bluehats diary

Oh, Blue. You poor thing :grouphug:
 
i finally get to get in to see a dentist
next week
but not to get them pulled yet:(
they want to do a full exam and xrays of all
the other 10 or 11 teeth i have
then idk when the actual appt will be made to get
me out of the pain

so since i havent been wearing masks i have to find one
in a few days by tues - they asked me to wear one
theres no way one will arrive by ordering one with
the backlogs
im not sure where to get one
i dont have a way to make one
where do ppl get them from?
but they also did say they can give me one
i guess if i cant find one thats the option
 
I am so glad you can get to see a dentist at last! Do you have a pharmacy nearby or hospital? I know our local hospital had masks available in their A & E. If not, I would go to the dentist with a scarf over your face & ask for one of their masks if you can't find some before then.
 
Yup. I hand-sewed my first ones from an old pillowcase. Traced the outline of the pattern on a piece of paper held against my computer screen because I don't have a printer. Scarves don't stay in place as well but they do work and at least around here they're perfectly legal to use.
 
its possible i have a few masks lined up
im just waiting for the ppl to respond back to my messages
and homemade ones at that
which means i can reuse them for the more appts coming
yay
 
i want to share my biggest emotional pain
and there are some awful things that happened
but this one beats them all
even tho it may not be as bad for some ppl (If this happened to them)
i share it here because im pretty sure it affects my bad eating things
or causes it
at least in this time of my life anyway

can anyone understand the pain (for me)of my nice person choosing the mean man
to live with to eat with to do fun things with
for him to be the one who does all this with her
when i had no choice i had to leave for my safety
yet she chooses her life to be with him
after me defending her when she was younger
from him and always being(advocating) for her when he was
unnice to her when she was too small to
and caring for her and loving her
why is it always the bad ppl who win
why didnt i stay and let him kill me
then maybe she could have seen the truth
and chosen me to live with
why wasnt i strong enuf to stay
why do the bad ppl win

pls forgive me if this didnt belong here
but im pretty sure it affects my eating
 
You left because your life is valuable. If your "nice person" chooses to stay for whatever reason that hopefully is her choice & you can't change that. She would know how you feel & it's good that you still have her in your life. When things get better you might investigate expanding your circle & getting some more support.
The main thing to remember is that you are worth looking after. Love yourself, Blue & try to treat yourself as you would someone else that you love :grouphug:
 
No need to feel sorry about what you put in your diary Blu. Half of mine isn't about food but about things that may affect what I eat. It hurts to have to watch people you love get hurt and it hurts to not feel seen. Other people have their own road to walk no matter how wrong it looks to us but it can be awfully frustrating.
 
so ive been working on a list of possible recipes
mainly of low carb soup ones
being as most of my bottom ones and a few more
top ones will be gone(teeth)
so far ive found a vegetable beef one that looks easy
that i can understand all the steps to make it
but i will need at least 4 to rotate around
i think maybe a taco soup a pizza soup
and 1 other one
i have a few weeks tho
if nothing prevents me from getting to the dentist
to get the work done

it would be so much easier to just buy and eat
canned prepared soups
but there is so much salt and other added things
at least homemade controls all that stuff from
being put in

so onward to better days
i hope
or at least less painful ones in the teeth
lol
 
working on getting my food back
from the mean mans place
but the nice persons injured
and the mean mans giving me
a hard time getting anything
so ive asked her if maybe she can
slowly bring me some a little
at a time so it doesnt hurt her
its not going to be good at my place
i have not binged in awhile
but its too much stress going there
to get when she cant give it to me

im trying to think of a way to make it
harder to get to at my place
maybe pile stuff on top of it?
so its harder to get to?
i pile stuff on top of things wrapped
in plastic to keep the cat out
maybe it will work for me too?

i really dont want to do it this way
i was doing so well not binging
but i guess there isnt another way
why do things go wrong every time i turn around
im even thinking now whats going to go wrong tomorrow?
at the dentist finally
o well
 
Fingers crossed for the dentist visit. Making things harder to get at might be a good idea. Plus: remember you've been doing well not binging for a while already. That's great and maybe something you can build on.
 
I hope your dental visit went well, Blue. You have been doing well not binging. I'm sure you are able to work on building up your resistance to that. It would be good to become more self-reliant & independent.
 
well i got the nice person to agree to try to remember
to tell me when the mean mans out
so i can go and slowly get my stuff back
but its been moved into plastic drawers
that i cant get open the stuffs too heavy
in them
so best thing for now is wait til she feels better
than bring me it
 
Once that happens you could try rationing it. It would be a good feeling to regain control of your food.
How did the dentist visit go?
 
just sad
 
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