Time for Jenefer to Finally Figure this Out!

Oh, Jen. I am so sorry to hear such sad news about Chloe. My little Sophie also died in my arms, with me holding her head against my heart. It was such a lovely, albeit sad, feeling. I was so attached to her that I didn't think I would ever get another dog. Covid lockdown in 2020 changed my mind & I yearned for another dog. We got so lucky finding little Archie. We have had him for 3 years now & he is so much a part of my life it hurts to imagine life without him. I know I needed time to grieve before I considered getting another dog, but I think that we have so much love to give & you will know when it's time. I'm sending you a great big, heartfelt hug :grouphug:
 
So sad to hear about Chloe. Glad to hear that she died in your arms with all your love.
 
So sorry to hear about Chloe, Jen! The only thing I can say is that she lived a great life and was lucky to have such a loving, kind owner. Take care. x
 
Adding my sympathies. Losing an animal friend like that can be so heartbreaking. I'm glad you were able to be with her at her death--I'm sure a comfort for you both. Take care
 
Thank you Cate, Vic, Em and Liza I appreciate your heart felt kind words! I have to say it has been a very hard week. I just feel a bit lost, but also this weird sense of anxiety and like I don't know, like waiting for bad news kind of feeling.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that I actually had 2 dogs and now I still have one. His name is Casper, he is an American Eskimo Spitz also known as an Eskie. He and Chloe got along very well, he has quite a different temperament than she had, he is much more independent. He will cuddle for a bit and then he is off on his own. Chloe was different, always wanting to be by my side. So I am fortunate that there is still a fur baby in my life. But of course one, does not replace the other. Eventually I will get another toy poodle.

I have not been very hungry lately, I have been trying to eat healthy things when I eat. More calcium, more fruit, less processed foods. I have also been trying to keep my exercise routine. I got off track yesterday, because I had a big work project and a dentist appointment. Did my long walk but then my differently wired brain started working on something and I barely made it to the appointment on time. That ALMOST happened this morning too, but I stopped myself. I can see it happening a bit more now if I am not careful and I really don't want that. When I work like that, then people expect it. They expect that I can produce these huge volumes of work and they have no idea the time it takes or the physical toll it can take on my body. The body is not meant to sit at a computer for 16 hours straight for days on end!

So my diary will continue to be about finding balance in life. And to not being made to feel guilty about wanting that balance. One thing my doctor said to me was that I do not have to justify why I want to have some kind of a life. And that in her opinion people will take advantage of my explaining things to them, as a way of manipulating me. I am still trying to wrap my head around this. She said that a simple "No I can't" or " I can do X or I can do Y in the amount of hours left" I don't think I am explaining this well. She said that not everyone is an equitable person and that my sense of wanting to be fair can get taken advantage of. Like my boss sending out a 350 page document on a Saturday and then inquiring if it has been read by Monday morning. A simple "No I have not read it yet," instead of .."Well it was the weekend and I had to do X, Y and Z and I have read 75 pages of it, but then I went to dinner with my parents" etc. etc. etc. It is not appropriate to send out a complex 350 page document when I am not scheduled to work and then ask if it has been read at 8:00 am on Monday and I do not owe an explanation. It makes it seem like I am apologizing for not doing something that I should not have been asked to do. Also that by the amount of times I have dropped everything to indeed read AND summarize for the group the 350 page document that I have created the expectation that I will indeed meet these demands without complaint.

In order to get healthier I have to be comfortable with the level of anxiety that these kinds of situations bring. That is what causes my snacking. Sit with the negative feelings and observe them...lol. Also not get to sucked into trying to figure out why someone would think that was an appropriate or fair thing to do. And then turn around and say "You shouldn't work so hard!"
People around us are not always logical and they are not always fair. No sense in wasting time trying to figure them out. Find the good folks and give them your time!

So many lessons to learn in life! I hope you all have a lovely day and that you are kind to yourselves, remember your needs matter too! xo
 
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"So my diary will continue to be about finding balance in life. And to not being made to feel guilty about wanting that balance."
Learning to say no to unreasonable demands, without giving reasons, is a good skill to learn. I have been trying to teach my husband that one for years. The more you do, the more is expected of you.
I'm glad you have Casper :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
"So my diary will continue to be about finding balance in life. And to not being made to feel guilty about wanting that balance."
Learning to say no to unreasonable demands, without giving reasons, is a good skill to learn. I have been trying to teach my husband that one for years. The more you do, the more is expected of you.
I'm glad you have Casper :grouphug:
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It has taken me many years to get this far with it, but boy do I still have some work to do! Thank you Cate! :grouphug:
 
Jenefer said:
It has taken me many years to get this far with it, but boy do I still have some work to do! Thank you Cate! :grouphug:
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Oh, boy. Me too. I no longer feel bad about not giving a reason for saying no these days though. Guilt is such a waste of energy.
 
In order to get healthier I have to be comfortable with the level of anxiety that these kinds of situations bring. That is what causes my snacking. Sit with the negative feelings and observe them...lol

yeah that's always a tough one! I do a lot of negative coping behaviours around my anxiety so been working a lot with that myself. Your aim for balance sounds very good!
 
I completely understand the guilt, the annoyance, and feeling like you should have done something because it was a work thing, whether the request was reasonable or not.

I think your doctor is right! I am probably not as bad with work, but with my friend group, I was always the one who went to everything, who always showed up for their events/parties/coffees, whatever it was. And ended up feeling really aggrieved when I would invite them to something and they would say, 'No, can't make it'. So that kind of putting other people first doesn't work either, because they will not always show you the same consideration back! And, of course, they have their own priorities. Which is something I've learned also.

What are your priorities? What do you value most in life? I think focusing on that might make it easier to eradicate that guilt the next time. 'My priorities are taking a proper rest during my time off so that I have enough energy to do a great job when I am working.' You're actually putting the company first when you do say no to working those long hours. ;) You seem to have a great well of energy that you can keep getting water from, but I would say you need to reserve some of that for your own health and your own wellbeing. And the desire to snack should start to diminish.

Just my two cents! Lots to learn for all of us. x
 
Hello All!
Cate said: "Guilt is such a waste of energy." I like that Cate, I would like to make s sticker that says that and stick it on my desk! And it is also expending energy without burning any calories, now who wants to do that? 😊

Liza said: "yeah that's always a tough one! I do a lot of negative coping behaviours around my anxiety so been working a lot with that myself. Your aim for balance sounds very good!" It is always nice to know I am not alone with this issue Liza, I think I read in your diary that you have been doing some CBT or DBT work? I have bought some of those kinds of workbooks in the past, it really seems like I kind of just fell into those kinds of behaviors to try to help myself before I read those, but they did help to clarify things a bit. Any tips you have, I am open to learning!

Em: "My priorities are taking a proper rest during my time off so that I have enough energy to do a great job when I am working."

Em those sound like great priorities! My priorities over the past several years have definitively been to spend time with the people and four-legged creatures I love and I really have done that. The balance has created a bit of a tug and pull, but the desire was stronger than work. BUT I can work into the wee hours of the night and that doesn't upset the other things as well, so it doesn't always work. But that is the hyper focus that comes with my ADD, I can zero in and focus in a way that is rather unusual it seems. There is also this part of me that is kind of hard to explain. Let's just say that I am a bit different, I am way more of a loner and need a lot more space than probably most people. I could absolutely never keep up with your social calendar. And I really couldn't maintain a friend group like you do, when I was younger I tried, but it just did not work for me. So I suppose that in order to have the space and autonomy that I need at work, there is a certain pressure to be very very good at it. Cate excuse my use of the word weird here 😊 but I have often said that "I can be as weird as I want to be, but I better produce in order to be allowed to work in a way that works for me. You can't be weird and be a middle of the road employee." I do like how you have phrased your priorities Em, because I do need to take a proper rest off, it can really be my differently wired brain that won't let me, but it does help to discuss this kind of thing and definitely learn from each other! xo

Today was a more active day than I thought it would be, actually the entire weekend. It is a holiday weekend in the U.S., Memorial Day weekend. A bit colder and rainy than anticipated. I am still amazingly sad about Chloe, but I have forced myself to do things. Lots of self talk and 'rules.' I am fairly good at rules I set for myself. Even if I just get into a sort of trance like rhythm with it. Today we went to this state park that is on the water. It is also where a lot of people come to camp. It was one of Chloe's favorite places. We just walked all around through the trails with Casper and it felt nice to be in 'her' place. I have her ashes back, they came in a pretty little wooden box with her name engraved on it. But it was still nice to go there and remember all the times we had been before. When we go to the beach part, I would make her this special little chair to sit in and she loved it!

So between all the walking on the trails, my 3 mile walk/run this morning with 2 pound weights on my wrists and 30 minutes on the elliptical I was pretty active. Appetite still isn't great, I do eat, but not like a lot of junk. Still trying to get my calcium, whole grains and veggies in. Doing okay with that. I was looking for some puppy pictures of her and I saw some of me where I was about 130 pounds and I really liked the way that I looked. I do kind of feel like I am 'locked' into the zone of losing this weight, I hope that nothing knocks me off course. When I saw the pictures I thought of what you say Em...Manifest!

Next time, I am going to write about something I was planning before Chloe died. Doing something nice for yourself every day. Just a little thing that you intentionally do for yourself. I do hope you all did something for yourselves today, something you enjoyed because you deserve it! xo
 
Just taking a bit of a lunch break (eating an egg breakfast burrito) and a grapefruit so I thought I would quickly pop in. So far workwise, it has been a rather quiet day which has been nice. Not much interaction or interruptions, jus quietly working by myself. Did my workout this morning as per usual. Breakfast was one of those overnight oats recipes (yogurt, oatmeal, almond milk, strawberries & blueberries) that you mix together and put in the refrigerator. It was tasty. So overall (so far) a decent food day.

Dinner is in the crockpot, I admit I am a crockpot cooker, because it is easy! I must say I do not really like to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I found an enchilada meatball recipe that sounded interesting. It will likely make 2 meals, so maybe I will put the second day in a wheat tortilla. With just the 2 of us, getting a little creative with left-overs makes cooking easier as well.

After work I plan on giving myself a manicure and a pedicure. I used to get my nails professionally done, for about 15 years. But it became a pain to fit it in and so I tried to learn how to do it myself. It was not so easy, but I have found a simple routine that works for me after about 5 years of trying. This will be the thing I do for myself today. I think it is important that we do little things for ourselves, it really can be anything you like, something that makes you put yourself first just for a bit :)
 
Just being able to quietly work away at your desk without interruptions sounds good. I love that you are looking after yourself so well, Jen. I must think of something to do for myself that would make me feel really good. Right now reading a book is about it as I have little energy or enthusiasm. You have got me thinking though xo
 
Cate said:
Just being able to quietly work away at your desk without interruptions sounds good. I love that you are looking after yourself so well, Jen. I must think of something to do for myself that would make me feel really good. Right now reading a book is about it as I have little energy or enthusiasm. You have got me thinking though xo
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That is my very favorite way to work Cate! And you are right, you must think of something good to do for yourself, although reading a good book counts. But when you are feeling better go for something special! xo
 
Jenefer said:
Dinner is in the crockpot, I admit I am a crockpot cooker, because it is easy! I must say I do not really like to spend a lot of time in the kitchen.
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there is nothing wrong with crockpot meals, healthy food in, cooked meal out a many hours later, leftovers into the freezer for quick meals later in the week.
 
Jenefer said:
And you are right, you must think of something good to do for yourself, although reading a good book counts. But when you are feeling better go for something special! xo
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I will.....still thinking about what that might be.....
 
No big tips from me on the anxiety front! Still working a lot at it myself. I haven't tried DBT, but yes have used both CBT and ACT and I also use meds...so a big combo of things--it's been a lifelong journey!

I like the sound of the crockpot meals--I had been considering getting one for a while as I am also not into spending a lot of time on cooking. Finding out how to make healthy eating easy is great!
 
I am a huge fan of the crockpot, I have used one for about 10 years, it was really great when I went in to the office 5 days a week, when I got home I was way too wiped out to think about what to cook for dinner. Tru-you are right leftovers in the freezer works great, when I make chicken-pot pie or stuffed peppers I make a double batch of the 'innards' and freeze it! Give it a whirl Liza! Also I do understand the life-long journey of anxiety!

Yesterday was a busy day, I did work rather late, boo! But there was some benefit to it yay! I am also getting more comfortable taking that time back the next day! All part of my quest for balance. I did my complete exercise routine yesterday and food was pretty good (I'm not aiming for perfection folks! :) ). Today I didn't get the full routine in, but that is okay. Still about a 3 mile walk/jog. I don't want to get to hung up about the 'full routine' because I don't actually think that is what will cause the most weight loss. And if I get stressed about doing it all, it surely will not! I do feel like my stomach is a bit flatter, which is nice.

So what did I do for myself today Cate...it won't always be this much of an investment, lol! Eyelash extensions. I got them years ago and then stopped for about 10 years. I started again last year. They are very subtle, you likely wouldn't know, just looks like I have lovely natural eyelashes. And when I don't wear any other make-up (most days lately) I still feel a bit pulled together. I get them every 2 weeks.

I did have a sad memory today, 2 weeks ago when I came home from the hour long appointment Chloe met me at the door tail and butt just a waggin. Sigh I do miss her more than words can say! But she was a huge priority and many cuddles and snuggles were given to her and Casper after my hour long separation! After dinner, he will get about a 2 mile walk so there is that to look forward to.

I hope all of you had a great day, that you spent some time doing something for yourself and that you met some of your personnel goals, the small ones count, we can't have BIG goals every day! The little ones add up to the big ones in my opinion! xo
 
I'm glad that you are taking back your time the next day when you can. We do have to work towards balance. It sounds like you are doing a good job, Jen. The little things in life do add up to the big things in my opinion too xo
 
That's good you don't get too hung up on the full routine. I think it's good when exercise is kept at a level of joy so that it's actually something to look forward to and not just another stressor to add to the day! A flatter stomach is defintely a win!
 
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