The ChillOut Log

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Glad your back and hope you enjoyed your time away with the Parents.

(Oh, Parents are COOL, HEHE) :) Except when they put in a lightbulb, LOL


I going to off to work this morning. I will be back later this afternoon.

Look forward to talking with ya then


And, there was some questions in the log somewhere........"I think" LOL



Wish ya

the best


Chillen
 
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read it all. very good posts. gave me a lot to think about and some stuff to laugh about :D

i took a 47 minute walk today in a muscle shirt, and even though it was cloudy out today, i came back and realized i have a freakin tank top tan now! >_< its rediculous! im wearing sunscreen next time!
 
August 14th, 2007: For Sparrow

For Sparrow:

I hope your family is well:

One little bird with lovely feathers blue
Sat beside another one. Then there were two.
Two little birds singing in the tree
Another came to join them. Then there were three.
Three little birds wishing there were more
Along came another bird. Then there were four.
Four little birds glad to be alive,
Found another lonely friend. Then there were five.
Five little birds just as happy as can be
Five little birds singing songs for you and me.
(author unknown)

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A bird always finds its way, because it has the tools:


In the beginning, when the earth was new,
birds had no feet but only flew.
When they crashed upon their nose,
Mother Nature gave them toes.
Then they dined standing on the beach,
catching all the fish within their reach.
And when they fought for fish to eat,
Mother Nature stretched their feet.
"Nobody here can fall asleep!
So, you long-legged birds, fish in the deep.
Short-legged birds, fish near the shore,
And stop that fighting! You hear? No more!"
(author unknown)

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There's nothing you can break through, Sparrow:

A Hatchling's Song

I'm almost hatched! I'm almost hatched!
I'm small, I'm wet, I'm not out yet.
I'm almost hatched!
I'm pecking hard, I'm pecking hard.
I'm tired, I'm weak, it hurts my beak.
I'm pecking hard.
My head's outside, my head's outside.
The moon is bright - the world's so white!
My head's outside.
I'm really hatched, I'm really hatched.
At last I'm free. Hey,it's me!
I'm really hatched!
Judy Sierra

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Keep Flying, Sparrow:

Sparrow pecks at her internal golden Marrow, because she has crowned herself Pharoah.

Flying faster than a silver Arrow, Sparrow stays true to the straight and Narrow.

Here Wings make her Sing in full Swing,and gives herself a kiss from the Sun King and provides growth like a natural Spring to all her personal Things.
(chillen)
 
Be yourself Rock with it!

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”​

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“Whoever despises himself still esteems the despiser within himself”
Friedrich Nietzsche
(can be a breeding ground, dont let this happen!!!)

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“Whoever despises himself still esteems the despiser within himself”
Friedrich Nietzsche
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“The strongest single factor in prosperity consciousness is self-esteem: believing you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it”
Jerry Gillies
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“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.”
Orison Swett Marden
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Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.
Thomas Carlyle
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Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.
Nathaniel Branden
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“It takes nearly as much ability to know how to profit by good advice as to know how to act for one's self.”
François de la Rochefoucauld

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“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.”
Marcus Aurelius
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Maxwell Maltz:
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.

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Bob Richards:
You are what you think. You are what you go for. You are what you do.

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Zig Ziglar:
Put all excuses aside and remember this: YOU are capable.

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Brian Tracy: Quotes: Self Esteem
The foundation of lasting self-confidence and self esteem is excellence, mastery of your work.

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Aldous Huxley:
There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.

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Forbes:
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.


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We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.
Stephen Covey

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If you want more, you have to require more from yourself.
Dr Phil

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"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

Louisa May Alcott
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"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

Harvey Fienstein
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"Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings."

Dr. Samuel Johnson
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THIS IS YOU:


At bottom, every person knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvellously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time."

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche


Understand yourself, find what motivates you. Aspire and deliver to yourself.



Best regards,


Chillen

Oh,


ROCK THE HECK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
August 14th, 2007: Thoughts for the Day

PB WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold you head high, look it squarely in eye and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'” Ann Landers
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“We also boast of our troubles, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance brings God's approval, and His approval brings hope (Romans 3:4-5).”

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Courage is not facing what is known. It's the willingness to go into the unknown and do the best that you can."
2007 by Meredith S., Age 14

Even the young are smart!

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" Don't fall away with the rest of the world; rather keep in mind that you define cool. It's your life so play the game by a different set of rules."
Kgomotso Ngwenyama --- Submitted by Tushi N., Age 19 --- South Africa
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" Everybody fails at something at sometime in their life. I feel it is important to know that failing isn't bad, it's when you use failure as an excuse to stop trying that is wrong."
2007 by Amber N., Age 17 --- Indiana

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There may be troubled waters along the many paths my life shall take, but only I as a man, may keep my vessel afloat, and guide myself straight.
Robert M. Hensel

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The MIND Guides the ship, and its the MIND than WILL LET YOU DOWN when troubles arise. You HAVE TO BE TOUGH MINDED and a MIND WITH PATIENCE and with patience in mind, to go against the wind, to bring the gentle wind. Do not be blind, unwind the mind, look deep within yourself, and the answer is there for you to see. Pick it up and embrace it!
 
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chillen
i am moved by your meek words. thankyou so much.
wisdom flows from you like a bubbling brook
my mind is so much more established now.
i remember how unstable and weak minded i was before the chillog.
"a real friend sticks closer than a brother"
God bless for teaching me so much.
the day i abstain from reading the chillog is the day my eyes are gouged out
 
LOL, Dave doesnt understand what I wrote in the Out of context thread......LOL.........I had to edit in the insinuation. LOL.........GEESH!
...Its ALL GOOD!
 
Great words Chillen, thankyou so much, now going off to improve myself, to get what i want, maybe its what i need.

Jackie xxx
 
Great words Chillen, thankyou so much, now going off to improve myself, to get what i want, maybe its what i need.

Jackie xxx

Are you okay Jackie? Whats up, girl? Everything alright?


Dont make me pull out my motivational swatter from my front pocket of my Khackie and mentally swat Jackie. This would be too Tackie for Jackie


ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
The Lyrics to "Cry for Help" by Rick Astley (early 90's)

This was made after losing his girlfriend, but apply this when listening to your mind, body, and soul, do you hear the CRY?


She's taken my time
convinced me she's fine

but when she leaves I'm not so sure.
It's always the same: she's playing her game
and when she goes I feel to blame.
Why won't she say she needs me?
I know she's not as strong as it seems.
Why dont I see a cry for help?
Why don't I feel a cry for help?
Why don't I hear a cry for help?

I wandered around the streets of this town
trying to find sense in it all.
The rain on my face it covers the trace
of all the tears I've had to waste.
Why must we hide emotions

why must we never break down and cry?
All that I need is to cry for help.
Somebody please hear me cry for help.
All I can do is cry for help.

No need to feel ashamed

release the pain and cry for help.
Cry for help is all I need

all I need is a cry for help.
Cry for help is all I need

all I need is a cry for help.
Why must we hide emotions?
Why can we never break down and cry?

All that I need is cry for help.
I will be there when you cry for help.
Why don't I hear a cry for help?
All that I need is cry for help.
Somebody please hear me cry for help.
All I can do is cry for help.
All that I need is cry for help.
I will be there when you cry for help.
Is it so hard to cry for help?


Do you hear yourself crying for help? Do you feel the cry for help. Do you see the cry for help?

Unity of body, mind, and soul, brings results. This is the REAL STUFF!

Do I need to explain more.

This is a great song. (at least in my opinion)



Chillen
 
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Keep your head with your diet and training or bad things can happen!​


Flying off the handle sometimes causes hammers and humans to lose their heads, as well as their effectiveness.


Dust the Crap OFF!

The dust of controversy is merely the falsehood flying off.
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Got Discipline?:

Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly
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Butterflyes evolve and so can you!

Everyone is like a butterfly, they start out ugly and awkward and then morph into beautiful graceful butterflies that everyone loves.'
Drew Barrymore


“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”​
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Your sacrifices paid are worth the price:

Flying may not be all plain sailing, but the fun of it is worth the price.
Amelia Earhart
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“Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can. Never consider yourself defeated again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life's blueprint. Smile!”
Og Mandino

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HATCH YOURSELF into the person you desire!

“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”
C.S. Lewis

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“I was thinking that I might fly today. Just to disprove all the things you say... please be careful with me, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way.”
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God finds a low branch for the bird that cannot fly.
Turkish Proverb
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Ashes fly back into the face of him who throws them
African Proverb
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When a heart is on fire, sparks always fly out of the mouth.
Proverb
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Get to know yourself, understand yourself, press yourself for indepth personal interpretation:​

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.”
Richard Bach

Your goals will reflect what your mind allows. You are the brightest star in the sky, reach up and take it, and place in your hearts---each one of you!


Best regards



Chillen
 
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this evolving change and possibilities was a good one for me today. It takes alot for you to do this, and I would miss it if you didn't!

FF
 
August 16th, 2007; THoughts for the day

CAUTION: HUNGRY DIETER, MAY BITE IF PROVOKED



“Only after many trials for strength,

Only when all stimulants fail,

Does the aspiring soul

By its own sheer power

Find the divine

By resting upon itself.”
Lee Masters​

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Dieters are very NARROW-MINDED.

Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.

GOD MUST LOVE CALORIES BECAUSE HE MADE SO MANY OF THEM!

DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT

FAT IS NOT A MORAL PROBLEM. IT IS AN ORAL PROBLEM.
DANIEL L. WORONA
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As we progress and improve, this is true:

“Progress imposes not only new possibilities for the future but new restrictions”
Norbert Wiener

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”Show me a person with dreams backed by passion, conviction and resolve, and I’ll show you a winner.”
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”I will do today what other people won’t so that I can have tomorrow what other people can’t.”

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The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.
Horace Bushnell

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There is no free ride, magic pill, or easy way out or up:

There are no elevators in the house of success.
H. H. Vreeland

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Dont have tunnel vision, you just may miss an opportunity to escape:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens:

but often we look so long at the closed door that
we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Helen Keller
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Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging
on after others have let go.
William Feather

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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Sun Tzu

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The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success.​
Hamilton Wright Mabie

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We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers.
They see things in the soft haze of a spring day
or in the red fire of a long winter's evening.
Some of us let these great dreams die,
but others nourish and protect them;
nurse them through bad days till they
bring them to the sunshine and light
which comes always to those who sincerely
hope that their dreams will come true.​
Woodrow Wilson

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What is this saying to you? (this is a powerful statement):

“Painting is something that takes place among the colors, and one has to leave them alone completely, so that they can settle the matter among themselves. Their intercourse: this is the whole of painting. Whoever meddles, arranges, injects his human deliberation, his wit, his advocacy, his intellectual agility in any way, is already disturbing and clouding their activity.”
Rainer Maria Rilke quotes

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STANDUP! Keep the HEAD UP.......KEEP FIRED UP!!!!!!

“We must be steady enough in ourselves, to be open and to let the winds of life blow through us, to be our breath, our inspiration; to breathe with them, mobile and soft in the limberness of our bodies, in our agility, our ability, as it were, to dance, and yet to stand upright...”

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“By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful.”

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Where's your Bliss?!

“To find your own way is to follow your bliss. This involves analysis, watching yourself and seeing where real deep bliss is -- not the quick little excitement , but the real deep, life-filling bliss.”
Joseph Campbell

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In going where you have to go, and doing what you have to do, and seeing what you have to see, you dull and blunt the instrument you write with. But I would rather have it bent and dulled and know I had to put it on the grindstone again and hammer it.”
Ernest Hemingway

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Genius is the capacity for seeing relationships where lesser men see none.
William James quotes
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You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.”
Paulo Coelho quotes

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Physical pleasure is a sensual experience no different from pure seeing or the pure sensation with which a fine fruit fills the tongue; it is a great unending experience, which is given us, a knowing of the world, the fullness and the glory of all knowing. And not our acceptance of it is bad; the bad thing is that most people misuse and squander this experience and apply it as a stimulant at the tired spots of their lives and as distraction instead of a rallying toward exalted moments.
Rainer Maria Rilke
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Seeing within changes one's outer vision.
Mark Twain

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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Jack Kerouac

Don't think of words when you stop but to see the picture better.
Publilius Syrus

The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
Robert Leighton

The flower that follows the sun does so even on cloudy days.
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

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Antoine de Saint Exupery
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.
Jonathan Swift

Vision: the art of seeing the invisible.
Henry David Thoreau (my favorite, dude is still FRENCH FRIED!)

The question is not what you look at, but what you see.
Henry David Thoreau (Yep, he belongs locked UP,,,,,oh,,,hes deceased)

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Can you make pictures when your eyes are shut? Transform them, self-materialize them into truth and self-being!

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

May your dreams become a reality for you and may you bask in abundance of personal satisifaction!
(Chillen)


Best regards!



Chillen
 
August 17th, 2007: Thoughts for the day (2)

Whats that? I can hear you?
You raise your voice when you should reinforce your argument.​
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

Reinforce the Arguement to continue your FIGHT not against the FIGHT.

ROCK ON WITH IT...........Mentally Permit and do not Submit, Transmit this Wit into a Carpenter's Kit and you will run Lickity-Split and this is no Sh@t!


ROCK ON!!!!!!!


Chillen
 
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August 16th, 2007: Just because ;)

Each one of you are Strong all day long and all along, and before Long will sing your Song, and will yell louder than King Kong,-----------And you wont make me wrong Ding Dong!


I KNOW IT! Be your own Power Plant and Make Your POWER PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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HELP ONE ANOTHER! MOTIVATE EACH OTHER! ROCK ON!!!!!!!!



What Kind of SHADOW do you have! FILL IT WITH CHARACTOR NOW!!!!!!!!

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

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Be careful on how you Respond and react to yourself!

The character of every act depends upon the circumstances in which it is done.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935)

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BE like BROTHERS! Dont stop helping one another, there is so much power and unity in this!.....................ROCK ON!

BELIEVE EVERYDAY............inbed this in your soul, know it like the air you breathe!



Chillen
 
August 18th, 2007: Thoughts for the day

“Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.”

Edgar Cayce

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For you PB:

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”
Donald Miller

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“Be a little careful about your library. Do you foresee what you will do with it? Very little to be sure. But the real question is, What it will do with you? You will come here and get books that will open your eyes, and your ears, and your curiosity, and turn you inside out or outside in.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

(A very good Quote, What is this man telling you that can happen if your not careful?)

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“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.”

William Arthur Ward

And the flip side:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”

Rainer Maria Rilke

Do you understand the differences these two quotes possess?


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“What do you want to achieve or avoid? The answers to this question are objectives. How will you go about achieving your desire results? The answer to this you can call strategy.”

William E Rothschild

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“A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free”

(LOL, yea, right)

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“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept”
George Carlin

(LOL, this is both good and bad)

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“As long as anyone believes that his ideal and purpose is outside him, that it is above the clouds, in the past or in the future, he will go outside himself and seek fulfillment where it cannot be found. He will look for solutions and answers at every point except where they can be found--in himself.”

Erich Fromm

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“To solve a problem or to reach a goal, you don't need to know all the answers in advance. But you must have a clear idea of the problem or the goal you want to reach.”
W. Clement Stone

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Answers are not obtained by putting the wrong question and thereby begging the real one
Felix Frankfurter
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Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
by Martin Luther King Jr

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If you don't ask the right questions, you don't get the right answers. A question asked in the right way often points to its own answer. Asking questions is the ABC of diagnosis. Only the inquiring mind solves problems.
by Edward Hodnett
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Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers.
by Rainer Maria Rilke
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If we can really understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem.
Jiddu Krishnamurti

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"I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of
responsibility that comes with his freedom."
Bob Dylan

(Think about this one. WE have freedom of choice, and this freedome of choice along with other freedoms, is what makes are journey difficult, but at the same time, this same freedom can see you free if the inner degree of responsibility to this freedom is correct in conjunction to your goals you seek)

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On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
Charles Babbage
(lol, Im confused) :confused:

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Soren Kierkegaard:

Where am I? Who am I?
How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director?
I want to see him.

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You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

Jim Rohn quotes
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“The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.”​

Ayn Rand
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“We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.”​
Lloyd Alexander quotes

(how true this actually is, folks!)

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Edward Everett Hale:

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

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Franklin D. Roosevelt:
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

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Goethe:
Knowing is not enough; we must apply!

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Jimmy Carter:

I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.​

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John Andrew Holmes:

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.

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John Dewey:

Conflict is the gadfly of thought. It stirs us to observation and memory. It instigates to invention. It shocks us out of sheeplike passivity, and sets us at noting and contriving.

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John Locke:

I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.

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Haitian proverb:

Beyond the mountains there are mountains again.

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Tom Lehrer:

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
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Brian Tracy:

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Henry David Thoreau:

We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.
(I adore the wisdom in this philosopher!)

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Ralph Waldo Emerson:
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.

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Ecclesiastes:
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
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Bernadette Devlin:
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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Look people you have it in you to do anything.

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can. (Wendel)

There is nothing you can do. Dont ever forget the abolute prize within yourself. Dont let yourself down. ROCK ON!


Best regards,



Chillen
 
August 18th, 2007: Thoughts for the day

“I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.”

Emo Philips

(LOL)

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"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." — Mark Twain.

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"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

(No its not, LOL)

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Two blondes decided to share a can of diet soda. One blonde opened the can, poured half the contents into her own glass, and the other half into her friend's glass. Before throwing the can away, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.

"Wow, there's only one calorie per can," she commented.

"Hmmmm," replied her friend, "I wonder which glass has the calorie!"
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Now I lay me down to sleep


Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my fat to take,
And leave behind a skinny shell,
And all my fat can go to hell!


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The new NO-CARB diet for 2004


Have you heard of the NO-CARB Diet for 2004?

NO C-heney
NO A-shcroft
NO R-umsfeld
NO B-ush

and absolutely NO RICE

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funny-newspaper-ads-mistakes-and-bl.jpg


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George Carlin:

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?


If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that ****?



Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.


I’m in shape. Round is a shape.


Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?


Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?



What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?


=========================================================
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield

=========================================================

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
==========================================================

Hope some of you got a smile out of at least one of these.

Have a great day!


Chillen
 
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