From alpha testing to the QUERCUS 200

Quercus said:
The 2014 game plan:
Each misstep slows my progress, but it doesn't negatively effect my ability to make the next decision the right one. I will be positive and supportive with myself. Bad decisions will be in the minority and are just part of the process.
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This I think is what we all have to remember and something I have been trying to live by. Chances are we will all make bad decisions we wish we could change, but rather than giving up and allow that one bad choice turn into more we must forgive ourselves and move forward and make a better choice at the next fork in the road.

You have a great plan, and I know you have the motivation and will power to succeed.
 
Good luck Q!

I do think it is very wise to forgive yourself some occasional transgressions, but I also think it's wise to occasionally examine why something might not be working as well as you might hope, as that gives you the best chance to make adjustments. Sometimes identifying what part of the process is giving you the most problems can help you figure out some adjustments to overcome those issues.
 
Thank you Athala, Sunflower, Icychic, and MrVee for the support and encouragement!

MrVee, very good advice. I fully intend to correct things that go poorly. Forgiveness isn't proactive. I can do what you've done and I intend to use you as a resource and use your model to help keep on track. Ultimately the process will be unique to me, but following in the path of success is a great starting point and I want to thank you for that.

So day 3 of the new year and I already have something to forgive myself for. 333.2 this morning. Yes I had terrible flu and gained weight. It's the eating I've done since feeling better around xmas through new years day. I had meat and cheese pizza and gelato on the 1st and that was following lots of big meals and snacking for most of the week previous. That and the drinking during that time as well. These were things I shouldn't have done and why I'm a few pounds heavier than before the flu.

Okay so yesterday I was ~1,800 calories and I did stretches and calisthenics for exercise.

I thought getting moving for a first time back to exercise was a good idea. I did a couple different types of toe touches after static stretching and it felt good to be able to touch my toes again. I haven't tried it in a while, but this is the first time I've been able to touch my toes since May when I herniated my disk. It did make it hurt a little afterwards, but that is just a dull soreness this morning. I did enough bodyweight squats that my legs are a bit sore today.

I went to the grocery store last night feeling hungry and wine sounded great. I felt a little overwhelmed thinking about not drinking for the entire year. I changed my focus and reduced my dilemma to the single decision that it was. I did the same thing with shopping hungry. I left the store with what we need to cook healthy meals and nothing else and without any alcohol.

I think that my desire to drink and eat are all tangled up. I think drinking sounded good because I was hungry. That seem odd to me. I suppose it's about wanting and the desire to consume.

When I get hungry I think about eating huge meals. Not just when I am overly hungry either. If I wait until I'm hungry to eat (should be the norm but isn't) then I want a huge plateful of food. That's a mental aspect that I have to work on if I hope to succeed. When I am hungry I have to think of what will it take to relieve the hunger instead of how much will it take to make me full. How little can I eat to not be hungry? How long will that satiation last? That should be the focus as long as I am overweight. While I am as obese as I currently am, I may have to get used to feeling hungry with 1,800 calories for a little while.

It felt good to exercise. It felt good to not overeat. It felt good to not drink. I will enjoy these three good feelings again today.

Weighing 333.2 feels awful. I am ashamed of my weight. I forgive myself for not preventing the weight gain. I will redeem myself by not repeating the same mistakes.

Drinking makes me feel bad. Overeating makes me feel bad. Being sedentary makes me feel bad. I will not make myself endure these three bad feelings today.
 
I think the one day at a time is the best approach, especially when it comes to bad food. Tell yourself not today, maybe tomorrow. When tomorrow comes you do the same thing. For me I do hit that point where will power loses and I cave to eating for example chips, but I make sure when I do it's a small portion. Helps keep cravings at bay and avoids a huge "I give up" binge fest.

Sounds like you did great at the store so good for you!! As for the always wanting to eat tons, perhaps a smaller plate would help? Tell yourself if you are still hungry the food will still be there and you can go for seconds or thirds or fourths. You may go for seconds but likely no more than that, and seconds would be OK because you are using a smaller plate.

While your weight isn't what you wanted you are off to a great start with everything else!
 
Thanks Icy! I think a special plate that is small and just for me would be good. It would make portion control easier and I could make a habit of washing it each time which would cut down on dirty dishes too. Probably a little bowl too. Thanks for the idea!
 
Hi Q. My husband & I always eat on smaller plates these days. You forget they are smaller. We use smaller bowls for everything except soup. Meals look good on them & you don't think that you are being deprived as your meal looks balanced. After our evening meal we almost always have a small fruit platter (3 pieces of fruit divided by 2) & if you still feel hungry you could add a dollop of yoghurt. Reducing your meal size makes a big difference.
I hope 2014 brings you good health & happiness Q & that your pain disappears, xo Cate
 
Cate I had fruit before my run and then ate off a small plate.

run/walk 30 mins 36 secs
avg hr 146
It was near freezing and having a deviated septum and asthma makes for super crappy breathing in the cold.

No drinking, did my workout, and 1,800 calories.
 
Quercus said:
Every decision is an opportunity to achieve my goals. Each misstep slows my progress, but it doesn't negatively effect my ability to make the next decision the right one. I will be positive and supportive with myself. Bad decisions will be in the minority and are just part of the process.
Click to expand...

You are such a good writer! This really is a good mantra to live by.

I truly believe that exercise can become a habit, just something that we do. I began at the age of 16, I'm almost 41 now and for most of that time I have exercised. When I first began working after graduation, I struggled a bit for the first year to fit it in, and I was not happy with my fitness level or my stress levels. Black and white thinking..either all out hard workout or nothing can be bad, your way sounds good to me.

You have a great well thought out logical plan. You can do it!
 
329.6 this morning. I suppose a 3.6 pound loss in one day will work. I was bloated from the meat pizza 2 days before and the drinking I'd been doing over the break.Regardless of the reason it is a great start and a really nice jump on the weightloss stats for the month.

I'm a bit sore from the run last night.

Now for the bad. I can't get my wife to exercise. I just invite her to join me becasue if I tell her she should her stubborness becomes an autonomic reflex. She has something coming up where being in better physcal health would make things easier and speed her recovery and she knows it. It worries me that she won't take steps to take care of herself, but you can't help anyone that doesn't want it. I'll keep trying and my primary tool has to be leading by example. If she sees me feeling better and doing more maybe she will be inspired rather than dragged to do the right thing. I know she doesn't feel very good and she is terrible at telling me how she is so maybe I shouldn't put any pressure on her. I just want both of us to be healthy. I love her very much.
 
Perhaps turn things around a bit and tell her that you need for her to help you. That getting fit and healthy is something that you feel that you need, but that it is very hard to do it alone. That you think a 'fitness buddy' would be a good idea and that there is no one that you'd enjoy spending time with more than her. That she is the person who will be able to inspire you when you need it. You won't blow off your wife, while you may be more likely to cancel on a friend.

Just an idea, this won't 'ruffle her feathers' but make her feel needed.

I think it can be hard for a woman to hear that she should workout from her guy. It makes us insecure in how we look to them. My fiance once commented that I was 'healthier' in some more recent pictures than older ones. True I was very very thin in the one he was talking about. I think 112 pounds and I'm 5'7". He was trying to compliment me, instead I ended up in tears. He didn't mean it that way...but boy all I heard was "you are fat!" Doesn't matter how many compliments he had given me or how much I know that he loves me. Your wife may feel similar. She most likely won't tell you though, it is hard to say.
 
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She's very modest about working out around me or anyone I think. I try to be delicate, but because we are both biologists I tend to approach our discussions with technical facts. I say things like "You know that increased cadiovascular fitness will reduce risks during your procedure and decrease post-operative recovery time."

I have tried to make her my workout buddy, but since she has an office job and hasn't worked out in a very long time she complains about my frequency, duration, and intensity of workouts and says that I obsess about it.

We've been together for 20 years and I know she won't budge an inch until she feels it is her idea and decision. I'll just keep on doing my thing and once she sees it isn't a fad she'll come along.
 
Oh Q. It is so good to hear someone say openly how much they love their partner & it must be hard for you, with your enthusiasm to get healthy, that your wife is resisting doing so herself. I would be surprised if she does not follow your example when she's ready. For me, being very overweight involved an emotional minefield. If my husband had suggested that I lose weight I would probably still be 111kg (or more.) I can't even begin to explain why! It will be much better if she feels it is her idea. It is lovely that you care so much for her. Let's hope that 2014 will be a year that we all get healthier & so will the ones we love! Cheers, Cate
 
Frustrating to see someone you love not take steps to make things easier for themselves. I wonder how many people that love us have looked at us and wanted the same thing for us. Like you said, it has to be her decision. All you can do is what you're doing right now--leading by example! Once she sees how great you feel and look she'll want to join in.

Well done on the loss, Q! Keep on keeping on xo
 
Thanks Cate and Sunflower! I'm happy to hear that you are similar in her mindset. Even if I don't quite get it at least I know someone can relate. It also reinforces that leading by example is my best bet.

I finally had my xmas with my folks and my Mom may have undone my loss with all my favorite bad for me foods. Recipes that I grew up with from her kitchen as well as both of my Grandmothers'. No way I could pass them up especially since she made them just for me. I have no illusions on her influence on my weight. I'm happy that her cooking for me is occasional. I enjoyed my visit and exchanging gifts with just my parents was a nice change for us. It's sad that I dislike my sister so much that I would prefer the holidays without her, but that is the state of things. My wife and I even briefly fantasized about skipping next year on christmas eve to go there on christmas day instead. There would still be all the leftover food and no sister and her latest husband. Of course we won't do this, but it was a fun if naughty thought. I'm guessing from what my Mother had to share that sis will either be single by next xmas or on to her 4th mistake.
 
Perhaps inviting her on smaller, less intense workouts could help her get into it? Then you could always go back out and finish on a more intense note. I'm very self conscious. I hate gyms and don't even want to kick my FBIL out of the basement so I can workout because I don't want him knowing what I'm doing down there (hence why I'm glad I'm alone in the office right now as I can do some workouts there by locking the office). Even with my fiance, I could do some things like go for walks and stuff, but anything that would involve sweating and working hard I'd rather do myself behind closed doors where nobody can see and judge or criticize, even though I know he wouldn't. I know he loves me, but I also know we would both benefit from me losing weight in many ways.

Sorry to hear about your sister. It's unfortunate when you don't get along with family. But good job on the weight loss! Hopefully all the good/bad food doesn't undo it all. And even if it does, you'll lose it all again real quick!
 
Glad you enjoyed the visit with your parents, and all the "bad for me" foods. I enjoyed quite a lot of those myself. haha! Just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing, and say Hi. :)
 
Yeah it was one meal so no big deal. I just skipped the scale today. I only did bodyweight exercises for yesterday because I was sore from the run. Feeling good today so I will likely run.

The mess with my sister isn't repairable I'm afraid. Among her issues is the fact that she is a convincing pathological liar. There is no chance of making peace when you can't trust a word she says irregardless of whether she has a need to lie or not. I have resigned to a relationship of least involvement. She is mentally ill but no one else in my family (especially her) is willing to admit that. She's been court ordered in the past to seek treatment, but that was a long time ago and she has gotten better at not getting caught. She knows not to come to my home and not to ask for money. I try not to speak with her about anything personal and spend the least amount of time around her as possible.
 
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