Broken Heart

ILM she has issues with the time commitment and the voluntary act of putting myself in harms way. I'm a volunteer not a paid FF/EMT so the time I put towards making, attending schools at my department, attending county school, and the time i put in during the last 5 months to gain my EMT certification is all time she feels has been taken away from her. Granted I wouldn't be seeing her every single day anyways because I like my "me" time and like to see my friends if at all possible.

I guess another big thing to realize is that aside from me, her sister and her best friend from college she doesn't hang out with anyone else. I'm a majority of that time too so when I say she depends on me, she really depends on me.

Primadonna is an excellent description for her. As for my baggage, there's some baggage that will just never go away IMO. Its been 2 years and its still there. I think its more that I just haven't met a person that i can put my whole self into who can blank out all the horrible past experiences.

edit: and my workout was excellent...40 minutes HIIT on the bike, 1 min on, 1 min off. HR 140 (lowest resting) to 180 (highest) with a 30 bpm drop during rest cycles, cadence 50-80 during rest periods, 105-110 during intervals.
 
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firefreak said:
ILM she has issues with the time commitment and the voluntary act of putting myself in harms way. I'm a volunteer not a paid FF/EMT so the time I put towards making, attending schools at my department, attending county school, and the time i put in during the last 5 months to gain my EMT certification is all time she feels has been taken away from her. Granted I wouldn't be seeing her every single day anyways because I like my "me" time and like to see my friends if at all possible.
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But your GF has to realize she does not "own" your personal time and has no right to demand that from you. The more she demands it, the more she's going to push you away.

firefreak said:
I guess another big thing to realize is that aside from me, her sister and her best friend from college she doesn't hang out with anyone else. I'm a majority of that time too so when I say she depends on me, she really depends on me.
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Your GF is definitely too dependant on you. It would be nice if she could find some more friends and do her own thing. She needs to have her own life and be a bit more independent. I think she'd be a lot happier, too. Nobody should be expected to fulfill another person's needs, wants and desires 100% of the time. It's unrealistic. That type of dependancy erodes relationships and causes a lot of resentment.

I think everybody needs their own space and "me" time. If I didn't get mine, I'd go completely bonkers. That's why me and my BF still have our own places.

firefreak said:
Primadonna is an excellent description for her. As for my baggage, there's some baggage that will just never go away IMO. Its been 2 years and its still there. I think its more that I just haven't met a person that i can put my whole self into who can blank out all the horrible past experiences.
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When you find that special person, you will know it. Something will just "click" inside you, and it will feel right. I know that sounds cliché, but it's true. It still takes hard work, but when you know that person is as committed as you are, somehow things just work out.

Ultimately, you need to figure out what you're going to do. Don't let sentiment tarnish reality.

firefreak said:
edit: and my workout was excellent...40 minutes HIIT on the bike, 1 min on, 1 min off. HR 140 (lowest resting) to 180 (highest) with a 30 bpm drop during rest cycles, cadence 50-80 during rest periods, 105-110 during intervals.
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Glad to hear your workout went very well :)
 
In my humble opinion you’re in danger of over-analysing the situation; a little like Hamlet trying to delay taking action by dressing it up as consideration and preparation. You’ve been together for a year which may seem long to you but really you should still be in a honeymoon period. You obviously aren’t, so you need to man-up and break it off now; staying together for any reason will only make things hurt more in the long run.
You may think that leaving her will cause her pain which you don’t want to do but by staying with her in a dysfunctional relationship just denies you and her the chance to go and find someone new and be happy. It may seem hard now but by breaking this off you’ll be doing her a favour.
She’s only still with you as she thinks that the problems you’ve had are blips and that things will improve. If you know that they won’t then all you’re doing is slowly inflicting pain and causing more long term damage. A quick and clean break is normally the quickest to heal and has fewer complications in the long run

I’ve been in the same situation and didn’t take that advice, I was a coward and stayed with her because I couldn’t face hurting the girl I loved as a friend and it caused years of problems and left scaring that still hurts now (many years on).
 
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I know what you're saying Typhon. It's definitely been going on for long enough and the more I think about it, the more I think it should end. It's just tough t make that decision, as you know.

In other news, we talked last night and right at the beginning of the conversation it was "what are you doing Sunday at 1, cause you're coming with my to a house warming party" I said no I wasn't, she said she "needs me there" I told her I do not want to go, she said "but I am asking you to come with me", i say "i know, but I don't want to go. That's not my idea of an enjoyable sunday afternoon and you don't need me to be there".

I stopped myself from calling myself her crutch. Maybe save that one for later.
 
Your situation sounds a little more frustrating, but you are not alone. I deal with lots of the same problems you do. Our GFs sound frighteningly similar in ways. Not that I don't love her to death, just makes me wonder...
 
It's good to feel needed. But, when it's a continual drain on you and what you want to do then it's too much. She's got to learn to function without you. Otherwise you are not only hurting yourself by staying in the situation but you are also fostering her dependence on you. I've had a few of these relationships in the past and at first they can be great because you get so much attention etc. But, as time goes on they become overwhelming.

The decisions are always tough but in the long run it will be best. Good luck and stay strong.
 
GT2003 said:
It's good to feel needed. But, when it's a continual drain on you and what you want to do then it's too much. She's got to learn to function without you. Otherwise you are not only hurting yourself by staying in the situation but you are also fostering her dependence on you. I've had a few of these relationships in the past and at first they can be great because you get so much attention etc. But, as time goes on they become overwhelming.

The decisions are always tough but in the long run it will be best. Good luck and stay strong.
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Yes it was nice at first. There was the "WOW" factor, but over time it just started to become repetitive and annoying. Its like her excessive use of terms like baby, sweetheart, and hon. That's how she addresses me. She doesn't use my name. We hosted dinner for a friend of mine a while back and her (the friend) comment to me the next day was...the "sweetie/hon/babe" thing was a bit much.

Sigh...we'll see. I won't be seeing her until Saturday so if it happens it will happen then. I already know the house warming thing will lead to a fight when I remind her that I am not going so that will likely be the kick-off into a conversation about parting ways.

bleggh...****s wearing me thin.
 
Yep, getting it all started is the hardest part. Once you manage to split ways then things will get better. The hard part then is not feeling sorry for her and her situation. She might be calling/hounding you to spend time with her etc. but you've got to realize what is best for you and keep on keeping on. Best of luck with the situation. Take care, Greg
 
firefreak said:
I know what you're saying Typhon. It's definitely been going on for long enough and the more I think about it, the more I think it should end. It's just tough t make that decision, as you know.

In other news, we talked last night and right at the beginning of the conversation it was "what are you doing Sunday at 1, cause you're coming with my to a house warming party" I said no I wasn't, she said she "needs me there" I told her I do not want to go, she said "but I am asking you to come with me", i say "i know, but I don't want to go. That's not my idea of an enjoyable sunday afternoon and you don't need me to be there".

I stopped myself from calling myself her crutch. Maybe save that one for later.
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This is direct evidence that your GF has ZERO respect for you because she didn't ask you beforehand to see whether or not you were busy. For her to just assume you'd go with her grates me in ways you can't begin to imagine. That one event has told me that this relationship is all about her. Your feelings and needs obviously don't even enter into the equation for her whatsoever.

GRRRRRR!!!! Dump her. The sooner the better.
 
It will be happening on Saturday. We're fighting right now because I never told her I loved her last night and she waited until she passed out and never heard from me. I did tell her I passed and did tell her I got my certification and did tell her i was out at the bar with my friends.

I thought it was safe to assume that I would be out enjoying myself and that she could just let me have fun...guess not.
 
firefreak said:
It will be happening on Saturday. We're fighting right now because I never told her I loved her last night and she waited until she passed out and never heard from me. I did tell her I passed and did tell her I got my certification and did tell her i was out at the bar with my friends.

I thought it was safe to assume that I would be out enjoying myself and that she could just let me have fun...guess not.
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I would think that for most women, all that a guy has to say is "hey, I'm out with the guys, I'm going to be late, don't wait up for me". And if the guy actually loves the girl, he might say "I love you", but that depends on where he is and who he's with. Sometimes it's tough for a guy to say it. And you don't have to say "I love you" all the time. The words start to become meaningless ... and only said out of habit. I think it's far more important to show the other person you love them.

You guys don't even live together, do you? So why did you HAVE to tell her you love her on the phone? OMG. That's mental. She's a total control freak.

I'm so glad you're ending this tomorrow. It will be bittersweet because break-ups always are, but once you have walked away from her, I think you will feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders.
 
OH man... There is NO supplement that even compares to a broken heart man. I've seen some amazing results when guys got their heart broken... Omg, one person got his bench press from 250 to 315 in like 3 months while weighing only 165 lbs (anger can be a great force). Another guy dropped from 220 lbs to 170 lbs in 3 months ( something about not being able to stomach anything like food and needing to run to free his mind).
 
tic said:
OH man... There is NO supplement that even compares to a broken heart man. I've seen some amazing results when guys got their heart broken... Omg, one person got his bench press from 250 to 315 in like 3 months while weighing only 165 lbs (anger can be a great force). Another guy dropped from 220 lbs to 170 lbs in 3 months ( something about not being able to stomach anything like food and needing to run to free his mind).
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I know. After the last big break up i dropped a decent amount of weight and got a lot stronger. I will have more time and less conflicts with working out now too.
 
Right on man... I think we are onto something here... Instead of a diet pill, we can offer a break your heart service. Gurantee to lean up and be stronger. Possible side-effect include: Insanity, succidile tendency, and explosive behavior, mood swings as well.
 
Your next GF should be somebody who appreciates the fact that you workout.

If she starts complaining about the amount of time you spend in the gym ... and not spending enough time with her ...

Well, you guys are smart enough to figure that out. Date a woman that works out. That's your best bet because she'll "get it". You can even workout together!

I only dated one guy who didn't work out and he resented every second I spent in the gym. I resented every second I had to listen to his freaking whining about me not spending enough time with him. He got the boot pretty quickly.
 
I don't get the whole thing about someone spending "too much time in the gym" You'd have to spend some serious time in the gym for it to bother me if we were together.
 
I don't get it, either. But apparently some people become quite irritated and resentful if you're working out instead of spending every waking moment with them.

Whine, whine, whine. I can't hear them whining. All I hear is the sound of my body saying "thank you" :)
 
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