Just get it done.

Day 28 • 05.10.22

For breakfast, I had a large cup of coffee(cream, no sugar) and two slices sourdough toast with a little bit of butter and jelly on it. I'll eat an orange too. For lunch, I'll bring a salad with me because I don't want these leaves to wilt any further. Will come back and post again.

I also ordered an Apple Watch for fitness and some clothes and I'm anxious for those to arrive today. I don't want anyone to steal my stuff if I don't get home from work before it arrives.

I need to make sure I'm getting an adequate amount of sleep. @_@ Next week, I'll be going from working 8 hours a week to 35 hours. It's a lot to take in. I will need lots of self-care and coffee...

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙​

Again, this is my last week of school until the summer. I have like 6 assignments I need to do?? I keep saying that on here. It's because when I get anxious, everything I have to do looms over me until I actually sit down and do it. Once I do it, I'm like, oh, that was easy, why didn't I do that sooner? And yesterday, I just fell asleep after coming home. I can't do that again. I told myself this morning, I have to be strong. I'm a mom, I can do this. I was in school for 4 months and this is my final week to push myself.

Energy drinks work, and only 300 mg caffeine ones work on me. But I had it the day before yesterday and I think that's why I couldn't eat breakfast the next morning. It had messed up my stomach. I'll either force myself to drink one every night this week or have many cups of strongly brewed green/black tea.
 
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Llama said:
I used to work full-time and only get a 15 minute paid break once a day: I just made sure to have a sandwich with some veggies and protein in it as that would be all I could eat in 15 minutes. It stressed me out a bit but it worked. I couldn't work with babies though, and how weird that nobody actually did any training on your training day! I hope they were just a bit uncoordinated and it's not a sign of things to come.
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I just remembered, I'll actually have to use that time to breastpump :cry:. Maybe I'll eat snacks throughout the day in the bathroom. :ROFLMAO: It's really not funny, but it's funny.

And that's shitty, where did you live??
 
Austria. Worker protection sucks here but I do like the 5 weeks paid vacation on top of 14 holidays a year... And there's financial support for moms to stay home for 18 months (I think? Clearly not a parent.) after birth so I guess it's not all bad!

Your week sounds super rough and procrastination is a real killer for me as well. Fingers crossed you'll be able to beat the procrastination demons and get some proper sleep afterwards.
 
Your week does sound super rough, especially only getting a 15 min break :eek: I think taking a sandwich sounds like the best idea, but also having a good breakfast. I hope the new job is less stressful than your last.
 
Continuation of Day 28 • 05.10.22

(Tuesday) I saw someone I knew today and he just so happened to buy me a slice of pizza. I also had a bag of chocolate pretzels which was three servings(420 calories in total). Because of this, I didn't eat for the rest of the day. :< I never had the salad I planned on eating because I forgot it at home.

recap
+two slices of sourdough toast with a bit of butter and jelly.
+an orange
+a slice of pizza
+3 servings of chocolate pretzels

My mom was home the day my Apple Watch came. I was worried the whole time I was away.
At 3:30 AM I woke up to finish some more homework and had to go back to sleep because my eyes were killing me.

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​
Summer has officially started, everyone is telling me how great it is and I'm over here just grumpy about it because our central air conditioning in our house is broken and our living room windows don't open so we can put in an air conditioner. Every year, my house becomes a living hell and I find it hard to even function. It's pissed me off years because my mom is not poor, she just acts like it and did not fix it for the 12 years we've been here. Now she wants to move before the summer ends so, she doesn't want to fix it if we're going to move.

Day 29 • 05.10.22

I didn't have time to eat breakfast because I had a large assignment due at 12:30 PM so I had two small bags of Veggie Straws.
I quickly ate a salad before I went in to work. I would've ate more than a salad but it was all that I could grab at the time. When I got home I had a small piece of steak with potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, and green beans. I had made a microwaved meal for my son called a Lean Cuisine and it was chicken alfredo. What he didn't eat, I finished only because I was hungry.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙
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(Wednesday) When I woke up, I had the most terrible headache. And you know, this is the morning after my eyes had hurt; I think it was connected. The fact that I had one was troubling because I usually don't get a headache without a reason. I couldn't tell if it had something to do with my blood sugar/the amount I'm eating or stress. It lasted all the way until 2:30 PM (14:30) which is the time I ate a salad and finally took some acetaminophin. I had to take it again that night because I felt it coming back.

Lol, one of my assignments were due today at 12:30 PM and my headache was so debilitating that I asked my teacher at 7:00 AM if I could turn it in tonight. She probably thought I was lying or felt I shouldn't have waited till the last minute so she was like, "Sorry :LOL: but no ._." I turned it in -_-, it's not the best work I've done because I did do it last minute, but eh, I'm done with this class!
 
Nobody will ask about your grade 5 years from now. That headache could be caused by stress, by reading/looking at a screen too much, by seasonal allergies or any number of other things. I'd guess stress plus tired eyes.
 
I get lots of headaches from my allergies & from tired eyes. I hope the headache goes away soon.
 
I fell off once again, this time, 2.5 weeks. I was starting to lose weight by eating healthier and then finals week didn't give me anytime to cook, so I started snacking and going back to the same habits. First two weeks of work was also stressful and I learned that I'll be getting home at 20:00. I only have enough time to feed and bathe my son, then put him to bed.

Now that I have a sense of my schedule, I plan to get a gym membership and go early in the morning.

monday-hiit+run+yoga
tuesday-hiit+gym+yoga
wednesday-hitt+run+yoga
thursday-hiit+gym+yoga
friday-hiit+run+yoga
saturday-hiit+gym+yoga
sunday-hiit+yoga

I know it may seem like much, but I'm ready to give my all. I feel the more I move, the less I will want to eat unhealthy. Some other things, I would also like to change. Such as taking my anti-depressants daily, journaling, food diary, and water. At this point, I have to stop thinking about it and just do it because it has to be done. I watched a video that talked about the negative effects of trying too hard. I don't know how to reduce this effort, mentally, but I'll try. I also have a vegetarian cookbook with simple recipes and a book about "dieting"(idk it seemed kinda gimmecky but I would like to read it; I know dieting is bad).

With deeper thought, I had to be honest with myself that me losing weight wasn't soley about me liking the appearance nor my health. I also wanted to enjoy the social appeal and one-up everyone who may think I'm suffering with being a young mom. Revenge weightloss, heard of it? I figured if I look like I have my life together, me being healthy and possibly good-looking, then I would be admired. As vain as American society is, people really do believe that people who look good or healthy, have their life together. It's also easy to only show positive windows into your life online, such as Snapchat. Oh look at me, I have a new job. I have a cute outfit. I can cook. I also facemask and drink smoothies and go to really cool places. As true as this may be, something about me giving a damn about what others think rings as unhealthy.
 
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I've been telling myself for the past week that I need to eat like a diabetic or someone who has heart disease. I realized I'm following a trend that all the women I know in my family has done, and that's snacking on chips and candies/cakes, the like. My mom, aunt, and grandma are diabetic, so I know that I'm in danger of becoming this way if I continue. My mother walso recently told that she will have to take an injectable insulin shot once a week in addition to her diabetic medicine therapy. This means that her diabetes has gotten worse. I don't ever want to have to give myself a shot. Ever.

As much as I want to become thin or toned, I have reasons greater than aethetics. I'm realizing, perhaps I need to focus on this. After all, I do remember growing up and watching my plus-sized aunt and mother struggle to lose weight for appearance instead of slowly focusing on what's most important: their health.

So today(monday, may 30th), both me and my mom ate the same amount of junk food. I woke up and ate chips, a tiny cupcake, and a cookie. Then, shortly after, I had ice cream on a popsicle stick. My boyfriend came to visit and he wanted to go out for shakes. I felt conflicted but I was finally able to become decisive when my mom asked for one even though she originally, didn't want it. Her face looked sad and I wondered if she changed her mind because of feeling down, this is a pattern for her. I told her no and promised her that since I'm not getting her a shake, I won't get one either. I realized that we ate a lot of bs and if I continue to eat like a diabetic, I will become a diabetic.
 
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Good to have you back. Sorry to hear the past couple of weeks were rough but today is a new day and you can do better.
ChocolateBunny said:
Now that I have a sense of my schedule, I plan to get a gym membership and go early in the morning.

monday-hiit+run+yoga
tuesday-hiit+gym+yoga
wednesday-hitt+run+yoga
thursday-hiit+gym+yoga
friday-hiit+run+yoga
saturday-hiit+gym+yoga
sunday-hiit+yoga

I know it may seem like much, but I'm ready to give my all. I feel the more I move, the less I will want to eat unhealthy.
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It doesn't just seem to much: it IS too much. You physically can't do HIIT every day and you definitely can't do both HIIT and strength training every day. You'll break down within a week. If you want to move and stay busy every day go for a walk or a bike ride; something easy you can keep up for longer without injuring yourself. You could do strength training most days if you alternated the muscle groups you're training but HIIT is way too high intensity to do daily. If you don't basically feel like you're close to death by the end of each interval it isn't HIIT.
 
Llama said:
If you don't basically feel like you're close to death by the end of each interval it isn't HIIT.
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This is the routine I have done before. Pamela Reif, 10 min HIIT
I don't think I feel like dying but it is challenging.
Llama said:
You physically can't do HIIT every day and you definitely can't do both HIIT and strength training every day. You'll break down within a week
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For me, you're probably right. However, I don't think it's hard for someone who works out regularly. I'd do just 10 minutes everyday when I first wake up and then 20 minutes later, cardio(running) for 30 minutes, 3 days alternating a week. Gym, or strength training would be about 2 hours later, for 30 minutes to an hour, 3 days alternating a week. Yoga would be for 30 minutes after 20:00 everyday.

I feel like it may be overwhelming because of my inability to build strong habits and I might give up. But I don't think it's strenuous enough to hurt me because it's only 10 minute HIIT and my other exercises wouldn't be immediately after.

If I overshoot my shot, perhaps I'll either do one of three things, (1) I won't do everything I said, but I'll be better than where I was, (2) I'll give up from feeling guilty that I couldn't stick to it, (3) I'll build a habit I won't want to break.
 
People who are used to working out have to work a lot harder for it to still be HIIT. You just can't work the same muscles at high (for you) intensity every day. You don't have to believe me, but please remember what I said when you start to burn out. It's always better to rest than to get hurt or give up.
 
Llama said:
People who are used to working out have to work a lot harder for it to still be HIIT. You just can't work the same muscles at high (for you) intensity every day. You don't have to believe me, but please remember what I said when you start to burn out. It's always better to rest than to get hurt or give up.
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I'll take caution, thank you!
 
Sooo, I overslept yesterday, and did not run, do hiit, nor yoga. I pretty much knew that it's going to be like this but I still stayed active and ate well.

I walked my son to daycare in the morning, which was 1.7 miles(2.7 km). Then, I biked to work. That was 5.8 miles(9.3 km).

I ate chana masala(chickpeas in masala sauce) and thai lime rice. When I came home, I ate two small steak fajitas and a small serving of cilantro lime rice.
 
hjbdsjhd I'm in and out. Ugh, I'm sorry. And I return with my head held down. Llama spoke some sense to me before I dropped off the site. I was embarrassed because I didn't even start before I quit. I feel everyone on here might be more realistic and in a healthy headspace than me. I'm very neurotic and things have to be in a certain order or consistency or else I won't do it or I'll give up. In other words, it has to be perfect. I have to be perfect. Then I create these unrealistic expectations for myself because in a perfect world, I can do it all.

This time, my return is different. I'm on my anti-depressants which has given me more motivation and healthy thinking patterns. I've been diagnosed(I've had it long before) with severe depression and anxiety and prescribed meds since 2018. I don't take my medicine ever. I'll try for like 3 days, miss a day and quit. Like working out ;) The longest I've been on it was probably 5 months and then I became stressed with a situation and stopped. I'll convince myself that maybe I don't need it because I go through seasons of motivation and happiness. Then, it seems like every 4 months, I'll go through a bad season and it's really bad. I don't do chores, take care of myself, my paperwork, etc.

My son has been diagnosed with "failure to thrive". This means that he's underweight. Severely underweight. He just won't eat; I don't know his problem. Anyway, there's a lot of paperwork and teams that I have to keep up with and I started taking my meds because I realized I wasn't checking my emails like I should, I started to have freak outs on my boyfriend(screaming, crying), and isolating myself. August was the perfect opportunity because the 1st started on a Monday(my neurotic tendancies). Today will be Day 16 of taking my meds. I took a half dose for 2 weeks and then yesterday, I started taking a full dose. I'm very excited and I feel a difference; this is the longest I've been on them in a long time.
 
The focus is also different this time. I still have a body aesthetic in my head that I want but there have been bigger health aspects that have stood out to me while I was gone. With my not so new job, I work with babies and I stay sick!! I want to have better immunity.

I want to eat more whole foods and less processed ones. Drink more water. I need to focus on my mental health, my relationships, my sexual health. I also like taking care of my skin. I deleted all my social media so there's less pressure to appear a certain way.

I do want to exercise, but I don't know how to do so with a healthy mindset. I'm always focused on that aesthetic when I do and it doesn't come fast enough. I wish I could do achieve it in a week lol. So, I'm going to lay off the exercise. If I do it, I do it. If I don't, I don't. My schedule is actually hectic and the only time I can work out is if I wake up early, get me and my son ready, drop him off at daycare and be in the gym at 9am. There's no flexibility and that makes it difficult, so I'll try to be understanding and just leave it alone.
 
My refrigerator has been full of nothing for about three weeks and this week we ran out of basics, like butter. I usually do grocery shopping and I asked my mom to go grocery shopping last week but forgot to send a list. She doesn't like to look and see what we have, she just goes to the store and gets what her eyes desire even if that means getting large amounts of bread that we have already. I've basically been eating like crap until I can go to the store. But I haven't been overeating, which is actually a big deal. I'll make a healthy eating grocery list for tomorrow.

I ordered a bunch of clothes over the weekend. I mean, a bunch. Like..I have a problem?? And I didn't like most of them on me. They were cute but I told my mom I felt like the clothes were wearing me. I'm used to my body being firmer, my butt sitting higher. Definitely motivation to work out. I'm not about to waste my money, wtf.

I actually have been having bigger worries with my job, though. One team member of management is being an asshole and is making it hard for me to take off the 31st for a doctor's appointment for my son(19 months old). It's to address his lack of eating because at this point, we can see his ribs. Then I have some training to complete and projects to do.

I also have some household chores I can't put off any longer. My mom doesn't help at all. She's the epitome of laziness and is too grown for this. It's actually a big source of stress which is why I've been planning to look for an apartment with my boyfriend. I woke up at 1:40 in the morning naturally because my body knew I have things to do and I rather be tired at work tomorrow than tired and anxious.

I'll come back and say if I completed the list of things I have to do.
 
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