Jack's Diary

I believe it, Marsia. After watching that video, it turns out there is a lot of premonition associated with death. It's nice that you could help her go so peacefully.

I don't know if science supports it, maybe not, but I'm coming around to believing there may in fact be some kind of underlying, non-brain-related universal consciousness to which we all belong. Certainly, Eckhardt Tolle preaches this.
 
I finally broke down and started just ramping up on work stuff today. I'll do it tomorrow, too, at least a bit. After the training, I feel like I've learned enough that I can hit it on my own. Plus, it's kind of a free weekend for once. Anyway, it certainly feels better and a bit calming to get a bit of familiarity with this stuff that I just have to know.

I ran into some of my cousins at the beach today - complete coincidence. Really fun chatting with them, we hung out for maybe an hour or so.
 
jackbenimble said:
there may in fact be some kind of underlying, non-brain-related universal consciousness to which we all belong. Certainly, Eckhardt Tolle preaches this.
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The Native Americans seemed to see it as a consciousness that expresses through all living things. I like that perspective a lot! Nice you ran into cousins and had a good catch up, and it's great the the work challenges are less daunting and more interesting now!
 
Hi Marsia,

Yes, it really made my day to run into my cousins. It sounds like the Native Americans were onto something.

Sunday we went to the Elizabeth Gardner Museum. It has a lot of Rennaissance and pre-Rennaissance work, along with a scattering of art from other periods. If you're into medieval tapestries, it's got an awesome room for that. There a famous painting of a flamenco dancer that's quite striking. And of course, there's the interior garden, which is probably the most famous thing about it.

I was anxious the whole time about work. The weekends, especially Sunday, are actually worse. And Monday turned out to be a pretty pressurized day, but as usual I survived. Today wasn't too bad, but probably will be crazy again tomorrow.

I listened to a pretty good Eckhardt video tonight. The man has such wisdom. The main thing is, which I'm very guilty of, is always making the current moment something you rush through to get to something else. The problem with that approach is that you never actually are present in the moment. So you're missing out on life!

It's just another way of saying wake up and smell the roses, but he lays it out which such logic and clarity - it's like listening to light.
 
Hi Jack! I love that museum - saw it when I lived in Boston ages ago. Brings back really nice memories of living in the Back Bay! The hard thing for me about projecting how the future is going to be is that I am using my memory of things from the past to form that, so it's like I don't leave room for the fact that life is unpredictable, and almost nothing turns out exactly like I picture it will. So I not only miss out on current life, but I picture the future completely inaccurately while doing so! Listening to light - sounds like a fun synesthesia!
 
Hi, Jack. Maybe it's time to start slowing down & doing more things for pleasure.
jackbenimble said:
Sunday we went to the Elizabeth Gardner Museum. It has a lot of Rennaissance and pre-Rennaissance work, along with a scattering of art from other periods. If you're into medieval tapestries, it's got an awesome room for that. There a famous painting of a flamenco dancer that's quite striking. And of course, there's the interior garden, which is probably the most famous thing about it.
I was anxious the whole time about work. The weekends, especially Sunday, are actually worse. And Monday turned out to be a pretty pressurized day, but as usual I survived. Today wasn't too bad, but probably will be crazy again tomorrow.
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The museum sounds wonderful, but it is such a shame that you couldn't stop being anxious about work. It's just my take on it. Money is not everything. Enjoying your life is so very important.
 
Hey guys,

Thanks for the nice comments. I feel supported.

As far as the anxiety, a lot of it is due to not knowing what I'm doing, which is slowly dissipating. It gets better at work when I'm busy and learning and starting to get on top of things.

But doesn't the boss go and blow things up tonight by randomly emailing me that "the idea is (priorities allowing) to finish the project this week" - like a 10 day project that I've put about a day into so far. I stopped working on it because he told me we had no charge code, which I told him at least twice. And there's so much other stuff to do. If he wanted me working on it, he could've told me to any time. It's that kind of game playing that annoys me.

I think a lot of it is his bark is worse than his bite, but I'm not into that. My finance guy says I can retire. I think I bring a lot to the table for this job, but maybe I'm overestimating myself. Maybe not. If they want me to quit, I'm ok. I actually want to, it's just that it wouldn't hurt to save up a bit more - just in case. Plus, I'm getting better at it (the job). But it's not programming - it's a step down, honestly. I just wanted a chance to help out and maybe travel a little.

Anyway, that's my rant. I will probably have a chat with him tomorrow. The thing is, he's working to get me paid because the corporate office has buried my invoices. If I threaten too hard, he might ease up on that - I need him in my corner.
 
Wow, I hope it all goes well! He sounds either scattered, stressed, or not very good at managing. Since you can retire, does that provide a feeling of not needing to take this guy so seriously or are you holding your breath hoping for a little more funds before you quit? I agree about getting him in your corner!
 
Hi Mols,

Part of it is I know a good portion of the stress is due to the learning-curve phase. Another part is, I want to leave on good terms because these guys could be a potential revenue source in the future if I want some extra income Also references if I go for another job.

Also, while I have enough to retire, a big component of that is social security. And that seems likely to get cut back, you don't know what's going to happen. So, if I can get a few more months (or years) of income, so much the better.

If I was single, I would've retired long ago, to some third-world country like the Phillipines or Thailand. But, my wife wants to stay here, and while it's not like Silicon Valley, the cost-of-living here is pretty high.

In any case, I would certainly get a part-time job like delivering meals or Uber, just to keep some cash rolling in. My neighbor does Fedex deliveries. The idea being less stress.

Or freelancing if it comes to that. The fact is I do enjoy programming.
 
Well, I'm supposed to paid next Thursday - all my outstanding invoices. So that's a relief. It gives me the freedom to quit without worrying about them holding up all that money.

My boss came around yesterday afternoon, and I asked him if he really wanted it done by this week. He was like, well, next week will be ok. He's don that a couple of time now, so I'm detecting a pattern.

It still means it has to be done next week, which is a short week plus a couple of big meetings on Tuesday. So, I brought my gear home and will put some time in over the weekend, and bill for it.

My boss wants an accounting of my time for the invoices (although he approved them all). So, I will have to go back and try to figure out what I did. I haven't been keeping that close of a track, so I'm dreading it. But, I will work on that today.

The other good news is he threw out the idea of me doing a web page to keep track of some software related stuff. This is actual programming on modern technologies - an unexpected carrot. I had shown him my "to-do" list app and said we could use it as a basis of his software-related thing. So, that will be nice.
 
My weight was down to 162.5 this morning, down a pound or two from my usual weight. I think it's partly because I had a good walk on the beach last night. The other thing is I've been sticking with my routine of doing 100 pushups and 200 elbow-to-knee crunches every morning. I've always thought pushups were a great exercise, and the crunches were something that 7-minutes-of-magic guy said was one of the most effective ones. The nice thing is, you get some cardio out of them, especially the pushups.
 
I've finished gathering the raw data for my hours, but I still have to format and send it.

Also, the boss sent out an email saying to have a written summary of the training we did last week. Well, I've prepared a powerpoint showing the network layout and key parameter settings, but I want to add a couple of things to it. Particularly walking through the settings of one sensor that was presented in training that I have the layout for.

But what about this project that's supposed to be done next week? Where is the time to do all this? I don't want to chew up my entire holiday weekend just working. Hmm...
 
Omg, I just finished up the summary of hours - it took me from 9 am to 2:30 pm on a Labor Day weekend. Nuts.

Oh, well. I put it in draft and will look at it and send it out sometime before Tuesday.

That still leaves me with the training Doc and getting on top of this other project. Altogether, I can see the long weekend disappearing into unbillable smoke.

I do like the feeling of being prepared, but I don't like the feeling of not enjoying the weekend.
 
I hope you can make some time for you, too! Do you usually work most weekends, too? I have heard in Silicon Valley that they hire really young energetic people just out of college and expect them to work late into the night most nights. I hope it's better where you are!!
 
Hi Shell and Marsia,

Nope, I don't work most weekends. But sometimes I do because it just relieves the stress. I did have a nice time at dinner at my sisters.

Well, yesterday I stopped working and got to the beach. But I kind of didn't do much else.

For some reason I was pretty tired this morning and slept in. So, I more or less got right to work on the program right after that. We went to my sister/brother-in-law's for a nice dinner with them and my mom. After getting back, went to the beach and walked for about 45 minutes. I weighed myself and was only 165 - not bad for after a party.

Then I worked some more I finally got the program to where I need it to be. Still needs some work but I'd say the trickiest part is done.

But tomorrow - more work. I just need to get the service started, then prep for the training meeting. Should be about 1/2 a day.

The good news is I'm going to get paid for this. At least, I'm going to bill for it. The boss doesn't seem to object, so we'll see next week.

I was playing a bit of guitar around noon. It somehow sounds better during the day - probably because I have more energy. I still am half-planning to retire at the end of the year.
 
Glad you got to enjoy your weekend and hang out with your sister, and get paid for all your hard work! Happy guitar playing, and hope you have a great Labor Day.
 
I'm glad you got to have an enjoyable weekend, Jack but you know I think you will have a much enjoyable time when you retire. You'll have to adjust but I have a feeling that you will. There's always learning new stuff & trying out classes & more guitar playing &.....doing things that you want to do or think you want to do. It's a whole new life ahead of you :)
 
Jack, it sounds like you had some time to enjoy the weekend, although you had to work on your project. Hopefully you will also get paid for it.
 
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