I'm not exactly sure what to do here...

I agree with Sara. If you don't wanna, don't do it.

But let me point something out...you have mostly guy friends but you have problems with some nudity and vulgarity, or are you just like that online? I don't know about any other guys, but when I'm trying to get somewhere with a girl, I'm gonna be classy. If I want to hang out and have fun, I'm going to be myself-- which can get pretty vulgar. But that's just me being a dude. So if I was really friends with a girl, like she was "one of the guys" I'd treat her accordingly.
 
LeiYunFat said:
I agree with Sara. If you don't wanna, don't do it.

But let me point something out...you have mostly guy friends but you have problems with some nudity and vulgarity, or are you just like that online? I don't know about any other guys, but when I'm trying to get somewhere with a girl, I'm gonna be classy. If I want to hang out and have fun, I'm going to be myself-- which can get pretty vulgar. But that's just me being a dude. So if I was really friends with a girl, like she was "one of the guys" I'd treat her accordingly.
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Generally, my guy friends don't show me pictures of nude women. They must not be normal men then according to your definition. Anyway, I'm not quite sure what you're trying to get at here.

Generally I don't have a problem with frank talk about sexual things, but when it gets sleazy or demeaning to a certain type of person, I tend to get offended. My guy friends really don't talk about that kind of stuff though, at least not around me.
 
Well, most guys think about women in graphic detail...especially when it comes to certain areas. Anyway, I don't know what kind of guys you hang out with. Maybe they're guilty, or well restrained...I was just pointing something out. If one gets offended by even moderate, even questionable vulgarity, I don't see how one can associate with those that bathe in it.
 
spicypumpkin said:
Thanks everyone for all of the great advice. I think I knew the answer deep down, and I know that things would never work with this guy. It's just not what I'm looking for. I'm just going to have to be flat out honest, but nice, and say "you know pot just really isn't my thing and it makes me uncomfortable, sorry."

I think part of me was flattered that he gave me his number, it doesn't happen to me often, but I know I deserve better.

And Wrangell, I don't have many female friends that I feel comfortable talking to about guy problems. I have one good guy friend that I can talk to about that kind of stuff when he's around.

And FF, that was very sweet advice. I guess I just get nervous when thinking about how do deal with these kind of situations with guys. Believe me, 2 years ago I would have been really excited because I was desperate and I wouldn't have cared, I would have tried to change for him. Identifying a problem before I go out with a guy is a huge step for me. I'm going to stick to what I believe in.
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I was going to offer similar advice... just don't do it if you feel uncomfortable.

I'm glad to hear you made a good choice and you followed your instincts!
 
spicypumpkin said:
2 years ago I would have been really excited because I was desperate and I wouldn't have cared, I would have tried to change for him.
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Never ever try to change someone after getting into a relationship. It makes the other person resentful. When you decide to get into a relationship, you're getting into a relationship with that person and their quirks. If they are things you can't deal with-don't start a relationship to begin with.

Long story short-I went out with a girl for a bit who knew I liked to drink on the weekends. We went out for awhile. Then she started making comments that my drinking on Friday or Saturday was a bit excessive. It kept up and got progressively worse on her part until we'd end up fighting about it. She finally came out and said that she figured she could get me to change down the road.

I'm with the others-as a guy, I'd be more insulted not to have you come out and be straight forward.
 
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Just have sex with him.

J/K You stated that you dont see yourself as more then friends, even before you mentioned smoking the reefer. I think he exhausted all his fun options for a date with his one question to you.
 
evolution said:
Never ever try to change someone after getting into a relationship. It makes the other person resentful. When you decide to get into a relationship, you're getting into a relationship with that person and their quirks. If they are things you can't deal with-don't start a relationship to begin with.

Long story short-I went out with a girl for a bit who knew I liked to drink on the weekends. We went out for awhile. Then she started making comments that my drinking on Friday or Saturday was a bit excessive. It kept up and got progressively worse on her part until we'd end up fighting about it. She finally came out and said that she figured she could get me to change down the road.

I'm with the others-as a guy, I'd be more insulted not to have you come out and be straight forward.
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I think you misunderstood. I said I would have tried to change myself. Not change the other person.
 
LeiYunFat said:
Well, most guys think about women in graphic detail...especially when it comes to certain areas. Anyway, I don't know what kind of guys you hang out with. Maybe they're guilty, or well restrained...I was just pointing something out. If one gets offended by even moderate, even questionable vulgarity, I don't see how one can associate with those that bathe in it.
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You don't really understand what I am offended by. Again I don't think most men carry around pictures of naked women with fake breasts and shove them in other women's faces. That's pretty much the only thing that offends me when we're speaking about vulgarity.
 
spicypumpkin said:
Again I don't think most men carry around pictures of naked women with fake breasts
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Go check their forwarded pix messages on their cell phones, then we'll see.:p


I get what he's saying though. Guys are pretty much disgusting, and if they really truly see you as nothing more than a "bud" - then you would most likely be exposed to all the farting/cussing/burping/booby pics and various other guy things they do and talk about. Then again, I'm not a guy, so I don't know under what circumstances they change their behaviors.
 
deschain said:
Guys are pretty much disgusting, and if they really truly see you as nothing more than a "bud" - then you would most likely be exposed to all the farting/cussing/burping/booby pics and various other guy things they do and talk about.
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We pretty much do that once we you get used to us no matter what the relationship:D
 
True story.

While I do a good job of making myself civil for work and school and certain events, I easily revert into a vulgar, filthy-minded man-beast. :D
 
deschain said:
Go check their forwarded pix messages on their cell phones, then we'll see.:p


I get what he's saying though. Guys are pretty much disgusting, and if they really truly see you as nothing more than a "bud" - then you would most likely be exposed to all the farting/cussing/burping/booby pics and various other guy things they do and talk about. Then again, I'm not a guy, so I don't know under what circumstances they change their behaviors.
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I would agree with this. I doubt many of your guy friends are saying to you as a chick walks by, "damn, look at that ass. I'd love to hit that."

For the most part, guys will sleep with their female friends in a heartbeat if the chance were given.
 
evolution said:
I would agree with this. I doubt many of your guy friends are saying to you as a chick walks by, "damn, look at that ass. I'd love to hit that."

For the most part, guys will sleep with their female friends in a heartbeat if the chance were given.
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Some guys, There is the golden rule though and that is DONT SCREW THE CREW.

Im personally not a disgusting slob :cool: but as it has been said all guys can be a bit on the vulgar side. Hey its in our genetics and you girls know you love it :jump1:
 
Derwyddon said:
I'm so glad my life isn't like whatever you people are describing lol.

I grew up with mostly only guy friends. With the things I liked, it was just how it was. Yes, the burping, farting, gross kind of guy friends. I loved it, still do.

All of my friends were guys, every single one of them, until highschool. Then I made one or two female friends, but they were great! We didn't talk about guys and hair and makeup and scary thigns like that because I was never into it. Those things still scare me. The only time we ever did was when getting ready for prom I made one of them do my make up and I was grumpy about it all day.

It wasn't until I was probably 18 that I started getting close to females that I didn't date (oops big secret reveal.) Now my two bestfriends are both girls, but I would trust them with my life in very serious ways. They would never stab me in the back for a guy, they would never dump me for a chance to push ahead. I've seen it in action - a guy I like totally into one of them, but they wouldn't touch it out of not wanting to hurt me. We've always got eachothers backs and we're always there for each other. I even named my daughter Erika after one of them.

Do I think my experience is typical? Nope. But I sure feel lucky.
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I guess my story is similar to yours (except for the dating other girls part). Growing up, most of my friends were guys. My best friend of all time is male, and we do typical female stuff together like shopping and talking about men (yes, he's gay). Yet, I've always felt uncomfortable talking to most girls about men and clothes. It's weird. It's funny, people want to stereotype me because most of my friends are guys (They assume I'm not straight). But I guess my preference for men extends into friendship relationships as well.
It makes sense, to me at least.
 
evolution said:
I would agree with this. I doubt many of your guy friends are saying to you as a chick walks by, "damn, look at that ass. I'd love to hit that."
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My guy friends say that lol... they know I'll look. Im straight, but hey.. the human body can be a beautiful thing.
 
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