J's Journal

Hey Jess, congrats on the 250 milestone, that's a big one!

Try not to think of wasted decades, they were probably not so wasted as they feel to you now, and what matters are the decades to come. I was overweight a lot more decades than you, don't follow that example!! Fab by 40 sounds like a good goal, but I would bet you are fab now. So maybe fab and healthier by 40 should be the goal.
 
Whelp! After 2 weeks of consistent 4lb weight loss each I got cocky and added some extra carbs... I shouldn't have. So my grand total of weight loss this week is *drum roll* 1lb *sad trombone* I actually had a good laugh about it which is a nice change from beating myself up. I know to just course correct and go back to what was working. It's not an excuse to go "F it!" and binge. I wanna go forward (maybe by my birthday be almost in the 230's) not back.

Really getting excited about this new healthier chapter. As I said before it gets easier the more progress I make to look at the unhealthy relationship I've had with food and make better choices. When food is the only thing that never lets you down & is always there you stop requiring yourself to make an effort where you could fail. I'm making goals beyond my next meal and it feels more empowering than scary.

I hope everyone is staying safe & healthy.
 
LaMaria said:
A pound a week would be a perfectly healthy weightloss pace, by the way, but you do you.
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Yeah, while it's true 1-2lbs a week is a healthy weekly weight loss being that I was about 150lbs over-weight (about 100lbs now) I tend to lose more so it's what I expect. I know it'll slow the closer I get to a healthy weight but I'm not there yet. So I try to really maximize this time.
 
MercurialMiss said:
Yeah, while it's true 1-2lbs a week is a healthy weekly weight loss being that I was about 150lbs over-weight (about 100lbs now) I tend to lose more so it's what I expect. I know it'll slow the closer I get to a healthy weight but I'm not there yet. So I try to really maximize this time.
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And that's fine. As long as your goals are realistic and healthy I'm all for it!
 
LaMaria said:
And that's fine. As long as your goals are realistic and healthy I'm all for it!
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Thanks, I appreciate the reminder. Truthfully I'm starting to wonder if I'm stressing my body with how much weight I'm taking off. Making me more prone to having a binge session. SO I think this week I'll just keep the extra carbs I slipped in last week. Give myself a little time to maintain. And pick up next week with my usual diet.
 
It's a day past my normal weigh in day. Like I said I decided to take a week off my more regimented diet plan. I didn't binge but I definitely ate more than I should of things that I shouldn't have. I should be back to my pre-break weight by next Monday. It just goes to show how quickly months of progress can be wiped away in no time if I let it. I guess there's still this little resentful voice in my head that doesn't wanna accept this is going to be a lifetime of maintenance. There's no going back and eating what I want because when I do it's hard to pump the brakes. I went through the same thing with a clinical depression diagnosis. I'm upset I can't be "normal" and that my body is betraying me in a way I can't always control. I suppose this is a reckoning everyone who loses a lot of weight has to go through.

I did notice something interesting this week, though. I once heard that obese people are actually starving because the kind of processed foods we tend to eat don't fill the nutritional needs our bodies have so that's part (along with the addictive nature of the foods & emotional issues) of why they over indulge. My diet wasn't the greatest this past week and while I psychologically craved what I ate it didn't feel filling or fulfilling. It didn't even taste the same as I remember it and I was hungry all the time... Like physically hungry. It's odd. My enjoyment of a few extra carbs was also ruined by my inner monologue of: "is this worth not making any progress towards your goals?" It overwhelmingly was not. It was a relief to start back yesterday.

Anyhow... I hope everyone had a nice week and you & your loved ones are staying safe & healthy.
 
MercurialMiss said:
There's no going back and eating what I want because when I do it's hard to pump the brakes.
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I think in the end the trick is to either learn to love what you eat or to find low calorie density food you can genuinely love. You can run on willpower for a while but not for life. Thankfully...
MercurialMiss said:
while I psychologically craved what I ate it didn't feel filling or fulfilling. It didn't even taste the same as I remember it
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... our sense of taste can change.
 
LaMaria said:
I think in the end the trick is to either learn to love what you eat or to find low calorie density food you can genuinely love. You can run on willpower for a while but not for life. Thankfully our sense of taste can change.
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I think you're right. Luckily I do like my healthy meals and the chips & sweets I had this week being kinda gross definitely help curb those snacking impulses. My big issue is portion control because I like that borderline uncomfortable full feeling an it's the part I'm always white-knuckling. If I leave food on the plate or I don't feel full I get panicky. I know it's from various childhood traumas of being forced to finish my plate (essentially force fed) and being in financial situations where there wasn't always enough. I guess I'm just not sure how to heal those wounds an get to a place where I'm nonchalant about food.
 
That's rough. I hope just practicing leaving that one last bite will be enough to dull the feeling over time but I know it's not easy.
 
Late again with the update but honestly I'd forgotten how tough Feb is on my mental health. It's cold, dark and crammed with way too much (my birthday included) so I'm just depressed & overwhelmed rn. The good news is I'm back to where I was (249) but I think this month might just be about maintaining. If I lose weight I'll be happy but I'm not in a place where I can focus on it. Maybe next month will be better.

Sorry for the bummer I hope everyone is faring better than me rn.
 
Have you considered a daylight lamp to brighten up your mood? I´ve never tried it but a friend who gets seasonal affective disorder uses one and is a big fan.
 
LaMaria said:
Have you considered a daylight lamp to brighten up your mood? I´ve never tried it but a friend who gets seasonal affective disorder uses one and is a big fan.
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I've had it suggested before (a lot of people I know swear by them) I think maybe for my birthday I might treat myself. Thanks.
 
I suffer from seasonal affective disorder too, Jess & recognising what is the cause helps me. I have never tried a lamp, but maybe one for your birthday might be a good idea. In the meantime, you can have some of our sunshine & I might borrow some of yours in August when I may just need it. Just think you are nearly through Winter, while I am in the last month of Summer. Sending you a hug if you feel like one :grouphug:
 
Sorry to hear you're having a tough month with your mental health. Sounds like a good goal to just stick with maintenance until you're feeling better.
 
Hey MercurialMiss, I've really enjoyed reading your diary.. You express yourself very well and you're intelligent and kind.

Well done on your weight loss so far You've done fabulously :)

Talk to yourself like you would talk to a best friend who was overweight. You wouldn't feel like anyone else's self worth (and potential for happiness) was defined by the numbers on the scale, you'd look at their actions and behaviour and personality for that. If your worst enemy told you what you are telling yourself you would feel like giving them a slap. Depression is the worst thing in the world but just realise that it fogs your perception of the past as well as your future. You aren't the best person to judge if you have missed out on a lot in the past two decades ;)

I know this might seem like a superficial and perhaps notworthit tip to help you want to give this diet your everything. But the only time (before this time) I lost a lot of weight; I was at a very low point. Suicidal ideation. I had matted hair, I was shutting myself in and ignoring my phone and gradually everyone seemed to forget about me. I only had my boyfriend and I found a stripper club loyalty card (yes he was more loyal to them than me!) in his pocket I was devastated. He actually blamed my weight for going, and we broke up. But that feeling forced me to really look in the mirror and ask if I was happy with myself and I started the makeovers of all makeovers. The beauty shop menu was like a blimming checklist for me. I went shopping, found fat clothes that I loved. But funnily enough even up to that point I hadn't even considered losing weight as a possibility. That was something that happened to random people in the back section of newspapers. But then I was doing my make-up and my hair looked great. I suddenly saw getting slim as an ACTUAL possibility. It was like eating healthily just became an extension of feeling good. Not the other way around as most people think it would be.

I don't like to assume that you are not taking care of yourself but as its lockdown and you're feeling depressed at the moment its likely.

I don't know why it is, but when you feel good about yourself you want to treat yourself better. Better things happen in general. Its like cognitive behavioural therapy teaches you that your thoughts create your actions which create your life. Obviously 'change your thoughts' is something that is easier said than done.. but giving yourself a makeover is a perfect way to do that. Hopefully soon all the salons and everything will be open again so we can do it properly and all in one go for maximum impact. Or maybe you are good at DIY jobs, I am terrible at nails and brows and the like.

Sorry this is so long, I feel like my reply is going to take up an entire page of this thread
 
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