Cate's Diary

Wonderful about the cooler for the van you'll be getting!! I have trouble with shoes because I have narrow feet and have to get European shoes often, so I can't shop for men's shoes. That's great you can give them to G if they don't work out! All the socializing sounds wonderful. That's great to hang out with friends who enjoy your dog, too!
 
I’m so excited! We’re on our way to look at a camper that got listed overnight. I’ll tell you about it later. It’s only 20 mins from home. It looks great!
 
I'm glad you told A. Kids can't learn to be mindful when nobody ever tells them something's inconvenient. Yay for the fancy cooler and fingers crossed for the camper!
 
Marsia said:
Ooooo, crossing all fingers and toes it all goes great!!!!
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LaMaria said:
I'm glad you told A. Kids can't learn to be mindful when nobody ever tells them something's inconvenient. Yay for the fancy cooler and fingers crossed for the camper!
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I am SO excited! We have bought it. It has way more features than I ever expected we would have. It is fully set up as a camper. There's nothing modern about it, but that suits me too. I drove it & was comfortable. It's auto & uses unleaded fuel, has a gas stove & fridge (with 2 small gas bottles), sink (with built-in water tank), numerous cupboards & drawers, an awning, a pop-top (in good nick), flip out benches, a toolbox on the back(that can be slipped around for rear entry or removed) that I'm hoping may fit G's golf clubs (but we're not sure about that)....The woman who owned it is going to be teary tomorrow I think. If it doesn't work out for us I think we could sell it tomorrow for a neat profit, but I have a feeling that this van will become a part of our new life. I can't wait for our first adventure.
 
Oh, you are going to have so much fun!!! There are huge communities of van lifers - people who travel around (because they can work from home) and live full time in their vans. There are gazillions of Youtube videos on all aspects of van life, so I think you'll have a good time figuring out your van. I bet the lady who sold it to you can give you tutorials, too. Also the van and camper communities are so friendly. When we ask people about their vans, they are so sharing and so happy to talk with us about their set ups. I don't think you are going to have any problems, and may become part of a really happy community of nomads! Congratulations :party:!
 
Wow!! so exciting and so fun!! So great that you guys won the cooler and now you got the van to put it in. I am looking forward to having vicarious adventures through your travels!
 
I have had such an awful night. I really didn't think this through. I couldn't sleep, I had diarrhea, my brain churned over & over & when I did get to sleep I woke knowing I had made a big mistake. I have messaged the owner to tell her & I'm hoping she understands. Instead of feeling like a fun idea, all I could do was worry about it. If we had wanted to be campers we would have done so years ago. I won't even consider getting one again. I feel so anxious & sick. I really, really hope she understands. I only paid half yesterday as that was all I could & was going to pay the remainder today before picking it up. G goes along with whatever I want to do usually & we didn't get a chance to talk it through without her being beside us.
After talking with him this morning he agreed that it wasn't practical & I said I won't even think about getting one again. We just need a bit bigger car & I won't even think about looking any time soon. This has thrown me right out.
 
I just got a message back & she is really upset. She went ahead & paid a non-refundable deposit on an expensive motorhome last night & signed up for a loan for half of it. She said she thought a 50% deposit was a firm commitment & she's right. I just paid the balance. We'll pick it up this afternoon, probably shed some tears with her as I feel so bad for upsetting her. We'll just try to make this work & if it doesn't we'll sell. Who knows?
 
Oh dear Cate, sending you a great big hug:grouphug:
Really sorry to hear you've ended up with so much anxiety over this. I hope you figure out something that feels right with the van, but even more importantly i just hope you feel better. Anxiety sucks :(
 
Thanks, Liza. I’m all cried out or your hug would have set me off again. I have a small gift of some wind chimes to give her when we go out to pick up the van as a sorry for stressing her out. Seeing the things she had in the van I thought she would like them.I hope she is pleasant. I don’t cope well with anger & I hate upsetting anyone.
I’m going to try to love this camper & not be so anxious about how we’ll cope. It’s stepping out of my comfort zone majorly but it may just be a home away from home. We have a lot to learn. I don’t even know how to turn anything on or where the spare tyre is :svengo: It was an impulse buy.
 
Thanks, LaMa. We have picked up the van & called in at our neighbour’s & he & his wife had a good look. He’s a mechanic & they both have done lots of campervanning. They were very impressed. When we looked with them I got a better chance at looking at everything without pressure. It’s ours now & I think we can work this out & have fun in it. If we had been able to have a good look without her yesterday I think I would have not gone through such a night & such anxiety.
I am going to see a new woman doctor next week & I am going to talk to her about my anxiety & ask to see a psychiatrist. I have had counselling before & it has helped me, but I think I should explore whether I have an underlying mental illness, which I suspect I have. I think I have known that I have it for a long time & I thought I had it under control, but stress brings it the fore. I’m of the generation that traditionally stigmatised mental illness so have been loathe to be “labelled”.
I’ll tell you all more about the van in the morning. I need to switch off & get a good nights sleep. It has so many wonderful features. Way more than I took in yesterday. I’ll try listing them tomorrow xoxo
 
Oh, so sorry Cate that you had such an anxiety attack. I hate those so much. I know I am probably overreacting when that happens, but it's so hard to turn off the churning thoughts. I do deep breathing exercises when that happens now. I hope you can find a good counselor to help you. If you do go the psychiatrist route, they often want to prescribe anti-anxiety medication, just so you know that psychiatrists (here at least) may or may not actually be counselors, and may just do prescriptions.

With the van, it's so good that you have neighbors who can teach you how to use the van. I hope you fall in love with it and have many adventures (whether or not you actually sleep in it overnight)! If not, as you and LaMa say, reselling it will be a good option, too. Anyway, I hope you can just let all the upset feelings go and have a fresh look at things now that your neighbors are helping you with the van. Also G seems very handy and I bet he could be in charge of figuring out how things work, right?

Oh, also I believe that mental illness is similar to physical illness - it does not define you as a person at all. It's just a pattern of behavior that isn't working well, and that needs to be deconstructed so you can live a more fulfilling life. I hope if you do get an anxiety diagnosis that you do not take it personally as something "wrong" with you. It's just our brains panicking and trying to protect ourselves. Maybe they go overboard sometimes, so we need to work on recognizing that and learn to self-soothe. I cured myself of PTSD (for the most part) and I do not consider that a part of myself, just a behavior that was mis-firing while trying to protect me. Big huge hugs :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:!
 
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I think it's very human to experience anxiety and buyer's regret over something expensive. I hope you'll get past that and enjoy the purchase - and that if it turns out to not be for you, that you can upsell :) Take care!
 
I hope you got the good night's sleep you needed--sure makes all the difference. I'm so glad that already you are feeling a bit better about the van.
I think counselling is useful for so many (if not all) people. I have really valued excellent counselling I've gotten in the past. I also did go the med route because it was too much for me to handle without and that has been super helpful as well.
 
liza said:
I hope you got the good night's sleep you needed--sure makes all the difference. I'm so glad that already you are feeling a bit better about the van.
I think counselling is useful for so many (if not all) people. I have really valued excellent counselling I've gotten in the past. I also did go the med route because it was too much for me to handle without and that has been super helpful as well.
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Just to chime in, I know a lot of people who have really benefitted from anti-anxiety medication, too. So glad it helped you Liza!!
 
Marsia said:
Oh, so sorry Cate that you had such an anxiety attack. I hate those so much. I know I am probably overreacting when that happens, but it's so hard to turn off the churning thoughts. I do deep breathing exercises when that happens now. I hope you can find a good counsellor to help you.
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Thanks, Marsia. I think I'll start with talking to this new doctor & will ask her about getting a referral. This reaction was probably one of the worst I have ever had & was awful, but I feel so much better this morning & calm again. It was a huge over-reaction. I think I do have BP2. I don't think a GP or a counsellor can give you a proper diagnosis & it is probably important that I find out. I really do not cope well with stress.
Floater said:
I think it's very human to experience anxiety and buyer's regret over something expensive. I hope you'll get past that and enjoy the purchase - and that if it turns out to not be for you, that you can upsell :) Take care!
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Thanks, Floater. I think it is a good buy & I have always had this romantic idea of getting one & then had such serious doubts & as you say "buyers regret". I mean, we really should have had a mechanic check it out etc. I am already now looking forward to adventures in it & fitting out the drawers etc. Hopefully, I haven't decluttered all the things I may now need. I know there's a cutlery tray in a box in the garage that was almost given away, which I will now retrieve.
liza said:
I hope you got the good night's sleep you needed--sure makes all the difference. I'm so glad that already you are feeling a bit better about the van.
I think counselling is useful for so many (if not all) people. I have really valued excellent counselling I've gotten in the past. I also did go the med route because it was too much for me to handle without and that has been super helpful as well.
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Thanks, Liza. I think I do need some counselling. I wouldn't mind having some meds just for when I feel like this, rather than an everyday thing. I have such strong reactions to medication. I'll find out anyway. I'm seeing my new doctor next Monday for a pneumonia vaccine.

I'm going out to the golf club today as it's my rescheduled sponsor day & I had better not miss another one. I will leave Arch home & maybe have a quick practise hit if I have time. I am going out to lunch with them on Friday. It's a shame it's on Friday as we have a live music gig to go to in town on Fri night, but I didn't go to their last lunch because of the funeral so I'll go. I'll see how I feel about them all when I catch up this afternoon. Even if I can play golf soon I may not go back to playing with the women on Wednesdays. Maybe I just will occasionally.

I'll list the van features another time as this post is already long enough :)
 
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