🦋 My's Journey 🦋

Think I'm going to start counting calories soon. Maybe on Monday. Work is busy I'm kind of expected to just know everything already lool it's funny. But finally have my meeting with my team member. Sigh. It's really sink or swim.

Had my first taste of outside junk since the new year started. Work stress got the best of me :( But I'm back on track already.
 
I connected with G yesterday, it was soo emotional. I was super sad but happy at the same time. Mixed emotions. We spoke for a long time and I didn't end up eating dinner til around 10. These days are going by too fast.
 
Everyone in my life is annoying right now. The small things are getting to me. My period doesn't start for another week so idk. I'm in the process of birthing something great creatively. This past week I went off track eating and exercise wise due to the transition BUT it's the weekend - reset time.

3 weeks pescatarian complete. It's been pretty easy, I've never been a big meat lover to begin with. I haven't even tried making scallops, or any other kind of fish besides salmon. So many other things to try. Definitely looking forward to exploring and getting creative with vegan + vegetarian + seafood recipes and the air fryer! My gym opens back up in February. Definitely looking forward to getting more intense workouts in.
 
Happy Sunday!

Feeling better today. Yesterday did a full body workout (an old favourite from back in the day when I was like 25lbs lighter) - I had sharp back pain 3/4th of the way through and had to stop the workout. That was a humbling experience lol. My core/back strength needs some love.

It's still January but I already know it's going to be crazy how fast summer will come! My downfall last year was that I thought of summer as some far away distant thing. Then when it came I was blindsided by my own stagnation lmao. Not this year!
 
Weight loss strategy for 30 lbs:

Daily movement (yoga, dance, treadmill/elliptical, bike ride outside, walk outdoors, HIIT bodyweight, stairs).
Tools: scale, apple watch, fitbit, sweet sweat
Reduce/eliminate: Dairy, gluten, sugar, meat, alcohol, junk/fast food
Pescatarian life
Get enough rest
Drink 2-3 water refills daily
Intermittent fast

Goal Timeline: 5-6 months (~1.3lbs loss per week)

I can do this 🙏:beating:
 
I counted my calories today for the first time in .. I don't know how long lol. I just used my notepad in my phone. It felt right. Calorie labels for one can be grossly inaccurate. then tracking those in an app kind of turned me off as being too tedious and anti-intuitive. But it does work for weight loss in my experience so I want to give it another try. Tracking calories in my phone's notepad today wasn't bad at all. I'm easing into it
 
I took my official "before" photos today in my grey leggings and white tshirt (unforgiving outfit) but can't wait to revisit these every time I lose 10 pounds. I also decided to weigh myself on Sundays only (once a week). Anything more frequent than that is watching noise. I'm actually excited to count calories again. I thought about it and when I'm tracking my calories consistently I always lose weight. Yes it's tedius and inconvenient but it works. It forces me to pay more attention to my portion sizes, which, calorie counting or not that's important for weight loss.

It was nice to have a chill day with my family yesterday. These weekends go by way too fast.
 
Counting calories isn't so bad if it's what's gonna finally give me progress. I've been intuitive eating and doing it my own way for the whole pandemic, it works well for maintaining but not so much for losing. So my plan is to track cals in weight loss mode, then when I reach my goal I'll switch to intuitive eating to maintain, weighing myself every once in a while (if weight creeps back up more than 5lbs time to track again). Work isn't as stressful as I thought it was going to be.
 
I found this app called Loseit, it's been good! It's more positive and better UI/UX than MFP. New month, new strategy. Intuitive eating is good for maintenance. For weight loss mode I need to count my calories and understand my food choices better and their implications on my weight. More data the better.

The gym opens today! Definitely want to get a workout in after work today. It's been so long. I hope the gym doesn't close again, it was my happy place. Home workouts were good this month though! Did lots of dance, HIIT, yoga workouts at home and loved them. Daily fitness doesn't have to be some huge thing. It can just be some stretches and meditation.
 
Two days ago I went to the gym for the first time since the first week of January. It was such a good workout!! I ended up getting soo hungry the next day lol and went over my calories. All good though, my body is just getting used to the increased exercise. I'm currently drinking my coffee then going to the gym in a bit.

I'm off from work today for the first time in 2022. I genuinely enjoy the new job but its nice to have some time off to recharge and avoid burnout. I'm going to take one day off per month, or a week off if I'm actually going somewhere travelling. I don't have much planned for the weekend, it's cold and snowy.
 
My motivation is how I felt last year. Last summer I wore the baggiest clothes, lived in leggings only, felt so uncomfortable in my skin. I wore loose tops and didn't feel my best when meeting up with friends, and didn't feel like taking pictures, none of that. I honestly can't repeat that this summer again. I had gained so much weight and felt horrible. I have a new plan so it's just a matter of being patient with myself and sticking with this to make it a lifestyle. January was good to me - I didn't lose weight but I did establish great habits, was pescatarian which I realized is definitely for me. I tried new foods, and tried new workouts. Now that the gym is back open I'm unstoppableeee. It's still February and still snowy I have at least 2-3 months before it starts getting warm out so I need to take what I learned and apply it for results. I CAN'T feel like how I felt last year. I just can't. And I have no excuses
 
I started looking at calories in a bit of a bigger picture - so like looking at them in terms of a weekly average rather than a daily goal. After almost a week of tracking I realize that I was eating at maintenance calories this whole time. I can't beat myself up about it, I genuinely was eating with pure intentions and eating intuitively which explains eating at maintenance. I had avoided counting calories for so long because I had previously equated it to restriction, over control, obsession. And while it worked in the past to help me lose weight, I think the negative feelings stemmed from being obsessive daily and also restricting too low - like around 1300 calories. NOW my mindset has shifted. I embrace a higher amount of calories (1600) and not only that I want to focus on the weekly average rather than a daily goal. But meoww I know better. My mindset is evolving on this stuff. Taking the plunge of counting calories was hard but at least now I have the data to do better and actually reach my goals.
 
Another week. It was so hard to wake up this morning but it's almost 1pm and I'm in the groove. It was nice to have a long weekend. the CEO sent out a snarky email to the company. Does he not realize people are hanging on by a thread?

CW = 171

I started working out and tracking calories last week, plus the new job change. Last week was actually insane, and the week before that too. So between all those changes my stress/cortisol level was high, I survived.

I've discovered using oat milk in my oatmeal - so good!! It makes it really creamy. I got the special barista blend. Also I got individual boxes of OJ which will help keep it fresher, I was previously buying a whole jug at a time - wasteful. This way I can use the juice boxes as needed. I'm good til March.

Valentine's day is on the weekend and he hasn't said a word yet. I feel like he's put in less effort over the years. I have gotten lax with certain things too - I gained 20lbs since he met me. He hasn't said anything I don't think he even notices or cares lol. But I notice and want to do better for myself. I want to improve for ME. I want to finally reach this goal I set out for myself many years ago. And with the wisdom I've gained over the years I think I'm finally in a position to do so.
 
One side effect of tracking calories could be heightened awareness to macros, depending on the app you're using to track (if you're even using an app lol - I know when I first started I wanted to manually write everything down. That lasted about 2 days) But i noticed with 1.5 weeks of data the following so far:
  • I don't eat much protein - only 11-13% of my daily calories
  • I eat a lot of calories, basically maintenance calories or a little over
  • My digestion is not good right now, I need to incorporate more fiber (smoothies, apples)
With these insights, especially the second one it's no wonder why I haven't been able to lose weight in years. I was so stubborn with tracking that I was actually sabotaging myself. I knew this but idk, I just wasn't ready before. I'm ready now, and I know I'm ready because I'm not so obsessed with the scale. Gaining or losing doesn't affect my mood. I am currently in love with the process. I am evolving my process to make it perfect for me. All with zero weight loss so far but I trust that as I learn more and put those learnings into action the weight will eventually come off. from 2020-2021 it was living my best life, I moved to a new place, got a new job and just had win after win so I was celebrating. then in Jan 2022 I decided I had enough enjoyment (I just didn't feel healthy and feeling healthy is important to me deep down lol) so I was inspired to cut out fast food cold turkey, which I did successfully! I also went pescatarian successfully for a month. I was also forced to get creative with home workouts and try new things due to the gyms being closed. So now in February, the gyms are back open (cardio + weight lifting) and I've started tracking calories. I do want to incorporate more protein but when I tell you I'm taking it slow, that might be a change for next month lol. I really want to make slow and sustainable changes, not changing what I'm doing everyday or every week. I want these new changes to stick without being concerned about my weight until the processes are in place. How was I so focused on the results and not as focused on the process? That's backwards.. But all good, I found the way now. In my history of weight loss I can only think of like 3 times I was genuinely massively successful in weight loss - they were for events though so after the event I gained the weight back smh it was probably water weight and i knew it was but I didn't care because the number on the scale was the only thing that mattered. This time is different. This time I actually know what I'm doing and I'm okay with going at a reasonable, sustainable pace.
 
It's funny, since I made the commitment to myself to track calories no matter the number, I find myself wanting to naturally eat better. It's like, I'll be tracking the number either way, so I might as well like what I see lol.

My to-do list is insane at work but I don't feel overwhelmed. It's weird lol. It's like, I've reached a point where I am no longer letting corporate life stress me out, I'm putting myself first. Mentally and physically. There was a time when I would eat like literal shit just to get increased sugar/caffeine rushes to be better at work. No longer. I realize that stressing over stuff and eating like shit isn't the answer. The answer lies in doing the actual work.
 
Tracking calories does the same for me too. I rail against it, but once I'm in the habit I just want to eat even healthier. It sounds like you're in a good place TC & are making your health a priority. I think it's more important than anything else.
 
Thanks Cate! I ideally want to go back to intuitive eating long term, and use calorie counting as a way to lose if I go over a certain weight.

I looked up some exercises to do at the gym. I used to despise weight lifting but I'm taking it slow and it's not so bad. I'm forever amazed at how many calories things have. 600 for a caesar salad and a smoothie. Like what? That's insane. I previously treated those things like they were zero calories LOL. I have a long way to go. I used to be really consistent at counting calories and it's no coincidence that's when I was healthiest and slimmest. So excited to finally get back to my normal size. Being 170lbs does not feel normal for my frame.
 
My balcony snow pile is melted substantially. Summer is coming :D I cant wait for nice weather, sunny and warm outdoor walks, BBQ's, bike rides, hikes and socializing. Cute summer outfits. I just can't feel/look like how I did last summer. I felt so horrible and stayed inside most of the time. Saw my friends a couple of times, but that was mostly it. I think restrictions are easing here and the govt is realizing they can't take gyms away from people, among other things. So summer is looking like it's gearing up to be the first "normal" one in a while, and I won't be caught feeling and looking fat again. I'm literally about 20lbs overweight. It sucks but I'm very optimistic I can make this happen. I'm very focused on the systems, exercising regularly and most importantly, getting enough rest and eating enough. I've never actually tried doing this the right way which is sad. I've always restricted calories super low and while it works it's not sustainable at all. So I'm glad to be enlightened to live in a way which is healthy and sustainable. I'm dabbling in macro targets since Loseit tracks those for free. I'd love a 20F/35P/45C split. Right now it's a ton of carbs and fat, minimal protein lol. I'm slowly changing it towards a better ratio.
 
TopazCutie said:
I've never actually tried doing this the right way which is sad. I've always restricted calories super low and while it works it's not sustainable at all. So I'm glad to be enlightened to live in a way which is healthy and sustainable. I'm dabbling in macro targets since Loseit tracks those for free. I'd love a 20F/35P/45C split. Right now it's a ton of carbs and fat, minimal protein lol. I'm slowly changing it towards a better ratio.
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This is always good to hear. I really don't know what to aim for with macros. Mine are F30/20P/50C, but I think that's the MFP default.
 
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