This times 100. You know yourself best and stuff that makes you more anxious isn´t going to be helpful. Food is such a complex issue and so different for everyone but as long as you keep treating yourself kindly and keep looking at what´s happening with an open mind I´m sure you´ll find a way to deal with it constructively.
Rob's Diary
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That is so impressive! I am currently on anti-anxiety meds and think that contributed to my weight gain. I think that's incredible that you managed to lose all that weight and come off the meds. You are an inspiration. I know even with the meds i still do a lot of comfort eating to cope with the anxiety.
Cate
Long term member
Hi, Rob. I feel like I have been away from the forum for ages. I love that you have adopted a beautiful German Shepherd from a shelter. Cam looks adorable. I have been missing having a dog since we had to have our little dog put down last December, & have resisted getting another so far. I think adopting a dog saved our son. I might have a re-think about getting another dog I think. Are you taking her for lots of walks?
That is hugely impressive, Rob - getting yourself off the medication and the weight loss - maybe most of all the recognition of and acting on the need for patience, and to treat yourself kindly. Hugs to you, if that's okay (and not if not!). Salute to you, too!
And agreeing strongly about food being not like anything else - some of us were saying, elsewhere on this site, about how hugely complex food is, and how our relationship to food(s) links back to our earliest and strongest human relationships.
I lost the majority of my weight once I finally got off the medication. I would comfort eat too but I also realize now I was eating to cope with side effects. Ironic that once I eliminated the thing that was meant to treat the anxiety, both my weight and anxiety have gotten better. It has taken a reeeaaaally long time though and the process was not like anything of this world level difficult, but I now have most of my health back. Although I still deal with after-effects like the bingeing.
Hi Cate! Welcome back to the forum. Great that you were able to support your son R, was it? I hope he's doing much better now. I'm sure your presence helped a great deal.
Cam is great. I have heard a lot recently about how dogs improve your health and well-being. I say go for it if you're thinking about getting another! I've wanted to get a large one for a long time but I lived in Boston and Atlanta before that but now I have more space. With what I've accomplished with my health, she seemed like a great next step.
I took her to the park today for the first time. It was warm and lots of people were out. She did fantastic around the other dogs, children and people. It's a treat when you have such a well-behaved and friendly dog. We went 5 miles and she stayed strong. I'll take her running with me eventually.
Thanks, Amy! Of course and hugs back to you!
Getting off that medication was really really hard. The most difficult thing I've ever done and am certain I ever will. For anyone going something similar I would like to tell them to be patient and kind to themselves. It made a difference and I think it absolutely applies to weight loss as well when it starts to take a toll on you.Yes, agree food's really complex when you start thinking about all the ways it touches us individually and with each other. With the bingeing, it's certainly a stubborn behavior for me. Sometimes I think it's just about me realizing I'm not under threat from that medication or the weight loss anymore. Once I realize I'm going to be OK, I think I'll start to recover a little more and get back to a sense of what's normal far away from any bingeing. Sometimes it's hard to reconcile I will never ever binge again and that indicates I have more change to go through.
Yesterday, I did pretty well. I had vitamins, eggs and yogurt with banana for breakfast. For lunch I had leftover ribs that I bought while on a bender the previous day. I also had some chicken for lunch. For dinner I had salad with chicken. For snacks I had pistachios and tomatoes. Total calories in were 2774.
I went to the gym for a little bit and did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I did pull across planks, band walk, and stretches too. In the afternoon, I took a long walk. 26k steps total for the day. Fitbit said 4.1k calories out.
My sciatica is bothering me and I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon. I'm rather frustrated with it and the PT guys. I don't get much good information and I just keep showing up and the expectation is I'll get better and I don't and then it just continues on and on. There's better communication with the younger one but I think they're just on auto-pilot with this and likely distracted by all their other patients. It's probably going to be worth the effort to find a PT in private standalone practice with a lot of experience and who can offer more attention and expertise. I thought about going up to the University here to see who the sports doctor is. There are some other collegiate level sports teams in the area that might know of someone more capable and specialized. Thoughts go to it just being one more thing you have to figure out completely for yourself and you can't rely on somebody when you need them.
8hr 46min sleep the night before. 54 RHR. Didn't measure my weight. No meditation. 1 days no binges.
Felt good on the walk.
I went to the gym for a little bit and did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I did pull across planks, band walk, and stretches too. In the afternoon, I took a long walk. 26k steps total for the day. Fitbit said 4.1k calories out.
My sciatica is bothering me and I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon. I'm rather frustrated with it and the PT guys. I don't get much good information and I just keep showing up and the expectation is I'll get better and I don't and then it just continues on and on. There's better communication with the younger one but I think they're just on auto-pilot with this and likely distracted by all their other patients. It's probably going to be worth the effort to find a PT in private standalone practice with a lot of experience and who can offer more attention and expertise. I thought about going up to the University here to see who the sports doctor is. There are some other collegiate level sports teams in the area that might know of someone more capable and specialized. Thoughts go to it just being one more thing you have to figure out completely for yourself and you can't rely on somebody when you need them.
8hr 46min sleep the night before. 54 RHR. Didn't measure my weight. No meditation. 1 days no binges.
Felt good on the walk.
That is so interesting that coming off the medication actually improved your anxiety levels! Good for you for getting through all that. You sound like a very strong person!
I love that you got a lovely rescue dog. Must be so fun to have a new friend like that for both of you!That's great that she's good with other dogs and people.
Sorry to hear about that--I had some bad back issues a while back and know how frustrating it can be. Hope you find something that works for you soon!
Cate
Long term member
I have found that I have to be my own advocate when it comes to my health. I would hate to think where I would be if I waited for a doctor to find out what was wrong with me. I think going up to the university is a good idea, Rob. These PT guys are getting nowhere. I hope you can get to to the bottom of this & get back to running again. Your getting Cam has really got me thinking about getting another dog. I had actually been considering a bigger dog next time. I love Shepherds! A trained & well-behaved dog would be wonderful.
Thanks. I hope so too, Cate. I'll continue to go to these guys while I look for another place/provider.
I'm definitely my own advocate now when it comes to my health. I was not that way before and I placed way too much trust in my providers. I didn't call bullshit too many times because I thought they must know more than I do I will never make that mistake again until I'm not able to and hopefully I'll have a proxy in place by then.
Cam has some issues that are surfacing as we've adjusted to each other. She'll start chewing things if she's bored or doesn't have my attention. She follows me around a lot and gets in the way but we're working on both. I think I've outsmarted her so far. She's got a crate to curl up in and a whole room where she can't get into anything. I walk her, bought toys for her, give her treats, and feed her the good stuff. Maybe I spoiled her too quickly. When we start running, I think I'll be able to wear her out pretty quickly.
Today was mixed. I started off OK and then my mood went down but I was able to exercise and I feel good tonight.
For breakfast I had eggs, vitamins, yogurt with banana, and OJ with a fiber supplement. For lunch I had salad with chicken and balsamic vinegar. Tonight I got a Mediterranean salad bowl with chicken. Snacks were pistachios and tomatoes. Total calories in were 2417.
I did about 14 miles on the elliptical at about 8.2 mph. I also did hip bridges, side bridges, bird dogs, Pallof press, and stretches for my sciatica. Fitbit says 4.3k calories out, 28k steps.
6hr 9min sleep. 53 RHR. Weight was 193.6, still coming down from the weekend binges. No meditation. 2 days no binges.
Low mood, negative toward myself before I exercised and now after the exercise I feel a lot more positive and comfortable with myself.
For breakfast I had eggs, vitamins, yogurt with banana, and OJ with a fiber supplement. For lunch I had salad with chicken and balsamic vinegar. Tonight I got a Mediterranean salad bowl with chicken. Snacks were pistachios and tomatoes. Total calories in were 2417.
I did about 14 miles on the elliptical at about 8.2 mph. I also did hip bridges, side bridges, bird dogs, Pallof press, and stretches for my sciatica. Fitbit says 4.3k calories out, 28k steps.
6hr 9min sleep. 53 RHR. Weight was 193.6, still coming down from the weekend binges. No meditation. 2 days no binges.
Low mood, negative toward myself before I exercised and now after the exercise I feel a lot more positive and comfortable with myself.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Rob, good to see that you seem on the upswing. I am sure you know having a dog is always a bit of an adjustment, for both of you. I had a neighbor once who was a long distance runner, he got a greyhound to keep up. He told me that no dog can run as far as a well trained human, if true you may need to watch Cam's limits.
Our dogs are neither, and we still like them!
I had a good day today. I went to another PT appointment. Now entering the 4th week of PT. I tried to run for a mile and my knee pain came back right away. 
I talked a lot with the therapist and if we're not getting anywhere in another 2 weeks, he suggests seeing a doctor. We did cupping which I have not tried before. I'm not sure it did anything other than to give me hickies down the side of my leg.
Breakfast was eggs, multivitamin, yogurt with banana, and orange juice with fiber. Lunch and dinner were both salads with chicken. Snacks were tomatoes and pistachios. I had a lot of chicken and pistachios today. Total calories in were 2813.
I did about 90 min total on the elliptical, 14.5 miles. Pallof press, pull across planks, band walks, sciatic nerve stretches.
6hr 36min sleep. 53 RHR - been going down for last 2 weeks despite this past weekend's binges. Weight was 190.8. No meditation. 3 days no binges.
I've been feeling fat lately and I notice my extra skin a lot more than when I initially got down to this weight. I think I would feel healthier if I were to lose another 15-20 pounds. It's certainly a different feeling and a positive sign, I think, compared to when I was just trying to to hit a number.
I talked a lot with the therapist and if we're not getting anywhere in another 2 weeks, he suggests seeing a doctor. We did cupping which I have not tried before. I'm not sure it did anything other than to give me hickies down the side of my leg. Breakfast was eggs, multivitamin, yogurt with banana, and orange juice with fiber. Lunch and dinner were both salads with chicken. Snacks were tomatoes and pistachios. I had a lot of chicken and pistachios today. Total calories in were 2813.
I did about 90 min total on the elliptical, 14.5 miles. Pallof press, pull across planks, band walks, sciatic nerve stretches.
6hr 36min sleep. 53 RHR - been going down for last 2 weeks despite this past weekend's binges. Weight was 190.8. No meditation. 3 days no binges.
I've been feeling fat lately and I notice my extra skin a lot more than when I initially got down to this weight. I think I would feel healthier if I were to lose another 15-20 pounds. It's certainly a different feeling and a positive sign, I think, compared to when I was just trying to to hit a number.
alligatorob
Respected Member
I know that feeling. I also know that even when I have lost weight in the past I never lost the feeling of being fat. Not sure what that's about.
Seems like you are feeling a bit better about things, even if you still can't run. Hope the PT works out for you, maybe seeing a doctor would be a good idea.
Using cupping for knee pain? Hmpf.
That´s interesting. Objectively you´d expect to either feel fatter OR notice the extra skin more. Having both simultaneously seems to me to just mean you´re not feeling great about yourself. Apart from that I generally feel as fat now as I did 20 kg ago, except now sometimes when I see myself from a good angle I can kind of tell it´s not true.
Confusing to you too??
My leg is sore and the nerve pain is bothering me a lot today. Feels like the PT stuff has not been worth the investment.
I think the fat and loose skin feeling is partly due to just hovering around this weight for awhile. I'm still overweight technically by about 4-5 pounds so I could stand to lose another 20+ and when I think about a healthy version of myself, I'd be around that much lighter. I think my body is physically adjusting to being here after a couple months too and maybe my bone structure/frame and skin have settled a bit. That's what I imagine anyway. Yes, I think the rest of that feeling is likely body dysmorphia lol.
Not so much confusing as depressing. It... doesn't sound like they care much about evidence-based practice.
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