change. I applied to the City last night. It would be so crazy if I worked there along with the girls. It would be a higher role though, so it would probably just add to the animosity and jealousy they already have towards me. N's birthday is tomorrow - in December every time I tried to contact her (not too often but noticed the trend) she seemed on edge and like I was bothering her, so I decided to wait until her work project was done and see if she would msg me in Jan. She didn't. Just a mass msg in the gc for new years. We've already been down this path before - this time I'm learning from experience to not take it personally. She has got a lot of issues, like a TON. But in 2022 we're no longer trying to rekindle friendships with people who have disrespected/humiliated us in any way shape or form. Forgiveness is one thing but boundaries are needed. I need to make space for new friends and connections that will enrich my future and not just reflect my past.
 
I made my first acai bowl - strawberries, cherries and acai packet and plant based milk, plus some ground flaxseeds. It was good! Not too sweet, I could only finish half and froze the rest for later.
 
M's zoom was really good, lots of older/senior ladies. I bought ETH right after once I learned more about NFT's, we'll see what happens!

Salmon and sauteed cabbage again for dinner tonight, one of my favorite meals this year so far. I found a nice cabbage/veggie mix like the one bae made for me, why haven't I used this before? It's so good, one medium size bag lasts about 2 servings.
 
Breakfast was avocado toast with 2 eggs. So good and filling. I found the gluten free bread at my local grocery store so no need to go to the health food store for it. Loving the sparkling water too. Not feeling the best today but pushing through. I need to work on getting a better amount of rest each night.

I messaged N at 9:30am for her bday, it's 1pm and zero response lol. Honestly this kind of stuff is so childish and this is confirmation she has issues again. This happened back in the day and I would pander to her and try to make things right when I didn't even know what went wrong. But this time I already know how she is so I'm learning from experience. I have no idea what went wrong this time, maybe cause I refused to go clubbing with her that one time because it was a pandemic? Lol. If people don't follow her she seems to get resentful, and she's definitely co-dependent. This whole thing is very low vibrational though, I'll probably just continue to lay low.
 
Yesterday was salmon rice for dinner. So good! Most viral meals looked gross to me but this one is a hit. I used instant rice and canned salmon - cheap and easy and filling. It's def on rotation as a dinner/lunch for me. You just put cooked salmon and rice in a bowl add siracha and mayo and soy sauce, mix together eat with avocado and nori. So good.

N finally got back to me on her bday at 5pm, a whole 8hrs later.. said she would call me back and didn't. Honestly this is not my first rodeo with her mood swings, I deserve better in friendships and I deserve the chance to be myself in them, without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I know she's not doing well mentally or physically so I'm just trying to have as much empathy as possible. On a positive note I messaged G and she wants to meet up in person! Which went way better than I even expected. Honestly you can never get caught up on one person or group of people, friends come and go especially as we grow and evolve.
 
Two weeks into the new year and I feel pretty good. My "resolutions" are still going strong, for lack of a better word. I've been loving the pesce lifestyle and all the meals I've been cooking at home. I still have so many to fry from the air fryer and Caribbean cookbook. 2 weeks isn't long though, I think the real test will be more like feb/march when the year isn't "new" anymore. I wish the gym was open, I miss it so much. I did the one dance workout and haven't done it again yet, it left me soo sore but I need to do it more often to get my body used to it.
 
When it comes to growing, flourishing, growing. Moving forward in a positive direction Sometimes it's not about a 10 step routine. It's really not about doing the most. Sometimes it's just about being honest and REMOVING the things that are holding you back and weighing you down (literally). I always think about my hair for this analogy - I had a long care routine which I never implemented. But once I took away the chemical and heat damage, it was THRIVING after that and is currently the longest and healthiest it's ever been! So its the same with my body. I already removed the things which were causing damage, and now it's just about sticking to it and over time the results will show.
 
If the weight loss doesn't come easy I don't want it. It should feel sustainable, like a new normal. If I'm counting down the days/weeks until my weight loss should be "done", I don't want it. Consistency over intensity. I realize weight loss is extremely hard, but in my perspective the actual hard part is finding a system that works for me (done), setting up that system in my life (done), and getting used to it (done). After that it goes on autopilot and you just have to become an expert at avoiding land mines at that point (weekends, events, new stresses, etc).

I really have to plan well this upcoming week with the new job (and therefore new stress - good stress, but stress nonetheless). I really have to make sure I take time to plan my meals and have an idea of what I'll be eating each day. I know I'm more likely for success if I do that. Otherwise the impulses win and that's what kept me fat and unhappy for so long. I was trading cravings and urges for long term success and happiness. I also want to focus on getting good quality sleep this week.

Yesterday was therapeutic for me with the girl talk. A good quality group of 4 women who don't show jealousy or animosity, are extremely successful in their careers (engineer, head accountant, 2 product managers), and support eachother through turbulence of life. This is special to me. It's the first group in a long time where I can feel vulnerable and share my vulnerabilities openly. I do want to make more connections this year - out with the old in with the new. I watched a bunch of sermons last night and one of them gave me such a good message about making room for new higher value people in my life. It's definitely a goal for 2022 to make new friends and mentors who are high quality. I want the 5 people I surround myself with the most to be truly high value and high quality. One being my amazing bf, that's for sure. He's super supportive, a man of value, and has such a kind heart.

I'm going groceries soon, need to compile my list.
 
Replenishing my groceries is easily the favorite part of my week. Taking the time to set up my success for the week is pretty fulfilling. I also tend to do a grocery run mid week for a few things to make it through the week. I'm at the point where my own home cooked food tastes so much better than restaurant food or fast food (to me at least lol)

So far I've been losing about 1 pound a week which is a good pace for sustainable weight loss. This go round I've decided to go a lot easier on myself and not put any timelines on my expectations, so for now I'm just doing my best at being consistent with removing the damaging trigger/inflammatory foods from my diet.

Yesterday went shopping and saw the cutest jeans - but they were four sizes smaller than I am currently :( which happens to be my goal size when I reach my goal weight. I was almost gonna buy them as "goal jeans" but I already have like 2-3 pairs of goal jeans lol. It will be a very happy day when I finally fit them. I'll probably cry tears of joy.
 
What a busy day. I had my initial meeting with S to discuss the new role. I'm not overwhelmed yet at all. I also went through a lot with tech so this CS stuff seems airy fairy, all hands on deck, nothing particularly overwhelming. It will just require a LOT of communication, action and visibility. But I wouldn't be given this opportunity if S thought I couldn't kill it.

I drank a lot of water yesterday, 2 large bottles for the first time in so long. Weighed in a little heavier cause of it. I am not really losing weight fast but at the end of the day I cut out meat, minimal alcohol dairy gluten. Cut back on sugar (switched to stevia but still allowing sugar in sauces and whatnot), and haven't touched fast food since the year started. I'm not counting calories yet - I'll see how far I can get with intuitive eating before i go that route. So far, so good. I just want to take things slow this time and make changes I can stick with for life.

Extreme snow day today! So grateful I didn't need to leave home, and I don't see myself leaving for the forseeable future. May need to resched with the girls this week. We'll see. Took some new headshots and they came out cute. I actually am in love with this new hairstyle, it's polished, edgy, cute, sophisticated. Need to redo in HH but have two for now.

I need to fix my sleep schedule, it's so hard to get up in the mornings. Today I got out of bed at 9:30 and I start work at... 9. Like what?? I could get away with it cause I only have one job and had a meeting at 10. But now I have 2 jobs technically so gotta put in the hours!
 
I made thee best pad thai yesterday. I was scared that it would be too much because of all the salt and carbs but I feel fine! Def in the dinner/lunch rotation from now on. It's so interesting how, with a little research and effort, you can recreate your restaurant favorites at home. Way healthier/fresher, and way cheaper.

I can't wait for the gym to open back up. I need some motivation to get up early and hit the gym again. The home workouts are good but I don't go as hard like when I'm at the gym. Still grateful.

New job has officially started. I can't believe the opportunity and how I've grown in the past year or so. It's so beautiful. Those who don't support my growth can kick rocks :) The only people who hate your boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you having none.
 
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