Cohen's Lifestyle Life's Good's journy to life being even better!!!

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Life's Good

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So here I am... I have stopped talking / thinking about starting my own diary and I am doing it.

In week 9 of my program I wrote in this forum for the first time and introduced myself. In that introduction I said that I was going to start my own diary but am now in week 18 and still have not done it. So here I am...

Some background info about me is as follows:

I'm 27 years old, live in Adelaide and I have been overweight all of my adult life and all of my childhood even though I was quite active. I started the program on 2 May 2007 weighing in at 112kg after what I believe was fate happening. After years of telling everyone else to ‘stop talking about it, just do it’ for things they were thinking / talking about I had it thrown back at me in the same smart ass tone I often use. The rest just happened and it's actually quite a nice story, I will share it sometime I am sure - I just don’t want this first post to be a book in its own right.

I have been fortunate to have had a wonderful and fulfilling life so far, however, like everyone else I have certainly not without some very hard times, many of which I have had to work very hard to move on from, some are still with me every day. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I really do believe that the best times of my life are still to come. I look forward to getting older and having more experiences. I'm certainly not one of these people who wish they were still 18 or 21!

The wonderful and exciting things that have most imprinted my life, and which I may refer to often when writing, have been living in the US for 12 months as an exchange student when I was 16, having the opportunities to have travelled Australia and at the minimum see each capital city but also much of the country side along the way, to have also lived in the UK when I was 23 for 12 months and also the privilege of travelling around Europe for 3 months in addition to that. I had the honour of being able to visit the small village in Slovakia that my beautiful, however recently passed, Oma was born and grew up in, easily one of the most significant experiences I have had in life. I have had wonderful friends who have always accepted me just the way I am and for who I have grown into be. And lastly, but certainly not the least significant a beautiful sister who is my absolute best friend and wonderful parents who have allowed me to experience life as it was meant for me. Wow - that actually just had me very emotional, especially writing about my sister, we are very close.

I also have a lovely boyfriend of three years (now referred to as LB) ha ha that's just made me giggle because my initials are LG, hence the Life's Good and his are LB... anyway a LB who have been nothing but fantastic through this whole experience, however I do think some of his support has been because of the benefits he also seems to be getting!

Some of the negative things of my life that have at the end of the day been horrible but have made me the person I am have involved relatives (surprise, surprise I'm sure! ha ha) and also an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) I have had since I was 8 years of age. This I will refer to often which is why I have mentioned it because Dr Cohen's has also helped me almost completely overcome this and for me that’s HUGE!

I think a lot about what life after Cohen's is going to be like because I have so much ‘life’ to schedule in. I have always been one to keep adding things to the list of must do's and when I am in control of my life I will be able to achieve these. In the past I have put restrictions on them because of my weight, how I look and my general health. Basically made excuses… well no more!

As I said at the top I have always been an active person and I actually love to exercise, swim, ride, run whatever, and be in the outdoors, water sports, hiking, camping whatever. I have always just ‘loved’ over eating and making poor nutrition choices. I have set myself a number of goals to ensure I keep myself in check when the program is over and it is up to me to do it for myself and stay healthy for life. No more yo-yos (biscuit or otherwise!).

Goals (in no particular order and some of these are in my 10 year plan of things to achieve and towards the 7-10 year end at that) for me to achieve, for me, and no one else. This is what I WANT OUT OF LIFE - MY NEW FOUND LIFE! Some are big feats; some are small things that hold some significance to me!
1. Complete Certificate IV in Fitness and become a personal trainer - Still haven't decided if I will actually train others or not but the main reason it to have the knowledge and skills to keep myself in good health.
2. Participate in a triathlon.
3. Do the Kokoda Trail - A dream of both LB and I and is scheduled for next year!
4. Everest Base Camp (as mentioned some are towards the end of the 10 year plan)
5. Continue to manage and keep OCD in check by keeping processed foods to a minimum along with additives and preservatives.
6. No. 5 will therefore allow me to have a lovely full, thick head of hair which I want to dye BLONDE - only colour I have never experimented with!
7. Participate in Adventure races with my LB
8. If I want a 'sometimes / moderation' food that I can make (i.e. pasta, bread, etc) I will make it from scratch as apposed to buying it. Cut out nasties, save money and also have the effort make the experience much better - that is if I can tolerate it when finished to start with!
9. Make 'me' time every day instead of feeling lucky if I find some!
10. Overcome my fear of change rooms for fear of relapsing into a depressive states.
11. Be a great healthy and active role model to my two gorgeous nieces, family and friends and be sure to be a positive force in their lives.

There are a few more but those are the one's I need staring back at me from my diary pages to remind myself who I am doing this for, me of course, and why, because I want to be able to do these things.

Well it looks like it's become a book anyway. I guess it is my diary though! Please visit me and offer any advice or guidance along the way and certainly if you think I may be able to help you please ask. It's always good to know you have been useful or have made someone's day a little brighter!

I have a lot of energy to give these days...

Lauren
 
Lauren- Good for you! Thank you very much for sharing your feelings!! It's all positive. Life is good & yours will only get better! I look forward to reading more of your diary. It's very therapeutic. Cheers Cate.
 
Wow you have an amazing storey. I can so relate to your storey. I have always been a fat fit person (because I am an emotional eater). Well done, you are almost there.

KGB
 
Today I’m not feeling so well and am finding it very hard to focus and concentrate. To cut a long story short we went up to the ‘in-laws’ for fathers day and all of LB’s family have cats to which I’m allergic. Anti-histamines work great for symptoms such as sneezing and red itchy eyes but do nothing to stop the allergens from settling in my lungs and again, as I already have 4 times in the past 8 months, I have bronchitis. I’ve been pushing through and making sure I have plenty of rest as soon as I get home and early nights but you always have to get to stage 2 (expelling a lung) before it leaves the system and at around 2am this morning stage 2 started. So today I’m tired, flat, sore and just generally crap! I’ve got my last day of my second to last module for my diploma tomorrow which I guess is better than work because it requires basically no mental stimulation at all, although it probably should because I am going to learn but the lecturer for this module is particularly monotone, but it’s still not my bed! At least we have nothing planned as yet for the weekend and I can have a good rest and relax!

Last night I went to my sisters to give her a hand with the girls as my brother-in-law is away for business. Miss K is 21 months and Miss P is 6 months so as you can imagine she has her hands full and when BIL is away my sister really needs the adult company / break. They live about 5 minutes from our house, if that, which is great and it also means I often pop through every couple of days on my way home. Due to busy schedules in the last fortnight though we haven’t seen each other at all so I have looking forward to seeing them all. My sister and Miss P are also unwell at the moment which has really put a strain on and when I got there my sister looked completely knackered. Miss K loves to play with her Auntie ‘Nonnen’ and I got lots of hugs and cuddles and we played at her table and then she went to find a book that I had bought her last month so I could read it to her. After reading it about 8 times and Miss P being up and down we finally got them both tucked into bed and my sister and I got to spend some time having ‘adult conversation’. Next time we looked up it was 9pm and I still hadn’t eaten and she was ready for bed herself so I headed home, whipped the quickest meal possible together and then sat on the computer surfing the net and talking online to friends to help pass the 2 hours so I could hit the hay! LB came home from his work dinner just after midnight, very chirpier and walking in a jiggered line, and wanted to sit up and talk but I eventually convinced him to go to sleep where I think I ended up getting about an hour of good rest before I had to try and sleep upright!

My sister really noticed another change when she saw me last night. Even when I see her 2 or 3 days apart she has said she can see my body just completely transforming. We grew up being fat together but her switch flicked when she was about 19 and has always since then been much slimmer than me but we both have still yo-yo’d a bit through our ranges. Mine was usually 16-18’s and hers 12-14’s. We have on numerous occasions done a lot of the other programs (WW etc) together and really supported each other through it but they have always been short term fixes. She’s lost the baby weight from No. 2 without too many dramas but I think my progress has given her the inspiration to get back into a comfortable 12. Sometimes it feels bizarre to be of similar size as we haven’t been so in a good 10+ years. When she had Miss P she borrowed my 16 jeans until she got into her 14’s which worked out to be the same time I was reaching the 16’s and since then we have been able to call on each other to get us both through transitions down the line. It will be really nice to be able to swap and share again though, mainly just for special occasions. My sister has been my positive force through this program. Not that I’ve struggled to stay on track but her constant encouragement has been great. We are both very honest so I always know she’s not just saying it to be polite or nice. We she had a second girl we all cheered, we would have been just as happy if she was a boy, but just know what we are like we all just hope that Miss K and Miss P grow the same bond. The first thing my BIL said to me was ‘I have been hoping it was a girl so that they can share what you two have because it truly is special’. That is just a lovely memory that I will never forget!

I don’t seem to be getting much about the program down but I have found that each meal and each day is just my routine now. That all just happens. It makes the rest of my life and schedule work because they work around me getting my sustenance when I need it. Previously I couldn’t get through an afternoon without my kit kat and coke, I actually thought that without it I couldn’t function. Now because I am giving my body the right types of food and in the way it needs it ‘I’ now make my afternoon/day/night happen. The only thing I rely on is me. Me making the right choices for me. I no longer rely on that kit kat, or that coke, or that donut etc to make me ‘feel’. I truly used to believe that those types of things would make me happy when I actually knew, but wouldn’t admit to myself, that they were the things making me miserable. I feel like this program has given me the power to believe in my choices. I choose to be in control of my life. I remind myself of this everyday and will have to for the rest of my life. You get control from taking control. It’s like the rich get richer because they have the means to invest etc etc. In everything we do we have at least two choices. I will not always choice what is right. If I don’t as long as I learn from it and take the lesson on board I am still one step ahead. I knew most of what this program has taught me before I started. I knew 6 cans of coke a day was really really bad for me but I was choosing not to take that lesson on board because I was choosing to make that the thing that would get me through the day. I put the control in the can/s of coke. I let it control me. Where as now – I control it. I control that urge because I am in control. Now I’m just rambling and getting caught up in it all. I should probably delete it but wont because when I’ve finished my refeed and am out on my own I may need to revisit it. At the moment it’s as easy as ‘it’s not on the list’ but when that list goes is when the real challenge and control will begin.

Well that’s a massive post… If you made it to the end – thanks for reading!

Hopefully when my heavy head goes my fun with come back. Being sick makes one feel serious.

Have a great day!
Lauren
 
Lauren, I'm with you today. We'll put it down to the day. I, too have felt c...p! I'm thrilled to be reading some-one else's diary instead of just typing in mine. Don't delete anything. This is a warts & all thing. It's all a part of the process of working ourselves out & trying not to make the same mistakes as before. After re-feed is both scary & exciting. It alternates. Today was not good & I feel I made bad decisions & subsequently feel dreadful. Tomorrow's another day! Cheers, Cate.
 
Lauren! Thanks So Much for starting keep a diary! Its wonderful being able to get a sense of "knowing" about a person. Thank you for sharing some of those issues, as I can imagine that they were not easy to post where everyone can see and make comment. Well done for being Brave... but I agree with you... these diaries are about our Journey's and for us to reflect on our journey now as well as in the future.... to remind us of all that we have accomplished as well as the struggles that we have faced.

It sounds like you have set yourself some amazing goals, not just physically amazing but challenging personally, and I think sometimes it is those Goals that can challenge us the most, because we are constantly battling learned patterns of thinking and behaviour, that we have built up over the years... but it sounds like you are really working hard to change the way you think as well as the way you are physically... That...I believe is not only the key to succeeding in this program but the key to succeeding in our lives!

I also love the fact that there is someone else who writes long posts about what's happening for them...! Thanks!

Bless ya
Kath
 
Thank you for your lovely words Kannadew. I will have to stop apologizing for rattling on so much! I have always been know as the chatterbox in the family. I think it comes with being the youngest in my immediate family as well as both extended families. Being the youngest I had to learn pretty quickly to be able to be a part of everything but then there is also a story among the family of me talking to the taps during a vacation! I guess when you’re the youngest no one ever wants to listen to you either so you find other ways and means! Ha ha
Well I’m feeling better today but still flat compared to my usual self. I still have no real taste or appetite either which has been frustrating so today I each meal has just been my quick chuck together meals of a boiled egg with grilled mushrooms and slices of tomato on saladas for breakfast, lunch was my no-carrot coleslaw (therefore just cabbage, mozzarella and mayo), and my dinner was beef and mushroom goulash with cabbage pasta. I had all of my fruit during the day as snacks and am actually a little frustrated at myself now because I’m a tad peckish! I usually cut my orange up into 8th wedges and have 4 for morning tea and 4 for afternoon tea and then I still have a piece of fruit for when I get home or dessert if I want something else. And with the size of the oranges at the moment that has been more than satisfying. I quite like a bowl of honeydew for dessert as it’s really refreshing but as I said earlier my taste is gone at the moment other than the horrible sore throat taste you get when you have one! I might go and put the kettle on and have a green tea as that generally hits the spot for me!
I’m quite excited for when I finish to be able to try some of the teas my MIL is mixing herself to sell in their health food shop. They just look delicious and I’m sure most of them would be fine to have while on the program as their just teas, mainly herbal, with added flowers and blossoms etc but a couple of them do have dried fruits and I have just said to her to be safe I will just stick to the green and pu-erh tea I have had from the beginning. They all just look so lovely and I look forward to trying them all. She actually put me onto the pu-erh tea and it’s one she has been also been packaging up herself. It’s supposed to be very good to help with digestion and weight loss and is just normal tea that is fermented / prepared in a specific way. It has a lovely mild flavour and have found it to help in the BM area also. Not as well as the laxative teas but so much kinder if you know what I mean. I hated having to take them because of the agony it would put me through. Sure it’s only a short time but I would prefer to not intentionally case that effect on myself. I don’t find it as instantly thorough but at least now since I have been having a couple a day it actually happens more regularly. Anyway, enough of that talk! Ha
Today I was at tafe all day and thankfully that was my last day for that module and I only have 1 more module of 3 days left. That starts later this month and it’s with my favourite lecturer so at least I know it wont be such a snooze fest and I might actually come out of it having learnt something. It was even more boring today because my friend is sick too and decided not to come so it was just me and all the middle age men who treat me (as if being a woman isn’t enough but also because of my age) like I don’t have a right to be there! Megs and I usually just have a laugh at their ignorance because not only at we both in our mid to late 20’s but we are already successful in our careers in the chosen field and many of them are still trying to get into the industry. Out of the class of 18 there are 3-4 of the guys who we get along with well or have worked with on assignments or group projects and are of similar age or a little older and don’t care that we are there and doing a bloody good job at that but a number of the older one’s are constantly making remarks like ‘well the girls wouldn’t know what we mean’ or ‘these generation X kids are trouble in the workplace and don’t get the big picture’. Apparently just because we were born in the year range of 1980 to current we have no work ethic, want everything handed to us on a platter and wouldn’t know loyalty if it smacked us in the face. What they don’t realise is this kind of chatter just makes us more determined and focused and then there’s always the bit we throw in just to try and upset them, as the only reason they carry on like this I’m sure is for bait and to see if we will bite, is ‘just remember how you are speaking to us now when you are on your pension and we are ruling the world!!!’ha ha ha… We just see it all as a bit of a laugh… And I love to take the tommie rough bait and throw back a snapper! As they say if you don’t laugh, you cry! I hope that doesn’t all come across the wrong way. I guess the best way to describe my sense of humour is very dry, sharp and sarcastic – I don’t actually think I am going to rule the world! Ha
My sister just left my place as the first Friday of every month we have a scrapbooking night here. Her back as been playing up so she left pretty early compared to normal. I am currently putting together a catalogue of recipes on my computer from family favourites to the type of meals I want to eat when I’m finished reefed. I have found a great website that has hundreds and thousands of no carb, low-carb, low fat, no dairy, gluten free etc etc wonderful recipes so I am putting them into my ‘Notebook’. What a great program – you’ve got to love Microsoft sometimes – Genius! Well I am going to go back to my recipe collection. I just found a great sausage recipe that was in a magazine (Aust) this month that was a chicken mince, feta and spinach sausage and to make it a sausage they just wrapped the mince, cheese and veg in a piece of prosciutto… it looks amazing! Cant wait to try that one out!
I hope everyone has had a lovely day and has a great weekend.
Lauren
 
Oh – My dad called today and asked me if I could attend a corporate function with him next Wednesday night because my Mum isn’t keen on going. I jumped at the chance as it’s not only been so long since my dad and I have done something like this together (I used to attend all such things with my dad) and also because I LOVE Snow Patrol (UK Band) and then thought ‘ARRRRGH – What am I going to wear???’ I did a quick search through the wardrobe and luckily had bought some lovely things while living in London which are now fitting me again and I found a black slinky size 14 dress. My sister said I have to wear that and I look amazing so we also took some snaps since I haven’t take during my to date transformation. I will be standing in the middle of the room with confidence and I cant wait. I’m so excited. 4 months ago I would have worn a big chunky coat and sat in the corner of the room avoiding everyone's eye contact.
That's not the person I am but it was certainly the person my weight made me become! I feel like me again and I know it's still going to get better!

On Wednesday night – No one puts ‘Baby’ in the corner! Ha ha
 
Thanks for your post KGB - That's why we're all here though! We are making changes to not feel the way we do / did as that person!!! Good luck...

Well this weekend has been just so lovely for me. I have been feeling much better than what I was for most of the week. My taste and throat still aren't quite there but there has been a steady improvement. I ended up having quite a late night on Friday night, I'm usually asleep by 10.30pm at the latest unless we are out or something. I have always been a night owl and never an early riser. I have always struggled to be at work on time and would never start before 9am, even if I got up at 6am to go swimming I would come home and climb back into bed. On weekends I would never be out of bed until 10 at the latest and would rarely crack a civil coversation with someone until the clock struck 12 noon. And then I would be lively into the night. Since being on this program because of the routine I bounce out of bed on 6am, most mornings before my alarm even goes, and then I'm in bed by 9.30 but like to be there by 9 so that I can get an hour reading in before it's shut eye at 10 on the dot. I cant wait to be able to excessively exercise again because my 1km in the pool of a morning will now be not such a struggle to make! Anyway, instead of my 6am rise (yes, even on weekends now I'm up and at it) I slept till 8.30am. I obviously needed the extra shut eye. My LB has also been really unwell and was dead to the world so I left him in bed and got myself breakfast. He woke up so I made him some bacon, eggs and smoked salmon and then he went straight back to bed. While doing the dishes I was inspired by the glorious weather and the feral state of our backyard and set myself a mission to try and attack some of the jungle so that when I look out the kitchen window (which is often) it provides me with postive energy instead of frustration and anger! I ducked off to the hardware store for some new gardening gloves just for me (we have 100's of working gloves around the place which I wear when I need to but they are all way too big) and some potting mix and potted colour etc. I got most of what I needed there but none of their potted colour appealed to me so then I went to the local nursery. I bought some lovely purple pansies and some pink and purple other pretty thing and set home determined as a bull! (afterall I am a taurus!). And then I worked like a bull! I pulled all the grass and weeds that had transported themself into the garden beds and through the pavers. I ripped up some rotted sleepers and got rid of everything that wasn't supposed to be where it was! I then got some big terracotta colour pots from the shed and potted my colour, took out all my indoor plants because they could do with an outdoor holiday and arranged them all nicely in front of the kitchen window against the shed. I was completely knacked but so thrilled with myself and felt wonderful! I only came inside for an orange and a cup of tea early on (I needed the sustenance big time - I not been this active since being on the program) and my lunch which I put a new spin on after BHG on Friday night. I poached my chicken but in the water I put a couple of garlic granules, a dash of tarragon, some oregano and a bayleaf. The chicken was a lovely yellow colour and had a very mild twist of flavour. It was so delish that I had the same again today but also made it for LB, although before putting his in the bowl I mixed it through some mayo and lemon. A cohen's version of Coronation Chicken!
When we bought the house the big backyard was the biggest drawcard with LB being from the country and me always wanting a yard we could be active in. We gutted the house and fully renovated that before moving in but the outside renovations are on hold while we save $$$ to do them as we want them. The front we have been able to do in stages and is getting there but the back initially will be mostly excavated as there are a is a lot of concrete garden beds and paths. There is also a lot of lawn but it was only last month that we got around to buying a lawn mower. We have been slack with keeping it maintained and has got us both down in the mouth of recent times. Buying the lawn mower was supposed to get LB out there to tidy it all up but he is always so busy with work, study and helping everyone else out. We keep saying to each other that when it comes to us needing help we have a lot of buzzi-bee karma coming our way! It's still at least another 6-8 months before we can get the site excavated, deck built and yard landscaped but there is no reason why it cant look good in the mean time. I have been wanting to get out there but have found it quite daunting. Not only because of the state it was in but also because I dont know the first thing about being in the garden. I have always wanted a green thumb but have certainly not been blessed with one. When I stepped back and look at what I did over a period of 4-5 hours I was amazed. Suddenly it wasn't so daunting to give more a go. At 4pm LB woke up and nearly fell over at what I had done. Suddenly he was inspired too and we sat down to plan out what we would do today. I wish I had taken a before photo but was too embarrased to photograph what it was like at the time. I just didn't realise it would come up so good so quickly. It's still not great and isn't what it will be like when we have finished with it but for the time being it's great enough. Today was EnviroCare Sunday with the local council where you can take all your lawn clippings and plant prunings to the Enviro dump for free so we loaded the ute up and took everything away immediately. It's just such a great feeling. We are now back in control of that too and it was all relatively painless. Except for the 'I have worked a muscle and forgot what that felt like' feeling I have in both glutes and hamstrings everytime I got to sit down or stand up! It's been so long since I have exercised those muscles I guess!
I've spent a glorious weekend in my garden and I feel a better person for it! The weather being this good also helps!
Well better go put some dinner on and get some short hand practice in! I've been a bit slack this week with my practicing and we have a test tomorrow night on our progress.
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and their weather was as nice as we have had here in Adelaide.
Here's to a great week ahead!
Lauren
 
Well yesterday was my first day of my new outlook being in place where I also had my routine and I must say - I love this new life I am choosing for myself! Just by doing a few extra little things that take barly no time at all I am giving myself much more piece of mind and calm. I started the morning up and about at my set time, breakfast, breakfast dishes, shower, dressed, face on, washing machine on delayed start for 10 hours and out the door with still 10 minutes to spare. Driving to work was a joy, listening to my favourite breakfast show via my iPod, and at my desk raring to go. I did think wow I feel great - I wonder how long this is going to last, and this motivation and new outlook. I gave it one week and then thought thinking like this is actually easily and less stressful then how I thought previously so reassessed it and IT WILL LAST FOREVER, or at least until my next revelation hits! ha I live by the fact that if you make things easy people will do them. I have to - I work as a risk and OHS practitioner and if systems aren't easy people just wont follow them even if they are in their best interest!
Then 2.23pm, to be exact, happened and out of nowhere I was having trouble breathing. My damn respiratory is really setting me some challenges at the moment. I just got over my thankfully mild bronchitis last week then it just packed up. I did everything I thought and managed to start getting some deep breaths in over the next hour but even today I have noticed I am just taking quick shallow breaths. I have an dr appointment tonight about some other things so I will just get her to check my lungs out while I'm there. I still went along to shorthand with the view that it's in the city and if it was getting worse or still in a way that concerned me at least I was close to the private hospital that has an ER. I told my LB that I would call him (his at Tafe Monday nights till 10.30pm) if I went there otherwise I would just go home and call a locum if needed. After shorthand I felt a lot more relaxed and felt back to normal so I just went home and jumped straight into bed as I was pretty fatigued, well I did have the breathe taken out of me, and propped myself up to ensure I kept my chest open.
Today I have woken up fine, just still a little tired though!
My mum made me laugh and kept saying but you were being so positive and you had your revelation. I had to remind her that nothing has gone wrong with my brain and outlook, it was just my lungs!
Last night in my desire to just get home and relax I forgot to stop by the shop and get some salad veg and mushrooms so I just had the most pathetic lunch which I didn't enjoy in the slightest. I had tuna and shredded cabbage! pathetic. I must remember to stop at the shops on the way home though because tonight is seafood platter night at the G&B household.... mmm my favourite - crumbed calamari & prawns, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, lemon wedges and mayonnaise. Just delish!
I also cant wait for Saturday as it's our big monthly shop. Because I get paid monthly and my pay does the morgage, bills, groceries etc and LB is just for savings, extras, unbudgeted and 'wants' (that he deems as needs) the Saturday after my pay day we go and get all our groceries, meat, well everything for the month and then weekly we just go and get our fruit and veg. I tend to actually go every 3-4 days for that. I what I need for the next few days and then when I've got a day's worth left I go again. We have a great fruit and veg shop just 400m from our door step that only stock SA and local fruit and veg. Sometimes it can mean we pay a bit more but as long as I have so much fruit and veg in our diets I want it as fresh, crisp and tasty as possible. So that's this Saturday and then Sunday we will have our production line of weighing (mine only) and ziplock bagging and labeling all the meat and chicken to go into the freezer. Oh and also mincing too. I get the big old Kenwood that my mum and dad got as a wedding gift 36 years ago out and we mince all our own meat and I portion that up to. At the moment I keep looking in the frisge and freezer and get nervous. I like our big shop weekends because I like to see everything stocked. I just makes life so easy. I've just realised I think I'm going to feel a bit lost when it comes to refeed and all the portion weights constanstly changing... ohhhh the joy to come.
Well my lunch break actually finished about 10 minutes ago so I better get back to it! I will pop back tonight to see if there's any action going on in here.
I hope everyone is having a great week so far.
Lauren
 
I'm a size 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As mentioned in a previous post I am going out to night to the Snow Patrol Concert with my pa pa (dad). I was all set to wear my dress which looks lovely but now think it will be a bit too cold for that since I now do actually feel the cold! So I thought black pants, a dressy top and my stiletto boots except the 14 work pants I currently have are starting to look like I’ve had an accident! I tried the size 12 jeans I bought on sale over the weekend and I still have a week or two until they are ‘comfortable’ enough to wear. But them being jeans I thought I would duck up to Kmart at lunch and try some black pants on.

Well well well… other than the horrid dressing room attendant I grabbed 4 pairs from the casual / going out type clothes area and as assumed they were like my jeans. Could do up two but they were unsightly and extremely uncomfortable due to being too tight and two actually did up but were still a bit tight. I thought oh well another couple of weeks – no problem. Then I thought while I’m here I may as well just try on a size 12 from the workwear section as work clothes are generally a slightly bigger make. Well they slide on like a glove, fell and wore exactly like they should and no muffin top!!!

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!! I called my mum in excitement on the way back to the office to tell her that I can say in a limited manner I am now a size 12! I said I wouldn’t even know when I last fitted into a ladies size 12 – she informed me it was when I was in 7th grade at school which means I was 12 years old when last a size 12… 15 years ago!!!

What a great feeling this is and what a great start to my first proper night out since starting the program!!!

Have a great day everyone!

Lauren
 
Lauren-Congratulations!!!
Hope you have a fantastic night with your Dad, cheers, Cate.
 
Well last night was fantastic. The concert were great, they were actually better live than recorded. I quite often find myself at concerts thinking I would prefer to be listening to the CD so that was a nice change.

I dashed home and put my dinner on to be ready when I got out of the shower. I was on a race against time! I shovelled my dinner down, did the hair and make up and then couldn't figure out which top to wear. A couple of them I didn't feel comfortable in and wondered how I used to wear them OS without not a car in the world but I guess that was 4 years ago now too and my tastes and style have further developed! I finally left the house feeling great and ended up wearing one of my favourites, which mind you I haven't been able to wear for 3 years now!

We got there before any of the other guests and it turned out that our pubs actual rep was sick and they got someone else to cover. So all this and LB could have come anyway. I did feel for my poor old dad. It wasn't really his sort of concert and everyone who had been invited into the box were all under 30. One of the reps and her husband were more in the late 30's early 40's bracket but then there were 8 of us who were youngens. Dad seemed a bit uncomfortable all night which made me a bit sad but I think that's more him being uncomfortable with himself at the moment. It was interesting when the other pubs people arrive because they just got our names whereas dad introduced me as his daughter to the hosts of the evening. At one stage I went and got another drink and stood next to dad and he put his arm around me and a couple of the youngens from the other pubs made a snigger and giggle assuming that I was my fathers dolly bird and he was my sugar daddy! I must admit this isn't the first time this has happened. My family is very close and affectionate and I am daddy's little girl through and through. Quite often you will find me sitting on my dad's knee apposed to LB's. People assume thing and in the past we have had humour with it, especially when a man in his 60's once came up dad while we were in a cafe waiting for my mum to arrive and he said to him 'how did you find yourself a mistress like that? You must be doing alright'. When I say we're affectionate - we're not that bloody affectionate! ha ha When that happened I was on a mission over the rest of the night to tie into a conversation that I am his daughter. I managed that and funnily the girlfriends of these guys were all of a sudden a lot friendlier and we all had a laugh. Dad and I had a laugh about it on the way home - it was just absurd!

There was everything imaginable available to drink and dinner consisted of rice, curry, somosa's (sic), wedges, dips and warm flat bread etc etc etc. I just stood back with my soda water and told them because it was last minute with my mum falling ill I had already eaten dinner but thank you anyway. No one said anymore about it which was great because I've never tolerated people trying to force food down my throat, even when I did a job job of that to myself. I just alternated between soda water and plain water and then made myself a cup of tea. Didn't bring up the plan or make a big deal about anything. When offered the alcohol I just exclaimed 'I'm designated driver, but thanks anyway'. During the concert I went in to get another water and one of the girls complimented me on my appearance. I grabbed another water and she said 'and wow... how good have you been tonight. Do you not drink at all or is it just because you're driving? When I come to these things I cant get enough of the free booze into me'. She was the same age as me and we really clicked earlier on so I mentioned that I am actually on a program at the moment and have lost 30kg so far and that I really did appreciate her compliments before because this is my first night out since I have been on the program. I still cant believe that 4 and a half months ago I weighted 112kg and had to purchase myself a size 22 pair of black pants similar to the one's I was wearing. I then told her that the one's I was wearing I bought today and they are a size 12! Well she nearly fell over! She said that it made her feel good because she can see how happy and radiant and proud I am. It was one of those nice warm fuzzy moments!

Didn't have a great sleep last night because I ended up being up and down as a result of the amount of water I drunk through the night so I am looking forward to an early one this evening to play a little catch up!

Today I have felt really good still. I just feel like my mind is so clear at the moment it's nice and kinda comforting.

Well better get back to work. The sooner I get it done the sooner I can head home!

Take Care

Lauren x
 
Lauren- Hearing about your night out just made my day! You have every reason to feel very proud of yourself, xo Cate
 
Thank you Cate. It's nice to know that I was of help!

Well today for some reason I had an extra spring in my step out of bed. I was up, had breakfast, dishes done, showered and dressed all by 6.30am! Amazing. I was going to head into work early but thought I would do a quick tidy around the place to give me one less thing to do tonight. I kicked LB out of bed, made the bed, got him is lunch, made my lunch and snacks, put a load of washing on delayed start and folded what I did yesterday. Then I put my face on and headed out the door. Amazingly still earlier than needed! I really do surprise myself more and more each day!

Had a flat out day at work and then popped to my sisters for a coffee (well tea) and catch up. Miss K was just ever so happy to see me and I got my biggest kisses and cuddles yet. Since seeing her only a few days back her vocabulary is broader again and much clearer. She really does just make me giggle. She's just such a cool kid. I was saying to my sister that this weekend I might do a bit of baking which would have to be a favourite past time. For some reason 'old fashioned keeping house' type things missed everyone else in my immediate and extended families on both sides and landed with me. I could think of nothing better than spending a day in the kitchen cooking and baking and then sitting down to a cup of tea and my knitting and crocheting. For a 27 year old some people just dont understand it and I have become what everyone else has a laugh at but when they eat what I bake I dont seem to her that ridicule. Anyway, because of my love of baking things I was saying to my sister I still want to do it often and at the moment I dont feel tempted to taste or eat any of it but I am still a little frightened for when I finish. I've had to cut back also because LB is put on about 10kg in the first 3 months of me on this program as what I used to bake and both of us gorge on was now only him! So I told her that I have decided to join the Country Women's Association and start baking to go into the state and country shows and fairs. She cracked up but then saw my point. I still get to enjoy the baking but because it's going into the show / competition then neither of us can eat it! Plus I told her that they are trying to recruit younger people and there are actually a lot of people in their 20's who enjoy these things like I do.

I did a bit of research on it tonight and am very excited. We are heading to the Royal Show tomorrow so I will go through the pavillion where they are and see if they have more info there!

She also said I can bake for them and the kids any time and asked if I could make some more cheesymite scrolls for Miss K. I make them a little smaller and she freezes them and just takes one out and heats it up when she needs a quick meal for her. I will make some up for her on Sunday along with some pretty cup cakes too!

Well tomorrow is going to be an exciting day for me as at 10.30am I am going in to get all my hair chopped off. I do this every 3-4 years. I cut my hair short, like really short, and then leave it short for about 2 years and then start to grow it. As soon as it reaches my waist I leave it long for about 1 year and then go get the chop again! I love my hair short for summer and it's the perfect time since as soon as I have completed my refeed I will be back following that black line up and down the pool and shorter hair is so much easier if you have to wash it everyday! I wanted to wait until I had actually finished but my hair has been starting to irritate me and I really want to give it a chance to thicken up and fill out before summer because I also want to try being a blonde! Because I pull my hair out with my OCD I have a number of bald patches which at the moment I can cover with a special hair crayon type thing but when it's blonde I wont be able to. I always seem to pull less when my hair's short plus since being on Cohen's and cutting out all the processed foods which make it ten times worse I now pull about 5% compared to what I did before. When it grows back because the hair is more fragile it breaks off easily and because there are a lot of short sections of hair I always where it up so I have half a head of hair that is about 3 inches long because the hair ties everyday make them break off there. So wearing my hair down short it will all be pretty much unnoticeable! I like my hair around my face so I think from tomorrow morning I will feel another sense of self. I do like my hair long also but hopefully it I can get pull free and stay that way when it's time to start to grow it out again it can all grow together!

Then later in the afternoon we are going to head down to the show. It should be a lot cheaper than last time since there wont be so much money just wasted on horrid show junk food. We just want to go and wonder around, go through the pavillions etc. Just nice and easy!

Sunday we are having my mum's Birthday lunch which should be nice. Just as easy meal. Dad is putting some prawns aside for me so I can do some salt and pepper prawns Cohen style when I get there. It makes him so much happier to at least provide my food for me even if he cant cook it. They are trying to 'be good' at the moment too so I wont be making my Oma's Dobosh Torte for birthday cake but instead I told mum I would make the really low fat and sugar cheesecake I make out of light Philly and light and creamy evaporated milk. I still haven't had the chance to taste it yet but apparently it's delicious. I'll swirl some mixed berries through the mix and it should be just delightful!

Well it's late. I better get to bed. I have a big day tomorrow and want to make sure I schedule my food right so that I can eat my lunch before we head out for the show!

Have a great weekend everyone.

Lauren
 
Hi Lauren

Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow. Would you be interested in posting some of your recipes here I am looking for different but healthy recipes to give for the kids lunches and just to get some new ideas.

Have a lovely weekend
Sam:)
 
Well my weekend was just fantastic.

It started with my haircut on Saturday morning at 10.30am. It turned out fantastic and exactly how I wanted it and it just looks and feels so wonderful – I can’t explain it. I was going to get it done once I had completed the program but really felt it was time. When I walked in the house LB was so stoked with it too. He said it looks 100 times better than what he even expected. Now when I look in the mirror, which I didn’t stop doing all weekend – ha ha, I actually see the slim, healthy, vibrant 27 year old I am. Before I was still looking at the frumpy Lauren but not feeling like her. As I said to LB I now feel like ME. The person my mind, body, emotions, feeling, senses tell me I am but now I feel I look like ME to, not just feel like that’s who I am. I feel the best I have in my life and I’m starting to exude that too! I have always been very confident and when I look back over my overseas photos I am always front and centre of every group shot. I will talk to anyone and frequently make new friends and then in the last 3 years I could count the number of photos I’ve been in on two hands, could count on one hand how many times I’ve been out to a public social place, i.e. pub club etc. I have just been hiding and I no longer want to.

To all of those struggling with their programs out there stick with it. This feeling of being in control of your own destiny and feeling and looking and portraying the person you really are hiding away under those layers is so worth the fight. Yeah this weight loss stage can be hard, tiring, frustrating at times but to be at a place that makes the rest of your world so much brighter it’s worth it. And from there, yes we still have to maintain it but surely that must be worth feeling like this everyday. This feelings I have had this weekend I will make sure I remember for when I have those bad days or when struggling at times, because that will surely happen too, but to have emotions to remember and call upon must be able to help us through those tough time!
After my haircut we headed into the Royal Show. It was easier than expected to resist all of that show food etc. We just strolled through the pavilions and had a really enjoyable afternoon. We stopped on the way home for a couple of drinks at the pub and then settled in for the night in front of the TV as we were both knackered.

I was up early on Sunday to prepare the blueberry cheesecake to take to my folks house for mum’s birthday and then also made up some a batch of cheesymite scrolls and a batch of ham, cheese and mayo one’s for my sister to put in her freezer for Miss K to have. We headed off to my parents house and I got to blow my mum and dad away with my new chic look which was good. When we walked in they had a slideshow of photos going on the TV and one popped up of me from 8 weeks before I started. I have been looking everywhere for a before photo and as much as this one is sitting down I think all of our jaws dropped at just how unhealthy, pasty and disgusting I looked. We all said isn’t it amazing how at the time you think yeah I (or she) could lose some weight but I’m (she’s) not that bad and then look at how far I’ve come and look again at the photo and finally I think I really really saw myself how I was. It was actually quite emotional!

Through my fathers persistence I allowed him to prepare my food for me. I told him to just leave some prawns aside and I will do it when I get there but he asked me what weight and how to do them etc and I gave it. It however ended up a disaster and I had to say to both parents please please can you just be ok with me bringing my own food. Please take this experience and just see that it’s easier and less stressful for all if I just bring my stuff along. It’s such a short time so can I just do my thing without you getting offended. Dad had cut pieces off added pieces on to get my exact 120g. I said to him prior that it had to be JUST the prawn meat. I could have stressed it anymore. I got there and he got them out for me to do my crumbing and he left the tails on. I maintained my frustration and proceeded to rip them off and reweigh them. He looked at me and said I left them on especially for you so that they would look nicer. I repeated again and said my weights have to be specifically just the raw meat. His response was the tails don’t weigh anything. Well the tails were going to cost me a 12g difference on my allowance. I asked where the other seafood was so I could make up the 12g and he had already marinated it all. So I took out some squid from the marinade and washed it off and eventually made up the 12g. THEN I walked inside and asked my mum where the salad that she said she had left out for me to weight was. She said she ended up using it all but I could take what I wanted out – she was just about to had dressed it and took a handful of tossed salad out and put it in a bowl and said is that enough and started to dress the bowl. By this time I was nearly in tears of frustration. We had discussed everything nearly every day for the last week of what they would need to do if they were insisting on doing it. I weighed the lettuce chucked the not allowed vegies back in her salad and then got out mushrooms and another tomato from the fridge to make up the difference. This is when I snapped and just said this is why I just need to do it. I told them I greatly appreciated their efforts etc but please just let me do this. When it’s over I will eat whatever you put in front of me like everyone else. It’s just weeks now… if I just went along with it because it wasn’t spot on it would have added another week to just how many it’s going to be. I think now they can appreciate the reasons behind me bringing my own food and it’s not because they cant provide for me!

Tonight I have shorthand class straight from work so it’s another late one. I just brought in an extra salad as the hot food was getting to painful to eat when I got there. I have to go out in my lunch break and get some fruit as we didn’t get around to doing the shopping on the weekend – EEK – and I had none but at least that means I will still have some for when I get home from shorthand. I find I’m often peckish on my way home from there – it must be all that concentration!

Sam – I would be more than happy to share some of my recipes but the bulk of the one’s I’m starting to collect for when I’m finished i.e. low carb, low fat etc are all from a website. I will PM you the web address as I’m not sure if I can post it. If anyone else wants to know just let me know and I will PM it through to you! Also with the scrolls I just make up a scone mix, without any sugar for savoury and with the standard amount for sweet one. Then I roll out spread / sprinkle flavours, roll and cut with a serrated knife saw like so not to squish the scroll and then put them on a baking sheet so that join up and bake in 180 oven for 15 mins. I made mini ones and ended up with about 50 scrolls in total all in under an hour from preparation to cooling.

Easy pesy – and great for lunch boxes – especially if you use organic wholegrain flours!

Have a great week everyone!

Lauren
 
Wow Lauren what a stressful day the birthday turned out to be. I was expecting the blueberry cheesecake to tempt you. Isn't it funny how the ones we love just can't understand what we are doing? I remembered when I first started cohens I had done a grocery shop and specifcally weighed out my meat for the next day with the rest to go in freezer for later in the week. My Hubby decided to put it in the freezer so when I got home from work the next night I didn't have any protein available for dinner. Boy was I mad, neurotic at that! I got changed out of my PJ's into some clothes, raced down to Coles, grabbed some meat and came home and made dinner. I was fretting about eating after 9pm so it was even more stressful. I can sit back and laugh now but I just remember how mad I was.

My dad is much like your mum and dad together, they ask me over for dinner, ask me what I can eat and I tell them precisely what and I get something completely different. Again I have to improvise like you pulling things out of here and there, washing and rewashing just so I don't get any extra kj / carbs / fat which may sabotage my diet. Mabye I have OCD?.......mmmmm

Have a good night.

Faithie
 
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