Sunflower's Slimming

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Sunflower_ said:
Apparently she has a new therapist now so I'm hoping we can wean her off talking so much about it with him as he isn't able to do much but listen (and even that he finds very hard.)
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Has he told her in that many words? Captain Awkward says it's ok to interrupt someone to tell them you love them and want them to be well but you don't have the emotional resilience to keep discussing certain topics.
 
Ohhh yes, he's been very clear with her that he can't take on that role for her but she persists. She tried again a bit yesterday and he kept redirecting the conversation to happy memories of his brother which I thought was clever and kind - she eventually joined in with some happy things too. She'll get there. He's been harsher with her in the past - last time he was a bit brutal and said he couldn't do it she said "it's like both my children are dead" which wasn't very kind. Ho hum..
 
In happier news; how angelic is my delicious L. I don't share any photos of him on social media as I don't like children having an online presence before they can even consent but I thought I'd share a couple here as it's unlikely he will find this forum when he's older (unless he's a big fatty like his mummy.)
 

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Sunflower_ said:
He hung himself and she found him so I'm sure there is some PTSD type thing going on with her too. I can't imagine.
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I have a little understanding of what this does to a family. My brother committed suicide about 10 years ago. My father never got over it, I am sure it drove him to his grave, he died a very unhappy man. My surviving brothers and I talk about it on occasion, its clear the impact is still there with all of us. Not something you get over, just something you live with. I am sorry you and your family had something like this happen to you.
 
Oh, he is beautiful! He must be such a joy to all of you - that smile alone! The photos are a true pleasure to see - thanks! And he's at such a wonderful age - so ready to engage with people and enjoy getting to feel his strength and growing control of his movements - just lovely for all of you.
 
Thank you, everyone. He is the light of my life.

We've had a busy few days - We went to my parents in Reading for bonfire night and Halloween fun for L. We also went to Buriton tonight for a firework display - it was lowkey but I had some alcoholic ginger beer and a burger and felt very autumnal and happy I loved watching him see the sparklers and hear the bangs. He's such a love. Bad news is that the MIL has been taking inordinate amounts of codeine and quetiapine so has been a stoned person pretty much incapable of speech for most of the trip. I'm so disappointed for C and sad for my MIL. He's tried to speak to her about it but she thinks she has a "pain doctor" who is prescribing her these tablets for aches and pains. I don't know what to do about it all. I feel terrible for her.

Will weigh in tomorrow and hopefully check in then. I am getting a haircut in the morning and hopefully relaxing.
 
alligatorob said:
y brother committed suicide about 10 years ago.
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I'm sorry, Rob. The grief is different I think, when they decide to leave rather than die of "natural causes." I always think of a poem by my favourite author, Charles Bukowski, when I think of my brother in law.

"the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them."
 
Thanks Sunflower, it is harder, and hard not to feel some guilt that you could have done something to prevent it. Even if you know intellectually there wasn't. My father spent the rest of his life alternating between trying to find people to blame (himself and my brothers and I included) and denying it really was suicide as opposed to an accident or murder. There was no talking to him about it.

My take away from the experience is that anyone contemplating suicide needs to think about the impact it will have on others. I know that may seem impossible in that frame of mind, but if they could it might stop some people. Anyway this happened to us 10 years or so ago and most of us have moved on for the most part, I hope your husband has. Your mother in law may never be able to completely do that.
 
alligatorob said:
My take away from the experience is that anyone contemplating suicide needs to think about the impact it will have on others.
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They usually do. It's one of the most excruciating parts of suicidal ideation. You either end up feeling horribly guilty on top of feeling desperate enough that you want to kill yourself or you end up believing nobody could really love you anyway - they just pretend to for society's sake - so after the shock it'll really be a relief for them.
 
I really have nothing to add. Having too experienced suicide on a few occasions with a family member and friend and acquaintances it just makes me very sad. Feels dreadful to type it but I can also get it why people do it. Suicide rate is high in Ireland. I hope Sunflower that your lovely family find wYs to cope with it all. Sending big hugs
 
Thanks lovely people. Will hold my boy a little tighter today and focus on happy things. I've been to get my hair cut this morning which was fun - nice to have a hot coffee and relax for a while!

The weather is horrendous here today - think we will snuggle and watch movies. Yank is baking a loaf of bread so imagine we will have something on toast at lunch and maybe chicken kievs and baked potato for dinner. Seems the weather for comforting food and cuddles. I made £60 testing websites yesterday so will have some extra spending money for next week. Am planning baby cinema and some swimming hopefully. Not long until Yank finishes work and will be home for all of December - I can't wait!
 
1/11/19 - 210lbs (oh dear..)

Breakfast: apple, banana pancake (198)
Lunch: beans on Yank's homemade toast (266)
Dinner: cheeseburger and ginger beer at the fireworks (746)

Total: 1241
 
We have the same weather too! How lovely to have yank home for December. That will be wonderful. Enjoy your snuggles, hon xoxo
 
Is it today or tomorrow that your mother-in-law's visit comes to an end? Round about now, anyway. That it's just
Sunflower_ said:
..the weather for comforting food and cuddles
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might be exactly what's needed to help the visit to end on a happy note - hoping so for you all, anyway! That you can share making and eating good solid comfort food, and everyone can enjoy lots of cuddle-time with little L.
 
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