Marsia's Diary

K would have got a boost from some new clothes & sneakers. I think I kept growing until I was about 17. My feet grew long & then my body caught up. I grew 6" one year & another 6" the next. Poor Mum!
Making your food from scratch is so satisfying. You are also showing K how to be less reliant on pre-prepared stuff. So many people don't cook. It's good to know what's in our food.
 
Cate said:
K would have got a boost from some new clothes & sneakers. I think I kept growing until I was about 17. My feet grew long & then my body caught up. I grew 6" one year & another 6" the next. Poor Mum!
Making your food from scratch is so satisfying. You are also showing K how to be less reliant on pre-prepared stuff. So many people don't cook. It's good to know what's in our food.
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That's like K. She also does that thing where her feet grow a lot and then her body catches up, like with puppies. Her feet are so much bigger than her body now, so she's probably going to catch up height-wise in the next few months. She really likes having sneakers that are comfy and stylish. I'm really glad we get most of our clothes from thrift stores, so it isn't too bad if she has a massive growth spurt and outgrows things quickly. I get good quality shoes new though. It's really nice cooking and gardening and fixing up the house with K. We are both learning new things!
liza3 said:
Nothing like prices going up to get us to make more and more from scratch. I always buy canned chickpeas and black beans but have been thinking about going back to buying those dry...
Glad you had a nice day and found some nice new clothes for K--i desperately need to do some summer clothes shopping but keep putting it off--I'll be sorry when the heat hits!
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I bought bulk beans to cook from scratch but haven't tried it in the Instant Pot yet. I think I'll soak them overnight because I am worried about them causing gas. Maybe I'll try the slow cooker setting, too. I just finally found some summery clothes at the thrift store. Most of my short sleeved shirts have holes and I can only wear them gardening. I really don't like how women's clothes aren't made to last.
Llama said:
K is still growing? I was done by my 13th birthday! Genetics are weird and wonderful. If you have time and energy making things from scratch can be a real lifesaver and so satisfying.
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Yes, I think it runs in the family. I grew a half inch taller in college, and K keeps growing throughout her teen years. It's been nice making baked goods again. It tastes so much better than from the store. I haven't been in cooking and baking mode lately because of being driven to get the house painted, but hopefully inspiration will hit, and I'll want to do it more.

Yesterday was nice. We had a nice home day tidying up the house and swimming. Two jellyfish bumped into me in the ocean, but luckily both from the head end that doesn't sting. This kind doesn't hurt horribly if they sting you, so we weren't terribly worried. It was hard to dodge them, not having good visibility because the wind kicked up the waves. We saw 4 altogether, so didn't swim very far out. We got enough exercise to feel pleasantly tired, and it stretches my arm out nice. It's beautiful and cool again today, so I think I'll get up and go enjoy it.
 
Yes I also get the majority of my clothes from thrift shops as well--I just really hate clothes shopping though...Nice that you found some good summer clothes for yourself!
I always soak my beans overnight as well and then only have the stovetop to cook them on which takes so long--I used to always do them from dry but got out of the habit of it...now i just don't feel that organized to do them but I really should.
Glad you managed to avoid getting stung by the jelly fish and that you enjoyed a nice swim!
 
That sounds like a lovely day, M (except for the jellyfish). I will do the rounds of the thrift stores on Tuesday as I'm spending the day in town. Unfortunately, so many things are embedded with perfume and/or fabric softener & I don't know until I get them home.
K will be learning so many life skills & gaining resilience during the process. It's so good that you have one another.
 
Thanks everyone! I love getting nice supportive shoes - almost nothing more comforting. I think I'll try making beans from scratch again soon. I know what you mean about the thrift clothes having so much perfume in them. Even after I soak them in vinegar water, they sometimes need many washes before I can wear them. It's such a great thing having K to do all this with!

I did really enjoy the day, Em! We went a couple of islands down and explored the free beaches at the end. They were nice, but we love our local beach even more. There was a lovely part of town that was all jungly with huge trees with Spanish moss hanging down and huge vines growing up in the trees. It had charming old beach bungalows facing a lovely swamp with a big waterway going through it. It would be such a good place to sketch. We had a picnic lunch out under a little building overlooking a river and went to Botany Bay, which has a huge beach full of dead trees sticking out into the ocean usually, but the tide was particularly high, and it went up to the live trees. We had a nice time taking pictures - it really looked a lot like the wild places in Hawaii. A funny waddling duck also walked past us, and there were so many flocks of pelicans flying overhead. Botany Bay was a plantation at one point, so there are also gorgeous fields of sunflowers and lovely sand roads into the marshes. It was such a nice day. I am sleepy after getting a lot of sun and walking and wading in. I think I'll turn in early and get up and get nice gardening in tomorrow.
 
What a wonderful day! I need to plan a beach trip for fall; I got envious reading about your beach time :eek:
 
Thanks Cate and Llama! Can I ask your advice about something? K came home from band practice last night, and someone in the little punk community here is spreading rumors that a band member is dating K and that she is underage (and all the band members are in their 20s). They are also saying that the band is politically incorrect, which is a big thing in the punk community. They are all about political causes and sticking up for the little guy. K knows someone in the group that is spreading rumors, and she could say something to this girl, but she isn't sure about it, especially because this girl may have been the source of the rumors. The reputation of the band may be ruined in the local community now, and they have a big following and are very popular. So K was pretty upset when she got home and is worried that the band member who brought her in may ask her to leave. They will have another band practice and discuss everything soon. What advice would you give K? I lean toward her talking with the girl in the other group and letting her know that the rumors are ridiculous, but K felt that it would be like saying, "I didn't take the cookies from the cookie jar," making her look more guilty. She finally had a nice happy friend group. I am so sad. I really hope we can leave soon. This is like teleporting back to my childhood in gossipy town of 300 people. Ugh.
 
Marsia said:
I lean toward her talking with the girl in the other group and letting her know that the rumors are ridiculous
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Dear lord no. If this girl is jealous of the attention K and her talent are getting kind talks are just going to make it worse. This is something the older, established group members should take the initiative to solve. They have all the privilege and anything K says will only make things worse. Her only text if anyone brings it up is a heartfelt: "Yeah, I heard and think it's gross and ridiculous. I really don't know what to do about it though. I'm so happy to be able to play with (band) and I'm having so much fun and I really don't want to stop doing that just because of unfounded rumors."
 
I don't have much advice for the K situation--rumors happen and people can be mean...I think I would just see what the band decides would be a good approach to it all. Hopefully they won't ask K to leave, but if they do, I think it's always good to just know that she didn't do anything wrong to deserve that, but also that she can just move on and deal with it. It's a part of life that we have to deal with sometimes...but yeah always seems worse in those teenage years. Soon she'll be off at college or whatever and enjoying a whole new group of people and good opportunities for connection.
I think of my teenage years as very hard for so many reasons. Let her know things get better when we get older!
 
I agree with Llama that talking to that girl will probably stir her up even more. Having another band practice & discussing it soon sounds imperative. They need to stand up for one another. It's a slur on all of them & they need to show a united front & support one another. Please tell K from me too that your teen years are by far your hardest. I was once ostracised by an entire friend group because I refused to go steady with one of the group, who I liked as a friend, but nothing more. Stand tall, K.
 
Thank you all! I didn't do well as a teen with this sort of stuff, so it really overwhelms me. I am glad I read your responses and stayed out of it. The band found out that no one believes the people who were spreading the rumors and calmed down the guy who wanted K to leave the band. He apologized a lot to K, and they all blocked the accounts of the offenders. It's strange that this is the way kids do it now. They can just hit a button to let someone know they are no longer friends. I guess that saves a lot of drama. I am so relieved she still has her band. They really like her. Anyway, I read K all of your responses, and she was grateful! Cate, that's so awful your whole friend group tried to manipulate you into dating someone. Ewwww!!!!

I am finding it hard to really get that mean people really like being mean, and they really don't care that they are wasting their lives. I think this is a spiritual question for me. Is it that these people like J and the people spreading rumors to hurt K's band really don't believe there is any meaning or purpose to life? If so, wouldn't that lead to debilitating depression and existential emptiness? Why would you do that to yourself?! Is it just ignorance of basic psychology? I ask because if I do become a teacher, I will need to help kids learn not to be bullies so they have a chance of having a nice life, also. I guess people just think having potential power over others is a good thing, and they don't care that it will make them unlikeable and irredeemably awful. Maybe they already feel unlikeable, so it doesn't bother them?

My weight's up a little again. The picnic food from our outing was pretty fattening, so I'll take it easy on calories again. I feel better again about being here as long as it takes, and will tackle a lot of little house projects today. Deer ate some of the compost veggies, but they left most of the tomatoes and all of the pumpkins. It's cool out this morning, so I want to get out there and get some stuff done.
 
I think bullying can be a symptom of several things. Some people really do just enjoy tormenting others but I don't think that's terribly common. Some people don't really know how to interact healthily with others because they haven't been shown how in their home situation so they just continue what they've experienced. Some are jealous and want to take others down to their own level so they don't feel less than anymore. And some people are so scared of getting bullied that they lash out preventitively, in order to be the untouchable top dog. I'm sure there are other reasons as well.
Either way I'm very glad that the situation has been resolved!
 
Glad it all worked out for K and the band stuck together--good for them just blocking the offenders. Sounds like a healthy approach.
I think that could make the band even stronger!

I don't have any answers to the 'why do people bully' question, but I do think back to some of my self-destructive behavior as a teen and I think it was just ways I was trying to cope with overwhelming feelings. I am glad that as I grew up I learned better, healthier ways to deal with stuff. Hopefully bullies also learn healthier ways of being.
 
I think at K's age, there's a lot of jealousy and that will lead to people stirring up all sorts of shit. Actually, that doesn't stop at K's age, lol.
 
Marsia said:
Thank you all! I didn't do well as a teen with this sort of stuff, so it really overwhelms me. I am glad I read your responses and stayed out of it. The band found out that no one believes the people who were spreading the rumors and calmed down the guy who wanted K to leave the band. He apologized a lot to K, and they all blocked the accounts of the offenders. It's strange that this is the way kids do it now. They can just hit a button to let someone know they are no longer friends. I guess that saves a lot of drama. I am so relieved she still has her band. They really like her. Anyway, I read K all of your responses, and she was grateful! Cate, that's so awful your whole friend group tried to manipulate you into dating someone. Ewwww!!!!
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I'm glad that was resolved, M. Being in the band & being supported by them is important. It was awful at the time, M but also was a lesson. The "friendship" group had felt a little like a gang & proved itself to be one. After that, I stuck to having a few good friends. It did make me wary of friendships & that's a bit sad.
Marsia said:
I am finding it hard to really get that mean people really like being mean, and they really don't care that they are wasting their lives. I think this is a spiritual question for me. Is it that these people like J and the people spreading rumors to hurt K's band really don't believe there is any meaning or purpose to life? If so, wouldn't that lead to debilitating depression and existential emptiness? Why would you do that to yourself?! Is it just ignorance of basic psychology? I ask because if I do become a teacher, I will need to help kids learn not to be bullies so they have a chance of having a nice life, also. I guess people just think having potential power over others is a good thing, and they don't care that it will make them unlikeable and irredeemably awful. Maybe they already feel unlikeable, so it doesn't bother them?
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I have never worked out why some people are mean but I think jealousy plays a big part.
 
Thanks everyone! I was assuming that mean people are consciously doing what they are doing. I really like everyone's responses that show how many ways there are to get caught up in a negative state and just keep running with it unconsciously. Cate, that gang of "friends" sounds unnerving. I'm glad you could distance from them and move on with your life, even though it did leave a mark. I am wiped out today from being so worried for K yesterday, so I need to reread everyone's responses a few more times when I'm not so sleepy and let them sink in. It's like I intellectually have thought what you all wrote at times in my life, but deep down I had assumed that people are purposely mean, so I've been taking it really personally, I think. We got a lot done today including massive amounts of dishes and cleaning out the fridge. The house is almost clean now except for having plastic up in the painted rooms because we need to do a little retouching. I had to meditate several times today. There's just been a lot of ups and downs lately, and I am not doing so well at being flexible with everything. If I weren't so tired, I'd do one more meditation period, but I think I'll just go to sleep and wake up early and do one. Anyway, I had really nice meditation sessions today, good food, and a good day.
 
:grouphug:
 
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