100 Days
- Thread starter Milanica
- Start date
I feel bad for just writing in my diary, and not actively participating in others. That is why I write so rarely.
But I sometimes need to like put my toughts somewhere, in order to feel more relaxed. And I don't have the energy for anything else. I feel selfish for that, but energy just isn't there. So I am sorry for long posts.
I am so tense now.
Ok, so let start. First of all I want to cry my soul out, because that feels so good. That is healing for me. But since I am on this medication, it is hard for me to cry. I can have few tears, but cry properly, almost impossible. Then I can be seen from the neighbour apartement, and that makes it diffuclt too. I like to cry alone. And when I am sure nobody sees me. Music really helps me with that. Music is cure for the soul. It is the language of the soul directly. And when I say music I mean just the melody without any words.
It is pretty late, so I will try to be short.
What makes me feel good? When I menage my time well. When I cook. When I have a plan and stick to eat. When I have a to do list, and cross everything on the list. When I am organized. When I spend time with certain people. Sex. Nature. Physical exercise. When the work is going well. Sea. Reading in the summer. Falling in love. Children. When everything is clean and in order. Making a plan. When I improve something. When I see progress. When I see results of the effort I put. Laughing. Writing in a diary. Music. Art.
It is extremely hard for me to take decisions. And to change things. Extremely hard. I feel so much sterss. I just need to relax. And to take it easy. One thing at a time.
But I sometimes need to like put my toughts somewhere, in order to feel more relaxed. And I don't have the energy for anything else. I feel selfish for that, but energy just isn't there. So I am sorry for long posts.
I am so tense now.
Ok, so let start. First of all I want to cry my soul out, because that feels so good. That is healing for me. But since I am on this medication, it is hard for me to cry. I can have few tears, but cry properly, almost impossible. Then I can be seen from the neighbour apartement, and that makes it diffuclt too. I like to cry alone. And when I am sure nobody sees me. Music really helps me with that. Music is cure for the soul. It is the language of the soul directly. And when I say music I mean just the melody without any words.
It is pretty late, so I will try to be short.
What makes me feel good? When I menage my time well. When I cook. When I have a plan and stick to eat. When I have a to do list, and cross everything on the list. When I am organized. When I spend time with certain people. Sex. Nature. Physical exercise. When the work is going well. Sea. Reading in the summer. Falling in love. Children. When everything is clean and in order. Making a plan. When I improve something. When I see progress. When I see results of the effort I put. Laughing. Writing in a diary. Music. Art.
It is extremely hard for me to take decisions. And to change things. Extremely hard. I feel so much sterss. I just need to relax. And to take it easy. One thing at a time.
Cate
Long term member
Don’t ever feel bad about only writing in your diary. It’s really healthy mentally to put your thoughts down. I’m sending you a big hug because I know that feeling when you feel you need to cry but can’t. Do the things that you can do to help you feel better about your life. I hope that good things come your way 
Of course we're happy to have people visiting our diaries as well but we all pull back when we're not doing well. That's normal. Take care of yourself first and if writing here helps you please do so without worrying about whether or not you're responding to others.
I love that you're listing all these things that make you happy and I hope you get a chance to relax
Thank you so so much, it really means a lot But really!
I want to reflect a little bit on myself. I am a selfish person, that is for sure. And I am a real introvert. I can be with people for a day for example, but then I need three days of alone time. And I hate how I act when I am with friends. If it is more that three of us, I pull back. I enjoy reading a book, or watching something, or doing sudoku, what ever, but I cannot talk. I can walk as well, swim, sunbath, but talk, no way. I prefer anything else but talking. I love people, but in small dosis. I am happiest when I read, walk, swim and see my friends, but in small dosis.
My ex boufriend was really sociable and that was killing me. I couldn't participate with him. And couldn't imagine a life with him, with a house always full of people. I remember telling him, I would have to go to another room if we are to live together and there are people in out house. It is so strange. But I am like that from the erliest childhood. I think that is because I am hyper hyper sensitive, and I can feel everything too strongly, I just need a time to process and to relax. With my family, in Montenegro, we lived close to a mountain. My sister would spend the whole day with our cousins. I love my cousins but I would spend my day in the mountain reading, or knitting. Alone in the mountain. And then I would spend an evening with them. I have to accept this. I am like that.
But I also want to give myself more to others. I think this being alone is a kind of selfishness. I am sure it is. I had two, lets call them boyfriends, but they were not really my boyfriends, I could spend a lot of times with them. But just the two of us. Two or three is ok for me. More, no way.
But I want to change. When I come home, I am in my room, doing something, and I would like to spend more time with my mother. And my dad. And my friends. To balance out alone time and time with people.
One psychiatrist told me it depends on how you are raised, some people are raised to be social, some not. My mom is very social, but my dad not. I am like my dad. I miss Montenegro so much. So so much. That is the country I feel with all my soul and body. I love Serbia but Serbia is not mine. It doesn't resonate with me. Just Belgrade. But Montenegro, every stone, every hill, everything is mine. I remember once in Belgrade there was an exhibition of famous painter Lubarda. I was walking and saw from a window a painting and felt such a warmth, such a sense of belonging, I felt my roots. It was a painting of Montenigrian mountains. But he captured the atmosphere perfectly. That is a great painter, the one who can make you feel things. The depth of that picture is incredible. And I was just spending my summers there. And it is strange, because I am not a Montenigrian as a person, I don't have much in common with them as people, but nature, I feel it and very strongly. It is strange. And my other half is Macedonian, and I can see something macedonian in me, but I don't feel the country at all. Very, very strange. So as a person, I don't feel I belong anywhere. The only time I felt I belonged was in high school. Everybody was like me. Introverted and selfish. Incredible. And even more introvereted then me, much more. And even more selfish. It was so nice and so easy. And for them I have a great sense of humor, I make them laugh. They think that is universal, but not. It was just with them. That was a school for gifted children in mathematics. But it was amazing, how besides our love for math we had so so much in common in every aspect.
So, I really want to change, I want to be less selfish, and more conected with people, like my sister. I want to learn how to spend time with people. Like my sister, she is so good in that. She is not that sociable, for example I have way more friends than her. But she takes such a good care of her frinedships, and spends an amazing time. I have like an acid in me, and I want to put milk to that, and to make it sweet and nice. I menaged to do that once, when I was trying to lose weight. But I was doing it in such a way that I changed as a person then. I don't know what I did, but it felt so good. I gained self-confidence, I loved myself, I was spending the time the way I wanted. It was a real progress.
I am not sure how to do that again. But I will write about losing weight tomorrow.
But really!I want to reflect a little bit on myself. I am a selfish person, that is for sure. And I am a real introvert. I can be with people for a day for example, but then I need three days of alone time. And I hate how I act when I am with friends. If it is more that three of us, I pull back. I enjoy reading a book, or watching something, or doing sudoku, what ever, but I cannot talk. I can walk as well, swim, sunbath, but talk, no way. I prefer anything else but talking. I love people, but in small dosis. I am happiest when I read, walk, swim and see my friends, but in small dosis.
My ex boufriend was really sociable and that was killing me. I couldn't participate with him. And couldn't imagine a life with him, with a house always full of people. I remember telling him, I would have to go to another room if we are to live together and there are people in out house. It is so strange. But I am like that from the erliest childhood. I think that is because I am hyper hyper sensitive, and I can feel everything too strongly, I just need a time to process and to relax. With my family, in Montenegro, we lived close to a mountain. My sister would spend the whole day with our cousins. I love my cousins but I would spend my day in the mountain reading, or knitting. Alone in the mountain. And then I would spend an evening with them. I have to accept this. I am like that.
But I also want to give myself more to others. I think this being alone is a kind of selfishness. I am sure it is. I had two, lets call them boyfriends, but they were not really my boyfriends, I could spend a lot of times with them. But just the two of us. Two or three is ok for me. More, no way.
But I want to change. When I come home, I am in my room, doing something, and I would like to spend more time with my mother. And my dad. And my friends. To balance out alone time and time with people.
One psychiatrist told me it depends on how you are raised, some people are raised to be social, some not. My mom is very social, but my dad not. I am like my dad. I miss Montenegro so much. So so much. That is the country I feel with all my soul and body. I love Serbia but Serbia is not mine. It doesn't resonate with me. Just Belgrade. But Montenegro, every stone, every hill, everything is mine. I remember once in Belgrade there was an exhibition of famous painter Lubarda. I was walking and saw from a window a painting and felt such a warmth, such a sense of belonging, I felt my roots. It was a painting of Montenigrian mountains. But he captured the atmosphere perfectly. That is a great painter, the one who can make you feel things. The depth of that picture is incredible. And I was just spending my summers there. And it is strange, because I am not a Montenigrian as a person, I don't have much in common with them as people, but nature, I feel it and very strongly. It is strange. And my other half is Macedonian, and I can see something macedonian in me, but I don't feel the country at all. Very, very strange. So as a person, I don't feel I belong anywhere. The only time I felt I belonged was in high school. Everybody was like me. Introverted and selfish. Incredible. And even more introvereted then me, much more. And even more selfish. It was so nice and so easy. And for them I have a great sense of humor, I make them laugh. They think that is universal, but not. It was just with them. That was a school for gifted children in mathematics. But it was amazing, how besides our love for math we had so so much in common in every aspect.
So, I really want to change, I want to be less selfish, and more conected with people, like my sister. I want to learn how to spend time with people. Like my sister, she is so good in that. She is not that sociable, for example I have way more friends than her. But she takes such a good care of her frinedships, and spends an amazing time. I have like an acid in me, and I want to put milk to that, and to make it sweet and nice. I menaged to do that once, when I was trying to lose weight. But I was doing it in such a way that I changed as a person then. I don't know what I did, but it felt so good. I gained self-confidence, I loved myself, I was spending the time the way I wanted. It was a real progress.
I am not sure how to do that again. But I will write about losing weight tomorrow.
Last edited:
I suggest you read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It's a book by Susan Cain that may help you accept who you are AND find ways to interact with other people without feeling selfish. I'm an introvert and thankfully the rest of my family is the same. It makes things so much easier! With the right people I can spend a lot of time but those are people who also don't feel the need to talk all the time. The sister I spent most time with when growing up was like my twin: sometimes we'd stop talking and just spin our own thoughts for a while and when either of us started to talk again the other wouldn't need explanations because their thoughts would have automatically gone in the same direction. It's rare, but people like that exist.
Llama, thank you very much for the book . I like the relation you have with your sister 
I don't have that relation to anyone, maybe with one friend, but he lives in the US, and we see each other max two times per year.
I cannot sleep. I took a pill at midnight insteead of at 8 as doctor told me. That might be it. And I also drank some alchocol. Which I almost never do.
I see I started this diary a year ago. And in that time I have no results in terms of loosing weight. I started several times well, but then I spiral back to old habits. So now I decided to try 80/20 approach. I will loose kg slower, but I think it might be sustainable. So idea is the following. I know what is ideal eating for me. And I will try to eat like that for 4 days. Then one day I can eat more relaxed. Of course I can eat how I want for 8 days in a row, then I will have 2 days of relaxed eating. I can accumulate relaxed days. So the order is not important, only the ratio. 4/1 in days which gives in percentages 80/20. Of course on relaxed days I will try not to eat too much.
So I have a new year in front of me. I would like to lose 24 kg in a year. But I will be satisfied with 10 as well. We'll see. I have a plan. But let's see if it will work.
I don't have that relation to anyone, maybe with one friend, but he lives in the US, and we see each other max two times per year. I cannot sleep. I took a pill at midnight insteead of at 8 as doctor told me. That might be it. And I also drank some alchocol. Which I almost never do.
I see I started this diary a year ago. And in that time I have no results in terms of loosing weight. I started several times well, but then I spiral back to old habits. So now I decided to try 80/20 approach. I will loose kg slower, but I think it might be sustainable. So idea is the following. I know what is ideal eating for me. And I will try to eat like that for 4 days. Then one day I can eat more relaxed. Of course I can eat how I want for 8 days in a row, then I will have 2 days of relaxed eating. I can accumulate relaxed days. So the order is not important, only the ratio. 4/1 in days which gives in percentages 80/20. Of course on relaxed days I will try not to eat too much.
So I have a new year in front of me. I would like to lose 24 kg in a year. But I will be satisfied with 10 as well. We'll see. I have a plan. But let's see if it will work.
Ok, so fourth day since I started 80/20. And guess what, two days I ate well, but two not. And it is hard to go from bad to good day. But, after one good day, next one gets easier and easier. So, I have to use these bad days very wisely. Just for social situations. And to be aware that the next day will be very hard. And also not to eat too much on bad days, because then it will be even harder.
Yesterday I had a normal breakfast and lunch, but then I had: small chocolate like toblerone, a litar of orange juice, a small bowl of cereals with milk, a few chocolate biscuits, a big slice of pizza, a bottle of beer, and a whole package of Milka brownies (6 small pieces). And I can eat waaaaaay more than this. Way more. So for me my plan is life saviour because when I start eating I cannot stop. And it is because of the medicine, I know, it is not normal, the doctor told me to be aware of it. But ok. I have to follow my plan while I am on medication, and when I stop taking it, I will try to eat normal, but my appetite will be normal.
I started to read a book 'When I say no, I don't feel guilty?'. It is about being assertive, I really need that. And the book is amazing. I already read it while ago, but now I am doing it with fresh perspective.
I have one problem I have to solve. I have two very good friends, they are twins. I love them both very much. But I have a problem with one of them. She has serious mental problems, for more than ten years now, and I am so sorry to see her suffer. On the other hand she is extremely negative and I don't know how to explain that but depressing is maybe the word. It is not about what she says it is the way she says it. After seeing her I feel very very bad, for a week. It affects me very much, I see everything with her depressive view, I have no energy, the things she says are stuck in my had and are just spinning. Even weeks after, on ocasion it starts spinning. It takes a more than a month of not talking to her to clean my head. Maybe even more.
I had a mental breakdown two years ago, and after that I started to pay attention how something is affecting me. Also I know I have to take care of myself. That is why when I was home in May I didn't call her. But I called her sister. Stupid of me I know. Of course sister called her to join us. And she was again negative, and I was feeling awful for a week or more, and just about now, month later I am fine. I would like to be more resistant. I would like that she would not affect me. But I am weak and it affects me a lot.
I will go home in august. And what should I do? Also I love very much her daughter, and I didn't call her netiher in May. And I missed her. I decided I will tell her I will be in Serbia, and that I would like to see her, but also I will send her a message, explaining her how I feel, and I will kindly ask her not to talk about negative stuff. Is that too much to ask for? And it is strange for me to tell someone please don't be negative. Especially because I know that is her illness. And I am pretty sure she cannot change it. On the other hand, there is also a dose of selfishness from her. Once the three of us were together, she was talking about the same negative stuff, and her sister told her, Please stop, I think Milana cannot listen to this (how she saw that I don't know, I didn't say a word). And she just continued, and didn't care a bit. So, I am not sure how the message will help, but I have no other idea. If she continues to do that, what could I do. I could tell her sister how I feel, and ask her not to call her. But how will I see her daugter? I have no idea. Very difficult situation. I love her, but it just so toxic, honestly I don't miss her. On the contrary.
Uf. I will try to be extra nice, but will set this boundary - I will not listen to that anymore, and that is it.
I would like that I could just listen to her, and when we say goodbye, I say goodbye to everything she said. But I was always like this, how other people feel extremely affects me. Even from people I don't love. My exboyfriend can listen, but he doesn't care, and he is fine after that. And that is excatly what these people need. Someone to listen to them. No advices, nothing just listening. But it eats me literally, so I am always responding to her, I fight that dreadful dark, which is not ok, I know. But I cannot just listen, I feel like I am suffocating.
I will have to do it. I am afraid she will be mad. But, I don't have another idea.
Yesterday I had a normal breakfast and lunch, but then I had: small chocolate like toblerone, a litar of orange juice, a small bowl of cereals with milk, a few chocolate biscuits, a big slice of pizza, a bottle of beer, and a whole package of Milka brownies (6 small pieces). And I can eat waaaaaay more than this. Way more. So for me my plan is life saviour because when I start eating I cannot stop. And it is because of the medicine, I know, it is not normal, the doctor told me to be aware of it. But ok. I have to follow my plan while I am on medication, and when I stop taking it, I will try to eat normal, but my appetite will be normal.
I started to read a book 'When I say no, I don't feel guilty?'. It is about being assertive, I really need that. And the book is amazing. I already read it while ago, but now I am doing it with fresh perspective.
I have one problem I have to solve. I have two very good friends, they are twins. I love them both very much. But I have a problem with one of them. She has serious mental problems, for more than ten years now, and I am so sorry to see her suffer. On the other hand she is extremely negative and I don't know how to explain that but depressing is maybe the word. It is not about what she says it is the way she says it. After seeing her I feel very very bad, for a week. It affects me very much, I see everything with her depressive view, I have no energy, the things she says are stuck in my had and are just spinning. Even weeks after, on ocasion it starts spinning. It takes a more than a month of not talking to her to clean my head. Maybe even more.
I had a mental breakdown two years ago, and after that I started to pay attention how something is affecting me. Also I know I have to take care of myself. That is why when I was home in May I didn't call her. But I called her sister. Stupid of me I know. Of course sister called her to join us. And she was again negative, and I was feeling awful for a week or more, and just about now, month later I am fine. I would like to be more resistant. I would like that she would not affect me. But I am weak and it affects me a lot.
I will go home in august. And what should I do? Also I love very much her daughter, and I didn't call her netiher in May. And I missed her. I decided I will tell her I will be in Serbia, and that I would like to see her, but also I will send her a message, explaining her how I feel, and I will kindly ask her not to talk about negative stuff. Is that too much to ask for? And it is strange for me to tell someone please don't be negative. Especially because I know that is her illness. And I am pretty sure she cannot change it. On the other hand, there is also a dose of selfishness from her. Once the three of us were together, she was talking about the same negative stuff, and her sister told her, Please stop, I think Milana cannot listen to this (how she saw that I don't know, I didn't say a word). And she just continued, and didn't care a bit. So, I am not sure how the message will help, but I have no other idea. If she continues to do that, what could I do. I could tell her sister how I feel, and ask her not to call her. But how will I see her daugter? I have no idea. Very difficult situation. I love her, but it just so toxic, honestly I don't miss her. On the contrary.
Uf. I will try to be extra nice, but will set this boundary - I will not listen to that anymore, and that is it.
I would like that I could just listen to her, and when we say goodbye, I say goodbye to everything she said. But I was always like this, how other people feel extremely affects me. Even from people I don't love. My exboyfriend can listen, but he doesn't care, and he is fine after that. And that is excatly what these people need. Someone to listen to them. No advices, nothing just listening. But it eats me literally, so I am always responding to her, I fight that dreadful dark, which is not ok, I know. But I cannot just listen, I feel like I am suffocating.
I will have to do it. I am afraid she will be mad. But, I don't have another idea.
That's hard. I don't think there's a way to put that which wouldn't feel like an attack to your friend but I also understand that sometimes it's just too much. It's probably the right thing to do to tell her outright so she has a chance to adapt but it's not fun for anyone involved. Best of luck!
It is me again. I am not sure what I want to write in this diary.
I will decide now. I will write about my mental health and about food.
Food wise, today I ate: oats, poppy seeds, cacao, honey, peanut butter, soja yogurt with vanilla, pine apple, chicken, avocado, spinach, carrots, salad, prosciutto, cream cheese, sesame seeds, wasa bread, freshly squized mango and coconut. It is nice. I am super satisfied. I find this perfect eating. 3 main meals, and 3 snacks. Main meals are obligatory, and snacks are optional. I might have another snack, raspberries and some yogurt, but will see.
My psychiatryst told me I have to do two things: to eat less and to have some physical activity. And he told me that as a teraphy for my mental health. He told me I should eat as I eat and see if I am losing weight. If not, I should remove one third of my portions. After that if I am not losing weight I should eat only half of what I usually eat. And as a psysical activity walking is enough. So it is pretty easy. I just have to do it.
I have a cold. But I drank like two liters of tea today, and was resting the whole day, so I think I will be fine tomorrow. We'll see.
I am texting with one guy, and I like him so far. I am interested in him. I just sent him a message, but he is not responding. I think we should meet next week. And I have my usual fear of not being attractive enough, funny enough and old.
I mean I am 39, and I feel very very young, but some guys don't like women over some age. Then they don't like fat girls. And, because of the therapy I am taking, I am really different. I cannot talk. I have nothing to say. I am super boring. Doctor says that is ok, I don't have to talk if I feel this way. But it is boring. I can feel people being bored with me. But, my conclusion is, I am what I am, who wants me great, who doesn't want me bye. But, in all honesty, these three factors are limiting my choices, and it makes finding a boyfriend harder. But ok. I could really benefit having a boyfriend. It would be so nice. And I am kind of determined to find him. So, we'll see.
Tomorrow I will eat fish, potatoes and spinach. For breakfast and dinner, still don't know.
That is it for now.
I will decide now. I will write about my mental health and about food.
Food wise, today I ate: oats, poppy seeds, cacao, honey, peanut butter, soja yogurt with vanilla, pine apple, chicken, avocado, spinach, carrots, salad, prosciutto, cream cheese, sesame seeds, wasa bread, freshly squized mango and coconut. It is nice. I am super satisfied. I find this perfect eating. 3 main meals, and 3 snacks. Main meals are obligatory, and snacks are optional. I might have another snack, raspberries and some yogurt, but will see.
My psychiatryst told me I have to do two things: to eat less and to have some physical activity. And he told me that as a teraphy for my mental health. He told me I should eat as I eat and see if I am losing weight. If not, I should remove one third of my portions. After that if I am not losing weight I should eat only half of what I usually eat. And as a psysical activity walking is enough. So it is pretty easy. I just have to do it.
I have a cold. But I drank like two liters of tea today, and was resting the whole day, so I think I will be fine tomorrow. We'll see.
I am texting with one guy, and I like him so far. I am interested in him. I just sent him a message, but he is not responding. I think we should meet next week. And I have my usual fear of not being attractive enough, funny enough and old.
I mean I am 39, and I feel very very young, but some guys don't like women over some age. Then they don't like fat girls. And, because of the therapy I am taking, I am really different. I cannot talk. I have nothing to say. I am super boring. Doctor says that is ok, I don't have to talk if I feel this way. But it is boring. I can feel people being bored with me. But, my conclusion is, I am what I am, who wants me great, who doesn't want me bye. But, in all honesty, these three factors are limiting my choices, and it makes finding a boyfriend harder. But ok. I could really benefit having a boyfriend. It would be so nice. And I am kind of determined to find him. So, we'll see.
Tomorrow I will eat fish, potatoes and spinach. For breakfast and dinner, still don't know.
That is it for now.
Those things do limit your choices. But everyone has some limiting factors. Some guys don't like talkative women! Others don't like short hair. Or long hair. Or thin women. Or... whatever. But we also tend to get pickier as we get older. And that's a good thing: the bad relationships I had when I was younger were mostly caused by me not thinking I deserved more. Being single is a lot better than that if you ask me.
How have you been since you were last here. I seem to remember you only had a couple of kilos to lose at the time: is it still similar?
How have you been since you were last here. I seem to remember you only had a couple of kilos to lose at the time: is it still similar?
Peas, onions, carrots, potatoes, avocado, pear, prunes, mandarins, banana, peach.
This is what I will eat today and tomorrow.
I think this guy is not interested anymore, I have a strong intuitive feeling about it. Ok. We'll see. I invited him to go for drinks tomorrow. He is not responding.
This is what I will eat today and tomorrow.
I think this guy is not interested anymore, I have a strong intuitive feeling about it. Ok. We'll see. I invited him to go for drinks tomorrow. He is not responding.
Yeah, I have to think hard about proteins. I assumed peas have a lot of proteins. Also for dinner I will eat cream cheese, eggs, avocado and tomatoes. So eggs and cream cheese I would say have proteins.
Who is that busy that cannot respond to one short message, whos response shoulb be yes or no. So, he is not interested. I am texting two other guys who show more interest, and I will shift my focus to them.
Who is that busy that cannot respond to one short message, whos response shoulb be yes or no. So, he is not interested. I am texting two other guys who show more interest, and I will shift my focus to them.
I agree that when you're excited to be in contact with a new person you'll most likely find the time to check your phone. And when you're too busy for that you're too busy for a relationship.
Green peas are around 5% protein by weight. The EU recommends adults eat around 0.8 g of high-quality protein per kilo of body weight per day. Even assuming peas were high-quality (I don't think they're a complete protein but I haven't checked) a tiny 50 kg woman would have to eat 800 g of green peas a day to meet her protein needs
Green peas are around 5% protein by weight. The EU recommends adults eat around 0.8 g of high-quality protein per kilo of body weight per day. Even assuming peas were high-quality (I don't think they're a complete protein but I haven't checked) a tiny 50 kg woman would have to eat 800 g of green peas a day to meet her protein needs
Yes, I have to alwasy think about protein. Some chicken ro beef should do it.
Today I ate protein, McDonalds, hahaha. I was so hungry, had nothing at home, and didn´t have the energy to buy everything and prepare it. I will organize better.
About the guy. I send him the message today about meeting, and we met. Well, I know everything I will say now is going back to me as a bumerang. But, in the first minut literally, I saw he was not beta, but delta, so all my anxiety was gone instantly. We had a good time. But I am pretty sure, we will not be together, because for me to have something sexual with him, he would have to put a lot of effort. Which I doubt he will do. And even then it would not be very probable. But he is very interesting person, so time well spent.
Yesterday I met another guy. He was atractive, but pretty hyped up, which in combination with me being quiet, didin't went very well, I think he was bored. But he has an amazing sense of humor. He said we have to go out again, but I doubt it, a think it was just cortesy.
Tomorrow I think I will meet another guy. From texting he seems strange, but I believe just in personal contact. Texting is a void actually that we fill with expectation, fears, prejudice... So, I don't like it. To have a complete picture I need to have a face to face contact. Then after tomorrow I will take a break from dating, colect my toughts, draw conclusions...
I met one guy from Portugal, and we had sex, my first sex here. It was good, I am somehow very atracted to this guy, although I am not impressed by his looks, and behavior. So I am not sure how it happend. But, it was good. He is in contact now with his ex, and he's not in position to see anybody, it would be unfair. At least that is what he says, I am not sure if it is true. But the end result is the same. So, unfortunately, I cannot see him anymore. Maybe he will call later, in my experience, men usualy do.
Enough for today.
Today I ate protein, McDonalds, hahaha. I was so hungry, had nothing at home, and didn´t have the energy to buy everything and prepare it. I will organize better.
About the guy. I send him the message today about meeting, and we met. Well, I know everything I will say now is going back to me as a bumerang. But, in the first minut literally, I saw he was not beta, but delta, so all my anxiety was gone instantly. We had a good time. But I am pretty sure, we will not be together, because for me to have something sexual with him, he would have to put a lot of effort. Which I doubt he will do. And even then it would not be very probable. But he is very interesting person, so time well spent.
Yesterday I met another guy. He was atractive, but pretty hyped up, which in combination with me being quiet, didin't went very well, I think he was bored. But he has an amazing sense of humor. He said we have to go out again, but I doubt it, a think it was just cortesy.
Tomorrow I think I will meet another guy. From texting he seems strange, but I believe just in personal contact. Texting is a void actually that we fill with expectation, fears, prejudice... So, I don't like it. To have a complete picture I need to have a face to face contact. Then after tomorrow I will take a break from dating, colect my toughts, draw conclusions...
I met one guy from Portugal, and we had sex, my first sex here. It was good, I am somehow very atracted to this guy, although I am not impressed by his looks, and behavior. So I am not sure how it happend. But, it was good. He is in contact now with his ex, and he's not in position to see anybody, it would be unfair. At least that is what he says, I am not sure if it is true. But the end result is the same. So, unfortunately, I cannot see him anymore. Maybe he will call later, in my experience, men usualy do.
Enough for today.