A bit dejected this morning, but I knew this was going to happen. My stomach is still on the bigger side, for me. And no, this is not a surprise since I was sick the past two weeks and couldn't move or exercise, and had to eat whatever I could stand the sight of, which often included desserts. Now I'm still having to eat when not hungry (not burning calories much, metabolism in the gutter), just to take these antibiotics without getting nauseated, several times a day.
It's tempting to start running numbers obsessively, and then almost immediately start rebelling against them via binges. This is what happens within my world and I'm done fighting it or trying to hack it. Don't do it, Bubbles. Just don't. It only leads to a bad place.
I just need to make it a priority the rest of this week, to be kind to myself. And by that I mean, be kind in my brain, to my brain. Not slide off into self-loathing. If I lost the great (part-time, as needed) job I had due to sickness, then so be it. Something else must be in store for me. If my stomach is carrying a lot of fat due to the upheaval I went through from things that were 100% out of my control these past 10 months, then ok, I think I did pretty well on everything else, considering. Fitness was the thing that got sacrificed in between times. I just need to keep reassuring myself, like a person with VERY healthy self-esteem would, that I did my best - maybe even better than most - and my best was pretty impressive.
If the business owner doesn't ever call me back for work, that's ok and entirely up to her.
If I have to put up with an uncomfortably protruding belly in my clothes for another week until I can make some headway, that's ok and completely normal. My stomach doesn't know anything about any preconceived timeline in my head for making it healthy.
Just going to focus on being my own friend for the time being.
I did do some workouts yesterday in my living room. I don't feel a darn thing today though. I also walked 1.5 miles without needing to pass out, sit or get a fever afterwards.
Oh!! And was able to play trumpet for a good while - feels like my lungs are remembering how to expand and contract again without major spasms. Yay. Got a gig on the weekend that I'm looking forward to but also I need to actually be able to play the darned instrument by then (wait! The gig is tomorrow!
Thankfully, the main goal of the band is fun and joy, and not snippiness about who flubbed what part).
Wait - epiphany. This is all about courage. It's an easy way out to start self-flagellation. It's easier and less painful than just picking up and getting on with it from this point forwards, with some kind of faith that I can make the immediate future different from the immediate past. Therefore, I applaud and embrace my own courage. And I hope everybody else here does too.
It's tempting to start running numbers obsessively, and then almost immediately start rebelling against them via binges. This is what happens within my world and I'm done fighting it or trying to hack it. Don't do it, Bubbles. Just don't. It only leads to a bad place.
I just need to make it a priority the rest of this week, to be kind to myself. And by that I mean, be kind in my brain, to my brain. Not slide off into self-loathing. If I lost the great (part-time, as needed) job I had due to sickness, then so be it. Something else must be in store for me. If my stomach is carrying a lot of fat due to the upheaval I went through from things that were 100% out of my control these past 10 months, then ok, I think I did pretty well on everything else, considering. Fitness was the thing that got sacrificed in between times. I just need to keep reassuring myself, like a person with VERY healthy self-esteem would, that I did my best - maybe even better than most - and my best was pretty impressive.
If the business owner doesn't ever call me back for work, that's ok and entirely up to her.
If I have to put up with an uncomfortably protruding belly in my clothes for another week until I can make some headway, that's ok and completely normal. My stomach doesn't know anything about any preconceived timeline in my head for making it healthy.
Just going to focus on being my own friend for the time being.
I did do some workouts yesterday in my living room. I don't feel a darn thing today though. I also walked 1.5 miles without needing to pass out, sit or get a fever afterwards.
Oh!! And was able to play trumpet for a good while - feels like my lungs are remembering how to expand and contract again without major spasms. Yay. Got a gig on the weekend that I'm looking forward to but also I need to actually be able to play the darned instrument by then (wait! The gig is tomorrow!
Thankfully, the main goal of the band is fun and joy, and not snippiness about who flubbed what part).Wait - epiphany. This is all about courage. It's an easy way out to start self-flagellation. It's easier and less painful than just picking up and getting on with it from this point forwards, with some kind of faith that I can make the immediate future different from the immediate past. Therefore, I applaud and embrace my own courage. And I hope everybody else here does too.
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that joke a lot.
, which has really put my mind at ease. I mean, I could also go back to the corporate world for better job security, but I just don't wanna if I don't have to. 3.5 decades was long enough.