I'm not exactly sure what to do here...

S

spicypumpkin

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So at school I've been chatting with this guy. I could kind of tell he liked me when we first met. Well, yesterday he gave me his number and said he wanted to go out sometime. I would normally be elated, but I'm really not feeling it with this guy. He seems nice and well intentioned, but there's a little issue. One of the first things he wanted to know about me was if I was in to smoking pot. (I'm not, in case you didn't already know). I'm actually quite sensitive about it. My first boyfriend has a pretty serious problem with it and it eventually ended our year long relationship. So when I told him it really wasn't my thing he said something like "well we can think of something else to do then."

So basically, he's expecting me to call, but I really don't want to get wrapped up in another relationship with the added drug complication. I'm not exactly sure what to do here. I want to be nice, and I could tell he was kind of nervous about asking me out and I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I'd also like to get to know him a little better before I judge him. So I don't really know where I stand.

So, any advice?

(And no trying to convince me that pot is okay. Some people have no problem with it. I do. That's not changing. It's basically been there, done that, and I have no interest in it.)
 
Try getting addicted to crack together if you don't like pot :p lol Just say you wanna get to know him better before you go out and you pretty much just wanna be friends....for the moment ;) i am a guy so maybe this not work?
 
For the sake of all men, I'm going to tell you NOT to do the "friends" thing. It's the worst possible thing you can do. I'd rather just tell him you don't want to get into something with someone smoking pot because you've been down that road before.
 
Dont do it spicy. You can do so much better. Unless he was just trying to sound cool. Ask him straight "how often you smoke" then make your decision. I think you have already answered your own question when you say how you are sensitive about the whole pot thing.
 
spicypumpkin said:
"well we can think of something else to do then."
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Hmmm, he sounds like a bit of an arrogant ass hole if he says stuff like this to girls he isn't even dating yet, sounds like he's just after a booty call. Get to know him a bit more first, maybe he was actng like that because he was nervous.
 
CCR said:
Hmmm, he sounds like a bit of an arrogant ass hole if he says stuff like this to girls he isn't even dating yet, sounds like he's just after a booty call. Get to know him a bit more first, maybe he was actng like that because he was nervous.
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I didn't even think about that statement being sexual. If it was then yeah he was being dickish but he might have just meant doing anything.

About the pot thing, just say it straight out that you don't like it. There is no reason to beat around the bush. Say exactly how you feel about it with your past lover and tell him whether or not you can deal with him stoned. If it's a problem oh well. You don't have to be mean about it or anything. No one should get hurt. I think it would be harder to say "Oh your nice but I'm not attracted to you" :drooling1:
 
calcium said:
I didn't even think about that statement being sexual. If it was then yeah he was being dickish but he might have just meant doing anything.
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Lol, poor Calcium, please don't say you've fallen for that yourself.

Guy talk;
We can find something to do = We can have sex

Come back to mine for a drink = We can have sex

Want to watch a movie? = I want sex

I don't know if I'm ready for commitment yet/I'm too scared of being hurt = I like you enough to shag you but not enough to date you

There's a girl I've dated a few times recently but we're not 'committed' = I'm married with 3 kids

You're so interesting, I could listen to you all night = Are you still talking? Can't you just say all this while naked?
 
CCR's points are so true. I think most of us guys could come up with a few addtions ourselves!

Flat out, you are against the reefer (good for you), so why even consider this guy? Within 2 dates he will be doing this in front of you, and trying to convince you to smoke as well, for whatever end he has in mind, it doesn't matter. It's just going to put you in a terrible position that you don't need to be in.
You KNOW this guy is something of a loser already. I think you'd have better odds just hanging out in a bar until 2:00 am (not suggesting you do that, just making a point)
 
how come this dude doesn't have to deal with the same

"self confident, UN-needy, stand up straight, state your opinion, personally confident, strong, yet tempered, watch yer step around her, female - SPICEY PUMPKIN"

that we have to deal with every day?

huh!! how come?

sheeesh- I get a hard time for my words, and this cat wants to get you loaded.

just be YOU honey,

FF
 
Why get all wrapped up?

If he isn't someone you can be in a relationship with than just be friends or nothing at all if you don't like being around weed. Just because he gave you his number doesn't mean that you HAVE to call him or hang out with him or even be his friend.

It's your life. Fill it with friends/boyfriend that you know you will be happy with.

Never settle.
 
Thanks everyone for all of the great advice. I think I knew the answer deep down, and I know that things would never work with this guy. It's just not what I'm looking for. I'm just going to have to be flat out honest, but nice, and say "you know pot just really isn't my thing and it makes me uncomfortable, sorry."

I think part of me was flattered that he gave me his number, it doesn't happen to me often, but I know I deserve better.

And Wrangell, I don't have many female friends that I feel comfortable talking to about guy problems. I have one good guy friend that I can talk to about that kind of stuff when he's around.

And FF, that was very sweet advice. I guess I just get nervous when thinking about how do deal with these kind of situations with guys. Believe me, 2 years ago I would have been really excited because I was desperate and I wouldn't have cared, I would have tried to change for him. Identifying a problem before I go out with a guy is a huge step for me. I'm going to stick to what I believe in.
 
I'm not saying the pot makes you lazy, but hell, he expects you to call him and he presented the most non-committal of "let's go out sometime" instead of, I dunno, actually planning a date and his idea of a fun date is sitting around smoking pot.

Snatch up this winner before somebody else does!
 
spicypumpkin said:
And Wrangell, I don't have many female friends that I feel comfortable talking to about guy problems. I have one good guy friend that I can talk to about that kind of stuff when he's around.
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Sorry, I just thought that was among one of the main things women shared with their girlfriends - " guy problems ".
 
Wrangell said:
Sorry, I just thought that was among one of the main things women shared with their girlfriends - " guy problems ".
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It's VERY hard for a girl to find a TRUE friend these days.

Most of the girls out there are in competetion with each other and someone who seems like they are your friend can backstab you in a min to make themselves look good. At least this is my experiance with dealing with a lot of different women.

So I understand why Spicy says she has more guy friends than girls.
 
~LV~ said:
It's VERY hard for a girl to find a TRUE friend these days.

Most of the girls out there are in competetion with each other and someone who seems like they are your friend can backstab you in a min to make themselves look good. At least this is my experiance with dealing with a lot of different women.

So I understand why Spicy says she has more guy friends than girls.
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Yup. Most all female friends are really "frienemies", to some degree or another. I've always been more comfortable around guys in that sense - they're much more straight forward and relaxed.
 
~LV~ said:
It's VERY hard for a girl to find a TRUE friend these days.

Most of the girls out there are in competetion with each other and someone who seems like they are your friend can backstab you in a min to make themselves look good. At least this is my experiance with dealing with a lot of different women.

So I understand why Spicy says she has more guy friends than girls.
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I agree with some of this. There are some nice girls out there too though. I only have a couple of close female friends. The rest are all guys. I don't have a lot in common with most girls. I'm weird that way.
 
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